Soul Mate Draw

I’m not much for playing poker or any card games for that matter, but it occurs to me that being in search of your soul mate can be likened unto playing a draw-poker-style game. The odds vary hand-to-hand and, at least in my experience, sometimes you bet everything you have on what you think is a hand that cannot lose, only to find someone else had a better hand. Unbelievable but true and you are left empty-handed and alone.

After a hand, like that, you’re likely not to even want to play again for a while. Time passes and you’re feeling a little more confident, then you think maybe it’s time to see what’s happening at the table of love again.

soulmate draw

You walk into the poker room, a little more cautious this time, survey your surroundings, watch some of the other games in progress, then select a table and request to be dealt into a round. You place your initial bet and before you know it, you’re feeling a little more comfortable being back in the game.

Some games have a significant buy in while others do not. Depending on the game and how much you’ve invested, you have more to lose but also more to win. We all hope to win, but sometimes (if not more often than not) we lose.

Such is the game. But the more you play it, hopefully, you get better at it.

You don’t fall for all those false tells of the other players. You have a better idea about what a good hand looks like.

In this game, the dealer is God – the universe, fate, the powers that be – and you’re not afraid to ask to draw another card if it doesn’t feel right.

I’ve played some good games in my life, and I was all in – and they were the best played games ever – but they’ve left me wanting more true love. I’m not expecting to beat the house, only to finally get that royal flush in hearts I’ve always longed for.

When I started playing the game of love, I expected only to play one game and I’d be good forever. I bought-in to a couple of huge tournaments since then. I’m not saying the games weren’t the best games ever – because they were – but I think I could do better.

Don’t get me wrong by assuming that because I’m relating my quest for a soulmate to a card game that I am a player, or that I’m playing the part of the victim who has been played by someone else. That’s not it.

I’m just looking for ways to relax, hold the space for the perfect hand of love, to be ready and willing to be all-in when my royal flush arrives.

So, here I am, at the table again. I am open, watching the other games in progress, the other players, trying to learn from both my and their mistakes and waiting for the perfect Ace of hearts to turn up.

I know, I’ve heard people say, waiting for the perfect hand is no way to play the game. Just have fun playing the game and play all the cards that you’re dealt.

Yeah, that’s not me; not my style.

Yes, I’ve been told that’s the problem with how I’ve played the game of love in the past: waited for one hand then bet it all and lost. But that’s their interpretation. I don’t think I’ve ever lost, because what I gained far surpassed everything I had to bet.

To the onlookers, other players (and sometimes in front of other live feed cam viewers) it looked like I lost it all; and I did. The pain of the loss was as real as it looked in that moment, but what I gained was far superior to anything I could have imagined, and the game itself was amazing.

Everyone has their way of playing the game. That doesn’t make it good or bad, right or wrong, it just is what it is. And if you’re cheating (believe me, in this game it’s impossible to cheat but you can go on believing you are), that’s okay too, because this house always wins.

Looking forward to playing the best game ever…

 

 

Dating Over 40

The times they are a changing, and the entire dating landscape is morphing into something unfamiliar, especially for those who find themselves looking for a prospective mate while dating after 40 years of age.

Single women over 40 are wondering how to find a good man in this new sea of seemingly unpredictable possibilities. Many of these women are stronger, they’ve been groomed to be more self-confident, expecting more from their mate, see themselves as equals, and often carry wounds that may subconsciously blocking good men over 40.

dating over 40 how to find a good man you attract what you are

What Is A Real Man?

If you’re in search of a “real man,” first you must define what that means to you. Consider making a soulmate list of the characteristics that you’re looking for.

Even so, as you are searching online and in the real world intent on finding a good man, you might ask

Where did all the good guys go?

Be aware that there is an abundance of good men all around you, but your mindset may be blocking access to them. Statements, like, “I’m looking for a real man,” “I need a strong man,” or, “Why can’t he just man up,” or, “be a man about it,” will have the good men that you are looking for swerving to avoid you. And if a good man hears you speak words, like that, it’s likely that his attention will be diverted elsewhere.

Men Are Changing Too

They are becoming more sensitive, intuitive. They don’t even have to hear the words you are saying, they can feel your vibration and may avoid you solely based on unjustified feeling. Men are increasingly seeking more meaningful relationships and getting in touch with the things in life that bring them the greatest joy and fulfillment (a huge departure from the work all day to support the family model of the 1950’s).

While they might have been willing to exchange putting up with drama in exchange for good sex, in their youth, men over 40 and above are more likely to avoid drama, just like women over 40. Tolerance and teamwork are more preferred traits in modern romance. Laying down the law, like, “My way or the highway,” will more than likely send love a-packing, as ultimatums are undesirable and may be intolerable.

Be Mindful of What You Say

If you believe in the law of attraction, or not, the overwhelming statistics would indicate that what you speak is what you attract. Therefore, if you tend to voice the idea that, “all the good ones are married,” “there are no good men left,” or “all the hot men are gay,” (I find it interesting that women think all the hot men are gay, just as much as men think all the hot women are lesbians and gay men think all the hot men are straight.) the words you use will create your experience.

Inner Work

Single women over 40 need to take a look at what’s going on inside because in most cases not only do you attract what you say, possibly more importantly, you attract what you are. Ask yourself, “What kind of guys do I attract?” Then review the attributes of the men over 40 that you’ve been attracting. Are you able to objectively see any similarities between the men that you attract and any possible inner work that might be lingering deep inside? This might be worth taking a look at.

It Is What It Is

Realize that dating over 40 is different than any type of dating prior to the age of 40. Men and women are likely bruised, damaged or somewhat numb to the idea of entering a long term relationship or making a lifelong commitment due to past experiences.

If they’re anything like me, I am less likely to pair up with someone who I do not believe will be the best thing that could happen in my life. This does not mean she will be perfect, but she will be perfect (with all her imperfections) for me and likewise I will be for her.

In the meantime, if you meet someone who is extremely particular, happy with his (or her) life and is not jumping at the chance to fawn (or fondle) over you, just because you’ve expressed an interest

Don’t Be Offended

Don’t take it personal if your volunteering for love and romance is not embraced by a prospective suitor, be grateful that he (or the powers that be) have diverted a potential relationship that may not have been your highest and best. There are plenty of good men out there, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for any one of them. You have the time and space to be the love that you seek, and he will find you.

Relax

Take it slow. Realize that the process of becoming the love that you desire and attracting the perfect person for you may take some time. If you’re over 40, there may be many extenuating circumstances that are delaying his (or her) appearance, like a marriage, deteriorating health of a current mate, or any other number of details indicating that this may not be the right time for the both of you to be together.

If you are ready, and patient, the love you seek will appear at the right time.

Be Happy

In the meantime, fill your life with love and things that you enjoy. This will increases your quality of life and help keep you in a receptive state of mind that works like a love magnet.

 

Relationship Truth and the Soulmate List

Okay, you asked for it, so here it is: The truth about romantic relationships is that most of them (the successful ones) take work. Sure you have to have all the components…

Broken heart

First you have to start without a broken heart. If you’re looking for mister or miss right, you have to be ready to have a relationship. That means, if you’ve been in one prior, you’d best get a handle on recovery from your previous romantic episode before you go running headlong into the next one, otherwise, you’re just not ready. That’s the truth.

Lonely

“But I’m lonely and don’t want to be alone.”

Okay, I get that. But how long do you expect someone to stick around if they are unable to stand the whirlwind you bring to the table. If he/she reminds you of your ex- either you’re still hung up on your ex- (and not ready to be seeing anyone. See Broken Heart, above) or you’re attracting the same type of person (and how did that work the last time?).

Get Busy

Get busy doing the things that make you feel good, the things that you love. If you’re feeling good all the time, you don’t have the time (or energy) to feel depressed or lonely. I try to stay busy, focused on my clients and spending quality time with my friends (who, unfortunately all are paired up, but fun nonetheless). I can always relax and take time off for her, after I’ve found her.

Awakenings

When you start to realize these things, you can either forge forward with little regard to them or start to wake up to the music. The title of the song you want to hear from within is, “Do Something Different,” or learn to find happiness in the same old types of relationships that you’ve had in the past.

soul mate relationship truth soulmate broken heart lonely awakenings the truth

I have this formula that I use; maybe you will find it helpful for you (maybe not). I call it my

Soulmate List

I have a list of fifty-or-so attributes that I am looking for. In an extra-large font, it takes up three pages.

I came up with the idea, while working with a coach and mentor in Florida, who had used some of these techniques to find her life-long soulmate (that’s what I’m looking for, too) and I’ve added my own tweaks to form a new system. Briefly, it goes, like this:

1a. To first make a list of all the things that you didn’t like in the men in your past relationship.

1b. Then go over the list and translate those into a list of positive attributes (the opposites) that you would look for in Mr. Right. (Ditch the negative list.)

2. Next, make a list of all the things that you liked (or thought you liked) in the men in your previous relationships.

3. Combine the two lists of positive attributes, and you’re almost there…

4. Then, being as specific as you can, think of all the attributes that you would like that aren’t already on the list. (The Floridian coach cautioned me not to leave anything off, because she had neglected to put down, “Physically healthy,” on her list, and wished she had, later.)

Then she says read the list every day, out-loud, once in the morning and once in the evening, and you will get what you confess.

I told the story to my grief counselor, he thinks it’s a great idea and is going to start using that model in his practice.

If you decide to give-it-a-go, I’d like to see your list. (It’s also a great way to turn around some of the pain of past relationships and turn them into positive attributes. It keeps you from focusing on the garbage, leading to real healing.)

The Real Truth

Finally, the real truth is this: My intention was to write and create a book based on this system called, “The Soul Mate List,” with the intention of telling my world’s greatest love story of all time and describe how I found the love of my life quickly and easily using my system.

I find that this system has been highly effective in preventing me from being sidetracked by potential romances that were not my highest and best (nor I theirs). = WIN

On the other hand, seven years… No soul mate… LOL

Connection

There exists a connection that exists between people that transcends circumstance, time and space. Two (or more) people could be separated, yet still connected heart-to-heart by a thread that is not limited to the restrictions of geography, circumstance, time or space.

Such connections exist between mothers and their children, even children that have not been seen since birth still this bond remains. This tether is ever predominantly present between twins, but also (though at lesser intensity) between separated siblings (even if separated at birth or a very early age and raised in different families with no cognitive knowledge of each other) as well as the psychic cords connecting siblings, friends and even people who have never met.

Individuals who share this type of spiritual connection will often find that they have much in common when they do finally meet each other. They commonly like the same things like foods, fashion, hobbies or enjoyable activities and may share a higher level of communication, like thinking the same thoughts at the same time, knowing what is going to be said before the words are spoken, and could be considered a type of telepathic communication.

Spiritual connection between people known and unknown

It’s as if this bond existed prior to birth and persists throughout this life’s journey.

As we traverse our journey, we cross paths with individuals that we have been connected to. I find this of particular interest when someone is attracted to my life – to whom I have no biological connection with and have never known or met previously – who, when I meet them, there is a feeling of kinship, familiarity and knowingness of our being connected without rational explanation.

It’s like meeting up with a dear old friend after a period of separation, yet there was no previous relationship to base these feeling upon.

I have attracted individuals whom I have never met, whose lives have been so similar to my own (which anyone would think impossible to duplicate) that when we become acquainted, we immediately feel as though we’ve known each other before and shared our lives both concurrently and individually. Our recognition of our selves feels more like a reunion than a primal introduction.

Ever since I can remember, I have been seeking and waiting for my romantic soul mate, my one true love, but the evolutionary process of my life has made me keenly aware that we have many soul mates. They are not all romantic in nature and they include a number of people to whom we share this special connection.

I am so grateful to have met these individuals with whom I share a heart connection superceding logic throughout my life; starting with grade school and continuing throughout my life’s journey.

In fact, there is a possibility that as you read these words, you and I may be reconnecting, as you recognize our tethered hearts, even in this moment.

If so, I am so glad that we are getting acquainted (or more correctly “reacquainted”) even though it boggles the mind.

I’m already feeling like a celebration is in order.

How about you?

What do you think about this type of connection?

How would you explain it?

You Can Get What You Want

Love Mick Jagger You Can Get What You Want photographed by Gered Mankowitz 1966I was just listening to Mick Jagger saying, “You can’t always get what you want.” And to tell you the truth, I was offended by that programming. Then, to try to smooth it over by saying, “But if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need.”

I had a chat with God and told Him I want to know what it’s like to be one with my soul mate. As the story goes, I saw her at the reception, the whirlwind romance ensued and many years of happiness and bliss were the result.

I got what I wanted.

And in a moment… that moment had passed.

Ended up, what I got was not exactly what I wanted but for a moment I had what fulfilled me.

What? Is this a lesson in mediocrity?

Look, Mick, I love you. But I believe I can get what I want, especially if it’s for my highest and best.

Just have to reevaluate and restate my case.

Okay, God:

I am attracting a partner with the same capacity for love that I have… not expecting anything less than I am willing to give, in an amazing woman who is traveling in the same direction that I am headed in this life’s journey, so that we can do this thing (life) together hand-in-hand, supporting each other, for the remainder.

Thank You, for I know it is already so.

-Amen

Sounds like a tall order?

It’s not for everyone. This is just me. You have your own calling for your highest and best, that is perfect for you.

So, I’ve been holding out for just the right person who is my highest and best… I am being patient, observant and diligent.

Her journey to me must be an interesting one, because she sure is taking her time, and it’s starting to cause concern for others who love and care about me.

Friends and family are starting to freak out, claiming that I am too picky and need to compromise to, “get what you need,” so that I can get on with my life and not be the only single guy at group functions.

I’ve tried to explain to them that I am totally open but unwilling to compromise because I believe she is on her way. Do I have any illusions that she will be perfect in every way? No; only that she will be perfect (including all her imperfections) for me, as I am for her and she will be, “going my way.”

What about your list?

Yes, I have a list of attributes that I find desirable. (Wouldn’t it be silly not to?) Without such a list, how would I even be able to recognize her when she gets here? Hopefully, she has a list, too.

Besides romance, Mick makes reference to being willing to publicly make a stand for what you think is important and people with failing health.

You want a better world? You can have it.

You want to be healthy? You can have it.

You don’t have to settle for what you need. You can have it all.

You can be, do or have anything you want.

I Found My Soul Mate!

Ever since I was a little tyke, I fantasized about one day finding my one true love and living happily ever after.

Then all my dreams came true; I was never so thrilled as to have found the woman of my dreams right after high school, fell deeply in love, shouted from the rooftops, “I found my soul mate!”

I found my soul mate

I got married, raised a family and lived happily ever after. (That is, if you can define “ever after” as being a limited amount of time.)

Even though I was armed in relationship training – and helped others find ways to prolong their relationships – I discovered individuals participate in relationships for different reasons (want more on those details? Don’t hesitate to ask).

While we might desire to find our soul mate, it appears the soul mate relationship is transient.

It’s one thing to enter a full-on relationship with the first pretty gal or handsome fella to pay attention to you, but if you’ve exerted a great deal of effort to find “the one,” you’d think it reasonable to expect a higher degree of relationship longevity.

As I witnessed the relationships of others struggle, change and disintegrate, I began to wonder why?

Even I, the devout love seeker and purveyor of love, could not seem to sustain a life-long relationship.

Is it possible to find the perfect person to live out the rest of your days with?

The answer must be, “yes,” because other people do it; or do they?

Certainly there are examples of relationships that are sustained over a lifetime… at what cost?

If you are in a position to allow the participants to be open and honest about their relationship, separately and together, you may discover most of them are not as lovely as they appear to be on the surface.

I reasoned there are different kinds of soul mates who make appearances throughout your life’s journey. Some are not going to play the “mate” part very long because it is their job to affect the growth and expansion of your “soul.”

Granted, it can take some time and effort to first imagine, and then realize, the blessing in each wild and crazy relationship entanglement; but it is there.

Friedrich Nietzsche blessed our vernacular with words that have become commonplace, “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.” These words ring true, unless you choose to let whatever-it-is destroy you, as you give up, allow yourself to deteriorate and finally cease to be.

You Choose

Every action has a reaction, but you get to determine in which direction the energy will flow – whether positive or negative – the choice is yours.

You Change

You also have the opportunity – at any given point in time – to change.

If the direction that you originally recoiled was southerly, toward the negative… that’s okay.

“I will never fall in love again.”

You can – now, whenever you are ready or now – change your direction to your northern-bound more positive destination.

“I am ready for the best love ever.”

Life is a journey; and exciting plethora of emotional experiences all designed to allow us to grow into the highest and best version of ourselves.

Is it hard?

Sometimes it is hard – and you may not be able to see it, in the tragedy of the moment – but as you review the tapes of the game (yes, this is a sports reference) you will discover how each misstep helped to educate you, giving you the opportunity to hone your skills and make you better (even better, thanks to slow motion and frame-by-frame review).

Is it worth it?

Nothing else is.
Are you ready to receive your soul mate now?

I believe You Can Get What You Want