I absolutely love hearing people complain, followed by what they’re gonna do about it.
When you notice some story of an atrocity which rocks your being piercing your soul to your core, you recoil and understandably upset. What happens next determines whether your opposition to this offensive subject will oppose it, or add power to it.
If you complain about it, great. That makes you feel better about it, because you’ve found a way to release the burden of it and pass it on to someone else.
I get excited when I hear someone complaining about something passionately. It instantly attracts my attention as I anticipate what comes next. I listen… if nothing else follows, I am disappointed. Instead of complaining and in a sense, courageously making a stand, by placing themselves in the bullet’s path, this person has just promoted the very thing that made him or her upset.
Instead, I love hearing people complain, followed by what they’re gonna do about it.
Tell me about the thing that upset you, tell me that you researched it to make sure the matter in question is valid (and not simply a false story to distract your attention from the good things in life and to make you fearful), and tell me what you’re doing about it. Even if it’s only donating $5 to an organization that is combating this offense.
If you complain in a venue which is highly public, like social media, then you have exponentially impacted the offending subject, intentionally or unintentionally, either for or against the thing which has upset you.
Do you want to promote this thing that has upset you? Fine, post something offensive in social media, with you acting as it’s PR promoter. Post about how horrible this atrocity is, without offering an opposing solution.
Do you want to be a part of the solution, to quash this thing, to stamp it out forever?
Then, complain. Post to your heart’s content. Put yourself on the line by telling me and the world what you are doing about it, and let your inspired action inspire me and others to join the cause.
Now, I’m excited!
Elizabeth Cady Stanton could have just complained about not having the ability to vote because she was a woman. But she complained and said, “I am drafting a Declaration of Sentiments and Grievances,” which addressed the basic rights which were being denied women at the time.
How crazy it might have seemed, when she, Lucretia Mott and a few friends met in her home to draft her declaration. Anyone looking in from the outside must’ve thought this an impossible task. Really? That one woman would stand against the mightiest political machine ever contrived. Are you kidding me? This dwarfs King David’s youthful account of slaying Goliath by hundreds of times.
She complained, followed by inspired action. She started a movement, complaining, and allowing others to join with her voice to be heard. 72 years later, because Elizabeth Cady Stanton complained and stood in the bullet’s path, the 19th Amendment was passed, granting women the right to vote.
This is only one small example among hundreds of thousands of true stories depicting what people can do to make a difference in a troubled world, and it starts with one.
Will you be the one who adds to the confusion and dysfunction of the world or will you be a part of the solution?
When life seems to be a relentless struggle for survival, it’s so good to have someone in your corner. In this day and age when face-to-face relationships are hard to manage, social media has arrived on the scene to help fill in the gap. Even when we are warned about the dangers of social media as it gets blamed for the deterioration of human interaction, the truth is, it has also saved the lives of many.
For those who need to find someone in their corner with whom they can resonate with, regardless of your social status in the real world, you can find someone empathetic to your situation, cause, or plight.
In this way, social media plays an important part in the social matrix of your life. When you desperately need someone on your side, who can see things from your perspective, can feel what you’re feeling or has walked a mile in your shoes, social media can give you access to the people you need for support, when it would be difficult to do so in the real world.
I know when I have been at my lowest, and it seemed like there was no one there, I was desolate, alone, and felt as though there was no hope, or reason to go on, social media bridged the gap and helped me get through the toughest of times.
People, although virtual, were there to care, understand, love, and support me, when the rest of my life in the real world was crumbling all around me.
With all the negative press that social media gets (much of it warranted), there is another side to it as well. This virtual instant access to others can help build up and support the human condition as well.
Certainly, as with anything with huge positive potential, it can be abused and used with negative intent, but on the other side it can have incredible potential for making the world a better place.
Social media is a powerful medium which can either impact the world for good or for evil, and it appears that in order to keep its effectiveness, it must remain neutral. It’s up to you to decide how you will wield the awesome power of this electronic networking tool.
Social media is a microcosm of the totality of life on our planet. All types of people, philosophies, personality types, and beliefs are represented, and for the most part are able, and encouraged, to share their thoughts and feelings freely.
You may not always agree (and there is no reason why you should be required to) and you always have a choice in how you will represent yourself via social media. You can choose to fight, counter-attack, bless, or love. It’s up to you.
It may serve you well to think about how you are showing up in social media.
Are you representing yourself as the person you would like to be remembered as?
I know when Aaron was killed in Afghanistan, his social media was a worldwide representation of who he was, and it still survives him, even today.
I have many friends who have since passed away and their social media accounts give us all something to look back on to remember, honor, laugh, and reflect on the impact they have had on our lives when they were here.
Someday, after I am long gone, the virtual footprints of my social media interactions may be all that remains.
Just remember, your social media might represent the kind of person you are (or were) when you were here, on your life’s journey.
How would you like to be remembered in your social media?
Just like anything in life, we all do different things for different reasons. How does that apply to how you use Facebook? It depends on what kind of person you are and what you get in return from using Facebook. Here are the Top 20 Types of Facebook Users. Which one are you?
Top 20 Types of Facebook Users
1. FB TOE DIPPERS
Some Facebook users aren’t really users at all, they’ve simply dipped their toe in the water to see what it’s all about. They may have friend requested you, but are rarely online, or interact with anyone inside the Facebook community. May log-in to look around for a while, but not ready to jump in, yet. Their life is probably consumed with activity in the world which exists outside of Facebook.
2. FACEBOOK NEWBIE
The Facebook Newbie can range in age from four (with parent’s permission) to ninety-four and they want to interact using Facebook but break all the unwritten social networking rules. They innocently offend and interact inappropriately, but it’s all kind of entertaining to watch someone so naïve spreading their wings and learning to Facebook. We laugh, we cry, and we help them along as best we can, so as not to scare them off.
3. CASUAL FACEBOOKER
The Casual Facebooker is a step beyond the FB Toe Dipper in that they do log in periodically to interact with friends and relatives using Facebook. They don’t spend too much time logged in and do not take full advantage of the tools or resources of value to this powerful social media platform.
4. FACEBOOK ANNOUNCER
Some people have to announce everything that’s going on in their life, such as, “I just woke up,” followed by myriad details about what happens throughout their day complete with photo documentation, and commencing with, “Good night.”
5. FB LONELY HEART
Then, there are the lonely hearts, in various stages of amóre who wear their hearts on their sleeves. Either they’re blissfully in the throes of romantic love, or they are heartbroken beyond compare (and may vacillate frequently between these two extremes).
6. OUR FB OF GREAT SORROWS
Our Facebook of great sorrows group is constantly airing the wounds of their depressive pain and discomfort about everything bad that is happening to them, or someone or something else. It’s as if they are determined to make everyone on Facebook feel as awful as they do.
7. FB ATTENTION SEEKER
Attention seekers will use any means to break through the white noise of Facebook’s drone. They will use pain and suffering or success and happiness (augmented by photos of babies and kitties) to get the attention (and likes) they so desperately seek.
8. FACEBOOK GAMER
Lifeless gamers are the folks who have so much free time on their hands they waste it on mindless games which abound on Facebook, and they annoy the non-gamers with relentless requests to join them in a game or to take an action or click on something, so they can get points or advance to the next level.
9. FACEBOOK SELFIE
The selfies are all about themselves, frequently take and post pictures of themselves (selfies), often changing their profile picture, and letting us see them placing themselves in various environments to take and post yet another selfie. They usually see themselves as one of the beautiful people or don’t (and hope that all this selfie-ism will make them feel better about themselves).
10. FB ROCK STAR WANNABE
The I-wanna-be-a-rock-stars are those Facebookers who hope to be recognized for their talent or rock musician bravado by posting pictures of themselves in makeup, attire, and various performance poses (with or without music gear) to be discovered and make the transformation from wannabe to a real rock star.
11. FACEBOOK TAGALONG
Then there are the obsessive taggers who tag hordes of disinterested and/or unassociated Facebook users to various photos and events in the hopes of getting the coveted like(s) thereby validating their efforts and/or life.
12. DON’T YOU WISH YOU WERE ME?
The don’t-you-wish-you-were-me-ers are constantly updating their Facebook timeline with photos of amazing activities, places, and events they are participating in, in real time. It’s not photoshop, there are just bragging on Facebook, while most followers are both impressed and jealous.
13. FACEBOOK CREATOR
The creators actually create, add, and share valuable content with the Facebook community, everything from original artwork, poems, thoughtful stories, wisdom, and memes. They are not self-seeking, only using Facebook as a means to share their creative abilities (and some are quite amazing).
14. FB PHOTOJOURNALIST
Facebook photojournalists are Facebook users who have purchased a nice digital camera and take pictures of everything from bugs and wildlife to still life and landscapes (and everything else imaginable). They assume you’re having access to their Facebook account to peruse their immense photo gallery (galleries) will impress you. If you are at an event they attended, they are likely to post a photo of the event and tag you in it, if they can.
15. FB FAKE NEWS REPORTER
False news reporters abound on Facebook. These folks are waiting for the next unbelievable and shocking news headline/story to flash upon their timeline, then proliferate the information by immediately sharing it with all their friends, insisting they do so in kind to save the world from such an injustice (or whatever the meat of the fake story might be).
16. FACEBOOK INTOLERANT
The Facebook Intolerants are the users who are so immersed in a particular thought pattern or belief system, that they are completely incapable of seeing the other side of any issue and will argue via negative posting, slamming anyone who does not agree with them, to try to start an FB fight online. This is a form of abuse, but one that pays off, when two sides (opposing Facebook Intolerants) of any emotional issue get fired up.
17. FACEBOOK MARKETER
Facebook marketers can be relentless, and Facebook encourages them to market their wares and services to other Facebook users. As annoying as the marketing may be, Zuckerberg is trying to make the advertising experience much less offensive than other types of advertising you might see on the Internet (and the revenue from these “sponsors” is what keeps FB free, and Zuckerberg rich). Other FB marketers are using other types of Facebook interactions to connect (and annoy) their potential customers.
18. FACEBOOK MANIPULATOR
Facebook Manipulators are the sneaky Facebook users who are well-versed in the use of all the Facebook features and filters. They generally have a devious side but are not malicious in nature. You might look at their profile while logged-in from your account and see one thing, and from someone else’s account, it could look very different, for whatever reason.
19. FACEBOOK STALKER
Not to forget the Facebook Stalker (AKA Internet Trolls using Facebook) who possesses and maintains several alternate identities on Facebook just for spying (and commenting on) profiles of Facebook users that might rather be unmonitored (for whatever reason) by the real person in question.
20. FACEBOOK PREDATOR
Facebook Predators are those who may or may not create fake Facebook profile accounts to defraud or otherwise take advantage of Facebook users who may not possess a decent BS-filter, leading to loss; loss of dignity, loss of mental health, loss of finances, time, or life itself. FB-user beware.
Did I miss anyone?
Add a type of Facebook user that may not have made it to the Top 20 Types of Facebook Users below
We all know that things are not always as they appear, yet widely we still tend to base our opinion of another person based on a very small data sample. As much as we know that we don’t like people to judge us, reduce us to a structured personality profile, assume that we are a particular kind of cat or two-dimensional caricatures; still we tend to do this when exposed to another individual whom we might not know very well.
Our first impression of someone will influence and spin everything they say or do from that point forward to support our initial opinion or generalization of the kind of person this person may (or may not) be.
In business, some of the best talent to support your organization comes from the least likely candidates. Often someone who does not interview well may bring the most significant impact to your organization. They might not look the part, dress fashionably or have the best social skills but what they bring to the table can far supersede your more trendy hires or associates.
Of course, we don’t just tend to judge people by their appearance in the sifting and sorting of the hiring process, we judge people based on our own impression of them in all areas of life.
There is the homeless person holding the “Will Work for Food” sign, we don’t think twice before making an immediate evaluation of this person, even though we do not have a clue who they are, what their position in life is, whether they are genuinely broke or not.
When we’re on the prowl for a potential mate, book covers enter the game again. This one’s not handsome/pretty enough, not tall enough, too short, bad taste in fragrance, shoes or jewelry. Then, of course, there’s the number one book cover, “What kind of car does he drive?”
Especially if we’ve been around the relationship venue for some time, we have a whole list of items to disqualify any potential suitor who might come our way, based on our own personal bias and experience.
In a supermarket, you could hear someone in line repeat a particular phrase that sets off all kinds of bells and whistles and you immediately jump to a conclusion about what kind of person this is based on a string of seven or eight words that triggered your psyches.
If you’re on the lookout for demons, you’re likely to find them everywhere you look.
It appears the most judgmental people of all can be found trolling the Internet looking for people to insult, degrade and humiliate.
I know someone who poured their heart out on Facebook (alright, inadvisable, nonetheless) this person was waylaid by an onslaught of vile accusations and ridicule. All from one transparent, honest and open statement, let loose for the world to see; only to be made the subject of further abuse.
In the event that you get hammered by one of these haters, please try not to take it personal. They don’t know you, and they know no other way to make themselves feel better, than to put someone else down. It’s not about you, it’s about their nature, regardless of who you are, haters gonna hate.
Are you a hater?
If we look deep inside ourselves, as much as we would like to deny that we are “haters,” truth be told we are probably more like the haters in the way that we judge or falsely accuse others based on very little information. Some people are falsely accused and sentenced to prison, for being less than desirable.
What can we do about it?
Well, on social media, if you see someone’s post that seems crass or insensitive, maybe check out the individual’s profile to see if he/she is the type of person that you imagined they were based on a few words on a public post. You might be surprised to see a lovely person, who might even be a considered a “friend” if you met him/her face-to-face.
You just cannot rely on your first impression of a person based on a single statement, like or share. You do not know who they are, what’s happening in their life or what caused them to respond in that way. Chances are, if you had walked a mile in that person’s shoes, you would have done the same thing.
And it’s likely that you have liked, commented and posted something questionable, you’d rather not be defined by at some point. Nowadays, it is prudent to think before you post.
You might consider getting used to the idea that there are other people who are a lot more like you than not. These people also have histories, families, hopes, dreams, and beliefs just like you (though dissimilar) and that’s okay. Isn’t it?
If not, not to worry, there’s room for you, too… and we love you anyway.
Whenever you reach out to do good in the world, expect a backlash from ignorant people who just don’t get it. Not only do they not get it, but they have declared war against you and everything that you stand for, and they will stop at nothing (while hiding behind the Internet) to try to embarrass, defame and humiliate you via the World Wide Web.
The first thing to remember is that these people are not innately evil in any way. For the most part, they are lonely and pathetic people with little to live for, who have likely been abused or otherwise victimized in their pasts. Lashing out to authentic, heart-centered people promoting a better life are easy prey, and belittling them, in some way makes them feel a little better (or a little less bad).
So, try not to take the cyberbullying personal, when you’ve shared something intimately from your heart, then get viciously attacked by an Internet troll (hater) who does his best to hurt your feelings and break your spirit.
How to Deal with Haters
So, what to do when you’re attacked via social media?
The best course of action is nothing. That’s right, just ignoring it is the best course of action when dealing with haters. Do not respond or try to defend yourself because that just adds fuel to the fire. Just accept it for what it is. A victimized person, who is hurting inside, who can think of nothing better to cope with their pain than to victimize someone else, and using a somewhat anonymous vehicle, like the Internet, is a perfect way for them to strike out, without much risk.
Then there are the people who care about you and know that your inattentions were pure and resonate with your point of view. Your supporters might rally against the cyberbullying, in an attempt to vindicate your good name.
It Could Be Worse
I know, I thought the same thing. A few years ago, when I was viciously attacked via social media online by a psychopath rallying sadistic Internet trolls to join in slinging hate and discord about me, some other social media users were influenced to join in on attacking me, because I had been targeted as an evil person.
Immediately, my friends began to defend me and respond to the insensitive posting of the haters. Even though my energy was greatly depleted (the attacks ensued due to the loss of my son in Afghanistan) I tried to quickly respond (privately if I could) to beg them not to respond, because just as I had expected the controversy began to turn into a full-on battle.
As people stopped defending me, the Internet trolls and cyberbullies went away looking for other prey to post inflammatory comments about, for there is no satisfaction for them in attacking someone who will not result in someone expressing their being hurt, upset or becoming argumentative. This left the psychopath to remain alone as the only person left standing who continued to try to defame me.
Apologies and support started to come my way, after a while, from people who had been misled by the psychopath and his temporary herd of minions, after they had discovered the truth of the matter and realizing that they had been duped.
Follow Your Heart
Speak your peace, share your heart and let nothing dissuade you from sharing your innermost desires for goodness, love, and hope for a better, brighter world.
Do not defend, or strike back, just let it go, let it be and it will fade away or find somewhere else to go. No need to judge, criticize or poke fun at the haters, because their situation is probably worse than you can imagine.
Just be aware that there are people out there who are hurting, and while it’s true that “Haters are gonna hate,” realize they, too, are doing the best they can with what they have.
Your true friends and followers will respect your integrity by seeing you continue to smile and wave through the positive responses and the bad.
Let it go, don’t let it get to you… Keep singing your song.
Okay, we can all agree that our children (those adorable young cyberspacers) need some coaching on how to safely use social media. There are apparent security risks, like predators & stalkers, being mindful not to post too much personal information (which may mean not posting when and where you are in real time, not posting pictures taken by a camera which includes physical location of where the photo was taken).
We encourage our children to be polite and respectful, warn them not to engage in gossip or putting others (including classmates) down for fear of promoting cyberbullying or creating disrespectful or dangerous social situations in real life school.
When we think about the dangers of social media, we think about the young people who may be putting themselves at risk by engaging in a technology they were born into. Like it or not, it is an integral part of their life. Unlike you, they do not know a world without social media.
What about the dangers of social media to you?
You don’t think about that much, do you? I’m not talking about the potential threat of Big Brother nosing around your data or tracking every move you make. No, I’m talking about what danger might you expose yourself to by using social media?
We’re aware of the threats and consequences we’ve read about in the headlines, like people posting their vacation photos in real time and coming home to a home that’s been robbed while they were away (and a hundred, if not more, stories related to posting your location).
For families, the same threats apply for attracting predators for proud parents, as it does for our children (but we might be less likely to take that into consideration). For single adults, there are different kinds of narcissistic predators, psychopaths and stalkers waiting to exploit your social media postings, and the list goes on and on…
Not to mention what is social media doing to us as a culture. Most of our face to face relationships, even voice to voice relationships, as we move our social interactions from real life and even talking on the phone to the more convenient and less intrusive social media platforms. It appears that authentic social interaction is morphing into reclusive voyeurism. I’m not convinced this is an upgrade.
More importantly, I am concerned about the dark side of social media, a place where people can mock, put-down, bully, disrespect and spread hate like a wildfire without any social responsibility. Personally, I choose not to participate in negative social media campaigns, and there are so many to avoid.
Then there are the haters. A hater’s gonna hate and there’s nothing you can do about it. The best advice, if a hater starts hating on you, is to ignore it. Responding to haters or attempting to defend yourself only adds fuel to the fire.
But mostly, I’m concerned about what we inflict upon ourselves by posting our own negative campaigns. I see people that I care about deeply in real life destroying their lives by posting negative comments. These seemingly harmless postings attract more of what they don’t want by declaring to the universe in the most poignant way possible, “I don’t like,” or even worse, “I hate,” whatever follows… and whatever follows is like placing your prepaid order with Amazon for even more of what you posted, with free shipping.
And it breaks my heart to see this simple rule of thumb proven over and over again. I see someone posting about how much they dislike or disapprove of something, then in a few days or weeks, they’re posting about how they were visited by something worse; and if their declaration was extremely vehement, far worse.
On the other hand, there is a camp of folk who are completely the opposite. They post primarily positive and supportive items on social media and they seem to attract more good news and happiness to their lives. I believe there is a connection.
Avoid the danger of adding more misery to your life by posting negative comments online.
Reduced to its simplest form (trying not to sound like a Chinese fortune cookie):
Ever notice how friends seem to come and go throughout your life, yet others… Appear and reappear at various intervals… and when you get together it’s as if no time has passed as you slip right into the loving and caring relationship where you last left off?
That’s the sign of a true friend
People don’t seem to create the same kind of lasting bonds as they used to.
What’s social media got to do with it?
Social media is dual sided
Sure, it can instantly connect us to family, friends, acquaintances, business associates and people from our past. In regards to connecting in this fashion, the medium is priceless. I even use it to be engaged in the lives of my family and kids, somewhat closing the gap of separation by geography.
The electronic medium is instant – and delayed – all at the same time. Someone can post something in real time, and the viewer can view and/or comment at a time that is convenient.
In these respects social media is a huge upgrade to our lives on planet earth.
On the other hand it leads to deterioration in the level of intimacy in social relationships.
Friendships are more superficial, as there is less one-on-one face-to-face intimate communication.
Plus, there is a technological separation – a barrier – which cannot be bridged by social media. It is easier for me to misrepresent, cover-up, be dishonest or lie via social media to my “friends.”
There is less opportunity to open-up, trust and remain unfiltered in true heart-to-heart communication. Which turns out to create a greater need for counseling, coaching and consulting; and even these areas are beginning to move from offices to streaming via electronic mediums.
Making Real Friends
My earliest friendships date back to my childhood; from frolicking and playing (Dog-pile!) with my young friends, out in the open, walking the streets, hiking trails, splashing in streams, playing in the woods… Having fun and exploring; bonding, without supervision, without fear (except the fear of getting in trouble for not honoring the rule of heading for home when the street lights turned on).
Other friendships were forged in between classes from grade school through college. While in-person training is still the accepted model in public schools, there is a growing trend amongst greater education (starting to infiltrate high school) to telecommute or attend via Internet. Not having downtime in between classes, does not allow potential for developing a deep level friendship.
Take a Look Around
The next time you go out to a night club, restaurant – or even a college cafeteria – and take a look around… Even in these public social environments, more and more people are on their phones and tablets, connecting with others, even each other. Yes, I witnessed (and you may, too):
Two men sitting at the bar communicating with each other via text and over social media.
I realize I’m sounding like an “old person” right about now, because the times they are a changing.
The changes have me concerned about the future.
From this perspective, I see the world moving to a place where meaningful relationships are much less meaningful and are superseded by a new model of social connection that – while very connected – is completely disconnected.
How will this affect the future?
Will our children’s children be less likely to have meaningful connections (true friends) with other individuals?
Will there be a growing trend for us to further imprison ourselves, crawling deeper into our homes and only connect electronically with the outside world?
I may only have a handful of true friends – the ones who I have forged impenetrable relationships with, standing the test of time – but they are by far among the most treasured the most meaningful components of a life that would otherwise be solitary, even though I am surrounded by thousands of people. I salute each and every one of you with an enthusiastic
I love you, man!
Now, I’m going to go check to see how liked I am by counting my Facebook friends… 🙂