Narcissist or Narcissistic?

Are you, or is someone you know, a narcissist or narcissistic? Know there is a huge difference between the tow you can be narcissistic and not be a narcissist.

If you’re wondering if you are either a narcissist or simply narcissistic, chances are you’re probably not a narcissist. It would be very rare for a narcissist to wonder if he or she was a narcissist because that would be the furthest thing from his or her mind. Narcissists do not see themselves as being narcissistic at all.

But you may at times act or be perceived as being narcissistic, expressing yourself in a way that might make someone else wonder if you might be a narcissist, and this can be perfectly normal and even a positive attribute now and then in any normal healthy normal person’s life.

Being a little narcissistic periodically is not the same as being a narcissist. A narcissist is someone who suffers from a personality disorder which can be diagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD.

The biggest distinction between expressing yourself or being perceived by others as being narcissistic and being a narcissist (one who is either diagnosed or undiagnosed with NPD) is that one comes and goes, and the other you’re stuck with.

Narcissists have certain traits which set them apart from the rest of us. Traits such as

• Being uncommonly selfish or self-centered
• See themselves as being superior to others
• Seek to connect with others who are also superior
• Need to be recognized or celebrated by others
• Abnormal sense of entitlement (expects others to support them)
• Will use others to get what they want
• Doesn’t care what others think or feel (especially if they’ve suffered consequences on the narcissist’s behalf)
• Want what others have, and are quick to judge others as wanting what they have
• Are arrogant, prone to disrespect, and likely to put others down

A narcissist possesses a majority of these attributes (more than half consistently) throughout their life.

You can see that some of these attributes are good ways to express yourself when you’re feeling confident, have high self-esteem, are proactively getting things done, setting boundaries, or protecting yourself and your sacred space.

If someone is not used to you exercising any of the attributes in the above list of NPD traits, which might be a natural act of self-preservation, choosing to increase your level of efficacy, desiring to experience a life in a higher emotional state or vibration, they may be surprised, shocked, and/or take it personally.

If they don’t know you very well, they may accuse you of being a narcissist. Clearly, you are not a narcissist, just because someone didn’t like or respect your ability to take the driver’s seat and manage your life effectively. But you can’t blame them for knowing what a narcissist looks like. This is a good thing.

Knowing how to identify a narcissist is an excellent skill to keep yourself suffering at the hands of a narcissist. Narcissists, are not malevolent, meaning they mean no harm, yet they do cause people around them to suffer, but there is no intent of malice.

They just have no regard for how their decisions or life choices affect other people’s lives around them. They have no conception of it. If you are trying to explain to them how something they did hurt your feeling, caused you distress, or hardship, they just cannot understand, and they will just think you are a weak person who is a little “off.” In the extreme, they may just have a totally irreverent response, like, “Oh well,” “Too bad,” or, “Sucks to be you.”

Don’t let it get to you, it’s just the way they are wired. Don’t take it personally. Realize that he or she is just doing the best they can; and keep a safe distance between the two of you to protect your sacred space, if you are so inclined.

So, don’t worry if someone accuses you of being a narcissist or narcissistic, you know you are not. Maybe you just caught someone off-guard with you growing into a more mature person. Don’t let that slow you down. You can understand why they might have felt that way.

Bless them and stay on track.

As your skills increase, you can express yourself affirmatively a little more gently without shocking others. Until then, do not let someone else’s insecurities slow you down.

You have the most exciting life waiting for you, and you are on your way to enjoying the best things in life.

They Get Angry When You Set Boundaries

Don’t be surprised when people get upset at you when you’re going about the business of setting boundaries in your life. Often the first response you are met with is some form of rage. When you begin to take a stand for yourself and protect your own sacred space, they get angry when you set boundaries.

Bullies are used to having the upper hand and getting what they want. When somebody starts drawing lines in the sand, insisting that they not be crossed, this rocks the bully’s world. They are bound to respond negatively, out loud or more silently/passive aggressively. Either way, you know your decision to stand up for yourself has upset them.

If you’re dealing with someone who is angry because you’ve asserted your right to set and enforce a boundary, then chances are the responsibility lies with you for allowing this person to take advantage of your generosities or overpower you prior to having to set this boundary.

At first, the inconvenience may have been mild enough that you were able to overlook it, but after a while, it was clear that you were being taken advantage of, and now it’s time to take care of business.

If your bully is masterful, don’t be surprised when he or she responds with vile accusations of your being at fault, or insisting that you are the bully who is inconsiderate and trying control or manipulate the bully. This intimidation tactic will work sometimes to get the bully what he or she wants. Be prepared for it and don’t fall for it.

It’s not that these people are bad, wrong, or broken. They simply have not learned how to respect the rights of other people up ‘til now. By your setting of boundaries and sticking to them, you are helping the bullies learn that rights of others exist and should be respected. They may learn this valuable lesson from you and others who start to exercise their rights to their own sacred space over time.

So, how do you respond when someone expresses anger at your enforcement of a boundary?

Taking the high road would be not responding at all. Think of this as his or her protesting too much or acting out as his or her inner child tantrum runs wild. Maintain a compassionate state of mind and do not respond. Let the bully fully express his or her rage as much as possible but don’t take it personally.

Remember, the problem, here, is not with you, no matter what they say. Zip your lip, understand that he or she is doing the best he or she can do with the tools that he or she has at the time, and walk away with your boundary firmly in place.

There is nothing to feel bad about. Things are as they are, and people will respond in whatever way seems to fit their state of mind at the time. That’s the way it is. And if someone doesn’t respect your right to set and adhere to a boundary you’ve set, that’s on them, not on you.

The setting of boundaries is one of the methods you can use to keep from losing your energy. Take it back and keep people from draining your energy by limiting the control that bullies, toxic friends, or energy vampires might have had over you.

Setting Boundaries

Are you ready to move your life to the next level?

It’s necessary for you to clearly define your work area. It’s the same thing as having an office at your workplace so that you can have the ability to close the door and concentrate on the important things that need tending to in an effort to maximize your effectiveness.

The same goes for your life. You need to create for yourself a safe area to do the work of planning, preparing, growing and expanding so that you can move to the next level. To accomplish this, you must create healthy boundaries.

setting boundaries

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Before you can go about setting boundaries to hold the sacred space for you to conduct your personal work, you might consider taking some time to go inside and discover within yourself where your boundaries ought to be located.

You know when someone in your circle of influence says or does something that doesn’t make you feel good. In fact, it may make you feel downright bad. Easy: draw a line in the sand right there. Write it down and keep going, until you have demarcated your personal safe zone.

But wait, there’s more…

Who are the people in your life who drain your personal reserves, toxic people who destroy your sense of wellbeing, who disrespect, hurt or abuse you? See them clearly for who they are, and begin to consider protecting your sacred space from these emotional (and/or physical) intruders.

Setting Boundaries

Find ways to either control the space between you and them or protect your personal space from their negative influence. Inform people what is acceptable and what is not acceptable as you define and protect your sacred space with love and respect.

This was an expensive step for me in my practice as I work with a lot of type A personalities who regularly disrespected me – not in an effort to berate me directly, but as a way to fully express themselves while we conducted deep work – while is it was effective, it didn’t make me feel good in those moments.

I had to establish a boundary and be willing to back it up. The day I drew the line in the sand, I called each person who would have crossed the line in the past, had I established it. I clearly communicated to them about my decision to set this clear boundary and enforce it. Enforcing it would mean severing our professional relationship. I had to come to the point where I valued myself enough, that I would no longer let people disrespect me, no matter how much they were willing to pay me to let them do it.

Some of the clients were offended and severed the relationship at the conclusion of the call. A few stayed but crossed the line and I promptly cut them off, and they departed disgruntled, while others continued to work with me, keeping their emotions in check when directed at me.

This helped me to create an exciting safe place for me to work, filled with love and mutual respect, empowering my clients and I to flourish within the space that we do our best work together.

Setting Boundaries

Once you establish a boundary, you must go about the work of setting boundaries by clearly defining them with the potential offenders, as they should be allowed the courtesy of honoring your boundary out of respect to you.

In terms of the more violent offenders, it may be counterproductive to approach them face to face. You need not face extraordinary drama or abuse when setting boundaries. In this case, it may be in your best interest to just create distance – a safe space – between you and the more difficult people in your life. You will be better off without them.

Enforcing Boundaries

Unfortunately, setting boundaries without enforcing them is folly. Enforcing the boundaries you have set can be the most difficult part of the boundary process. It may include saying goodbye to people you care for, love, admire, respect (or in my case, pay you good money). Nevertheless, if you’re setting boundaries, you must enforce them.

You will discover, as you define and protect your space, you will attract more centered, supportive and loving people to fill the vacancies left by those who moved away from your circle of influence and thrive as you continue to pursue the sacred work of you and achieving your highest and best.