Self Esteem Confidence Appreciation Love

Self-esteem

Self-esteem could be better referred to as your feeling of self-worth as a reflection from the mirror of your outer world, family, and/or society and it is conditional based upon external valuation.

Self-esteem is, “I like myself because I look a particular way.” Or, “I like myself because I do a good job at work,” or, “I like myself because I’m a nice person.”

If you are very critical of yourself, you could probably use some focused attention on raising your self-esteem.

Some personality types exude a false sense of self-esteem, which becomes apparent when they meet life’s challenges, allowing situational circumstances to cause their entire world to fall apart.

Low self-esteem represents a continuum that spans from mild to chronic and is usually marked by fear, unworthiness, reclusiveness, lack of motivation, fatigue, insomnia, assurance-seeking, including checking one’s phone often for some assurance that one’s life might have value. Chronic low self-esteem can lead to suicidal thoughts.

Self-confidence

Self-confident people base the value of themselves on their own valuation more so than on the opinion or seeking approval, of others. Self-confidence is the upgrade to self-esteem. You are competent and confident in yourself and your strengths, understand that you have shortcomings, but when life throws you a curveball, your self-esteem may slump in tune with the situation, but your self-confidence, though it may slip momentarily, will always return to your baseline of self-confidence, enabling you weather most any storm.

If you have good self-confidence, you have a positive inner-dialogue or self-talk, you don’t beat yourself up for missteps, do not seek to blame yourself or others, and are not prone to give much credence to the rumor mill or what others might think. You realize that life is a balancing of give-and-take, ups-and-downs.

Your self-confidence enables you to experience the challenges we face in life without being totally devastated. You can go through hard times and come out on the other side feeling okay about yourself and the world.

Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is the attribute which trumps self-esteem every time, because self-acceptance asserts, “I’m okay,” no matter what. It’s not based on other’s opinions or what anyone else thinks about you. Self-acceptance resides within you, independently, enabling you to feel good about your strengths as well as embracing your weaknesses as part of your unique character.

You accept yourself for what and who you are and are not prone to bouts of self-deprecating guilt because you can forgive yourself. You realize that it is what it is, and you’re just doing the best with what you have in the moment, which may not always be as right as it could be, or worked out the way you intended, but you meant well, and you can forgive yourself when things don’t work out as planned.

If you accept yourself the way you are, you may not be motivated to engage in much self-improvement because you’re all good just the way you are.

Accepting yourself allows the real you to shine through, without worrying about what others might think. You can relax, be more open and honest about who you are, what you’re feeling, and what you want or need. Self-acceptance is a powerful attribute in love and relationships, ushering in transparency in communication and life, leading to deeper connections and greater intimacy, while also enabling you to allow others to be who they are without judgment.

Self-love

Less enlightened folks will caution against the idea of self-love because they believe loving yourself leads to selfishness, unrestricted indulgences, and egotistical or narcissistic tendencies, which are actually demonstrable personality traits indicating a lack of self-love. You can understand why one might confuse these considering our society’s fear-based programming.

A lack of self-love is also expressed by one’s ability to hate; to hate others and one’s self.

We can manage to express love to others in the absence of great self-love, though this is laborious and is contradictory to the sacred charge to, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). Tis better to serve from a cup overflowing.

Lack of self-love is also what motivates us to find love outside of ourselves, which rarely, if ever, provides us the quality of love we seek and long for. Since it is highly unlikely to find and sustain this divine love outside ourselves (though it may feel as though it has been attained in the short-term) relationships decline in love, even if they do manage to stay together.

You were born with the true source of love, though since birth it has been hidden within you, it still is there waiting. It is the Holy Grail tucked away inside your heart, buried in your treasure chest, waiting to be discovered by you. You are the only person who can find, embrace and release its awesome power.

Self-love is powered by the source of all life, a sacred inner appreciation for yourself, regardless of anything external. It represents the connection to divine love that was lost at birth, or soon thereafter. It cannot be worked for or earned, it is a powerful free gift via the real-time connection, and sees you as perfect, as you see yourself through the eyes of God.

Self-love accepts you unconditionally and has the unfailing respect, compassion, and love for you and everything you think and do, regardless, as well as empowering you to love others unconditionally, as your love overflows to them.

Self-love lights the way to experiencing greater love and connection with everyone, and everything everywhere. This love tethers you to original source love and thereby all life.

Celebrate Growth in Fashion

Okay, you’ve been growing, changing, sacrificing, saying “goodbye” to your old destructive pattern and, “hello” to the new, and improved, a more expanded consciousness of your new self. You’re loving yourself more, and now it’s time to show yourself a little love by shopping and celebrating your growth in fashion.

The new you desires to be exposed, not hidden away, like the shadows of your past. When people look at you, they see something different. It’s time to let your difference shine. You are looking better, feeling better, your body and its immune system are getting better. You’re healthier and embracing life, so go ahead. Treat yourself to some new threads to affirm the new you.

Uh oh, here come the haters… “No,” they say, “You can’t do that,” as if to say you’re better than that. You know, you’ve seen ‘em, those holier-than-thou spiritual types who should be reported directly to the fashion police. To them, they feel that a well-kept and fashionable appearance (and frequent bathing) is not appropriate for the more spiritually advanced.

That’s a different topic, entirely. Don’t let them dissuade you from celebrating your new life because you’re living a better life, your best life and making the world a better place. You’re no longer a rat in the race, you’re establishing a whole new pace, and it’s time to celebrate.

It’s possible that the old fearful you was often sacrificed for the benefit of others, but this new you… It is courageous and longs to be recognized and celebrated by you. It wants to be adorned making your inner him or her shine through, and it’s perfectly okay if others notice.

Now, I’m not saying to go overboard and max out all your credit cards in celebration of your new perspective on life. What I am saying is that it’s okay (if not necessary) to demonstrate a little self-love to your inner girl or boy by letting him or her play dress up every once and a while.

And if your negative self-talk starts to rear its head and begin mind-chatter about your unworthiness, squash it. You are worthy and you deserve this little treat. As a matter of fact, it may have been a long time coming, and the time has come.

This is not about frivolous excess, it’s about rewarding yourself for a job well done. You’ve done the work, the deep inner work, that would be so frightening to someone else that they would not ever dare to conceive of taking on such a challenge. But you have.

It’s time to express yourself authentically, in honoring and nurturing the wonderfully amazing person that you are evolving into. So, go pick out something beautiful, something that genuinely represents who you are, or even something fun, to celebrate your authenticity and individuality.

Let others see you for who you are. You are more self-confident, generous, use words that exude kindness and compassion. You’re honoring the temple of your body, are mindful of what you put in it and how you treat it. You respect who you are and present yourself as a clean, deserving and well-kept student, today.

This radical celebration of self-love raises your vibration and you will see good things coming your way as they are being attracted to the new you and your exuberant presence.

You are both blessed and a blessing to others.

You are worthy. You have done the work and are continuing to do so.

This is your day.

Enjoy.

Follow the Leader – Or Not

We’re all passengers on the same boat called, “Life.” We all do the best we can with the knowledge skills, tools, gifts and resources that we have. We all have both and invitation to have anything we want and an inner longing to have these things. The things we want vary from person to person, some monetary or physical things, others more esoteric, etheric, or visceral. Nonetheless, we all have a longing for the better things in life.

The good news is everything you desire has been provided for you. It is here, on this planet somewhere, or if not, it is on its way. So what do you want?

Right away, your inner voice sounds off, with warning signs of potential emotional pain, fear of loss or failure, ridicule of peers and a firm rationalization of, “It’s just not that way in real life,” or any other limitation in an effort to control and save your life; which is fine, if you don’t mind being another cog in the machine of society.

SPEED LIMIT

It’s not unlike the imposed, posted and enforced speed limits on highways and roadways.

It’s the law. But you know it’s not a natural law. How do you know? If the posted speed is 55 MPH and you exceed the posted speed limit, you keep one eye on the speedometer, another on the road and find you’re driving safely but clearly exceeding the speed limit. You did not crash, did not put other drivers at risk and you did not die.

You know this, because you’ve performed this exercise more than once. If you attempt this speeding exercise periodically, you run the risk of being noticed by

THE COPS

The police, sheriff’s department, state patrol and other extensions of law enforcement are all on the lookout for you; you as a whole (monitoring group compliance) and you – individually – the rebel who sets himself apart from the herd. They are not only looking for you, but they are empowered by a higher court to impede your progress, cite and impose limits upon you, judge, fine and convict you for your refusing to honor the posted limitations.

FOLLOW THE LEADER

As it is in most aspects of society, there is a preponderance of encouragement for playing follow the leader. Leaders are established, who enlist the aid of sub-leaders, who help to control and manage the masses. This is not only regulated to driving speeds on roadways, but all aspects of life.

Leaders allow a certain degree of individuality to be established by clearly defined groups, who can be managed as a whole. While they are able to exercise a facsimile of free thought, there are established checks and balances imposed to create the limits of society in an effort to more easily manage the masses.

And this is the way it is – and has been – ever since any one of us can remember, being raised up in a system that constantly demands

Do This – Don’t Do That

Our parents start it. The responsibility for social programming gets picked up by the educational system, and the legal system runs the gauntlet from there, all the while being supported by peers, groups, organizations, religions and the government. We even police ourselves, warning our friends and family of the impending dangers of not going with the flow.

OR NOT

But you know better. You can feel it within your heart of hearts that this is not the real world. You’re beginning to see there is more to this life.

Again, you start to feel the desire…

What Do You Want?

The magnificence of all the possibilities beckons you to come and taste of it…

Wait! Isn’t that the call of evil?

Ah, that inner voice; the programming which was so carefully conceived and executed. Ask yourself, seek a deeper level of understanding, exercise your inalienable right to think freely. Ask,

Is this good for me?
Does it hurt me?
Does it hurt anyone else?
Can I accept the responsibility for having it?

The thought initiated by your desire has already been provided for you, is there for the taking. If only you could believe and remove whatever stands between you and that which you seek.

You are so much more than you know

Watch your knowingness grow

You are amazing

Got It You Can Do It

There is no doubt, you got this and you can do it, but what does it take to get from here to there? And how can I move more quickly and confidently towards what I want?

As you may have noticed, some people are more likely to attract the things they desire because, like Larry the Cable Guy, they simply git er done. But what makes them think they can do it?

you-can-do-it-got-it

The substructure that is the foundation of their can do attitude is a general feeling of knowing they have confidence to problem-solve and achieve. This confidence can come from a variety of sources, like:

Mastery, Witness, Social Empowerment and Wellbeing

Mastery of a particular skill or practice implies that you have performed this particular activity with a satisfactory result before. The level of mastery is dependent on how many times you have completed this task with a level of competency. The knowledge that you have been there and done that without fail gives you the confidence and competence to think that you’re likely to successfully do so the next time the opportunity arises.

The witness has seen a procedure from start to finish on one or more occasions and believes it is possible to reproduce a satisfactory result based on the fact that he or she has seen the process before.

If you have witnessed a process in action, obviously it’s not the same thing as having done it before but you have a huge advantage over the majority of people who have no idea about how to even go about performing such a task.

Social empowerment is magical, because it bolsters your confidence in your ability to perform something you may not be officially qualified to do. This would apply to something you have never actually done or even witnessed before.

You might find yourself in this situation, if others believe you are the person who has the ability to get things done, so naturally, they are drawn to you to tackle a particular project. Even though you have no history of doing it before, their confidence in your ability supports your belief that you can actually do it, which gives you the confidence to move forward (often with satisfactory results).

Then there is wellbeing. Wellbeing represents the raw materials necessary to get through whatever task or challenge you face. You must have the physiological wherewithal to move through all the necessary steps which may require energy, a degree of strength and/or stamina. A healthy person knows they have these reserves in check, ready to go for it.

The people who are in the habit of getting things done are likely not sickly or depressed, but if they are, they have the ability to push beyond their biological or psychological limitations for the duration of the project at hand.

Armed with any degree of any of these four categories of support Mastery, Witness, Social Empowerment or Wellbeing will give you the strength or courage to be able to view a particular project or task as an opportunity, rather than a threat. You will be able to rationalize, set and achieve the goals necessary to move through the project and navigate unforeseen interruptions as challenges and deal with them appropriately. And in the event that you have tackled a project full on and have not achieved a satisfactory result, you don’t take it too hard.

To you, there is no such thing as failure. You take the knowledge from your experience and file it away for use (or avoidance) the next time the opportunity arises to demonstrate what you can do.

You got this

You can do it

Got it

Unworthy Self Doubt Breakthrough

Ever have an idea then second guess whether you have what it takes to bring your idea through to fruition?

The truth is, you wouldn’t have been given the thought of the idea, if you weren’t keenly selected to give birth to it. Thought is precognition.

What you do about it is part of the Scientific Experiment of Life and maybe – just maybe – it’s time for your to breakthrough the barriers of self-doubt or feeling unworthy.

Unworthy Self Doubt Breakthrough

 

Your ability to see this through is your birthright, even if the idea of your success is counter-intuitive with regard to society and your familial training in a world that teaches us to believe that we’re not good enough.

You probably have been convinced that massive success is only attainable by the few, those more deserving, from successful families or the highly educated.

It is time to abolish your self-doubt or feelings of unworthiness. It is not uncommon for people to say, “But,” followed by a liturgy of excuses they have been made to believe will keep them from being worthy enough to be massively successful.

You do not need to have an MBA in business to achieve great success in today’s market place. In fact, here’s a list of billionaires and multi-millionaires who never graduated from college that you may find inspiring:

Paul Allen Microsoft
Richard Branson Virgin Atlantic Airways
Andrew Carnegie Carnegie Steel Company
Walter Cronkite CBS News
Michael Dell Dell Computers
Barry Diller Fox Broadcasting Company
Walt Disney Walt Disney
Larry Ellison Oracle
Debra Fields Mrs. Field’s Cookies
Henry Ford Ford Motor Company
Bill Gates Microsoft
David Geffen DreamWorks
Milton Hershey Hershey’s Milk Chocolate
Wayne Huizenga Blockbuster Entertainment
Jim Jannard Oakley Sunglasses
Peter Jennings ABC News
Steve Jobs Apple Computer
Ralph Lauren Fashion Designer
Thomas Monaghan Domino’s Pizza
Rosie O’Donnell Actress/TV Host
Anthony Robbins Personal Power
Stephen Spielberg Movie Director
Harry S. Truman U.S. President
Ted Turner CNN
Mark Zuckerberg Facebook

… just to name a few of the successful dropouts who have made their mark (pretty good company, eh?). So don’t let anyone tell you that you do not have what it takes, because you do.

You may have been led to believe that you shouldn’t even try, or torture yourself with, “What if I fail?” Fear of Failure can be a brick wall immobilizing your from the ability to move forward.

Oftentimes, we are our own worst enemy and the biggest obstacle between what we have and what we want. Check out 7 Steps to get out of your way and get what you want.

Having the idea is not enough because ideas are gifts from the universe to the world. Revelation is given freely and the blessing is reserved for the person who takes the decisive and necessary action to give birth to the idea. Having an idea is like having a lottery ticket, taking the action to bring the idea to life is like buying a winning lottery ticket.

The real secret is in the doingness. If you are able to rise above the nay Sayers and the programming (that is designed to keep you down and widen the gap between upper and lower classes) you can create your own good fortune from scratch. God blesses the doer.

Your idea is a gift of the most beautiful song that the world is waiting to hear, so sing it.

How to be Confident Self Talk

Throughout the course of my career as my calling has taken on different colors, shapes, and forms, people have come to me with a variety of issues. One of the most common challenges that I find people struggling with self-esteem.

Back in the day I would work with individuals specifically with overcoming their personal concerns. As I refine my work, currently I work mostly with people who on the move; they’re the movers, shakers and risk takers, who need to be on their game to increase their probability of success; massive success.

Many of the modalities that I use deal with overcoming issues with one’s physiological, psychological or spiritual status. When dealing with issues associated with self-confidence it is often necessary to deal with underlying issues on all three fronts; the body, the mind, and the spirit.

When I am working with someone whose confidence level is a three on a scale of 1 to 10 and they have plans of making a presentation to an important audience, readying for a pitch for Shark Tank or getting to make an appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Network, it is imperative that you raise your self-esteem to a higher level. My goal is to get my client to a confidence level of ten.

Level 10 Confidence

When your self-esteem is at its peak and you’re exuding level 10 confidence you are unshakeable and unstoppable. You have the internal fortitude to take on any challenging situation or circumstance that would be intimidating (if not crippling) to anyone maintaining low self-esteem.

That’s why I’ve developed the TENNERCISE system, to raise anyone’s self-confidence level and increase their powers of personal performance to achieve their highest and best. Tennercise utilizes components from a myriad of modalities to get you from where you are to where you want to be.

One of the first actions you can take to get a grip on your self-esteem and raise your confidence is to address your

How to be confidant self talk

Self Talk

Self-talk is that voice inside your head, sometimes that still small voice, other times like a roaring lion, insisting that you are unworthy, to be shamed or disrespected in some way or not good enough.

Low self-esteem – as well as high self-confidence – requires constant maintenance. If you’re feeling like you’re not on your game there’s probably a lot of negative programs running in the background to keep you down (or safe). You might ask, how do I banish,

Negative Self Talk

Negative self-talk has to go. It is working hard to keep you down, so you have to man up (or woman up) and claim authority over the source of your lack of self esteem.

Whack a Mole

You have to interrupt the negative self-talk with a quick and effective whack as soon as it rears its ugly head. Whack! How do I whack the negative self-talk mole?

If I’m at home alone, I clap my hands (loudly, creating a little pain) stop… and turn an abrupt about-face. If I’m sitting at a table or desk in view of others, I might flick my ear. In a meeting, I might (literally) bite my tongue.

Mock the Voice

The mole’s voice inside your head can be quite ominous. I find disarming the mole’s voice by reducing it to a funny cartoon baby-like caricature-sounding voice removes all the negativity from the negative thought. Then I make fun of it by repeating it in the silly cartoon voice (using my outside voice or inner voice, whichever is more appropriate at the time) and laugh (or smile) at it. After you’ve don’t this a few times, the next time it pops up, it does so in the revised silly voice (you might not even have to whack it when it shows up in this manner).

Positive Self Talk

Now it’s time to reframe for more positive thinking. Now, in your most authoritative voice, restate the negative as the most positive affirmation that you can conjure up. This is your new positive self-talk. Take note of your new positive reinforcement and use it any time your negative mole-speak pops up. Feel free (you are encouraged to) modify your positive affirmation as you think of ways to make it even more positively reaffirming.

Whacking and disarming your negative self-talking mole can be an excellent method of building self-confidence as you begin to rebuild your new and improved vision of yourself, ready to take on the world.

You can join us in saying,

Look out world

Here I come