Soul Mate Draw

I’m not much for playing poker or any card games for that matter, but it occurs to me that being in search of your soul mate can be likened unto playing a draw-poker-style game. The odds vary hand-to-hand and, at least in my experience, sometimes you bet everything you have on what you think is a hand that cannot lose, only to find someone else had a better hand. Unbelievable but true and you are left empty-handed and alone.

After a hand, like that, you’re likely not to even want to play again for a while. Time passes and you’re feeling a little more confident, then you think maybe it’s time to see what’s happening at the table of love again.

soulmate draw

You walk into the poker room, a little more cautious this time, survey your surroundings, watch some of the other games in progress, then select a table and request to be dealt into a round. You place your initial bet and before you know it, you’re feeling a little more comfortable being back in the game.

Some games have a significant buy in while others do not. Depending on the game and how much you’ve invested, you have more to lose but also more to win. We all hope to win, but sometimes (if not more often than not) we lose.

Such is the game. But the more you play it, hopefully, you get better at it.

You don’t fall for all those false tells of the other players. You have a better idea about what a good hand looks like.

In this game, the dealer is God – the universe, fate, the powers that be – and you’re not afraid to ask to draw another card if it doesn’t feel right.

I’ve played some good games in my life, and I was all in – and they were the best played games ever – but they’ve left me wanting more true love. I’m not expecting to beat the house, only to finally get that royal flush in hearts I’ve always longed for.

When I started playing the game of love, I expected only to play one game and I’d be good forever. I bought-in to a couple of huge tournaments since then. I’m not saying the games weren’t the best games ever – because they were – but I think I could do better.

Don’t get me wrong by assuming that because I’m relating my quest for a soulmate to a card game that I am a player, or that I’m playing the part of the victim who has been played by someone else. That’s not it.

I’m just looking for ways to relax, hold the space for the perfect hand of love, to be ready and willing to be all-in when my royal flush arrives.

So, here I am, at the table again. I am open, watching the other games in progress, the other players, trying to learn from both my and their mistakes and waiting for the perfect Ace of hearts to turn up.

I know, I’ve heard people say, waiting for the perfect hand is no way to play the game. Just have fun playing the game and play all the cards that you’re dealt.

Yeah, that’s not me; not my style.

Yes, I’ve been told that’s the problem with how I’ve played the game of love in the past: waited for one hand then bet it all and lost. But that’s their interpretation. I don’t think I’ve ever lost, because what I gained far surpassed everything I had to bet.

To the onlookers, other players (and sometimes in front of other live feed cam viewers) it looked like I lost it all; and I did. The pain of the loss was as real as it looked in that moment, but what I gained was far superior to anything I could have imagined, and the game itself was amazing.

Everyone has their way of playing the game. That doesn’t make it good or bad, right or wrong, it just is what it is. And if you’re cheating (believe me, in this game it’s impossible to cheat but you can go on believing you are), that’s okay too, because this house always wins.

Looking forward to playing the best game ever…

 

 

The Best Things in Life are Worth Waiting for

They say the best things in life are worth waiting for, and they usually follow up with examples of wine, especially red wines get more spectacular tasting and oxidant-rich with age, as is the case with whiskey which becomes smoother also. Then there is the cheese when aged to perfection has increased levels of vitamins and probiotics. More foods that are enhanced by age include tea, balsamic vinegar and pickles.

Other things get more valuable with age, like our homes and alternative investments (even if we were unable to preserve them through tough times, they do – or have – increased in value over time). Antiques also continue to rise in value over time.

love gets better with age the best is yet to come

Then there is YOU

Yes, you. As you continue to age you get so much better in so many ways. While some of the things that you once took for granted in your youth may be fading away, the you that is emerging, like the butterfly from the cocoon, is a much grander version of you than ever existed before.

In fact, the things you were greatly concerned about in your youth are increasingly less important. Things like being selfishly obsessed with your body image (you are getting more comfortable with the idea that there is no need to maintain your high school appearance), your smile and countenance take on a new sparkle accented by lines chronicling a life well-lived as you embrace the comfort and wisdom of your years.

Your new, more seasoned and transformed self begins to materialize as friendships strengthen and family bonds become cemented. The concerns of your youth fade as you become more tolerant and empathetic as your perception shifts and you see more and more from a wider and wiser perspective.

You are more able to embrace a peaceful state of mind and enjoy less stress because you are more likely to forgive than hold a grudge or judge someone else. Now you have come to the understanding that we’re all just doing the best we can with what we have. In fact most negative emotions are falling by the wayside as you continue to see the folly of holding tightly such things in your youth.

As you embrace this new heightened sense of awareness, you realize your expertise achieving new heights as many of the tasks that took thought and concentration can now be performed with unconscious competence or simple muscle memory.

Your ability to make sound decisions are growing and you find it easier to maintain balance in all things such as your work and play, while adding greater value to the community at large. Now you can enjoy greater degrees of happiness than you might have ever allowed yourself to enjoy before.

And while technology enables you to enjoy all these things even more,

The Greatest of These is Love

You have a greater capacity for love, to love and be loved. Appreciation, acceptance and love of yourself flows outward to family, friends, mankind, fauna, flora, the earth and your beloved.

This is an extraordinary opportunity for you and me – and those, like us – who are in search of that perfect person with whom to grow old and enjoy these golden years in each other’s presence.

I look forward to this next incarnation of love to be my highest and best experience, though finding my soul mate can be a daunting, time-consuming task, I gladly accept the challenge in an effort to taste the subtle, flavorful nuances of its fruit when the time is right.

If all the best things in life take time, this appears to be taking the most time of all things that have gone before, and so worth the wait. Because the best life is awaiting us, and we both know that to rush this most important decision – about whom we will spend the rest of our life with – may well be the greatest decision of all.

For it is not just our lives we take into consideration, but the lives of our families and being able to better serve our communities for a better world to come throughout the remainder of our lives.

So much anticipatory love, while I remain awaiting your appearance with open arms because you are worth waiting for, my love.

Dating Over 40

The times they are a changing, and the entire dating landscape is morphing into something unfamiliar, especially for those who find themselves looking for a prospective mate while dating after 40 years of age.

Single women over 40 are wondering how to find a good man in this new sea of seemingly unpredictable possibilities. Many of these women are stronger, they’ve been groomed to be more self-confident, expecting more from their mate, see themselves as equals, and often carry wounds that may subconsciously blocking good men over 40.

dating over 40 how to find a good man you attract what you are

What Is A Real Man?

If you’re in search of a “real man,” first you must define what that means to you. Consider making a soulmate list of the characteristics that you’re looking for.

Even so, as you are searching online and in the real world intent on finding a good man, you might ask

Where did all the good guys go?

Be aware that there is an abundance of good men all around you, but your mindset may be blocking access to them. Statements, like, “I’m looking for a real man,” “I need a strong man,” or, “Why can’t he just man up,” or, “be a man about it,” will have the good men that you are looking for swerving to avoid you. And if a good man hears you speak words, like that, it’s likely that his attention will be diverted elsewhere.

Men Are Changing Too

They are becoming more sensitive, intuitive. They don’t even have to hear the words you are saying, they can feel your vibration and may avoid you solely based on unjustified feeling. Men are increasingly seeking more meaningful relationships and getting in touch with the things in life that bring them the greatest joy and fulfillment (a huge departure from the work all day to support the family model of the 1950’s).

While they might have been willing to exchange putting up with drama in exchange for good sex, in their youth, men over 40 and above are more likely to avoid drama, just like women over 40. Tolerance and teamwork are more preferred traits in modern romance. Laying down the law, like, “My way or the highway,” will more than likely send love a-packing, as ultimatums are undesirable and may be intolerable.

Be Mindful of What You Say

If you believe in the law of attraction, or not, the overwhelming statistics would indicate that what you speak is what you attract. Therefore, if you tend to voice the idea that, “all the good ones are married,” “there are no good men left,” or “all the hot men are gay,” (I find it interesting that women think all the hot men are gay, just as much as men think all the hot women are lesbians and gay men think all the hot men are straight.) the words you use will create your experience.

Inner Work

Single women over 40 need to take a look at what’s going on inside because in most cases not only do you attract what you say, possibly more importantly, you attract what you are. Ask yourself, “What kind of guys do I attract?” Then review the attributes of the men over 40 that you’ve been attracting. Are you able to objectively see any similarities between the men that you attract and any possible inner work that might be lingering deep inside? This might be worth taking a look at.

It Is What It Is

Realize that dating over 40 is different than any type of dating prior to the age of 40. Men and women are likely bruised, damaged or somewhat numb to the idea of entering a long term relationship or making a lifelong commitment due to past experiences.

If they’re anything like me, I am less likely to pair up with someone who I do not believe will be the best thing that could happen in my life. This does not mean she will be perfect, but she will be perfect (with all her imperfections) for me and likewise I will be for her.

In the meantime, if you meet someone who is extremely particular, happy with his (or her) life and is not jumping at the chance to fawn (or fondle) over you, just because you’ve expressed an interest

Don’t Be Offended

Don’t take it personal if your volunteering for love and romance is not embraced by a prospective suitor, be grateful that he (or the powers that be) have diverted a potential relationship that may not have been your highest and best. There are plenty of good men out there, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for any one of them. You have the time and space to be the love that you seek, and he will find you.

Relax

Take it slow. Realize that the process of becoming the love that you desire and attracting the perfect person for you may take some time. If you’re over 40, there may be many extenuating circumstances that are delaying his (or her) appearance, like a marriage, deteriorating health of a current mate, or any other number of details indicating that this may not be the right time for the both of you to be together.

If you are ready, and patient, the love you seek will appear at the right time.

Be Happy

In the meantime, fill your life with love and things that you enjoy. This will increases your quality of life and help keep you in a receptive state of mind that works like a love magnet.

 

Relationship Truth and the Soulmate List

Okay, you asked for it, so here it is: The truth about romantic relationships is that most of them (the successful ones) take work. Sure you have to have all the components…

Broken heart

First you have to start without a broken heart. If you’re looking for mister or miss right, you have to be ready to have a relationship. That means, if you’ve been in one prior, you’d best get a handle on recovery from your previous romantic episode before you go running headlong into the next one, otherwise, you’re just not ready. That’s the truth.

Lonely

“But I’m lonely and don’t want to be alone.”

Okay, I get that. But how long do you expect someone to stick around if they are unable to stand the whirlwind you bring to the table. If he/she reminds you of your ex- either you’re still hung up on your ex- (and not ready to be seeing anyone. See Broken Heart, above) or you’re attracting the same type of person (and how did that work the last time?).

Get Busy

Get busy doing the things that make you feel good, the things that you love. If you’re feeling good all the time, you don’t have the time (or energy) to feel depressed or lonely. I try to stay busy, focused on my clients and spending quality time with my friends (who, unfortunately all are paired up, but fun nonetheless). I can always relax and take time off for her, after I’ve found her.

Awakenings

When you start to realize these things, you can either forge forward with little regard to them or start to wake up to the music. The title of the song you want to hear from within is, “Do Something Different,” or learn to find happiness in the same old types of relationships that you’ve had in the past.

soul mate relationship truth soulmate broken heart lonely awakenings the truth

I have this formula that I use; maybe you will find it helpful for you (maybe not). I call it my

Soulmate List

I have a list of fifty-or-so attributes that I am looking for. In an extra-large font, it takes up three pages.

I came up with the idea, while working with a coach and mentor in Florida, who had used some of these techniques to find her life-long soulmate (that’s what I’m looking for, too) and I’ve added my own tweaks to form a new system. Briefly, it goes, like this:

1a. To first make a list of all the things that you didn’t like in the men in your past relationship.

1b. Then go over the list and translate those into a list of positive attributes (the opposites) that you would look for in Mr. Right. (Ditch the negative list.)

2. Next, make a list of all the things that you liked (or thought you liked) in the men in your previous relationships.

3. Combine the two lists of positive attributes, and you’re almost there…

4. Then, being as specific as you can, think of all the attributes that you would like that aren’t already on the list. (The Floridian coach cautioned me not to leave anything off, because she had neglected to put down, “Physically healthy,” on her list, and wished she had, later.)

Then she says read the list every day, out-loud, once in the morning and once in the evening, and you will get what you confess.

I told the story to my grief counselor, he thinks it’s a great idea and is going to start using that model in his practice.

If you decide to give-it-a-go, I’d like to see your list. (It’s also a great way to turn around some of the pain of past relationships and turn them into positive attributes. It keeps you from focusing on the garbage, leading to real healing.)

The Real Truth

Finally, the real truth is this: My intention was to write and create a book based on this system called, “The Soul Mate List,” with the intention of telling my world’s greatest love story of all time and describe how I found the love of my life quickly and easily using my system.

I find that this system has been highly effective in preventing me from being sidetracked by potential romances that were not my highest and best (nor I theirs). = WIN

On the other hand, seven years… No soul mate… LOL

Connection

There exists a connection that exists between people that transcends circumstance, time and space. Two (or more) people could be separated, yet still connected heart-to-heart by a thread that is not limited to the restrictions of geography, circumstance, time or space.

Such connections exist between mothers and their children, even children that have not been seen since birth still this bond remains. This tether is ever predominantly present between twins, but also (though at lesser intensity) between separated siblings (even if separated at birth or a very early age and raised in different families with no cognitive knowledge of each other) as well as the psychic cords connecting siblings, friends and even people who have never met.

Individuals who share this type of spiritual connection will often find that they have much in common when they do finally meet each other. They commonly like the same things like foods, fashion, hobbies or enjoyable activities and may share a higher level of communication, like thinking the same thoughts at the same time, knowing what is going to be said before the words are spoken, and could be considered a type of telepathic communication.

Spiritual connection between people known and unknown

It’s as if this bond existed prior to birth and persists throughout this life’s journey.

As we traverse our journey, we cross paths with individuals that we have been connected to. I find this of particular interest when someone is attracted to my life – to whom I have no biological connection with and have never known or met previously – who, when I meet them, there is a feeling of kinship, familiarity and knowingness of our being connected without rational explanation.

It’s like meeting up with a dear old friend after a period of separation, yet there was no previous relationship to base these feeling upon.

I have attracted individuals whom I have never met, whose lives have been so similar to my own (which anyone would think impossible to duplicate) that when we become acquainted, we immediately feel as though we’ve known each other before and shared our lives both concurrently and individually. Our recognition of our selves feels more like a reunion than a primal introduction.

Ever since I can remember, I have been seeking and waiting for my romantic soul mate, my one true love, but the evolutionary process of my life has made me keenly aware that we have many soul mates. They are not all romantic in nature and they include a number of people to whom we share this special connection.

I am so grateful to have met these individuals with whom I share a heart connection superceding logic throughout my life; starting with grade school and continuing throughout my life’s journey.

In fact, there is a possibility that as you read these words, you and I may be reconnecting, as you recognize our tethered hearts, even in this moment.

If so, I am so glad that we are getting acquainted (or more correctly “reacquainted”) even though it boggles the mind.

I’m already feeling like a celebration is in order.

How about you?

What do you think about this type of connection?

How would you explain it?