When we were very young, we were programmed using two very basic words, which follow us and shape the concepts and parameters of our thinking into black and white. These initial words following our first utterance of “momma” and/or “dada” are “Yes” and “No.”
You will notice that even today, these words still pack significant emotional impact. Take a look inside and feel the difference between the sounds of those words and the emotion that stirs up when you hear the words.
See what I mean?
When you were young, the word “No,” was crippling. When you heard it, you became aware that everything you had hoped for, dreamed of, or were in the process of enjoying immensely was coming to an abrupt end and you felt and the very least disappointed, possibly powerlessly rejected and crushed, as your whole world (which was very small in those early years) crashed into a million pieces.
As parents, we have the best intentions. When our child asks for candy or to spend the night with a friend, we simply reply with the negative directive, “No,” and we’re done with it, not realizing the psychological impact we’re having on that little person. The child is devastated, even though we have help the best interest of the child as paramount in our “no” pronouncement, because too much sugar is not good for the child, some restriction is necessary, and a sleepover on a school night is prudent.
We justify this is the way we were trained, and consider that we didn’t turn out so bad and resign ourselves to believe this is just the way it is and leave it at that.
That was then. Now, you are a grown adult and still when you hear the word, “No,” you feel rejected or smitten. It could be any number of possible scenarios, such as being told, “No” response to a job that you wanted, a loan that you applied for, or request for time off to attend a special event and suddenly, your spirit is broken.
On the other hand, a “Yes,” makes us feel empowered, and sometimes we take “yes” for granted, just because this is our preferred emotional state, and we’re caught off-balance when surprised by the unexpected “no.”
But what if the No was actually a secret Yes?
Sacred No Secret Yes
If you’re like me, you can look back at most (if not all) of the No’s you’ve ever received and something better was waiting in the wings, just beyond your awareness. Maybe the job ended up not being what you thought it was, the rate of the loan would drop, the item you wanted to purchase would have left you disappointed later, or a better special event would come up for you that you may have missed had you attended the other one.
You might be reluctant to use the word, “no,” in your life, because of your feelings associated with the use of the word. But using a sacred “no,” as a secret “Yes,” can make all the difference. If someone asks you to do something that doesn’t resonate with you, you might go along with it, just because you don’t want someone else to feel bad, out of a sense of obligation, or any variety of other reasons you might deny yourself.
Yet, if you search your inner feelings, you would be more comfortable, content, even happier if you said “no” and participated in something else. Maybe the next time, you can use the word “No” as a secret yes. Saying no is a definite yes to you if you’d rather do something else, but a secret yes to the person you’re saying no to, because something better (than you) will open up for them.
In the event you have no better plans, your inner gut feeling is telling you, something better awaits, so embrace the secret yes by exercising your sacred no for yourself.