What If Nobody Could Hurt You?

What if nobody could ever hurt you, ever again?

If you’ve ever been in a knock down drag out fight you know what it feels like to be hit by someone. Adrenaline and other hormones cascade overwhelming your state of being as you as immediately find yourself in fight or flight. Being part of a brutal smackdown is no fun and the trauma, pain, and suffering that comes from the physical abuse can endure and cause even more suffering as you try to heal from the event over time.

How curious is it when we are similarly affected by the spoken words of someone?

When you feel as though someone has disrespected, insulted, ignored, judged, or rejected you, BAM! Just as though you’d been kicked in the guts, all the pain, emotional and physical with all the feelings and hormone overload.

When this happens to you, those words, which cut like a knife, were likely spoken by someone you love, trust, or highly regard. They could be your partner, a family member, a child, a neighbor, someone you work with or for. Because you are more connected to these people than others in your life, their words cut the deepest, can crush you, and leave your heart bleeding in pain and sorrow.

Those you care about the most hurt you the most

The concept, “those you care about the most hurt you the most” rings true.

Interestingly enough, this concept was programmed into your psyche since the day you were born. Based on your life experience, you learned to love and depend on others. Early on, you realized that if you disappointed the people you loved and trusted to take care of you, they would turn on you, leaving you in a state of fear and suffering.

That’s where it starts, and it grows as you trust and are betrayed by those who you love and care for along the way, when all you really wanted was to be accepted, respected, and loved for no other reason than you love others. Family, friends, lovers, fellow students, teachers, and others in your circle of influence. Why can’t they just love you back?

We have been programmed to value the opinion of others so highly that the slightest threat of potentially not being highly regarded by someone we care about can threaten our very sense of existence. Our feelings are hurt. We can either strike back and start an all-out war of words (or worse), and if we’re unable to strike back (for fear of being hurt even worse), we find someone else who we are stronger than to strike out at to release the angst inside. Or we can find ourselves sinking to the depths of depression, even contemplating suicide as a way out of the pain.

You were socially programmed to want what others want, to desire to do the things that others do with them as a part of the crowd. Giving you a sense of belonging, in the belief there is safety and security by being accepted by others, for to be alone would be potentially dangerous, or too much to bear.

This social programming has been a disservice to your highest and best because you were meant for so much more than just being just another sheep in the herd.

Blessed are those who were raised in an empowered sense of individuality and personal awareness. They possess the power of seeing themselves as separate, and in the best-case scenarios, also see themselves as part of the greater whole of community and humanity, though these days this represents a very small percentage of us.

To expect someone to know and appreciate you for all that you are sets you up for disappointment and failure, and your feelings will always be hurt because no one can ever know and appreciate you as much as you do.

Likewise, no matter how hard you try, you can’t fully “get” anyone else. So much goes on inside the heart and mind of everyone that you will never know. Just like when you are silent, your mind keeps working and think thoughts you might never convert to spoken word.

What’s the answer?

There is great personal power in realizing that what anyone thinks or says about you has nothing to do with you at all. It’s about them.

You know that you are always intentionally authentic, open, honest, and want the best for everyone in your life. You know you are always worthy of the best things in this life, and you would never do anything intentionally to hurt anyone you cared about. You don’t need anyone else’s validation of these things because you know them to be true. Your knowledge of and confidence in you is unshakeable.

From this vantage point, if someone barks something that might have hurt your feelings in the past, you can feel compassion for the person who felt like he or she had to react in such a say. And instead of being threatened or hurt by what they said or did, you can just look at them lost in their own life-struggle and think (or say, if appropriate), “That’s interesting.”

You know you can respond with love and compassion because you know that you were like that too.

You are emotionally resilient and bulletproof.

You are no longer a victim of anyone else’s disrespect or abuse.

You don’t have to defend yourself or strike back because they didn’t actually do or say anything that could hurt you. You can bless them because you know they are just doing the best they can with what they have.

 

Reclaim Your Power

Sometimes in life, you find yourself entertaining people in your inner circle who are disrespectful, sneaky, underhanded or toxic. Dealing with people like this can drain you of your precious energy. You already know that if you identify an energy loss, you should put forth the effort to take it back.

When your energy loss is due to people in your circle of influence, there are steps that you can take to preserve your energy and take your power back, if you have let someone usurp their energy drain over your desire to preserve your own energy to enable you to live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

Out of your own self-respect, without having to judge the person or people who are draining your energy, set boundaries to protect yourself. If someone keeps introducing drama into your life or dragging you into their emotional storms, draw the line there. Sure, if a friend is going through a tough time, you want to be compassionate and caring, but you must not allow them to drag you down, and steal your joy.

When you feel like someone is drawing you into their whirlpool of negative energy, excuse and remove yourself from the undertow and find a safe place to be. In real life, you might not be able to excuse yourself from your drama queen in the moment that you recognize you’re being swept away (for example, if you’re at work, etc.) then interrupt their state by asking them what he or she is going to do about it?

It’s likely that this question will catch them off-guard and interrupt the swell of negative energy. If the challenge is too much for them to handle, they are likely to change the subject, rather than accept the idea of concentrating on a solution. In this way, you can create space without having to remove yourself from the physical space. Changing the subject to a more positive one may be another way to distract them from their negative roll.

Take the high road when you find yourself in a negative entanglement with another person. I know, in the moment, you might fire off a negative comment or disrespectful accusation in defense of yourself. The more integrous response might be a kind, supportive, or understanding word, after a brief pause. Taking a few seconds (like the count of ten) to center yourself first, will give you a chance to have a thoughtful, heart-centered response, rather than an emotional defensive outburst.

If you find yourself focusing on a negative subject, stop it, and as soon are you’re able to refocus your attention on something joyful, or if the negativity is overwhelmingly pulling on your heart-strings, refocus your attention and intention on a solution to that which is causing you concern. You can use the negativity as fuel to relaunch your attention on a solution, the positive antithesis of the problem.

Let go of any expectation you might have about pleasing others. This is just too much burden for anyone to bear, and it will always leave you empty-handed by exerting your energy in trying to get any sense of feeling good about yourself by what others think or say about you.
The most powerful people in the world, are those who are tapped into their purpose, message, passion, and mission (PMPM) and focus their attention and energy within. People with less personal power are likely to focus outside of themselves seeking to blame anyone and anything for whatever it is they lack or don’t feel good about in their lives.

You, as a positive and powerful person, focus within. Everything that approaches you as a negative, makes you look at a positive, look for a different perspective, or seek a solution, while the negative person, just feels victimized by life.

If you care about someone who is stuck in a rut that is counter-productive to your energetic wellbeing, release them to follow their own path with your blessing. As much as you might care for someone, you cannot change them or fix the way they think or experience their life. It is not your responsibility, and you couldn’t do it if you wanted to. Only he or she can make the changes necessary to live a better life. Love them, but let them go.

Yes, they may find their own way to living a better life, and you can celebrate their victory with them, but this is something they can only do for themselves.

I know, you want to help other people, especially those of us who are in the help-industries. Let them do their own work. You cannot do it for them, nor would you ever be expected to. Empower them? Yes. Do it for them? No.

You realize that you are responsible for your own, health, wellness, love-filled life of joy and happiness.

Do not let others slow your roll.