Missing People and Faked Deaths

With 80-90,000 who are missing every year in America, it makes you wonder where they go? In the third dimension, which most of us live in, we know it’s highly unlikely that a human being might actually vanish into thin air, as the numbers increase for missing people and faked deaths.

Conspiracy theorists have a heyday with speculating where the bodies of these people end up, but the fact remains that for the most part the world as we know it is a closed system, and most, if not all of us, are made of matter.

Then there are the devious people, or psychopaths, who occasionally fake their deaths in an attempt to escape taking responsibility for their evil deeds. Oh, they may be able to vanish into the fabric of America, but eventually, even the best of them turn up every once and a while.

They can’t help themselves. With all the agreements to honor the new people in their new lives, and their own oaths to themselves to keep their previous identity a secret (after all, this time, they’re dead, right?) they still front themselves off to the amazement of all the onlookers.

And when they do, all the co-conspirators who participated in the fake death and/or coverup are left to look like fools and idiots.

Is it illegal to fake your own death?

No, it is not. But it is likely that you and those who assist you in the staging of your faked death can commit crimes in the act of the faking of your death, the process of the cover-up, and/or any fraud or crimes that are committed following the death announcement.

Some of these faux dead people are so clever they accommodate their transition from one identity to another accompanied by a convincing death certificate, and even a body (which can be cremated expediently). LOL.

Mentally ill individuals will disappear from one life, possibly even leaving behind a body decomposed enough to throw off any suspicions only to reappear many years later in Florida, having lived a completely new life, while others disappear and reappear as easily as Invisible Dick.

Other criminals and con men continue to commit all kinds of crimes across the United States from Florida, California, Texas, and Nevada long after they’ve been declared or appear to be dead.

Some of these people who stage their own deaths conjure up a body, while others simply vanish without a trace leaving behind family and loved ones who petition for the coveted certificate of death to offer some form of closure to the disappearance of their loved one or to aid and assist in the person’s disappearance.

Others appear to disappear due to some traumatic event or brain injury where they actually have a break with their former selves and following a bout of amnesia develop a new life based on their being unaware or cognizant of any former life, only to be discovered years after living a new life under their new identity for years.

Though many of these individuals do remain undiscovered for many years, they do finally turn up and the mysteries of their disappearance or faked deaths are revealed.

In this present day, even with the best efforts to hide your IP address, you leave behind a digital footprint wherever you go, and this has led to the unraveling of many a clever psychopath who would have rather remained “dead.”

So, in some cases, “Dead is dead,” is not the case at all.

Nonetheless, in most cases, the truth is revealed.

Just the Same Only Different

Different people do things for different reasons. Sometimes they do the same things for very different reasons, so we (especially those in the help professions) have to be careful about stating anything affirmatively as being true 100% of the time because the truth of the matter is that nothing is true 100% of the time (or at least, very little).

One person might do something or display a certain characteristic, while another might do exactly the same thing only for very different reasons. Just the same, only different.

One person might hang up the phone in the middle of a heated conversation defensively because they are fearful that they might say something in their defense which might hurt the other person’s feelings, make matters worse, or utter something they think they might regret later. Another person might hang up the phone in the middle of a heated conversation as an act of aggression, purposefully with the intent of making the other person enraged. Just the same, only different.

In Star Wars Episode 8, Luke Skywalker and Ben Solo tell the same story very differently. Each one from their own perspective, each one being truthful based on their own experience and understanding. Just the same, only different.

For instance, I spend a little of my time helping victims of psychopaths because I know what they’re going through. Even though this type of work does not resonate well with the rest of my work, I do a little of it out of reverence for my own experience and my empathy for others having to deal with this kind of tragedy.

So, I have put out a book, put up a website, and created a video in an attempt to help these people as much as I can. One of the ways I try to help victims of psychopaths and potential victims is by trying to help them to detect a potential psychopath early on, so I list six characteristics that can help someone identify a potential psychopath quickly and easily in a brief 10-minute video in an attempt to help as many people as I can as quickly as possible, without making it so complicated.

Of course, this is in no way an official diagnosis which would take a professional a great deal of time and study reviewing over 100 characteristics and behavioral expressions. It is what it is, a simple tool that is quick and easy to use.

As you know, if you put yourself out there to do anything good, haters will come out in droves to try to knock you down. Based on that 10-minute video, I have been attacked and ridiculed, but I don’t take it personal, nor do I take it too seriously. I am also more resilient and am for the most part unmoved by their attempts to hurt my feelings, so I am grateful to be their target, which might defer their inclination to attack someone else who might be devastated by such a virtual assault.

Thankfully, I get praised both by victims and potential victims for having the intention to help and put the information out there for them to find, far more frequently than I get put down by people who are just doing the best they can with what they have, as am I.

If I say (as I do in this brief video) that psychopaths are charismatic, it does not imply that anyone who is charismatic is a psychopath, nor does it imply that all psychopaths are charismatic, to assume so would be at the very least unwise.

No matter what human characteristic or action you are reviewing from your perspective, you cannot know what is, or was, actually going on at the time because you can never truly know what is going on inside another person’s head. It is just not possible. Even if the person in question desperately wants you to know what it was like to be him or her in that moment in time, no matter how they try to convey the totality of this information to you, you cannot really know.

Each one of us is very different, and there are personality traits that in general seem to accumulate around certain types of people but these are only generalizations, and they are not 100% accurate in all people at all times. These are only general observations over time, tracked and cataloged by people who are doing the best they can to help others.

People who help other people as part of their work, ministry, or in the answering of their calling, use these categorization techniques to try to ascertain how best to help someone in an analytical approach to whatever is challenging them at the particular time, without having to invest hours trying to uncover the complex backstory of a potential client or patient.

“I killed a man.”

This is a powerful statement, which at first blush evokes an emotional response and might have you thinking about the death penalty, an eye for an eye, or some other such notion. Nonetheless, many people might find themselves in a particular situation where such an act might be prudent, part of your job description, or even financed by a municipal, federal or other government agency.

Depending on not only the facts and circumstances surrounding the killing, but what was going on in the mind of the person who committed the act at the time, and ever since, can be very different than you might be able to conceive of from your perspective.

Of course, actions which we make, based on decisions that we make, in every step that we take of our life’s journey need not be tragic or life-changing and can range from littering or parking in a handicapped parking spot to cheating on a test or speeding on the interstate, all for reasons you and I could not possibly know unless you or I are the transgressor.

Still, if you witness such an act from your own perspective, it’s easy to jump to conclusions, make assumptions, or judge someone for doing something that you might feel would be against your own personal knowledge, convictions, or morals.

Like on Facebook, one person might want to post on their relationship status, “In a relationship,” because they’re engaged to be married, while the other partner has nothing on their relationship status because… well, who knows. And what difference does it make?

There’s no need to get yourself all worked up over someone else’s life. They (just like you and I) are just trying to do the best they can with what they have. It doesn’t make them a psychopath, sociopath, obsessive-compulsive megalomaniac with narcissistic tendencies or any other conclusion that you might jump to, it just doesn’t really matter, unless you are being attacked personally, then… maybe… some other steps might need to be taken.

But, if it’s just in the fantasy world of social media, try to take it for what it is. What you see there does not define you, nor anyone else. Just have fun with it and try not to let yourself get out of sorts over it.

Don’t let it get to you.

If someone says something crazy about you on the Internet, don’t pay it any attention. It’s not for real. If there is no foundation for it, do not dignify someone’s rant or attack with a response, even if it’s brought up to you in a real-life situation by an uninterested third-party.

Keep this in mind: If you don’t want to be judged, refrain from judging others.

It’s okay. There is much love here for you.

 

Psychopath, Sociopath or Narcissist

We all get excited about putting labels on people, especially when we’re trying to figure out why people have a tendency to hurt our feelings or act in ways that we think might be very different from the rest of us. This is a constant moving target for mental health professionals, armchair psychologists and victims of all kinds.

There is no definitive distinction about psychopaths, sociopaths, or narcissists, which everyone can agree on, so we all do the best we can with what we have. In fact, in the professional sector, they have abandoned these labels altogether in favor of adopting a wide spectrum appropriately labeled Anti-Social Personality Disorder, or ASPD. This seems to be a better way to describe the folks who don’t get along or play well with others.

People tend to get these three labels mixed up and use them interchangeably, and I am often asked what the difference is between them.

There seems to be a bit of confusion about psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists as I get asked about the differences between them and how difficult it is to tell them apart. So, I will take a shot at it, advising that this is how it goes in my ministry, it does not apply to anyone else’s practice (because to get a professional group of educated people to agree on anything is difficult, if not impossible, to do).

What makes it confusing is that psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists share some common characteristics. For the most part these people are attractive to us as we are drawn to their charm and attracted to their perceived friendliness, while they also maintain an inflated sense of ego. They also seem to possess a lack of empathy, which is counter-cultural (anti-social) and gives them the inability to connect with others in an authentically compassionate manner.

Psychopath

Psychopaths are charming, are daring, tend to take on risks that would normally intimidate others, are bold, fearless and have an extremely high degree of self-confidence. They are intelligent, are able to process large volumes of data and may have achieved high levels of education, and if not, can easily appear as though they are highly educated.

Psychopaths anti-social and have a limited worldview, as it’s hard to imagine anything more important than themselves, fail to possess the ability to maintain an authentic connection to other people, and are more focused on who can serve them or what can make them feel exhilarated. They are also prone to anger-fueled emotional outbursts.

In the employment or public service sectors, they are high achievers, are able to quickly move up the corporate ladder, and when they shine, we admire their devil may care attitude as they demonstrate their ability to tackle impossible challenges and come out on top of the heap (even though the heap may include devastation and dead bodies).

All the while, we admire them and can even be jealous of their ability to divide and conquer without the emotional filters the rest of us have, and they are friendly. We are attracted to their charm, often unaware they are not normal and are only manipulating us, as they play us like their private orchestra.

While they are adept at masquerading as being just like us in every way, this is all an act to control us and influence us in such a way as to be compelled to support them in any way we can, and they will use any methods to appeal to and manipulate our feelings to motivate us to do so.

While using the ability to interact with social media to attract support or lure potential victims, the psychopath will post photos of themselves, but their photos are less likely to be pre-meditated, precisely posed and appear to be more candid. They are not necessarily as obsessed about how they appear in their photos, as long as they’re not too bad. And their online vocabulary is likely to include foul language or words that would be thought of as negative or angry.

On the wrong side of the law, prosecuting attorneys tend to refer to these people as “evil” as they try to unmask them in front of juries who are shocked to find that such a good person could be so different when compared to their public persona.

Sociopath

Like psychopaths, sociopaths have little or no empathy, though are not as ruthless as psychopaths. They can be just as manipulative, but are more considerate of others, but will turn on you in a heartbeat, if it will get them what they want. In this way, they are stealthier and less likely to be identified early on.

They are more spontaneous and fun-loving and find it easy to blend in to a crowd, or belong to a group or movement.

While sociopaths are also quite friendly, their friends are for the most part not long-term (though they could have a very small number of long-term relationships), due to their inability to maintain the reciprocity necessary to continue a friendship for any length of time. They usually make friends with those who can support them in some way, then forget about you when you are no longer needed, or they’ve found some other way to satisfy whatever it was that you were providing them.

They are intelligent but not prone to enduring the long commitments necessary to complete higher levels of education and are likely to find other way to meet their needs.

Sociopaths may be as ruthless as psychopaths but often the underlying motivation is quite different. While a psychopath is motivated by fearless dominance, the sociopath may take unrealistic risks or measures that can negatively affect their peers for their fear of loss, thusly imposing their dominance as an act of perceived self-perseverance.

Sociopaths are less likely to actively engage in social media, due to their anti-social tendencies, though they may use is sporadically, tolerating social media exposure long enough to accomplish a specific goal or task, otherwise, they don’t see much need in it, unless it serves a particular purpose for them.

Carelessness may cause the sociopath to appear before a judge and jury.

A sociopath can be described as a person who remains nervous and is vulnerable to getting irritated very easily. These people are anti-social and often are uneducated, living on the edges of society. They can be called abstainers who are perceived as disturbed people by others. A crime by these people will often be instant and unplanned.

Narcissist

The narcissist is quite different from the psychopath and sociopath, but do share some similar characteristics.  There is no doubt the narcissist is extremely selfish and may have the inability to have compassion for anyone else. The narcissist is the center of their universe which revolves around them, so to them, little else really matters.

Narcissists are unable to understand or perceive anyone else’s point of view, staying true to their own ideals, with having little regard for any other individuals. They are unable to be empathetic and are quite adept at manipulating of others.

They are easily categorized as being vain (check out the old Carly Simon song, You’re So Vain. Pretty much sums it up) they can’t help but check themselves out in a mirror or look at their reflection in a shop window, or post a lot of selfies on social media.

Narcissists are attracted to social media to express their tendencies to be an exhibitionistic, to attract the attention of others, and to promote their own agendas, or just to show off. The need the admiration of others to support their grandiose image of themselves, and are found very active on Facebook, amidst a sea of likes, posts, shares, profile updates, and followers. Since their face-to-face connections are superficial as it may be hard to get a word in edgewise, and they are likely to interrupt you when you’re trying to express yourself, they can express themselves continually on Facebook and Twitter without having to tolerate the interruption of others.

Mental health experts agree that a narcissist is easily identifiable by the frequency and type of photos or selfies they post on their Facebook profile. Their photos are less candid, always portray their best side, are often carefully posed or exposed and are likely to feature above average attire and expensive accessories. And on Twitter, they’re more likely to tweet about themselves or from their perspective using first person personal pronouns, such as “I” and “me” or the plural “we” or “us.” Photos are also likely to document their whereabouts, especially prone to posting “look at me,” (without actually using the words) when out and about or out on the (or out of) town.

Seeing themselves as superior to other people, narcissists may be more likely to judge others and see anyone else as lesser people, unworthy of their self-perceived higher social status. While they think their friends and followers are adoring their posts and tweets, in reality their viewers are more likely to be rolling their eyes in silent disapproval of the narcissistic selfish displays, and may even unfollow them at some point. No problem for the narcissist, they are certain there and hundreds (if not millions) of other people waiting in line to get a look at their latest post and these followers are certainly far more deserving.

Psychopath Sociopath Narcissist
Charismatic Confident Extremely self-centered
Confident Friendly and polite Seek admiration
Fearless risk takers Can blend in Less likely to care about others
Intelligent Less highly educated Prone to obssess in social media
Masters of disguise More likely to break the law Post a lot of updates and selfies
Dangerous (less likely to get caught) Most likely not dangerous

 

Psychopath or Narcissist?

There seems to be a bit of confusion among all peoples, professionals and laypersons, about how to correctly label a psychopath, sociopath, narcissist or any of the other personality types clustered among the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum.

In my work with victims of predators who clearly vibrate within the ASPD spectrum, we all get attacked by peers and predators who strongly disapprove or using any list of characteristics or labels whatsoever to identify a psychopath, sociopath, or narcissist. It is even more confusing when even the psychiatrists, psychologists and criminologists cannot agree on a particular diagnosis.

The problem? We’re talking about people. Regardless of their predatory tendencies, these warped individuals are people – just like the rest of us – who are each just as unique as the rest of us. In my work, I generally refer to these individuals with a basic set of extreme anti-social characteristics as “psychopaths,” because that was the clinical diagnosis of the individual who introduced me to the nature of these individuals. Prior to encountering this psychopath, I didn’t believe they existed.

Since then, no one can seem to agree on an effective means to qualify these people (if only there were a blood test or some other quantitative way to correctly diagnose where an individual is on the ASPD spectrum). Interestingly enough, every “expert” has their own method of diagnosis they are confident works well (or well enough).

As far as the differences between psychopaths and narcissists, most can agree on the following differences.

Psychopath or Narcissist?

As opposed to most narcissists, psychopaths are either unable or unwilling to control their impulses or to delay gratification. They use their rage to control people and manipulate them into submission.

Psychopaths, like narcissists, lack empathy but many of them are also sadistic: they take pleasure in inflicting pain on their victims or in deceiving them. They even find it funny!

Psychopaths are far less able to form interpersonal relationships, even the twisted and tragic relationships that are the staple of the narcissist.

Both the psychopath and the narcissist disregard society, its conventions, social cues and social treaties. But the psychopath carries this disdain to the extreme and is likely to be a scheming, calculated, ruthless, and callous career criminal. Psychopaths are deliberately and gleefully evil while narcissists are absent-mindedly and incidentally evil.

As Millon, in Personality Disorders in Modern Life notes, certain narcissists “incorporate moral values into their exaggerated sense of superiority. Here, moral laxity is seen (by the narcissist) as evidence of inferiority, and it is those who are unable to remain morally pure who are looked upon with contempt.”

Narcissists may not be considered evil, like psychopaths, and may lack the intention to cause harm. Narcissists are more likely to be indifferent, callous and careless in their conduct, which overflows into the way they interact with others. Their abusive behavior is primarily not considered to be as intentional or deliberate a psychopath’s.

Psychopaths really do not need other people while narcissists are addicted to narcissistic supply (the admiration, attention, and envy of others).

“When the egocentricity, lack of empathy, and sense of superiority of the narcissist cross-fertilize with the impulsivity, deceitfulness, and criminal tendencies of the antisocial, the result is a psychopath, an individual who seeks the gratification of selfish impulses through any means without empathy or remorse.” ~ Millon, Th., Davis, R. – Personality Disorders in Modern Life – John Wiley and Sons, 2000.

See also: Psychopath, Sociopath or Narcissist

Victims of Psychopathic Relationships

Psychopath Victims helps and supports those who have suffered abuse of psychopaths, sociopaths or other predators on the Anti Social Personality Disorder (ASPD) spectrum. Suffering at the hands of a psychopath can have devastating results. At the very least, they can drain all of your energy, leaving you broken and alone and they may have drained all of your financial resources, leaving you broke and alone.

If you think you might be suffering at the hands of a psychopath, it might be a good idea to know how to identify whether the person responsible for your suffering is a psychopath. So, how can you identify a psychopath?

is he or she a psychopath sociopath victims help

Here are some signs that you might be dealing with a psychopath:

  1. Psychopaths are charismatic and are able to attract supporters easily. They are wonderful speakers who are able to engage their audience who can easily engage the emotions and attention of those fortunate enough to be in their presence. They exaggerate stories skewing the truth for their self-serving benefit, and will go as far as to lie and place themselves in someone else’s story and claiming it is their own.
  2. Psychopaths are intellectual. They have a gift of having incredibly sharp wit and intelligence enabling them to masquerade as highly-educated, bob and weave in live situations. This also      makes them excellent con artists able to conceive, plan and execute elaborate schemes, while (mostly) staying one step ahead of the authorities.
  3. Psychopaths are devoid of feelings. They do not grieve, are in capable of feeling guilt, shame or remorse, empowering them to easily victimize anyone. They will enthusiastically engage in      anything that bolsters their position at someone else’s expense. They do not love. They are incapable of giving or receiving love, but terribly acute at acting as though they are in the throes of love, if it will help them achieve a desired result. They are great actors/performers with no      real feelings whatsoever.
  4. Psychopaths are impulsive, often acting or speaking without thinking through potential consequences of their words or actions, and are more likely to take risks, being free of repercussion, since they see themselves as above the law or the constraints of the social norm.
  5. Psychopaths never lose. They will dominate anyone who gets in their way, will vehemently defend their position, often by telling lies and spinning wild tales in an effort to discredit      naysayers.
  6. Psychopaths are never wrong. They never apologize; do not feel remorse for hurting others and are incapable of feeling guilt. If asked to apologize, will often strike out and attack their victim, rather than admit they may have made a mistake or misstep.
  7. Psychopaths believe their own press. Once they have said something, it becomes gospel in their mind; so much so, that they can often believe their own bold-faced lies, even to the point of      being able to pass a lie detector test. They keep a long list of secrets, and are not forthcoming about intimate details of their past, unless they are fictitious.

In most all cases, the victims invariably ask, “Why me?” This is often followed by feelings of self-doubt, taking responsibility for the loss to the extent of blaming themselves and even self-ridicule.

The truth is, it is not your responsibility, any more than it may have been your responsibility for being hit by a drunk driver; except in this case the drunk driver did carefully seek you out and ran over you on purpose!

If your currently in a relationship with a psychopath (either professional or personal) you might ask, “Why not have the psychopath seek treatment?” You might think that your psychopath is not truly a psychopath, but simply displaying the symptoms of psychopathic behavior due to some life circumstance.

You are an authentic human being and you would not purposely do something to harm or defraud another person, so why would this person of whom you are quite fond of – and may even love – act out in such a nefarious fashion? Surely he (or she) would not treat someone who cares about them so much this way unless there was some deep-seated issues that caused them to act-out like this…

Certainly, normal people may temporarily act in a manner similar to that of a psychopath if under some extreme type of stress, but for the psychopath it is a life-long condition and there is no successful form of treatment for their psychological disposition.

That is why specific coaches and counselors specialize in reaching out to and supporting victims of psychopaths. This is a special calling. Victims of psychopaths have a wide range of pain, needs, resources and options. The range of techniques and tools available vary significantly based on each individual circumstance.

The needs of the victim whose relationship has been forever severed are completely different from the needs of someone who must navigate an ongoing relationship with a psychopath.

Click Here for tips on How to Deal With a Psychopath

 

Haters Gonna Hate

Whenever you reach out to do good in the world, expect a backlash from ignorant people who just don’t get it. Not only do they not get it, but they have declared war against you and everything that you stand for, and they will stop at nothing (while hiding behind the Internet) to try to embarrass, defame and humiliate you via the World Wide Web.

haters gonna hate cyber bullying sadistic internet trolls

The first thing to remember is that these people are not innately evil in any way. For the most part, they are lonely and pathetic people with little to live for, who have likely been abused or otherwise victimized in their pasts. Lashing out to authentic, heart-centered people promoting a better life are easy prey, and belittling them, in some way makes them feel a little better (or a little less bad).

So, try not to take the cyberbullying personal, when you’ve shared something intimately from your heart, then get viciously attacked by an Internet troll (hater) who does his best to hurt your feelings and break your spirit.

How to Deal with Haters

So, what to do when you’re attacked via social media?

The best course of action is nothing. That’s right, just ignoring it is the best course of action when dealing with haters. Do not respond or try to defend yourself because that just adds fuel to the fire. Just accept it for what it is. A victimized person, who is hurting inside, who can think of nothing better to cope with their pain than to victimize someone else, and using a somewhat anonymous vehicle, like the Internet, is a perfect way for them to strike out, without much risk.

Then there are the people who care about you and know that your inattentions were pure and resonate with your point of view. Your supporters might rally against the cyberbullying, in an attempt to vindicate your good name.

It Could Be Worse

I know, I thought the same thing. A few years ago, when I was viciously attacked via social media online by a psychopath rallying sadistic Internet trolls to join in slinging hate and discord about me, some other social media users were influenced to join in on attacking me, because I had been targeted as an evil person.

Immediately, my friends began to defend me and respond to the insensitive posting of the haters. Even though my energy was greatly depleted (the attacks ensued due to the loss of my son in Afghanistan) I tried to quickly respond (privately if I could) to beg them not to respond, because just as I had expected the controversy began to turn into a full-on battle.

As people stopped defending me, the Internet trolls and cyberbullies went away looking for other prey to post inflammatory comments about, for there is no satisfaction for them in attacking someone who will not result in someone expressing their being hurt, upset or becoming argumentative. This left the psychopath to remain alone as the only person left standing who continued to try to defame me.

Apologies and support started to come my way, after a while, from people who had been misled by the psychopath and his temporary herd of minions, after they had discovered the truth of the matter and realizing that they had been duped.

Follow Your Heart

Speak your peace, share your heart and let nothing dissuade you from sharing your innermost desires for goodness, love, and hope for a better, brighter world.

Do not defend, or strike back, just let it go, let it be and it will fade away or find somewhere else to go. No need to judge, criticize or poke fun at the haters, because their situation is probably worse than you can imagine.

Just be aware that there are people out there who are hurting, and while it’s true that “Haters are gonna hate,” realize they, too, are doing the best they can with what they have.

Your true friends and followers will respect your integrity by seeing you continue to smile and wave through the positive responses and the bad.

Let it go, don’t let it get to you… Keep singing your song.