Self Destruct

Why do I have a tendency to self destruct? Am I my own worst enemy? Why am I so self destructive? What is wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?

It’s not just President Trump who has the power to destroy the world with the push of a button, we all have this power to destroy worlds within our own universe and bring the end of the world as we know it.

Sometimes, we burn bridges, pour gas on people whom we feel have wronged us, light the match and walk away. Occasionally we hit the self-destruct button or just nuke the whole shebang.

Why you would do such a thing is beyond me, and years of therapeutic process may (or may not) help to uncover the roots of one’s self destructive behavior.

Am I immune from having a tendency to self destruct? No, I don’t think anyone is immune from some form of self sabotage.

Regrettably, I’ve dropped a few bombs myself. I think we all do it when we’ve felt hurt, betrayed or disrespected. When your feelings are hurt, striking out in self defense seems like the best option at the time, so you hit the button… and in that moment, you feel better about yourself.

You feel better than feeling hurt when you’ve struck back. You might even feel really good… for a while.

You might even feel like your life will be so much better without this-or-that in your life at all, so you rationalize total decimation is not only warranted but acceptable or preferable. You are happy you pushed the button.

In the case of physical abuse, certainly methods of isolating yourself from others in a way that prevents further abuse are worth contemplating.

Do you have to destroy everything?

This is an important question to ask yourself before you push the button. When you’re considering lighting a match, pulling the trigger, pushing the button or dropping a bomb, asking yourself,

What are the far reaching effects of this destruction?

May be worth the momentary pause or distraction before you launch your attack (or counter attack), even if for consideration for the briefest of moments.

Oftentimes, the actions that we take – especially those actions conducted in the heat of the moment – do not serve us well in the long-run. At some time following the taking of such an action, we begin to realize this, start to feel bad (remorse), possibly even guilt, sorrow or depression.

We find ourselves struggling with our decision to lash out, often in ways that are irreparable as the damage was done, ever so effectively. What felt like self-defense at the time often leads to self destruction.

Is there a better way?

Yes. Self preservation is important. It is likely that you are the only person who is going to truly protect you or seek to defend who you are or what you believe. When it comes down to it, you’re all you’ve got.

So for god’s sake don’t do more harm than good.

Wisdom based on history and viewed through the eyes of love would dictate that in most (if not all) cases war is not the best option. Seeking inoffensive ways to protect one’s self are far more prudent and effective over time.

It’s hard to find balance between revenge and tolerance when our feelings are hurt or our ego is running amok.

Nonetheless, it is in these moments that we must find ways to retreat, find a place of solace or sanctuary, allowing us the repose necessary to ask the questions, “Is this destruction necessary?” and “What are the far-reaching implications?”

From a peaceful perspective and/or contemplative state, you may be willing to consider other options as you ask, “Is this truly in my best interest?”

Will this action lead to regret or self-destruction, or am I achieving my highest and best?

Is this my highest and best?

This is the life-affirming bottom line. If you are on a path to achieve your highest and best, is the action you are about to take helping you to stay on the high road, or have you somehow become derailed and are headed down a path leading to self destruct?

If there is any way possible, take the time to pause, re-evaluate and get back on track before you say or do something that you can’t take back.

Self Sabotage

You want it. You want it bad. You want it more than you’ve ever wanted it before. Your desire has brought you to look at it in the eye. Here you are face-to-face with that which you desire. It’s so close, you can sense it, see it, smell and taste it.

The planets are aligned, the moment is here. This is the right time and the right place to finally get that illusive thing you have longed for.

What do you do?

You might be surprised to discover that most (if not all) people will unwittingly do anything possible to prevent taking full advantage of the opportunity to have what they want. In fact, they may unconsciously disregard, disrespect and ultimately destroy the opportunity altogether.

self-sabotage

Self-sabotage

If you’ve done this – and I know you have – you are a self-saboteur. How do I know you have done this? Because everyone has committed self-sabotage at some point in their life. I don’t know one person who has not sabotaged themselves at some point (well, maybe one, but I believe he is in denial – and that’s okay).

Why would I sabotage myself?

This is something that happens deep inside your self – the you that you are in the core of your being – that subconscious part of you that desires to protect you from all things that may lead to disappointment.

Your subconscious is your oldest protection mechanism. It perfectly recalls every moment when you were disappointed, experienced distress, pain, or got your feelings hurt. In those moments, this deepest part of you vowed to protect you from ever feeling like that again.

This part of your being is also the keeper of your deepest fears and lack of self-esteem or sense of unworthiness.

Experience + Fear – Self esteem = Self Sabotage

When these ingredients are combined and activated, the toxic result is Self-sabotage.

With the best of intentions, your subconscious will do everything possible to avoid – or even push away – that which you so sincerely desire to preserve your state of being.

Unlike you conscious mind which might be able to rationalize, with Tennyson’s, “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” your subconscious believes it is far better not to have had anything than to suffer the anxiety, disappointment, pain or sadness associated with loss.

Your subconscious is always ready to do battle with any tools available to prevent you from having what you truly desire – if there is a chance things might not ultimately work out, like you would have liked.

Your subconscious takes this so seriously that it believes it’s thwarting your possibility of happiness is self-preservation, a life-saving effort. It’s as if your life depends on avoiding this opportunity at all costs.

How Do I Stop Self-sabotage?

The answer to the question about, “What can I do about my tendency to self sabotage?” can be complex and when I work with someone on their propensity to sabotage themselves, it’s easy to see no two self saboteurs are alike. Nonetheless, the process always centers around the same base ingredients of the equation.

Experience, Fear and Self esteem

If you can recognize the experiences that are preventing you from moving forward, what your fears are and what they are based on and ways that you might lack self esteem or sense of unworthiness and resolve these underlying issues, then you can confidently destroy the self-sabotage defense mechanism, while retaining the wisdom associated with your life’s experience.

Short Cut to Freedom from Self Sabotage

You might think, “Oh, that sounds like a lot of work… Isn’t there something I can do now to avoid self sabotage?”

Yes, you can start with reprogramming your self-conscious by adding a layer of worthiness using your imagination and positive affirmations.

Create a Vision

Create a vision of yourself in your mind’s eye of you completely happy, having that which you desire, fully safe and secure in its fullest expression. The more elaborate the vision with all five senses fully engaged, the more effective it will be. Take five minutes in the morning (preferably the first five minutes of your awakenedness) and five minutes in the evening to take yourself to this place, imagining how great it will be.

Affirmations

Reciting positive affirmations is a good way to start reprogramming your self-conscious. Following are some ideas for affirmations that you can recite (more effective out loud, if possible and silently if more appropriate) which can effectively begin to become more believable or real the more you recite them:

I love and accept myself unconditionally.

I release any need for misery and suffering.

I let go of anything in my past that might be holding me back.

I have high self esteem and I respect myself.

I deserve all the best this life has to offer.

I think on these things: Love, Good health, Prosperity and Positive outcomes. As I do, more love, greater health, wealth and the best things in life come to me.

I love and respect every moment of my life and am so grateful for the blessing of living my best life as it continues to get even better.

And now that you know this, the next time your approached with an incredible opportunity?

Consider jumping into full immersion.

What if it doesn’t work out?

You will not have to be like so many whom I have visited in their last moment whose lives are full of regret for not taking action when they had the chance.

You might get your feelings hurt… and that’s okay… because

It might just be your greatest experience ever!

 

 

My Own Worst Enemy

Why is it that just when I’m about to make a breakthrough, I clumsily do something to screw it up?
My own worst enemy self sabotage vs positive thinkingDoes this ever happen to you?

You are faced with opportunity, a job, a promotion, a romantic relationship, an investment, a business opportunity, then just nonchalantly watch the whole thing go sideways based on your action – or inaction – that, when you look back on it, you KNEW nothing good would come from it?

Why do we do that?

Self Sabotage

It’s as if there is something inside us that makes us believe that we are not worthy of all the goodness this life has to offer and this underlying belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Then your mind can reassure itself with a resounding, “You see: I knew it was too good to be true.”

I told you so

But isn’t the truth of the matter that you were given this life and all it contains to have happiness, joy, fulfillment and the ability to achieve your highest and best?

If you could just wrap your head and your heart around it.

If not, you will continue to destroy every good thing that could potentially happen to you. This is a self-protection safety mechanism built-in to your subconscious, based on fear. The fear that something bad might happen, or you might be disappointed, because we all know

It Happened Before

At some point (or several points) in our lives (beginning in our youth) we had a hope, a dream or a projected outcome that did not come to pass and it broke our heart or spirit. It felt bad not to enjoy our expected result in the way we had hoped. We thought it would feel so good, felt like we were fortunate and somewhat worthy (or at least lucky) enough to be able to enjoy this one moment, only to watch it fall to pieces before our very eyes.

Danger – Danger – Danger

Our subconscious (in concert with our conscious mind) goes about the work of protecting our fragile feelings, setting up our life in such a way as to never be disappointed again, for we would be better off not to have any expectations, wealth, feelings, love, joy or happiness, than to take a chance and suffer loss.

To protect ourselves from feeling let down, or taking the risk of making the wrong decision we screw up every opportunity we are presented with in an effort to protect that fragile little child who lives within us – who secretly desires to have all these things – but would rather die than take a chance at truly enjoying anything… ever.

Low Expectations

It’s as if keeping expectations so improbably low, and seeing destruction all around you does one thing. It proves that you are right and you can justify your pathetic state of mind because

Nothing Good Ever Happens

And all your observations seem to support your state of mind. Whether it happens to a friend, relative, stranger, innocent bystander or you see it on the news. Bad things happen to people all the time. It happens everywhere to everyone every day, and they’re not alone. We’re all in this boat together, “Life Sucks” for everyone 24 hours a day 7 days a week… and so it is.

Your resistance to allowing goodness into your life is the most effective way to protect yourself from disappointment because in this way you are sure never to have the expectation of anything better than achieving numb mediocrity… and that’s better than putting one’s self at risk of getting your feelings hurt.

Positive Thinking

You could live out the rest of your life this way, or you could experiment with happiness and joy just by exercising your imagination and thinking about something good. You don’t have to make any huge commitments to change your life in any way, or battle with any inner demons lurking within. All you have to do is to dip your toe in the water to find some sense of feeling good.

You risk nothing by exercising your imagination. Try it. Close your eyes and think of a joyous thought (or moment) when you felt thoroughly happy. See it in your mind’s eye and remember every detail of it, the colors, the smells, the lighting, the feel of it and smile.

See. You were happy and you did not die.

Maybe there’s hope for you, yet.

Isn’t Now the right time to start living a happy life?


My Own Worst Enemy (Unfinished) from Tim Madding on Vimeo.