personal growth | David M Masters

7 Points of Evolving Expansion

One of the components of evolutionary expansion is the ability to allow base beliefs to expand beyond the primitive definitions which you have been groomed to hold onto with every fiber of your being. Even so, with all that familial and social programming, something inside you is gently tapping on your shoulder, quietly whispering the question, “Is there something more?” Indeed, there is. Here are 7 points of evolving expansion that you may notice as contrasting as you continue to open, grow and change into the higher version of yourself.

1. Be a Good Person

We’re all told to be a good person, to not try to buck the system or be a rebel. There is a basic tenant which harkens to us to not be a bad person, to treat our fellow beings as we might like to have them treat us and to feel sorry for others who are struggling (maybe even lend them a hand in one way or another). Avoid criminal activity, obey the laws of the land, understand and reinforce the ideals of what is right and what is wrong, and influence others to comply.

Expanded Version

Evolving to the grander version of yourself includes allowing the good person that you’ve been raised to be to expand into an even better person, only this next level of goodness is not defined by others. The good person you’re becoming can only be defined by you, as the result of your expanding self, establishing a greater, more sensitive heart connection with the energies of life. This expanded good person is likely to see things quite differently than their other well-programmed and compliant neighbors. Still, the inclination to be a good person remains, though it takes on a new vitality and flavor than what others might definitively expect.

2. Gather and Believe

In the United States and other countries, this is usually an expectation to have an inclination to some kind of belief system. While some are more popular than others, there is a wide range of belief systems available for anyone to adhere to, everything from Catholicism to Atheism and then some.

Expanded Version

The expanded being begins to break free from the confines of any box which adheres to a specific and limited belief system. As you evolve you see that things are not as they appear to be and certainly not as you were led to believe. This opens the heart and the mind to new possibilities. While you may have a desire to continue with your present belief system, if you were to clearly voice your new revelations, or question the inappropriateness or inadequacies with their prescribed belief system, this could cause problems for you. You are developing your own belief system, which cannot be fit into someone else’s restrictive box of thought.

3. You and Your Self

You’ve been raised to believe that you must fight to preserve your sense of self. You know what you feel, want, believe and you are compelled to fight, or risk all to defend it. This is an egocentric point of view which keeps all of us separated from becoming one. Even in the sacred bond of marriage, or among blood relatives, this “fight for your right” mentality is pervasive, keeps and tears us apart. We form organizations, factions, religions, governments, laws and military forces to defend our separateness.

Expanded Version

As you evolve into the higher version of your self, your “self” decreases as you become more tolerant and tune into the vibration of love and independently connect more to the source of everything. As you bid your ego, Adieu, you can understand what Jesus meant when he said, “He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 16:25) It doesn’t refer to your literal loss of life, but to your moving forward for the greater good, leaving your ego behind; not an easy thing to do. Your ego has been in the driver’s seat far too long to be willing to leave without a fight. Nonetheless, letting go of this part of your self is and welcomed and important part of your evolution.

4. When Bad Things Happen

The old you was programmed to get up and fight or sulk in sadness when things don’t go the way you want, always having to choose between accepting victimization or becoming the warrior willing to fight (compromise morals or commit crimes) for what you want, when things don’t go the way you expected. Ultimately, the powers that be are too powerful to do battle with, so most of us, sulk, fall into depression, or try to ease the pain by leaning on a wide variety of addictions which avail themselves to help us mitigate the damages and pain associated with having to accept our lowly lot in life.

Expanded Version

Your expanded-self looks at challenges, difficulties, inadequacies and incongruent ideas from an entirely new perspective. From this viewpoint above and outside yourself, without your ego in tow, you are more able to see things as they really are, not as you’ve been programmed to see them. You are understanding more that when Jesus said, “And we know that in all things God works for the good…” (Romans 8:28) that they truly do. “All things,” even the worst of things you could possibly imagine, all pave the way for something so far better, but we are more likely than not unable to see what good lays beyond the struggle we may be engaged in at the time. With this understanding, you are less prone to worry, and unable to be victimized, because you know there is something better not far off, eliminating what we previously considered, “bad things.” Now you’re realizing that these are only necessary changes of direction or attention.

5. Mistakes and Coincidences

You have been trained to believe that mistakes are bad, and you’ve learned to beat yourself up for your missteps and accept ridicule from others when you’ve stumbled. And coincidences, are just that; some unassociated or random thing that has transpired for no apparent reason, which could be a fortunate unexpected good thing (or a bad thing). In any case, these things, your unfortunate missteps and any coincidental manifestations are just that; random and disconnected. Sometimes stuff just happens; that is all.

Expanded Version

As you continue to evolve you begin to understand that there are no such things as mistakes or coincidence because you are becoming more aware of the divine connectedness in all things. You know that all mistakes carry with them a sacred treasure of a hidden message or learning that you may not have been able to receive having not gone through this process leading to your growth and attainment of more wisdom. This gives you a unique perspective and knowledge that is priceless to anyone who might be struggling with a similar set of circumstances. Then there are the coincidences, of course, you realize that these are divine gifts and blessings (or corrections) that all serve as blessed rewards or ways to put you back on the path to your highest and best.

6. Negative News

We are programmed to keep one ear and one eye (if not both of them) leaning on the newsfeed spoon-fed to us by the media, books, films, “reality shows” news coverage, and “live feeds” via the Internet. This exposure to mass media is the main source of disseminating your programming, in addition to and following your public or private schooling, to assure that you become a good citizen, amiable to the control of the powers-that-be which are charged with your control. Their favorite tool for delivering messages and thought patterns that run deep is to strongly associate them and deliver them in a state of fear or danger. Then we become unpaid foot soldiers, spreading the message and monitoring our neighbors by doing the responsible thing with the innocuous, “Did you hear in the news…?”

Expanded Version

As you grow and learn more about how things are not as they are, or how they were presented to you, you develop a sort of Spidey-sense when you’re being exposed to the propaganda and lie(s) promoted by the powers that be, in an effort to distract you from your growth and expansion. The most effective tool used to manipulate you and the masses is fear, and they will use it, exploit and spin anything and everything they can to keep you in a fear-based vibration, because you and everyone else is so much easier to control when you’re in a state of fear and are more likely to believe that you need someone else to keep you safe from the things that you are unable to witness first-hand. The more evolved you become, the less interested you are in propaganda and lies.

7. Love Is…

When you think of love, you’ve been programmed to have certain ideologies associated with love; and this is perfect for the masses. It goes something, like this, the different kinds of love include love for your family and friends, love for fauna and flora, love for your pet, love of one’s country, love for persons, places, and things, and romantic love between two people “in love.” Love initiates within you, your heart, for someone or something outside of yourself.

Expanded Verson

Love is the carrier wave of all energy, it is in everything, throughout all that is or ever was, holds all things together and provides appropriate separation, exists in the absence of anything amidst any void, has no beginning and no end. Even in negative energy, love is there. As you expand you learn to tap into this limitless energy from outside yourself, allow it to envelop all that you are, letting it consume you and flow out to others. You now know that love is not limited to individuals, and your love for individuals changes, as you move away from selfish love to the unconditional forms of love and its expression. Additionally, as you learn how to harness its power, you can learn how to use it to share, heal and be the light to an otherwise dark and thirsty world that longs for the release of this powerful energetic influence.

These are just some of the areas you will notice major shifts of consciousness when you expand and continue to evolve into the highest and best version of yourself.

Be True to Your Calling

Here’s the deal: You’ve come to this planet with a calling. You have a unique purpose, a mission in life featuring your own message that can only be delivered with your unique style and perspective.

Knowing this, you may have done enough work to even have defined your individual purpose, message, passion, and mission (PMPM) and know who you are and what you’re supposed to be doing if you were achieving your highest and best.

Then there is life. Life is full of distractions which can keep you from achieving your highest and best.

This will apply to any calling you have that could make a difference in our world. Why? Because there are people, principalities, and powers that do not want to see the world change, and your potential contribution could cause conflict, or slow their roll, even if your PMPM only affected a single life for the better, that one moment could change everything in a heartbeat.

This is why you see yourself bombarded with nearly unlimited opportunities to do anything besides what could put you one step closer toward your sense of purpose and meaning which harkens to you for release.

Let’s face it, we live in an “if it feels good do it” kind of world, and you are attacked in the media and face-to-face by people you know as well as perfect strangers who will stop at nothing to provide you with thousands of exposures to potential opportunities that could distract and/or prevented you from advancing toward your calling.

In terms of being of service to others, there needs to be some hard work, dedication, and commitment to your calling, to serve the greater good. It may mean setting aside your own personal desires, those things that make you feel so good, to be able to serve in a greater capacity. Yes, it may take sacrifice, but it is this one point that separates those who talk about what they wish they could do, and those who are actively involved in making a difference. A little selflessness on the behalf of others, or the big picture, goes a long way. St. Paul writes, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,” in Philippians 2:3.

Your calling must have a higher priority that selfish acts which make you feel good, or even service to others in ways which might prevent you from pursuing your goals to achieve your highest and best. No one person can anything, so remain focused on your mission, and when other situations and circumstances come up, rather than letting these things distract you (as worthy as they might be) step aside and defer to someone else whose mission it might be. You might have to put aside selfish pursuits to be true to your calling.

Tapping into your heart is almost a necessity in achieving your highest and best. Unlike your brain and emotions, which only seek to protect you and your ego from potential fear-based emotions or perceived potential pain, your heart will always be congruent with your calling.

It’s no surprise if you can’t know how to tap into your heart, which is the most powerful energy source, connection to all life and beyond because it is no secret that we’re not taught to listen to it or even validate its power. For if you could, you might realize that our heart is the most powerful tool or weapon on the planet, possibly in the universe, and we all have one. Take some time and find ways to focus on and connect to it, and develop your sense of knowingness exponentially.

How to tap into it, and learn how to hear or feel what your heart is trying to tell you can be complex because it can be a very different process for different people. So, find your own way, experiment and see what works for you.

Stop protesting or being distracted by focusing on things outside of your control. While you may hear about or witness atrocities, find someone else who’s ministry it is to deal with that particular issue and defer to them; you may even be able to offer support, but don’t allow yourself to be taken off your path in doing so.

Watch your tongue as well as your thoughts, if you are saying or thinking negative things about something that is negative, you only add negative energy to it. By protesting, making a stand, or fighting against a certain thing, you actually promote it. Instead, focus on the solution, find someone who is doing the work and support them in the performance of their ministry, without falling victim to the negative whirlpool.

Whatever you do, whether in terms of supporting your own calling, or supporting others in theirs, avoid negative reporting. When you say something negative, especially in this day and age, when everything we do, say, and possibly think, is being recorded and can be used against you later. Having access to negative sound bites can be your undoing, so avoid going there if at all possible. To quote St, Paul again, “Do everything without complaining and arguing so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people,” (Philippians 2:14-16) so, take the high road.

You’re Making a Difference

We’re all making progress on our respective life journeys, and while we’re in the progress, it’s a good idea to take a moment to review where we’ve been and try to get a better idea about where we’re going.

Chances are you’re feeling a strong sense of congruency with how your life is going, you feel like you’re making a contribution, you are feeling good about your life and life as having a positive future, feeling like the world can be a better place, and you’re just one of the people striving to do your part to make it happen. And happiness? You’re so happy, you downplay it to your family and friends because you don’t want to make them feel bad, see how good their lives could be, or think you’re off your rocker… So, you keep a low profile and try to blend in a little.

Nonetheless, when the alarm goes off, you reach over, turn it off and smile, because today, today is going to be another exciting, great day. Woot woot!

That, in itself, is a pretty good indication that you’re making good progress and you’re headed in the right direction. And while most days start so wonderfully, sometimes, just like anyone else, we go through transitions and changes of mood, too. What then?

Sometimes, when we’re trying to push through a personal level, it can take more time than we’d like it to. Let’s say, you had a goal and gave yourself 90 days to achieve it, but when you get to the third month, you realize you’re not as far along as would have liked to have been. What then?

Journaling sounds like a pain in the butt, but everyone that is on a path similar to ours, swears that whenever they hit a bump in the road or are feeling blue, a wandering through the old journal, infuses them with an indestructible resolve and unbound energy to go the distance.

Nonetheless, you got this, because now, when you pass a mirror, you smile because you know you’re good people and you’re so good with that.

You know you’re living a better life when you can’t remember the last time you had a bad day and you’re making changes in your life naturally, without even thinking about it, and you look forward to challenges, rather than stressing over potential trouble.

You know you’re living your best life when you have no fear or reservations about making new friends and expanding your circle of influence, and the way you integrate with them takes on a whole new flavor.

For instance, if you make a mistake, you don’t start looking for someone or something to blame for it, you just accept that it is what it is, and maybe even find humor in it, while looking for the meaning or hidden treasure inside the experience.

What others think about you doesn’t really matter anymore. They can like you, or not, and you don’t feel like you have anything to prove to anyone, and find comfort in doing the things you enjoy and make you feel good, regardless of what others might think, and you’re exercising your right to establish boundaries and use the word, “no.”

And as you are having an impact on those around you and are taking an active part in making the world a better place, you feel really good about the good work that you are doing.

And just in case you didn’t notice, others are taking notice of your good works and are even starting to comment on your change, growth, and contribution.

As you’re in the process of contributing, you are more concerned about the outcome than the preciseness of the execution, for it is better to do, than not to do. If things don’t go exactly as planned, no problem. Either you or someone else will do it differently the next time.

Goal setting just comes naturally and achievement of those goals comes easier as you find yourself more and more in the flow, and you’re not too concerned with the details that may have prevented execution in the past. Procrastination isn’t even on your radar because you’re a mover and shaker.

And you know what? You are making a difference, and you’re an inspiration.

You can do it.

Keep up the good works.

Part of You is Dying

You’re growing, changing, taking responsibility and charge of your life. You’re embracing love, couldn’t feel more powerful, confident, open, honest and vulnerable… then all of a sudden, you feel overcome with an overwhelming feeling of emptiness, sadness, depression or unexpected fatigue.

As you search and review the areas of your life, you can’t seem to identify anything going on to make you feel this way, and you can’t understand why you feel this way.

Don’t worry, this is completely normal as you are expanding and evolving onto a better version of yourself. These unexpected challenges in your personal growth are normal as you are experiencing a vibrational detoxification.

You (your being, the person you are, all the parts of you en masse) are the result of a lifetime of programming which includes toxic thoughts, beliefs, feelings and experiences which have survived and thrived, hidden (sometimes, not so hidden) deep inside you.

As you are actively growing and expanding these deep rooted toxins are struggling for survival. They have so integrated themselves into your life and attached themselves to certain parts of your brain or body, where they have been safely stored for years. Now, they are no longer congruent as you are expanding and evolving and they are not being fed by your energetic attentions. They are shrinking and dying of starvation.

In the toxin’s struggle for survival, they will initiate thoughts and trigger the release of hormones which affect your sense of wellbeing and initiate sensations of negative emotions such as fear, paranoia, depression, or may even cause physical signs of sickness as they are dying off, in a last ditch struggle for survival.

You may find yourself suffering from headaches, even migraines, back pain or other body aches and pain and/or flu-like symptoms as manifestations of the toxin’s effort to distract and crush your hope for continued expansion.

This is a normal part of your evolutionary process, which also indicates a pending successive personal plateau in your expansive process is not far off.

It is always darkest before the dawn, and a new dawn is about to crest your horizon as the new you emerges.

When your negative emotions are running high for no apparent reason, and your’re finding it hard to stay on course, following the path to your new life, you feel as though all your energy reserves have been drained and you are finding it hard to believe you could keep going on,

Persevere

Even if you’re feeling like your decision to take this journey is for not, and you’re experiencing nagging second-thoughts about the person you’re becoming, second-guessing whether the changes you’re making are real or just fanciful imaginative exercises. This is the time to keep going, in the absence of the feelings, of feeling as though you were doing the right thing, to stay on the path of your personal evolution, in stark contrast to the person you were before. That person is dying, and you are shedding the old you, not unlike a snake sheds its skin… Only your old skin doesn’t want to go.

A part of you has become so attached to your previous version of self, casting it aside seems like a painful separation, casting off, expulsion, a death of sorts, as you are dying to self. This is the time to keep going, even if you feel like you just can’t go on, stay the course.

But how can I, when I’m just not feeling it?

Keep going anyway. If you keep doing good things, only exposing yourself to positive information, media and influences, finding ways to think food thoughts, even if you’re not feeling it; stay on track, and that part of you that is protesting and struggling for survival will die off in the battle of old you vs. new you.

After the new you has survived this victorious process of growth and change, get ready. Something so powerfully new and amazing is waiting to take its place as the newer version of you expands and grows even more.

Your Growing Awareness and Others

A new day has dawned and you’ve found yourself on an expanding journey of personal growth and a blossoming inquisitive nature you could have never imagined as you were before you embarked upon this expedition. Along the way you’ve been beckoned by the universe to become a seeker or truth, which has rocked your world. The things that you once held as infallible truth are appearing to not hold up in the light of your expanding consciousness.

You’re learning more about yourself and the world around you (and possibly even vastly beyond these perimeters) and you’re finding meaning in your position in time and space.

As you continue upon your path to somewhere else, you notice the people who were in your life have chosen not to follow their path, have decided to stay behind, and they and their influence fades away. You know it’s probably better that way, because as you are peeling back the layers of thought and programming, they’d rather not hear about it anyway. You can remember a time when you, too, felt safe and secure in the dark murk and mire of socialized belief strategies, and today, it’s difficult to imagine trying to play the game, like that, anymore.

Life as we know it begins to take on new shape and form as our preconceived ideas are challenged and either strengthened or destroyed. Our relationships and friendships are subject to this new vibration and if the destruction takes a loved one you experience the pain of separation, but life holds something so much greater ready to emerge from the ashes. Loss, change and new life are all important components of your awakening.

Your interest is piqued by travelers who have forged ahead, documenting their steps in their journals and telling their stories giving you insight to your own yet unforeseen road trip. You pay attention, but do not follow, because you are forging your own path. Your journey is not based on anyone else’s journey as you understand to truly achieve your highest and best, you must find your own way.

You are aware that society uses a variety of devices to distract you from your enlightened exploration and ensuing expansion. While unbridled access to important information can accelerate your growth, it may also prevent it, especially if you can be overwhelmed by frivolous and deceptive data. Deceptive devices of the day include cell phones, tablets, personal computers and the Internet, with more devices being introduced on a regular basis to further impede human evolution.

As your consciousness is expanding, you should be developing your intuition which will help you to interpret data and add to your overall experience as you are becoming more in tune with the inner compass of your heart, as well as enhancing the connection between our heart and mind.

Love is a huge part of my life’s purpose and most (if not all) of us have a huge longing for love. This longing to be loved, or feel akin to another, can lead us into relationships that may not be in our best interest, including groups and individuals. This can also be a distraction from continuing one’s focus on their individual journey by trying to share steps with another traveler or group of travelers. This could lead you off your path, onto someone else’s, or could lead to your own stagnation.

Though you need not be the lone wolf, you can find like-minded people on similar paths and enjoy their presence, sharing information and edifying each other’s journey along the way, while being aware that self preservation is the key, which could have outsiders confused about who you are at any given time. Why? Because the thought police will find difficulty in determining your state of awareness and mental capacity as they are being trained to keep an eye out for folks who stray from the herd. Due to where you might be amidst your own personal journey you could be diagnosed with anything spanning from depression to narcissism. This journey is a process which can have any of us anywhere along the spectrum as we continue to learn and grow in faith and intuitive heart-connected awareness.

Celebrate your uniqueness and individuality and integrate with the herd as necessary along the way, while staying keenly aware of your own progress and those who may be inhibiting your growth and your progress can lead to achieving your highest and best.

Ch ch ch Changes

I tend to get excited when I see people changing, reaching out and experiencing new life.

In the last few weeks, I’ve noticed trends in the changes expansion explorers are making in their lives who are making the world a better place. If you’re on a similar journey, you may find yourself:

You are okay with who you are and don’t have anything to prove to anyone else. You can be honest and open about who you are, where you have been and where you are going. You have a sense peace of your own personage and have no need to misrepresent yourself on social media or among friends or relatives. In comparison others with low self esteem feel compelled to create false identities, boast, consider themselves better than those less fortunate, or put other people down. These folks can actually begin to lose touch with reality. On the other hand, you are content with yourself and find your place within the world without having to participate in false witness of self.

You are finding more ways to feel and express gratitude as you are more appreciative of the simple things, and thankful each new day, for the people who are in our life, the opportunities that reveal themselves to you, and where you live. You experience an increasing sense of joy about the things in your life and the life that you live.

You are concerned less with the dark unknown of a foreboding future, while others are more apt to spend a great deal of time worrying about what may happen. You are finding more ways to live in the present, in the moment we call, “now.” You are not afraid of what the future holds. You don’t take the idea to the extreme, by doing nothing. Instead you make plans for a better future and take action to build a momentum leading to a better tomorrow and an increasingly better world.

You don’t feel a need or concern about what is outside of your control and accept responsibility for controlling what you can and the rest go.

After all, life is what it is, stuff happens, and we’re all doing the best we can with what we have,

Instead of dreading what may be luring in the wings, you find yourself anticipating good things, and as you do you find more joyous surprises and opportunities appearing in your life.

You’re more likely to take a risk to do something good, help make your local community a better place or even the world. If your initial efforts are not successful, you are not dissuaded and ready yourself for another attempt to make the world a better place.

You are more gentle and kind than you may have been before. You are more empathetic and able to see things from the perspective of others, are able to imagine what it might be like to be wearing someone else’s shoes, or even to have lived their life. And you are more inclined to offer to lend a helping hand to others in need.

You are more inclusive in your approach to life and are more often inclined to say, “Yes,” to new ideas and new opportunities. If you do not have the inclination to get out more, or huddle up on the sofa or plugged into the Internet, you might try spreading your wings and getting out to attend a meeting just to change up your exposure in your environment, you are finding new ways to integrate or participate by exploring new activities in unfamiliar locations. You may be surprised at how fun this can be, plus you’ll make new connections which can be extremely beneficial.

Interconnection with other people takes on new meaning as you are moving away from the need to defend yourself and exit the struggle for survival in favor of allowing yourself to flow. This enables you to have more meaningful relationships with others as love continues to grow and flow. This new perspective makes you feel more alive and able to love and accept others, and things, the way they are.

You are in less need of the approval of others as you realize that you are not living your life for their approval. You are less attracted to people who are not open, honest, empathetic or genuine, as the drama queens drift away.

You find you are far less judgmental than before as you are embracing tolerance, loving others, allowing them to be, and make their own way. You find yourself less apt to judge someone based on their appearance, the car they drive, the shoes they wear, or their facebook photo as the ability to see each individual’s innate beauty becomes more apparent.

You are no longer looking for a fight, to defend what you believe or force someone to prove their position on anything they feel is important, without disconnecting. You see the value in everyone’s need to believe. realize that all journeys are different, and honor their right to believe whatever it is in whatever way they need to.

Even when you get caught up in the rat race, which is easy to do, you become more and more able to step back, look at things from a new perspective and trade anxiety for a sense of peace.

You find yourself living a better life without regret or having to compare your life to anyone else’s. You are living a life of love and in this livingness you realize that you have found your genuine freedom and you are free indeed.

Just as you are less judgmental of others, you are finding that you are less likely to judge yourself too harshly. We all fall short, make mistakes and it’s okay, all part of the journey. Often what we learn from our missteps is far more valuable than we can see amidst our loss of balance… and we can keep moving forward, not allowing it to throw us out of the dance. We make it part of the routine.

You Spend resources (finances and time) more on experiences and less on material items. You are not dependent on adorning yourself with flashy, high fashion garments or baubles, nor are you easily impressed by compliments from competitive or jealous peers, rather you have a higher level of self esteem and would rather spend your resources on priceless experiences that create memories which could never be bought, sold or traded and are invaluable in comparison to materialistic pursuits.

Your dreams are taking on a new flavor as you realize that they need not be held afar off, out of reach, as you begin to reel them in for a closer look. You can now refine your dreams and choose to allow them to appear in this world, if you so desire. It may (or may not) be easy, but you are ready to take the action necessary to see our dreams come true.

You realize life is not a race and you allow yourself wiggle room along the way, giving yourself permission to take a sabbatical and reconnect whenever prudent, necessary, just to take a break or for the fun of it.

You are less likely to take things personally. You are no longer controlled, victimized or haunted by your past. You are now able to see your life ’til now, more as if you were reading an exciting novel, with all the good times, the bad and the unexpected plot twists, which make it all the more exciting.

Do Others Control You?

When you get upset at someone else, about what they have done, or some injustice you’ve suffered due to people, events or circumstances beyond your control, you actually bequeath to another (whomever you feel the offender is, whether it be another person, organization, government, system or even God) complete control over you.

While it feels as though someone or something outside of yourself has insinuated circumstances which has in effect victimized you in some way, as might be the case in terms of the loss of a job or a loved one, or the diagnosis of a severe illness, it is up to you whether you allow yourself to become a victim, or not.

If you feel bad, allow your feelings to be hurt by someone or something outside yourself, for every moment you allow your thought processes to be distracted by someone or something else due to your emotional state, you are forfeiting control.

Who You Blame is In Control

The object of your mind’s focus (whoever or whatever they are) is indeed in control of you and your emotional state. If you are blaming a circumstance, person, place or thing for things going badly or some injustice which you have suffered, then you are a willing victim to the object of your attention.

Is that what you want?

If someone has wronged you, do you really want that person to continue to further victimize and have control over your life?

In terms of psychopaths, narcissists and those along the Anti-Social Personality Disorder spectrum, they revel in the idea that they are honored by being remembered by you and are constantly in your thoughts. They feed off your negative attention and it empowers them to conduct more discontent in the world, as they continue to further enjoy the fruits of their efforts to drag you down and you continue to sink into depths of despair.

Your discomfort, loss, sadness and depression is their continued reward. They arrogantly acknowledge complete control. They assert their win and your loss as they enjoy every minute of it.

How to Stop Giving Away Control

The key to taking back control of your life is to stop blaming someone or something from causing your current negative emotional state.

If you want control of your life, you need to assert control and the only way to do that is to accept full responsibility for things being as they are.

Stop Blaming

Take Full Responsibility

You must find a way to stop blaming and start taking full responsibility.

A common method of taking responsibility is to accept the fact that your life is a journey, a path you travel which will have many experiences, some good, some bad, all to experience a full range of emotional states and allowing you to gain knowledge and grow as a result of the myriad of experiences you have along the way.

I, on the other hand, enjoy taking it a step further, imagining myself in a far-off place high above the world where we live out our life’s journey. In this place, I selected my parents, the time and place of my birth, the circumstances surrounding my journey as well as the challenges and obstacles that I would face to maximize my experiences throughout the course of m life.

I imagine myself as if I were off-camera (so to speak) hooked up to advanced equipment, enjoying having all the experiences that I have while hooked up to this equipment.

From this perspective, I am much more likely to not take things personally. It’s as though all my life experiences are part of a film I am watching, though I am able to experience all the sensations of my character in this medium.

If this is too far out of a concept for you to wrap your head around, no problem; you need not go that far out in space.

Just find other ways to stop blaming and accept full responsibility for your life. Find ways to release the emotional pain by any ways or means possible and retain the learning from all life events.

Everything Has Led to This Moment

What if everything… Everything that has happened in your life, every moment, every accident, and every misstep, wrong turn or mistake… Was precisely and perfectly coordinated and executed in your life at just the time… to bring you to this time and place, right now?

The you that you are, everything. Every lesson you’ve learned, every heartache you’ve felt, every injustice you’ve suffered, every time you felt you were unworthy, self-conscious or doubted you were the person you were called to be, even when you felt like everything was going wrong. All of it, each and every minutest detail orchestrated to create in you all the skill, excellence, sensitive heart filled with compassion, courage, and strength… All alive, fully activated and ready to empower you to emerge triumphant.

This Is You Right Now

There is no doubt about it.

You have lived the most amazing life, have faced and battled your own inner demons, successfully traversed your personal obstacle course, you have looked adversity straight in the eye and not only survived but are so much better for having experienced the process.

You are discovering and exercising your unique skills and abilities, your otherwise hidden superpowers and are perfectly positioned to extract the sweet juices in every moment of this life as you help to make the world a better place.

Although you are recognizable on the outside and people think you’re the same person they have always known, you know you have been completely transformed and are barely resemble the you of yesterday (and this metamorphosis may have occurred to you more than once to get you to where you are today).

You may look like the same person but you are not… awakening, you realize your transformation now and are understanding how everything is connected and perfect.

You are ready to embark on the most important part of your life’s journey to date.

Fear

Of course, fear and doubt will begin to overtake you. As those old thought patterns start to emerge, you must push them away, brush them aside as you thank them for trying to protect you but you must remain true to your cause.

Thoughts of inadequacy; yes, you acknowledge your strengths and abilities but feel as though you may not be skilled enough yet… “Maybe I should wait and study or practice more before I engage.”

Really?

Do you think you have come all this way not to take action?

Stop second-guessing yourself.

One look over your life, the life you have lived up to this moment in time, and the whole universe concurs,

Your Time is Now

This is the time, this is the place

It all comes to this

You Are the Hero

There are people who are waiting for that heroic part of you to emerge. They are not in need of saving, but they do need to hear your perspective and your story. They are feeling all alone and as if no one could understand what they are going through, and you know better than anyone because you’ve been there. You know there is life on the other side, they need to hear your song in your voice to give them the hope they need to make it one more day.

You are the hero of your story

The world needs you now more than ever

Do something – anything – to move you closer

to engaging full-on.

Take action today.

Shiny Objects Everywhere

Ever get distracted by shiny objects? Those things that are newer, better things or processes that garner your attention with their sheer brilliance, clever packaging, advertising or have the possibility of garnering the support and love from your family and/or peers are indeed so shiny.

They immediately distract you and pull on strings deep inside you and you imagine how magnificent it would be, “if I only had” that, or one of those, then my life (family, or business) would be complete.

Only, more often than not, the shiny object does not meet your expectations of fulfillment following obtaining the thing you sincerely desired and believed it would help you to achieve the sought after feeling. So, the search is on for the next thing.

This not only applies to products, but relationships, education, programs, services, technology, social networks, investment and business opportunities. You can find shiny objects in any segment of your life and in most cases, the shiny object is a distraction, interrupting your otherwise focused progress in your life.

Because, let’s face it, even if you have the best (insert anything) once you get used to it, you start looking for something else a bit shinier.

It’s never more apparent in our society in relationships which have become somewhat disposable due to the social impact of the acceptance of the idea of disposing of something old (or has lost its sheen) and replacing it with something new is actually a good thing. Certainly, it makes sense from a profit standpoint, because in most circumstances transitioning in relationships creates additional cash-flow supporting our economy.

As it occurs to you, you might think, “Oh, so it’s a profit deal.”
Pretty much, that’s the truth. We owe a debt to the economy for encourage the deterioration of the family unit as well as other relationships, personal and in business.

And if you think it’s easy to abandon a relationship when it gets boring as you seek an alternative, think about how much more difficult it is to stay focused on a particular business interest, especially if you’re starting from ground zero.

That’s why most new businesses fail in the first one-to-three years. Two-thirds of the entrepreneurs throw in the towel and never try again, because the whole affair was a bust, leading to a lack of self-confidence, as they find safety and security restrained to their more convenient everyday life, yet always wondering, “What if…” things had gone differently?

Then there’s the other third of the former business owners who are endlessly in pursuit of the next new thing. They are often distracted by shiny objects in business opportunities, programs or systems, even prior to successfully completing the projects at hand. We call them serial entrepreneurs.

On and on it goes for them, one thing after another, never finishing one thing and they’re off to the next. Although this is an inefficient method of business building, unfortunately one percent of serial entrepreneurs breaks through (even if accidentally) and makes a fortune.

This success story spreads through the serial entrepreneurial community quickly, encouraging the remaining seekers to increase their shiny object pursuits even more. The energy created from the success of the one percent that it even attracts otherwise healthy business owners (as well as people who have never even thought of starting a business) to start looking for shiny objects too.

A shiny object can be a tool, or a destructive distraction.

Think about taking a little extra time and thought prior to jumping ship, or investing in your next shiny object and ask yourself,

“Does this support my highest and best?”

If you have a clear set of defined goals, you can use this list to quickly qualify any shiny object.

Will it be a tool?

Will it be a destructive distraction?

Stay on track and don’t count yourself as one of the accidental one percent, instead purposefully honor your purpose and mission, so that when you’ve become a member of the one percent, you know you can rest assured, it was no accident and your success is honorable and well deserved.

I Was Wrong

If you are the kind or person who is constantly blazing a new trail throughout your life’s journey, you’re likely to experience missteps when burrowing through uncharted territory; and this is a good thing.

Onlookers, casual spectators, doubters, critics and haters are watching every step you make and are likely to point out that you’re wrong to wander off the beaten path. It’s as if in the event that you suffer any damages that you deserve it because you’re not doing it right or as though something is wrong with you. The nay sayers may try to demean you, disrespect, try to discredit you or make fun of you. Their expectation is that you turn away from your cavalier exploration and return to the herd in an effort to save yourself from embarrassment, death or worse…

The truth of the matter is the haters and hecklers are not bad people, it’s just that they are incredibly frightened you might succeed and any mistake that you might make along the way, justifies their lack of taking a more proactive approach to their life. The more they exploit your mistakes, the better they feel about their own mediocrity, for at the very least, they are somewhat safe and no one is challenging their decision to remain in the life they’ve become comfortably accustomed to.

I applaud you for being one of the few of us who choose to take the road less traveled. It’s not so much that we develop a skin thick enough not to react to attacks by folks who are uncomfortable with our personal growth and progress it’s just that we wouldn’t let someone’s words throw us off track. At least they’re not using sticks and stones.

The best way to quickly recover and get back is to acknowledge you could have done better and get back to your work. If your accusers appear to have an attitude of genuine concern or reside within your inner circle of influence a little humility goes a long way. Humbly admitting

I Screwed Up

Will help people feel more empathetic to your cause if you are simply expressing your flawed humanity. No one can begrudge you for seeing us all as basically the same, all doing the best we can with what we have, even if some of us do it differently than others. On the other hand, if they are just hateful or disrespectful, you do not have to acknowledge their accusations at all.

Listen to Feedback

Occasionally, unsuspecting spectators can offer input or observations you were unable to see while entangled in the work that lead to your misstep. So, it’s good to lend an ear to those who have been watching from afar in case they may have insight that may prove to be helpful once you regain your balance and continue to re-engage your process. And you may be surprised to find helpful insight coming from hateful attackers (though it is unnecessary to acknowledge them, if it is your policy not to respond to people who are unkind), just file away the learning. In fact, for folks like us, there is no failure, only learning.

Learning from Mistakes

The most important component is that you extract all the knowledge obtained via your process of trial and error. The results give you a unique perspective which cannot be duplicated by the armchair observers as you move forward while taking responsibility for your actions.

You can spend years in college learning about all the best characteristics and techniques filling your head with practical concepts and knowledge, but the men and women on the front lines with their feet on the street actually doing the work and creatively approaching challenges as they appear on-the-fly and dealing with real-life circumstances which won’t show up in textbooks for years, they are the real heroes.

These are the innovators, not the imitators. They are setting themselves apart from the masses. To them it is better to create something from scratch, to bring value to the community for the greater good, even to aspire to make the world a better place, not just for themselves, but for the world at large for generations to come.

I am not condemning those who have opted to follow the path of academia. I applaud them for their efforts and discipline and find they make important team members. They bring skills and perspectives to the table that expands far beyond entrepreneurial street smarts, and they may well be innovators as well (and if they hang out with me for long, will find themselves spending more and more time looking outside the box, too).

Thanks for taking the high road.

We’re all on this journey together, yet independently.

-Carpe DM