How to Deal With the Emotional Outbursts of Others

Are there people in your life who are a constant source of frustration? People who rub you the wrong way, make you a little crazy, find that single raw nerve, tweaking your otherwise sound sense of calm, then wreck your whole outlook on life, with a single word or gesture?

Consider, if you are willing, to seek out what is hiding beneath the surface.

People will interrupt your state of being for a wide variety of reasons including personality quirks, lack of self-esteem, current or past trauma, inability to handle stressors of life, jealousy, awkward expression or communication styles, mental or physical health concerns, or narcissism are among the most common.

Not possessing the necessary awareness, emotional/communication tools, they may only be able to strike out in an abrasive manner which may be disrespectful, putting others down, making false accusations, demonstrating abrupt, unrestrained angst, anger, or other destructive behavior, including stonewalling (the silent treatment).

When they strike out at you, it’s perfectly understandable and normal for you to think it’s about you because that’s representative of the words they are using when they are pointing their finger at you and addressing “you,” accusing you of being the cause of their emotional outburst.

Even though they are blaming you for their state of mind, this negative energy is sourced and expressed from something deeply disconcerting from deep within themselves. They need to release some of the pressure from these deep, dark secrets and/or unresolved inner conflicts, or else they might explode.

Not understanding how much pain this out-of-control person is, could let you take their emotional display personally. It can actually transfer some of their pain to you, and you get upset or defensive, launching your own emotional overwhelm or outburst.

Losing sight of what’s really happening behind the scenes can cause you to forfeit your power and cause your otherwise high vibrational state of mind to sink to their level, as you do battle in those primal vibratory states of mind.

Following the seduction of your compromised vibration, you might play the event over and over again in your mind, possibly further prolonging your angst about the event, and you might even be distracted by trying to figure out how you could fix things, do or say just the right thing to potentially change the person you shared this experience with.

You may forget that you cannot change anyone, and neither should you even try.

The only thing you can change is you.

How to Deal With the Emotional Outbursts of Others

The next time someone strikes out at you reclaim your power by trying to understand what is happening deep inside the heart and soul of the person who is acting up. Realize, no matter how hard they try to blame or insist that you are the cause for their upset, you are not.

Also, consider that even though you know you are not the cause of their present emotional state, keep in mind that there may be a hidden treasure or truth inside their out of control expression that is a sacred message meant especially for you.

You might uncover something about yourself, where you could grow or change if you can filter out all the upset of the delivery method and find something deep within yourself which could be an opportunity for you to look deep inside from a different perspective.

There will be people whose negative outbursts are just their way of releasing pressure and have little or no prolonged consequence. Try to humbly accept the therapeutic position, possibly even feeling blessed to be the vehicle this person has selected to release this emotional pressure. Some of us are better shock absorbers than others.

It is unnecessary to defend yourself or fight with someone in such a destructive behavioral pattern. Find that safe place within and allow them to release without allowing their upset to compromise your vibration.

You are never expected to remain in an abusive situation. Do not let someone else threaten or terrorize you. Remove yourself from any potentially dangerous circumstances. Don’t let them get to you, retain your power and walk away in love.

You are all-powerful and have full authority to protect your sacred emotional space while allowing life to go on all around you.

You can choose to be unaffected by the dysfunction of others while looking after your own safety and security in peace and harmony.

Look for Evil Get More Evil

Look for evil and you find it everywhere. It seems like the more you look for evil, the more evil there is. As you look for all the evil in the world the evil grows, and so it goes…

You are a magnificent and powerful creator. Whatever you focus your attention on increases and multiplies. This is you a son or daughter of the Creator, with all the power of creation within you.

There are those who seek to propagate evil in the world today and they are aware of your power to create and add powerful exponential energy to that which you focus your attention upon. They exploit your power by manipulating you into focusing on the negative things in life which are presented to your awareness. Focus on these negative presentations with negative energy, and you cause them to multiply exponentially.

Reduced to its simplest form, this is how it works:

Those who seek the proliferation of evil present you with an idea via a news story, an advertisement on television, or some other form of media which depicts a horrible injustice.

Your attention to the presentation provides enough energy to sustain the injustice. The more your thoughts are focused on the issues presented, the more pervasive the issue becomes.

Respond to the presentation with negativity, i.e.,

I hate it when that happens!”
Or
I hate people who do that!”

Then you empower the negative presentation with your own negative energy causing it to grow exponentially.

Dare to add thoughts of retaliation or punishment and it grows even more powerfully in all its evil.

This only reflects the condition of you, one person, viewing the presentation and responding to it.

Think about the millions of people viewing the same presentation.

And we wonder why there is so much evil in the world?

The powers that be are aware of the immense power you wield to affect every aspect of this world. They socially program and take advantage of you, using you as a negative power cell to further their agenda of keeping the world’s peoples living in a state of fear and negativity.

The GOOD NEWS is, now that you are aware of the power you have, you can decide to use your power for good at any time you choose.

How would you like to look for good and find more and more of it everywhere you look?

Simply by applying the antithesis, looking for good anywhere you can find it, by adding support and positive energy for all things which you consider good, you cause the good to multiply, expanding exponentially. And by celebrating the good in any way you can (even posting on social media) it increases even more.

Now that you know, you no longer have to acquiesce to evil manipulation.

The next time your attention is interrupted by evil programming, you can disengage and turn away from it, immediately finding something good to focus your attention on and celebrate that which is good.

If you feel negatively about some injustice, do not focus upon it or complain (which adds even more negative energy) about it, compromising your otherwise positive vibration.

Make a donation (any small amount, even $5 a month) to those who are actively engaged in the fighting against whatever it is that is trying to distract you, then you can feel better knowing that you are contributing to the cause without succumbing to further empowering the evil.

You are now a positive power cell for good.

If enough of us do transform out thoughts into positive power generators, the good will overpower the evil. Allowed to continue to grow, evil will no longer be sustainable, and good will prevail.

It all starts with you.

They Don’t Love You

They might say they love you or have your best interests at heart. If that’s true, then why doesn’t it feel like love? Because they don’t love you. There’s something more sinister going on behind the scenes. What can you do about it?

You have people, family, friends, and coworkers in your life with whom you share an obligatory relationship. No matter how much these people profess to have your back, when you’re in their presence, you don’t feel good. In fact, you feel quite the opposite.

They drain your energy, don’t respect you, your point of view, won’t let you get a word in edgewise, because they are more in need of an audience or support, and your presence is necessary for them to feel good.

It’s really not about you. It’s about them. Needing support is not a bad thing, but it’s so much better when it goes both ways. We all need support and in a reciprocal relationship, there is a sacred give-and-take when it comes to being loving and supportive.

Not all your friends are toxic vampires, but you know there are some that you would probably feel better if they did not have as much access to you during the course of your life.

There are your friends who have always been there, and you have let them have access to you anytime they needed for a long time, possibly since childhood. There are friends who are just around you as you go through life, they are your neighbors, coworkers, and casual acquaintances who are just there, taking advantage of you’re being there.

Then there are the closest of all relationships which you maintain, and it’s up to you to take an active role in the management of these relationships. There are certain types of energetically draining persons whom you would be better off without by limiting their access to you.

Of course, there are the toxic friends and energy vampires, you would be better off without, but there are others also. It’s up to you to decide which ones need to be trimmed-back for your higher good.

There are those who are all about themselves, expect you to support them but offer nothing in return. Those who want to control you and everything you do (and think, if they could). Those who refuse to have an empathetic response when you bear your soul, and often argue and debate with you about your beliefs in an order to save or convert you to their beliefs. The overbearing asserters who make you feel like they’re demanding a “My way or the highway” approach to you and yours.

The continual fearful pessimists, who always look at the negativity and potentiality of failure in all areas of your life, who would dissuade or prevent you from moving forward, growing, expanding, or reaching out to achieve your highest and best. They the perpetual complainers who rarely, if ever, have anything good to say.

You should probably consider discharging the drama kings and queens from your life who tend to let their trauma overflow into yours. Helping someone out in their hour of need, and potentially suffering consequences yourself in the process is admirable, but for those who are continually in dramatic turmoil, that is another issue altogether.

There are those who have little or no self-esteem who masquerade as self-righteous and pompous to overcompensate for their lack of feeling good about themselves. They may be entertaining, cute, or funny, but are prone to jealousy, putting others down, insulting and criticizing everything and everyone else.

The gossipmongers who are always talking behind everyone else’s back (realizing that they are also talking behind your back, too, does not require a Ph.D. in psychology).

There are two types of liars which you might think about dealing with, pathological and fanciful. Pathological liars are often predatory, will misrepresent everything, exaggerating the details, and presenting you with overwhelming amounts of false data, while the fanciful liars will offer up endless non-fact-based stories without ill intent. Pathological liars are harmful and destructive. Fanciful liars mean no harm, but they can be as much a drain on your energetic resources.

Keep in mind, while it seems as though they don’t love you, they might actually love you in their own way. After all, they’re only doing the best they can with what they have, so there’s no need to be unkind as you’re going about the business of limiting their access to you.

If you want to live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place, a little social maintenance in your circle of influence can go a long way.

The preservation of your sacred space is up to you, and you are the only one who can control it.

Surround yourself with those who love and support you and hold them dear.

Feeling Bad About Negative Feelings

It’s okay to feel bad. Sometimes, the motivation to be positive or to consistently be a good influence on those around you can make you feel like you cannot allow your positive persona to be interrupted by feeling negative. If you do have negative feelings, you might like to cover it up or push it down, and for god’s sake don’t let anyone see your emotional falter because you wouldn’t want anyone to misinterpret any upset in your powerful baseline as weakness.

Are you a human being? Don’t you think others might be able to feel closer to you if you occasionally allow your humanity to show through? You are not a deity. You are a man or a woman making your own way through this life, just like anyone else. Yes, you want to remain positive, but you don’t want to separate yourself from the rest of humanity so much that you are no longer a member of the human race.

There are few cases in history where the attempt to do so wasn’t met with severe emotional conflict. A mentor of mine used to say, “Don’t become so spiritually-minded that you’re no earthly good.” Be in the world but not of the world. In essence being here but also maintaining a residence elsewhere simultaneously.

Here, amidst humanity, we all express a wide range of emotions, and you must find a way (or ways) to express these emotions. To not do so is a denial of the human condition, and your psychology and physiology will deteriorate, health will decline, and you may put yourself at risk of disease, psychotic breakdown, rapid aging, or a premature exit from the human condition altogether.

Yes, being positive and maintaining high vibrational states is preferred. St. Paul encourages us to fix our thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. To think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8) which is integral to the maintenance of higher vibrations of the power of love.

You must also allow for the natural ebb and flow of life, especially if you intend to grow because the greatest growth spurts take place in the time of struggle, when things appear to not be going so well. You need both the good and the bad to move to the next level, sometimes more than others.

This complexity in life gives us the ability to enjoy all the richness this life has to offer. This contrast, as Esther Hicks says, “knowing what you don’t want helps you to know what you do want.” This is the balance of life, enabling you to know what it is that you want less of and what you desire more of in your life. You, then, can make the necessary adjustments in your life accordingly.

Your intention to remain so positive can keep you from seeing potential obstacles or danger. It is prudent to keep one foot on the ground, aware of your surroundings in the “real world” to avoid finding yourself in an undesirable predicament, or to find yourself falling into complacency.

Adversity leads you into growth, allowing you to come to increased clarity about what you want, empowering you to delineate specific goal for further advancement and achievement. In essence, being able to squeeze all the best juiciness out of all this life has to offer, all thanks to those less than desirable moments in this life.

A natural emotional response to not feeling right, or having negative emotions, might be to reject these feeling or to push them away but they are really an attention-getting pique to your awareness if instead, you start to look within, rather than to become defensive.

Since these feelings are in contrast to what you want, it is an exciting opportunity to break your positive flow, which is just comfortable enough that you can glide unaware of your surroundings, in a kind of sacred trance. This interruption can break your state or being just enough to look for new opportunities for potential alternative exploration, growth, or expansion.

The more you push against a thought with your consciousness, the more it expands in your unconscious mind, where the lower vibration undermines your ability to remain in higher vibrations in the background. This is why the Law of Attraction doesn’t care whether you want a thing or don’t want a thing. It is attracted to you whether you want it or not.

It’s like telling yourself not to think of a lemon. The more you resist a thought, the more apparent it becomes either consciously or unconsciously. This is also the nature of nightmares, where your unconscious mind runs rampant, unbridled by your conscious mind’s ability to squash your thoughts.

There is wisdom in inviting and allowing the negativity to flow over you, even to allow yourself to be fully engulfed by negative emotion for a predetermined period of time. In a sense surrendering to it in an effort to fully feel it. After fully expressed, you can examine the source, or look around for new opportunities which may be trying to expose themselves to your awareness.

In some cases, just letting it out and letting it go is all that is necessary.

Looking within yourself when your regular flow of life is interrupted by negative emotions might be the door through which you must pass to become aware of some lingering deep inner work longing to be addressed.

You might want to find or create a safe space or the company of another who will hold the sacred space for your expression of these negative emotions without fear of judgment.

Embrace the fullness of life, the good, the bad, and the potential for change, growth, exploration, and expansion.

An amazing journey lies ahead.

Where Did I Go Wrong?

When you’re traveling your road in this life it’s easy to get distracted by your missteps and get stuck in the rut of asking yourself, “Where did I go wrong?” which would otherwise be a perfectly healthy question to ask.

Just like when you’re drive tire gets stuck in the mud, if you spin your wheels trying to get out, all it does is bury your tire deeper in the rut, the same goes for ruminating and going over the details of any mistake in life, repeatedly. Keep doing that and you’ll get stuck there, unable to get out and move on in life.

Okay, so you made a mistake, were blindsided, or sucker-punched by life. You can’t just ignore the fact this happened to you. You should review the situation and circumstances that lead to the unexpected event and extract the learnings from experience. For that is the purpose of all life’s challenges. Inside each challenge is a hidden treasure, a divine piece of wisdom which is a key to your continued personal growth, wisdom, and evolution.

How to effectively review when asking yourself,

Where did I go wrong?

Just like when you get stuck in a rut, in most cases, you can rock yourself out. That is to say you can exert energy in one direction, release the pressure and relax to let momentum take you in an opposite direction, then when the momentum starts in the other direction, exert additional energy, then release and relax again.

Exerting energy in a particular direction means asking the tough questions. Were you aware enough about your surroundings? Could you have been more attentive? Are there things you could have done, attending to details, which could have resulted in a more favorable outcome? Were there precautions you could have taken?

Don’t just review this in your head, get it down on paper. Moving the energy from your heart to your brain, letting it flow down your arm, out your fingers, through the ink in your pen and onto the paper, helps to get it out.

Depending on the condition of your rut, this may be enough energy, that when released (written on paper) and relaxed, may be enough to get you over the edge and ready to face life full on again.

If not, you will have to exert even more energy, when you feel your momentum slumping back toward the negativity of the event again. If so, then this time you will have to be a little harder on yourself, to build up a little more negative momentum.

This time, you have permission to berate yourself. You can totally and disrespectfully rant on yourself, using any disrespectful thoughts or language which otherwise would be extremely inappropriate for up to three minutes (set the egg timer) maximum. Then release and relax.

Rock your experience as often as necessary without getting stuck there. Do not overthink this unnecessarily or allow yourself to fall into the paralysis of analysis.

If you are unable to rock yourself out of the rut on your own, you may need a wench, or a tow truck to drag you out.

Don’t be shy about reaching out for third-party assistance. That’s why coaches, counselors, and consultants are there, for you to call on in times of crisis, when you’re unable get out of the rut and get back on track.

Remember, when you’re asking yourself,

Where did I go wrong?

Do a bit of analysis, extract the hidden treasure (the lesson), and move on.

Whatever you do, make sure you get out of the rut. Release this experience, walk away from it, and let it go.

Take a look around you.

Look for all the people who have encountered an unexpected life event and let it get the best of them… I think we can all agree that there must be a better way.

You don’t want to let this thing cripple your potential over a long period of time. Rock yourself out, or get help to get you over this thing that’s troubling you.

There is so much waiting for you just over the horizon, a better life. Your best life awaits you, and this experience imbues you with the wherewithal to help make the world a better place.

You are amazing.

The Power of Oh Well and Not Caring Too Much

One of my mentors has a specific mantra that protects her from all things that might otherwise be frustrating or stressful. I told her she should write the book and teach her technique all over the world (if she does write the book, please think about picking up a copy for yourself to learn how…),

She has mastered the art of, “Oh well.”

She has associated her state of being to go to a calm and peaceful state any time she utters the words, “Oh well.” So, when she starts to feel a drop in her vibrational frequency, if she is able she utters the words, which immediately takes her to her safe place.

While this is an extremely effective way of centering herself in seconds, the effect on anyone else within proximity may not see the benefit and may even be offended by her ability to not engage in the proposed negative vibration or thought pattern.

How often do you see, hear or read about disturbing news that makes you feel bad?

How often do you report your negative findings to someone else?

Why do you do it?

Because when you feel bad about something you’ve just learned about, you have taken on the emotional weight of the bad news, lowering your vibration. You want to get rid of some of the emotional weight in an effort to raise your vibration, so you don’t feel so bad. You do this by reporting the unsettling information to someone else. If they feel bad about what you have presented to them, you feel better, because you have effectively transferred some of the weight of your negative emotional weight to the person you’ve told and you feel better.

When you’ve met someone who doesn’t take the emotional weight that you’re trying to ride yourself of by feeling badly, this doesn’t make you feel any better, and you are likely to take offense to their not receiving your negative vibration. In this case, you might even plead your case reinforcing your negative vibration about the bad news in an effort to convince the other person to feel obligated to feel bad about the negative news you’re trying to release.

If this person is positively resilient (like my mentor) you are likely to feel worse about the negative news, because you’ve sunk to a lower vibrational level in your attempt to convince the other person how bad this news is. This makes you feel hurt or angry and want to strike back at this positively resilient person who refuses to compromise his or her vibration. If you don’t say it, you’re likely to think that this person is an insensitive or uncaring individual. And if you’ve said something to that effect out loud to someone like my mentor, you may get a response, something like, “I care, but not too much,” which reinforces their positive position, and doesn’t offer you much comfort because they still are refusing to join you in your misery.

That said, a better approach is for you to not get so agitated, upset and angry at bad news to which you are exposed. This variety of negatively impacting data you are exposed to can be anything from your own personal experiences of being victimized and pent up frustrations about work-related or social injustices to watching the news or worrying about something you have little or no control of. Letting these things build up inside you will drain your personal resources, lower your vibration, and left untended to may lead to frustration, anger, feelings of helplessness, depression and possibly even suicidal thoughts.

What can you do about it?

You can take full responsibility for your own mental state, like my mentor does, by controlling how you feel about anything you are exposed to. Another thing you could do is to purposefully not expose yourself to undesirable information about things over which you could not possibly have any control over. Not submitting your emotional state to negative influences, can be as easy as turning off the TV, or especially avoiding the CNN (Constantly Negative News) feed.

There are other activities you can engage in that will support your vibrational state positively. Doing so will raise your emotional vibration and also your quality of life.
You can raise your vibration by learning how to find an emotional state of peace using relaxation techniques or meditation. Getting out, taking a walk or engaging in a bit of exercise for as little as seventeen minutes will raise your vibration and make you feel better.

Being mindful about the food and nutrients you are putting in your body will help maintain your positive personal natural resources, increasing your immune system and giving you the raw materials to respond better to stressful influences.

Pay attention to your emotional state, review how you are feeling, and if you’re not feeling on your game, take time out to make yourself feel better by engaging in an activity you enjoy or puts you in a more positive vibration.

If you’re feeling down, stressful, or sense your vibration sinking, put your hand on your heart, focus your attention on the area of your heart and take slow deep breaths as you imagine your breath going in and out of your heart, for seventeen seconds. This will help to center you emotionally and allow you to have a better perspective by neutralizing your otherwise negative emotional state.

When someone tries to unload their negative crap on you, learn to shrug it off with a little, “Oh well.” And if they protest, back it up with a bit of, “I care, but not too much,” and enjoy the benefits of your new heightened emotional state, and
Be happy.

We Are Power Cells for Negative Energy

Most of us realize by now (and science is catching up with the idea) that our hearts emit an energy field. What does this science mean and more importantly how does this energy affect us, the space we occupy on this planet and the rest of the world as we know it? What if we, each and every one of us, is a power cell for negative energy?

I think we can all grasp the idea that we are all surrounded by a degree of negative energy, and we can easily see the effects of the dominance of negative energy just by viewing a few minutes of any news show or channel. Evidence of this proliferation of negative energy can be witnessed almost any time anywhere, ad if not, it doesn’t take long to find it if you simply look for it.

Negative energy (or “evil” as some may call it) is all around us, but this is not a natural state of our planet. Nature does not maintain a frequency of negativity. You look at nature and there is no evil, there is only life, evolving, changing, growing and continually making way for new life. Yet, in the world which we live (and we have made for ourselves) negativity abounds.

Since negative energy does not originate in nature, then the question remains,

Where does negative energy come from?

The answer, if you could stretch your imagination to postulate for a moment, lies within each and every one of us.

We Are Power Cells for Negative Energy

It’s you, it me, it’s each of us sharing the human condition on planet earth. We are the source energizing the negative energy that we see all around us.

If our heart emits an energetic frequency – and if this energy is negative – it fuels the negativity which permeates our world, creating more and more negativity. We are the batteries that run the negativity witnessed and experienced in our world.

Negative energy which is based primarily on the emotion of fear is transmitted via its various forms of energetic transference to the world around us. Fear is the base emotion that is the foundation for so many emotional states such as anger, depression, disapproval, envy, grief, hate, rejection, sadness and worry that we find ourselves surrounded by most, if not all, of the time.

When we find ourselves engaged in these emotional states, we are turning up the power on our individual power cells to further fuel the negativity in our own world and the world around us.

Here are the top 40 negative emotions and their antidotes:

The Top 40 Negative Emotions and Their Antidotes

Negative Emotional State

Positive Emotional Antidote

aggressiveness
aggravation
apprehension
anger
annoyance
contempt
depression
despair
disappointment
disapproval
disgust
despair
distress
embarrassment
envy
fright
gloom
grief
grouchiness
guilt
hate
hopelessness
humiliation
insult
irritability
jealousy
loathing
loneliness
misery
panic
rage
rejection
remorse
sadness
shame
shock
sorrow
suffering
unhappiness
worry

calm
comfort
confidence
kindness
delight
admiration
contentment
joy
success
praise
approval
pleasure
relief
good fortune
contentedness
courage
gladness
hopefulness
peacefulness
honor
love
encouragement
triumph
compliment
enjoyment
trust
admiration
endearment
gladness
bravery
sweetness
acceptance
satisfaction
happiness
respect
tranquility
blessing
good luck
happiness
certainty

How to Stop Charging the Negative Energetic Field

Fortunately, just as we hold the power to charge the negative energetic field that surrounds us, we also possess the ability, not only to cancel the negative energy, but to emit a more powerful positive energy which not only attracts more good things in life to us but in addition empowers the world for more good fortune.

The act of cancelling and producing positive energy not only benefits our own lives, but the lives of those within our social circles and the world at large.

While this may not be a widely help concept, yet, it is growing and people are making the shift from participating in (and promoting) negative energies and intentionally raising their frequencies in emotional states that are founded in love, not fear.

So when you find yourself experiencing any of the negative emotions via any of your senses, the sooner you catch yourself, stop the exposure and find ways to embrace the antidote, you can stop contributing to this negative energetic field.

Charging the Positive Energetic Field

The more you stop exposing yourself to the negative energy field and curtail allowing your body’s tendency to emote negatively, you can fully embrace more and more of the antidotes, or positive energetic frequencies, to further positively power the positive energetic field that is gaining power as more and more of us participate in this powerful action.

You have the power

You Are The Power

Use it wisely