Psychopath, Sociopath or Narcissist

We all get excited about putting labels on people, especially when we’re trying to figure out why people have a tendency to hurt our feelings or act in ways that we think might be very different from the rest of us. This is a constant moving target for mental health professionals, armchair psychologists and victims of all kinds.

There is no definitive distinction about psychopaths, sociopaths, or narcissists, which everyone can agree on, so we all do the best we can with what we have. In fact, in the professional sector, they have abandoned these labels altogether in favor of adopting a wide spectrum appropriately labeled Anti-Social Personality Disorder, or ASPD. This seems to be a better way to describe the folks who don’t get along or play well with others.

People tend to get these three labels mixed up and use them interchangeably, and I am often asked what the difference is between them.

There seems to be a bit of confusion about psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists as I get asked about the differences between them and how difficult it is to tell them apart. So, I will take a shot at it, advising that this is how it goes in my ministry, it does not apply to anyone else’s practice (because to get a professional group of educated people to agree on anything is difficult, if not impossible, to do).

What makes it confusing is that psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists share some common characteristics. For the most part these people are attractive to us as we are drawn to their charm and attracted to their perceived friendliness, while they also maintain an inflated sense of ego. They also seem to possess a lack of empathy, which is counter-cultural (anti-social) and gives them the inability to connect with others in an authentically compassionate manner.

Psychopath

Psychopaths are charming, are daring, tend to take on risks that would normally intimidate others, are bold, fearless and have an extremely high degree of self-confidence. They are intelligent, are able to process large volumes of data and may have achieved high levels of education, and if not, can easily appear as though they are highly educated.

Psychopaths anti-social and have a limited worldview, as it’s hard to imagine anything more important than themselves, fail to possess the ability to maintain an authentic connection to other people, and are more focused on who can serve them or what can make them feel exhilarated. They are also prone to anger-fueled emotional outbursts.

In the employment or public service sectors, they are high achievers, are able to quickly move up the corporate ladder, and when they shine, we admire their devil may care attitude as they demonstrate their ability to tackle impossible challenges and come out on top of the heap (even though the heap may include devastation and dead bodies).

All the while, we admire them and can even be jealous of their ability to divide and conquer without the emotional filters the rest of us have, and they are friendly. We are attracted to their charm, often unaware they are not normal and are only manipulating us, as they play us like their private orchestra.

While they are adept at masquerading as being just like us in every way, this is all an act to control us and influence us in such a way as to be compelled to support them in any way we can, and they will use any methods to appeal to and manipulate our feelings to motivate us to do so.

While using the ability to interact with social media to attract support or lure potential victims, the psychopath will post photos of themselves, but their photos are less likely to be pre-meditated, precisely posed and appear to be more candid. They are not necessarily as obsessed about how they appear in their photos, as long as they’re not too bad. And their online vocabulary is likely to include foul language or words that would be thought of as negative or angry.

On the wrong side of the law, prosecuting attorneys tend to refer to these people as “evil” as they try to unmask them in front of juries who are shocked to find that such a good person could be so different when compared to their public persona.

Sociopath

Like psychopaths, sociopaths have little or no empathy, though are not as ruthless as psychopaths. They can be just as manipulative, but are more considerate of others, but will turn on you in a heartbeat, if it will get them what they want. In this way, they are stealthier and less likely to be identified early on.

They are more spontaneous and fun-loving and find it easy to blend in to a crowd, or belong to a group or movement.

While sociopaths are also quite friendly, their friends are for the most part not long-term (though they could have a very small number of long-term relationships), due to their inability to maintain the reciprocity necessary to continue a friendship for any length of time. They usually make friends with those who can support them in some way, then forget about you when you are no longer needed, or they’ve found some other way to satisfy whatever it was that you were providing them.

They are intelligent but not prone to enduring the long commitments necessary to complete higher levels of education and are likely to find other way to meet their needs.

Sociopaths may be as ruthless as psychopaths but often the underlying motivation is quite different. While a psychopath is motivated by fearless dominance, the sociopath may take unrealistic risks or measures that can negatively affect their peers for their fear of loss, thusly imposing their dominance as an act of perceived self-perseverance.

Sociopaths are less likely to actively engage in social media, due to their anti-social tendencies, though they may use is sporadically, tolerating social media exposure long enough to accomplish a specific goal or task, otherwise, they don’t see much need in it, unless it serves a particular purpose for them.

Carelessness may cause the sociopath to appear before a judge and jury.

A sociopath can be described as a person who remains nervous and is vulnerable to getting irritated very easily. These people are anti-social and often are uneducated, living on the edges of society. They can be called abstainers who are perceived as disturbed people by others. A crime by these people will often be instant and unplanned.

Narcissist

The narcissist is quite different from the psychopath and sociopath, but do share some similar characteristics.  There is no doubt the narcissist is extremely selfish and may have the inability to have compassion for anyone else. The narcissist is the center of their universe which revolves around them, so to them, little else really matters.

Narcissists are unable to understand or perceive anyone else’s point of view, staying true to their own ideals, with having little regard for any other individuals. They are unable to be empathetic and are quite adept at manipulating of others.

They are easily categorized as being vain (check out the old Carly Simon song, You’re So Vain. Pretty much sums it up) they can’t help but check themselves out in a mirror or look at their reflection in a shop window, or post a lot of selfies on social media.

Narcissists are attracted to social media to express their tendencies to be an exhibitionistic, to attract the attention of others, and to promote their own agendas, or just to show off. The need the admiration of others to support their grandiose image of themselves, and are found very active on Facebook, amidst a sea of likes, posts, shares, profile updates, and followers. Since their face-to-face connections are superficial as it may be hard to get a word in edgewise, and they are likely to interrupt you when you’re trying to express yourself, they can express themselves continually on Facebook and Twitter without having to tolerate the interruption of others.

Mental health experts agree that a narcissist is easily identifiable by the frequency and type of photos or selfies they post on their Facebook profile. Their photos are less candid, always portray their best side, are often carefully posed or exposed and are likely to feature above average attire and expensive accessories. And on Twitter, they’re more likely to tweet about themselves or from their perspective using first person personal pronouns, such as “I” and “me” or the plural “we” or “us.” Photos are also likely to document their whereabouts, especially prone to posting “look at me,” (without actually using the words) when out and about or out on the (or out of) town.

Seeing themselves as superior to other people, narcissists may be more likely to judge others and see anyone else as lesser people, unworthy of their self-perceived higher social status. While they think their friends and followers are adoring their posts and tweets, in reality their viewers are more likely to be rolling their eyes in silent disapproval of the narcissistic selfish displays, and may even unfollow them at some point. No problem for the narcissist, they are certain there and hundreds (if not millions) of other people waiting in line to get a look at their latest post and these followers are certainly far more deserving.

Psychopath Sociopath Narcissist
Charismatic Confident Extremely self-centered
Confident Friendly and polite Seek admiration
Fearless risk takers Can blend in Less likely to care about others
Intelligent Less highly educated Prone to obssess in social media
Masqueraders More likely to break the law Post a lot of updates and selfies
Dangerous (less likely to get caught) Most likely not dangerous

 

Psychopath or Narcissist?

There seems to be a bit of confusion among all peoples, professionals and laypersons, about how to correctly label a psychopath, sociopath, narcissist or any of the other personality types clustered among the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum.

In my work with victims of predators who clearly vibrate within the ASPD spectrum, we all get attacked by peers and predators who strongly disapprove or using any list of characteristics or labels whatsoever to identify a psychopath, sociopath, or narcissist. It is even more confusing when even the psychiatrists, psychologists and criminologists cannot agree on a particular diagnosis.

The problem? We’re talking about people. Regardless of their predatory tendencies, these warped individuals are people – just like the rest of us – who are each just as unique as the rest of us. In my work, I generally refer to these individuals with a basic set of extreme anti-social characteristics as “psychopaths,” because that was the clinical diagnosis of the individual who introduced me to the nature of these individuals. Prior to encountering this psychopath, I didn’t believe they existed.

Since then, no one can seem to agree on an effective means to qualify these people (if only there were a blood test or some other quantitative way to correctly diagnose where an individual is on the ASPD spectrum). Interestingly enough, every “expert” has their own method of diagnosis they are confident works well (or well enough).

As far as the differences between psychopaths and narcissists, most can agree on the following differences.

Psychopath or Narcissist?

As opposed to most narcissists, psychopaths are either unable or unwilling to control their impulses or to delay gratification. They use their rage to control people and manipulate them into submission.

Psychopaths, like narcissists, lack empathy but many of them are also sadistic: they take pleasure in inflicting pain on their victims or in deceiving them. They even find it funny!

Psychopaths are far less able to form interpersonal relationships, even the twisted and tragic relationships that are the staple of the narcissist.

Both the psychopath and the narcissist disregard society, its conventions, social cues and social treaties. But the psychopath carries this disdain to the extreme and is likely to be a scheming, calculated, ruthless, and callous career criminal. Psychopaths are deliberately and gleefully evil while narcissists are absent-mindedly and incidentally evil.

As Millon, in Personality Disorders in Modern Life notes, certain narcissists “incorporate moral values into their exaggerated sense of superiority. Here, moral laxity is seen (by the narcissist) as evidence of inferiority, and it is those who are unable to remain morally pure who are looked upon with contempt.”

Narcissists may not be considered evil, like psychopaths, and may lack the intention to cause harm. Narcissist are more likely to be indifferent, callous and careless in their conduct, which overflows into the way they interact with others. Their abusive behavior is primarily not considered to be as intentional or deliberate a psychopath’s.

Psychopaths really do not need other people while narcissists are addicted to narcissistic supply (the admiration, attention, and envy of others).

“When the egocentricity, lack of empathy, and sense of superiority of the narcissist cross-fertilize with the impulsivity, deceitfulness, and criminal tendencies of the antisocial, the result is a psychopath, an individual who seeks the gratification of selfish impulses through any means without empathy or remorse.” ~ Millon, Th., Davis, R. – Personality Disorders in Modern Life – John Wiley and Sons, 2000.

Victims of Psychopathic Relationships

Psychopath Victims helps and supports those who have suffered abuse of psychopaths, sociopaths or other predators on the Anti Social Personality Disorder (ASPD) spectrum. Suffering at the hands of a psychopath can have devastating results. At the very least, they can drain all of your energy, leaving you broken and alone and they may have drained all of your financial resources, leaving you broke and alone.

If you think you might be suffering at the hands of a psychopath, it might be a good idea to know how to identify whether the person responsible for your suffering is a psychopath. So, how can you identify a psychopath?

is he or she a psychopath sociopath victims help

Here are some signs that you might be dealing with a psychopath:

  1. Psychopaths are charismatic and are able to attract supporters easily. They are wonderful speakers who are able to engage their audience who can easily engage the emotions and attention of those fortunate enough to be in their presence. They exaggerate stories skewing the truth for their self-serving benefit, and will go as far as to lie and place themselves in someone else’s story and claiming it is their own.
  2. Psychopaths are intellectual. They have a gift of having incredibly sharp wit and intelligence enabling them to masquerade as highly-educated, bob and weave in live situations. This also      makes them excellent con artists able to conceive, plan and execute elaborate schemes, while (mostly) staying one step ahead of the authorities.
  3. Psychopaths are devoid of feelings. They do not grieve, are in capable of feeling guilt, shame or remorse, empowering them to easily victimize anyone. They will enthusiastically engage in      anything that bolsters their position at someone else’s expense. They do not love. They are incapable of giving or receiving love, but terribly acute at acting as though they are in the throes of love, if it will help them achieve a desired result. They are great actors/performers with no      real feelings whatsoever.
  4. Psychopaths are impulsive, often acting or speaking without thinking through potential consequences of their words or actions, and are more likely to take risks, being free of repercussion, since they see themselves as above the law or the constraints of the social norm.
  5. Psychopaths never lose. They will dominate anyone who gets in their way, will vehemently defend their position, often by telling lies and spinning wild tales in an effort to discredit      naysayers.
  6. Psychopaths are never wrong. They never apologize; do not feel remorse for hurting others and are incapable of feeling guilt. If asked to apologize, will often strike out and attack their victim, rather than admit they may have made a mistake or misstep.
  7. Psychopaths believe their own press. Once they have said something, it becomes gospel in their mind; so much so, that they can often believe their own bold-faced lies, even to the point of      being able to pass a lie detector test. They keep a long list of secrets, and are not forthcoming about intimate details of their past, unless they are fictitious.

In most all cases, the victims invariably ask, “Why me?” This is often followed by feelings of self-doubt, taking responsibility for the loss to the extent of blaming themselves and even self-ridicule.

The truth is, it is not your responsibility, any more than it may have been your responsibility for being hit by a drunk driver; except in this case the drunk driver did carefully seek you out and ran over you on purpose!

If your currently in a relationship with a psychopath (either professional or personal) you might ask, “Why not have the psychopath seek treatment?” You might think that your psychopath is not truly a psychopath, but simply displaying the symptoms of psychopathic behavior due to some life circumstance.

You are an authentic human being and you would not purposely do something to harm or defraud another person, so why would this person of whom you are quite fond of – and may even love – act out in such a nefarious fashion? Surely he (or she) would not treat someone who cares about them so much this way unless there was some deep-seated issues that caused them to act-out like this…

Certainly, normal people may temporarily act in a manner similar to that of a psychopath if under some extreme type of stress, but for the psychopath it is a life-long condition and there is no successful form of treatment for their psychological disposition.

That is why specific coaches and counselors specialize in reaching out to and supporting victims of psychopaths. This is a special calling. Victims of psychopaths have a wide range of pain, needs, resources and options. The range of techniques and tools available vary significantly based on each individual circumstance.

The needs of the victim whose relationship has been forever severed are completely different from the needs of someone who must navigate an ongoing relationship with a psychopath.

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