Making Sense of Wasted Love

I know, you’ve loved with all your heart, just to have your heart broken over and over again. It’s as if all the love you’ve given was a waste. It’s up to you, whether your past love is a waste or an investment. Maybe the time has come for making sense of wasted love.

Making sense of wasted love.
Making sense of wasted love.

“I love. I love people, I love you. I seriously want the love of another in my life, ‘The One,’ but I keep attracting the wrong people. I mean, they’re nice enough, but I have this history of failed relationships when I only want one person to spend the rest of my life with.”

I hear it a lot, from clients and friends, pretty much the same sentiment, looking for an elusive long-lasting love; one that would last a lifetime. Many of us (even I) have longed for such a love.

The first thing to know is that you have a divine love affair with one person with whom you will spend the rest of your life with. That person is standing right in front of you, if you’re looking into a mirror. Your wish was answered before you were born. Your first, primary love affair is the one that you have with yourself.

This is the beginning of true love, because how can you truly love anyone or anything else, if you don’t love yourself first? The truth about true love is that it overflows from your love of yourself and your life onto and into others. This is true love.

That aside, your life is a story of your journey made up of many chapters. Each chapter unfolds the way that it does preparing you for the next chapter. The most exciting life stories have growth and change in many (if not all) of the chapters, with the occasional plot twist to add that unexpected/special something-something that makes it so much more exhilarating.

If your story is somewhat of a dysfunctional romance novel, keep living, keep reading… the best is yet to come.

The person who loves with all their heart, loving so hard that it hurts, and experiences tragedy and loss in their love relationships is being led through the greatest love story of all. It is hard, no doubt, but it will be worth it.

As with all things in love, learning true love is a process. You can tell if your journey of love has been difficult, that “love” is the major theme of your life’s story. You can move more quickly through this process of learning about true love, and loving truly, if you are quick to learn the lesson of your relationship training, which will prepare you for a greater love.

“But I keep attracting the same kind of person.”

“It’s as if my picker is broken.” Believe me, your picker is not broken. You are not selecting the same type of person out of some subconscious sadistic need to torture yourself. You will keep going ‘round and ‘round the merry-go-round (or even the “marry-go-round”) until you’ve grown in preparation for a greater love and learned your love lesson from this type of relationship.

If you have not extracted and processed the lesson, internalizing and nourishing your mind, your heart and your soul from the process of your last (or current) relationship, you will not be ready for the greatest love of all which awaits you.

In the moment that you had the thought in your mind and felt the desire for true love in your life, that spark lit up in the sky and your highest and best form of love was prepared for you, as was the course of study it would take to get you from where you are in life, to where you want to be, with all your dreams of true love are realized. In that moment, it was done.

Your prayer for true love has been answered in the best (almost sounding too good to be true, but nothing could be more exponentially worthwhile or true than truly fulfilled love) possible way. The love that awaits you is so good, in fact, that it supersedes your wildest dreams in terms of love.

The question is,

“Do I have what it takes to get from here to there?”

True love can be a grueling (if not seemingly cruel) course of study. Not everyone is called to seek a life of true love. Even though you feel like seeking true love is a yearning, a desire deep within every cell of your being to find true love, it is not as it seems.

The quest for true love is a divine calling.

It is clear that you have been called. The quest for true love is a major (if not the major) theme of your life. Are you ready to go on life’s journey to true love?

Then seek to learn, to grow in love. Once you’ve decided to do so, all the relationships you’ve been through ‘til now take on a new glow in the new light of expanded love. From this perspective, you can see the blessings and the lessons as your heart fills with gratitude for all those relationships which have gone before.

Want to learn more?

Think about attending my Awakening to True Love Workshop, coming to a location near you.

Love is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Surely there is no greater love than to experience that sweet connection between two human beings, separated by bodies but united in a strong love-connection that transcends time and space. This love can take many forms, like friendship, familial love, appreciative/respectful love, romantic love, eternal love, love for the others and the world, etc…

Being a love-child of the sixties (this is where I place the blame, though I realize the source could have come from elsewhere) I resonated with the love vibration that permeated the time. I was not attracted to – nor did I participate in – the “free love” movement that was prevalent back in the day, rather I embraced the idea of loving one another, accepting people for who they are and allowing everyone to find their own way, loving them all along their journey.

My sincere desire to participate in management of great love is likely why I was so attracted to ministerial work early on because the religious model that I was exposed to (then, in the late seventies) seemed to promote this kind of love. My fore’ into the business of religion did not turn into a life-long occupation, yet I continued in my personal work of helping others achieve their highest and best, while continuing to seek and promote higher forms of love and respect for others.

Throughout my life I always found it interesting (not only from a purely scientific viewpoint) that – even though I believed that each human was blessed with an innate capacity for love – some people seemed to be incapable of being able to truly connect to other individuals, experience compassion, empathy, or have a love-appreciation for concepts or things, like art. To witness the most beautiful sunset, or some other scene in nature, examine the details of someone’s art, see a heart-felt musical performance, see someone struggling for survival and to not be emotionally impacted; this surprised me.

Nowadays, I can wrap my head around the concept of someone who is devoid of an ability to love (as most the rest of us would define it), as is the case for most sociopaths, psychopaths or others at various locations along the anti social personality disorder spectrum; but otherwise “normal” people?

People with the inability to be moved to tears for anything except for pain or great fear…

Of course, I was raised under the tenet of, “big boys don’t cry,” like many of us (especially those of the male persuasion) and I maintained a tearless approach to life until the fateful day in 1982, following the viewing of E.T. with my young son, Nathanial. As the credits rolled, we both sat in silence, until he broke into the tearful sentiment, “I didn’t want him to go.” I joined in, and haven’t stopped since.

And I get that in our current societal structure, love is seen as weakness. In this respect it is understandable that one might numb one’s self to the idea of opening up enough to allow a wildly painful experience. These people had the capacity to love, but have taken extensive efforts to dismantle the ability in favor of self-preservation.

To complicate the landscape even more, there’s the whole “battle of the sexes” role reversal that figures into the picture of our love metamorphosis. In the past men were dominant over women, now women are exerting their dominance in an unlimited variety of ways.

Love is a terrible thing to waste shredder sign love waste
And still there are others who have never really had the ability to love… What about those people? Are they more inclined to use and manipulate other people serving their own selfish wants, needs and desires (but not in a narcissistic way)? Do they maintain relationships that are seen as highly disposable? And how does this all impact others who are authentic, loving people?

In my work (and in my life) it is not uncommon for me to meet people whose hearts have been broken by others who never had the capacity to return love in kind. Some of them heal and look for a more authentic love, while others allow their hearts to harden vowing to never love again.

To those with hardened hearts, I beseech you, consider learning to love again; the world needs your love now, more than ever.

I believe there is a progressive wave of love that is spreading throughout this planet as part of our human evolution.

What part will you play in this loving future?

See also: Making Sense of Wasted Love