What Is Accepting What Is?

The idea of, “Accepting what is,” was introduced to our consciousness by contemporary spiritual leaders and thought leaders as a method of enhancing a higher vibration of life to be experienced by human beings who embrace the idea of accepting what is, rather than succumb to the feelings of sadness, worry, frustration, self-righteousness, disgust, anger, and hate associated with not accepting what is.

What is accepting what is?

Accepting what is, is the practice of filtering everything that is presented to your consciousness with a moment of conscious review, then to think, feel, and act accordingly in the present moment in a responsible manner; fully aware and as in control of your state of being as possible with as little negative impact as possible and responding with reasonable reaction to appropriately affect change, achieve resolution, or avoidance of further negative impact.

In its most basic form, accepting what is, means,

Accepting What Is and Let It Go

If you are not in danger, and this thing (person, place, situation, or circumstance) is not affecting you in real time, in this moment, take note of it, but do not let it upset you. If there is something you can do about it, take appropriate action, without losing your mind. If there is nothing you can do about it, let it go, and do not let it hold you back from loving, giving, and living your life in a more positive, higher vibration.

Accepting What Is and Take Action

If you are in danger, respond appropriately, without giving in to panic or over-reacting. Fight or flight are still appropriate measures if they are an effective way to respond. You should never willingly avail yourself to abuse or dangerous circumstances. Take the appropriate actions to maintain a reasonable degree of safety and security, but stay present in the moment, and do not allow your fear to overtake your ability to manage life day-to-day.

If you have faced an issue in your life, have taken action, and achieved no desirable results, this is a clear indication that Accepting What Is and Let It Go is a more appropriate course of action. Take the steps to back away, create a safe environment for yourself and focus your efforts in a more effective direction for promoting love, a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

Not Accepting What Is = Death

As harsh as it sounds, equating not accepting what is with death, seems like an exaggeration at first blush. Nonetheless, resistance to acceptance promotes emotional incongruence, which overrides your ability to reason, causes people to overreact, and respond inappropriately, i.e. “overkill” (killing a housefly with a hand grenade).

In essence, you get so upset, you want to smash anything or anyone that you disagree with or doesn’t make you feel good. While this may eliminate the source of your disdain, it does not result in making you feel much better.

Plus, the negative impact of the feelings of sadness, worry, frustration, self-righteousness, disgust, anger, and hate take an incredible toll on the psychological and physiological state of the human body, depleting energy reserves, causing rapid decline of the immune system, leading to advanced aging, propensity to contract disease, and increasing the chances of experiencing premature death.

Where is the life in that?

There is no life in not accepting what is. In fact, not accepting what is keeps us, all peoples, separated from each other, fearful, and intolerant. This is not a sustainable way of life for long. Left to itself, not accepting what is, will eventually lead to extinction of humanity.

Accepting What Is

In contrast, accepting what is, allowing what it is to be (if we are unable to change it), without judgment or criticism is approaching life with the power of love.

In fact, you can only accomplish the feat of accepting what is, and allowing who or what it is to just be, with the power of love. It takes the most powerful force in the universe to accomplish such an act.

That is quite a high expectation to have for the world. The world changes to a more loving state moment by moment every time one of its people embraces accepting what is and allowing it to be and maintains a higher vibrational state of being.

Doing so, affects your life, permeating the energy field around you from three to five feet in every direction and creates a positive, loving energetic ripple effect throughout your community and the world.

One person can make a difference and have a huge impact on creating a better world for our planet and all its creatures.

Will you be a part of the change?

I’m Pissed Off!

You’ve been abused, neglected, or disrespected, you’ve had about all you could take. If asked how you feel, you might grit your teeth and express, “I’m pissed off!” if you were able to practice some restraint. You might like to express yourself with other superlatives, but nonetheless, you’re mad, and rightfully so.

Someone has hurt you. Maybe they did not slash you with a machete or shoot you with a gun, but the pain is just as real, possibly worse, because a physical wound could be treated at the hospital and you could return to normal physical operation with nothing more than a scar to remind you of the initial wound, while emotional wounds of those who have hurt you remain and can persist for much longer.

How you respond to being pissed off for being hurt or suffering some injustice has a huge impact on the quality of life you experience along your life’s journey. If you harbor bitterness and resentment, you will experience premature aging, advanced illness, and a shorter lifespan. There is also evidence which suggests if you entertain thoughts of being victimized by someone or something, you will attract more victimization, thereby increasing the damage done by just thinking about former transgressions.

If you are in the frame of mind of feeling or saying,

“I’m pissed off!”

At someone or about something, you’re inviting more reasons to be pissed off.

Do you like the feeling of being pissed off? (Most people do not) and there’s good reason, because if you’re pissed, or have bitterness or resentment in your heart, your body is actually suffering deterioration. Your otherwise healthy state of being, both physically and emotionally, is breaking down. Your immune system declines making your more subject to illness and disease and your state of mind becomes fragile, leading to anger, outrage, sadness, or depression.

What Can You Do When You’re Pissed Off?

So, what can you do when you’re apt to shout out, “I’m pissed off!”

You basically have two options in general. You can be part of the problem and fight back, or you can be part of the solution, practicing tolerance and let it go. Revenge and tolerance are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

Fight Back

The emotional stance of fighting back can be performed either by launching a counter-attack of any kind in the real world, in your mind, or by adding to the energetic momentum by focusing on the cause of your angst, or the negative results of it. Whether you’re fighting back in the real world, or just in your mind, the psychological and physiological deterioration is the price you pay for entertaining the idea or engaging in a battle over the even that pissed you off.

While holding it in may help you to save face in the real world, far more damage is done to your body, mind, and spirit in the process of burying the emotions inside. Doing so will literally decrease your quality of life and lead you to an early grave, but you will be more respected in the community for your ability to handle whatever life throws at you.

In this respect, it’s healthier to have expressive emotional outbursts or to launch revenge-fueled counter-attacks, but depending on your definition of integrity or dignity, this may not be the best approach to promote a better world, for retaliation only makes whatever your fighting against more powerful.

You don’t want to become a generator of negative energy. If you want to take a stand against something, do not oppose it, instead support and turn your attention toward a positive solution.

It may be wiser to consider a bit of,

Tolerance

From the perspective of tolerance, you see things from a different point of view. You imagine what it must be like to walk a mile, or live a life, in someone else’s shoes. From this compassionate and loving viewpoint, you can understand and see that most injustices are neither malicious or fueled by any intention to harm you or make you feel bad in any way. More the most part, people are just trying to get through life the best they can with what they have.

You could forgive your transgressor, but that establishes you as a victim. A higher resonating vibration is not to need to establish yourself as a victim requiring recompense or forgiveness but to disempower the whole affair by realizing there was never an intent to harm you. You realize that had you been that person, living their life in their shoes, at that moment in time, you would have done the same thing. You know this is true because you witnessed it.

Now you can have compassion for that person (being careful not to self-righteously judge or demean) understanding that we are all just doing the best we can with what we have,

The practice of tolerance is the moral high road, and it does not come easily because we are trained from birth to practice separation and opposition, whereas tolerance promotes unity and harmony. Tolerance takes practice, but the benefits are more of the qualities in life that you desire.

More love, happiness, wellness, peace of mind, longevity…

Then there are the cases of malicious intent to deceive or harm you directly, these are really quite rare and might be associated with someone who is potentially a psychopath or sociopath, but that’s a different story.

What approach are you likely to take the next time you feel like shouting, “I’m pissed off?”

Only a Fool Would Say That

Even though we like the welcoming, warm feeling that comes from being surrounded by like-minded people, there is no impetus to try to convert others from one point of view to yours. Certainly, there are people you like or admire whom you would like to have join you on your journey, and maybe they can be great traveling companions, but to try to convert them from where they are to where you are, is unwise, if not possible.

It’s not to say that they couldn’t come around or eventually find their way to a more resonant vibration if that is part of their journey in this life. It is not incumbent upon you to save anyone from anything or to make someone think the way you do.

I like having many different kinds of people joining me on my journey while trying to be mindful and not judge people for being who they are. At first blush, this might look like a politically correct “celebrating diversity,” but it’s much more than that. It’s not looking at the diversity (diversity is a form of judgment), it’s allowing anyone, everyone, to simply be. To be who they are, where they are, to come and go as they please.

Just because someone else might share a particular resonance with you today, does not imply they we resonate with you tomorrow. We are all on our own journeys, our paths cross from time to time, to stay in one place too long leads to complacency and stagnation. You must keep moving if you want to continue to grow, change, and evolve into the best version of yourself, and allow others to do the same.

If you disagree with someone’s point of view, to criticize them for their belief is an act of violence. To impose your belief on someone else suggests you are supporting yourself with a sense of superiority, in essence looking down on someone else for not being as enlightened as you. You might even insinuate or call them a fool, as you sit on your self-endowed high throne of superiority.

Only a fool would say,
Only a fool would say that.

On your own road of enlightenment, you may be able to recall concepts which you held close to your heart, things that you believed so much and held so dearly, that you would defend them with everything you’ve got, even possibly give your life in defense of it, only to find out later, that belief no longer serves you. How could you not bless someone else for being on a similar journey on their own path to enlightenment?

No two journeys are the same. Even amongst the like-minded people you share experiences with, none of them followed the same path you followed to get to this point in time. Some may have had similar journeys but no two are the same, even if you’ve traveled hand-in-hand along the way.

To judge someone else for their beliefs is to disrespect their journey, and doing so explicitly demonstrates your lack of tolerance. For as much as you feel more awake or enlightened than someone else, to devalue another for where they are on their path is preventing your expansion, tethering you to your barbarian roots.

Pick Your Perspective

Fear or Love

Judgment or Tolerance

Tolerance is the polar opposite of judgment. Judgment is rooted in fear, tolerance is powered by love.

When you meet someone who believes something differently than you do, bless them, try to see their belief from their perspective, love and accept them for who they are, where they are, and celebrate their life, without the imposition of your beliefs.

This is not to say that you cannot share your perspective, certainly, you may, but do so with love and compassion, only to leave clues for someone to ponder along their journey.

To debate, to try to convince or convert someone is barbarism. Aren’t you ready to cut the cord that binds you to those archaic thought forms and leave them behind?

What if you’re on the receiving end?

How do you feel when someone tries to convince you that you are wrong and that you must change your mind or life to align with his or hers? No doubt, you can feel the barbarianism behind that approach when you are on the receiving end.

Your first response to being attacked by someone is

Fight or Flight

You could turn and run, or post up, defend your position and prepare to engage in a battle of wits, or you could choose to

Love

When you choose to love someone who is assaulting you, you try to see things from their point of view. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings, expressing explicitly their point of view, and blessing them for where they are on their journey with compassion, not condemnation.

If you are safe and secure in what you believe, you have no need to defend it. You are impenetrable. If you harbor doubt and fear about what you believe, you are more apt to take a defensive stance, because there’s a part of you (that higher part of you) that is incongruent with your belief, so the ego takes over and prepares to battle in an effort to impose congruency by brute force.

Seeing different people as different, through the eyes of fear, building walls and separating them leads to chaos. You know that. Take a look around… You see it every day.

Seeing people as harmonious, through the eyes of love, allows you to see the perfection in everyone and everything. From this vantage point, you can see everything is connected and perfect.

It Takes All Kinds

Take a walk down any metropolitan street in America today, you will clearly see a wide variety of peoples represented. There is no doubt that it takes all kinds of people to make the world go around and in order not to get in the way of progress, we are better off if we can practice tolerance. And these differences are only apparent from outside appearances. What about what’s happening on the inside?

It Takes All Kinds

It takes all kinds of people who vary massively on the inside to make the world go around. As much as you might like everyone to think just like you do, the chances of you finding anyone anywhere who thinks like you is highly unlikely, if not impossible.

Personal Isolation

Now, you can ostracize yourself in an effort to isolate yourself, only surrounding yourself with like-minded people. The less tolerant you are of others, the fewer people you will enjoy in your social circle. You might like existing as a solitary power of one. For some, there is safety in being alone and not a part of society at all, and that’s perfectly fine because it does take all kinds.

If you do not live a solitary life and you have an open mind, it is likely you can learn extremely valuable information from someone who is extremely secluded from modern society.

Evolutionary Expansion

The practice of tolerance may not be necessary for some anti-social types of individuals, but for the rest of us, tolerance is the key to the successful future liberating all human beings to share in all the benefits offered the human race, including our eventual progressive evolution.

While society would like to separate us and keep us opposed to each other either based on what we look like, how and where we live, how many financial resources you control, or how much royal blood runs through your veins, the trend among ever expanding and evolving peoples are becoming increasingly more tolerant embracing all peoples unconditionally in peace and harmony.

Think about it, when we are intolerant and judge others as being right or wrong, what is the outcome? Dissention, disrespect, separation, wars, and rumors of wars, to say the least. Do you really want to be a promoter of separation?

Something inside you (that higher part of you) knows there’s something about disrespecting or hating your neighbor that does not sound or feel right. And the bases resonance of maintaining separation is not hate, it is the frequency of “fear” which is the polar opposite of love.

Love is the resonate frequency which evolution is moving toward; toward love and away from fear. For years, ever since humankind can emotionally recall, which is a part of our biological makeup, fear has kept us alive and prevented us from being devoured by beasts who might think of us as a nutritious meal.

At this point in our history, human beings are evolving from a fear-based life to a love-based life, and this looks very different from the way we approached living in the past, or even in the now, nonetheless this evolution is taking place and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You can choose to opt out of the evolution, but your refusal to participate will fade generationally.

Science substantiates the benefits of practicing tolerance as an extremely healthy exercise. Every minute you live in the vibratory state of unconditional love, you reap the biological benefits of boosting your immune system exponentially and adding many times to your healthful longevity. Imagine what the possibilities which may be at your fingertips if you could maintain healthful tolerant loving vibratory state. This promotes your evolutionary process, and you can feel the difference.

This further evolved human being enjoys an incredibly fascinating, happy, and healthy prolonged life, with more prosperity and abundance than their lesser-evolved peers, and everything becomes possible.

As we evolve, not only do we resist the tendency to judge others, but we are less likely to judge ourselves, and silence your negative inner voice as well as any hidden demons which may haunt us from our past. Living life on planet earth has never been so free, and if you’ve achieved this level of conscious evolution, you are truly free indeed.

Lasting Love Secret Ingredient

While trust is the most important foundational component of a successful love relationship, there is a secret ingredient in the chemistry of love which effectively predicts the long-lasting nature of a growing love relationship between two people.

If you want to have a great love that will last the test of time you must possess tolerance. Tolerance is the acceptance that we are all in a constant state of change. Just as you desire people (more specifically your partner) to love and accept you, wherever you are in your station of life, you must have both the willingness and the ability to love and accept your partner, whatever state or condition he or she is in at any time.

This is not a ploy or a game to manipulate your relationship, authentically loving and acceptance can only initiate in the heart space, and as you may have guessed the love and acceptance must start with you. You are a vibrational being vibrating at a specific frequency, you cannot give what you do not possess for yourself. So to truly be tolerant, you must first fully love and accept yourself, your history, your physiological makeup, everything about you, on the surface and deep within.

You must be in love with and full acceptance of you, your ever-changing emotional (at time unflattering) states, such as sadness, anger, and fear. You must be aware and know your ego and your relationship with it.

From this authentic place of loving and accepting yourself, aligning you as a person with that greater and higher part of you, or spirit, you can bestow love and acceptance to others from the heart with integrity. You are now able to better become one with the world, or the people who inhabit it, both paired and universally.

 

That sets the bar high but you have been called to this level of love and understanding as part of your metamorphosis and evolution, otherwise, you will have continued difficulty in connecting and communicating with your partner(s), especially when things are less than buoyant.

This concept is not so far removed from you that you cannot comprehend it because you yearn for this love and acceptance yourself. You want to be loved just the way you are without being judged or made fun of. Isn’t that right?

Then, embracing yourself, then allowing others to be as they are, while you love and accept them, just as you would like to be, is the next logical step.

While this applies to you, how much more so should this apply to the one other person who you love, and who loves you in return?

When your partner does or says something that makes you feel intolerant, as if he or she did or said something wrong, disrespectful, uncaring or even hurt your feelings. The first place to look, is not at your partner, but within. This is a surefire indicator that you have unresolved issues bubbling up inside of you, from the past, most likely from the distant past, which has been brewing and gaining pressure over time, looking for a place to escape.

While lashing out at your partner is an effective way to release the pressure, not only is it unglamorous, but you are better than that. You deserve better reducing your relationships to varying states of love and fear. You deserve relief and release of those things within that hold you back and drive a wedge between you and someone you love.

I am not saying that you shouldn’t have a safe, sacred space to fully express your thoughts and emotions, even if they are negative)

 

 

The World’s Best Kept Secret

You are the world’s best kept secret.

While you navigate and interact with the world as we know it, you do your best to understand other people whom you meet along your journey. You watch, listen and even try to put yourself in their shoes in an effort to understand them, and in some ways we can find ways to perceive or understand them, but you can never truly know them. How do you know? Because you are the world’s best kept secret.

No one knows who you are

When you think about it, no one can ever really know who you are. Even if you try to be totally transparent and open, revealing everything about yourself and going through rigorous efforts to try to get someone to understand who you really are and what you really think or feel, it is impossible to relate the totality of your personage to another person because

No one knows what you think

That part of you which is boundless exists and thrives in the intimate spaces between your words, actions, biochemistry, and other methods of observable communication occupied by you and only you are your thoughts. Nobody knows what goes on inside that head of yours; no one. You are the personification of the idea that, “Still waters run deep.”

No one knows what you feel

Everything that you experience or feel in this life is not simply the observation of life though your five senses. Your feelings, the way you feel about something, or the nearly unlimited array of feelings that only you can feel cannot be authentically understood, felt or known by another person. Not even the world’s most attuned, sensitive, empathetic being can know the breadth of feeling as can only be experienced by you.

You hide behind your disguise

You do, I do, and we all hide behind our respected disguises. We represent ourselves to our communities as we might like to be perceived. We allow different versions of our selves to be revealed (or more correctly “projected on”) to others depending on the level of intimacy we maintain with the recipient of each particular projection.

Still we try to know someone else

Even though each one of us holds our inner most thoughts so dear, never to be fully shared with any other human being, still in our desire to connect with others, we imagine we can see into the life, heart and mind of someone else, even when we know this degree of intimacy is highly improbable. We have impeccable knowledge of the impossibility of anyone else knowing us fully, yet we hold onto the illusion that we can know someone else and act surprised when we witness some unexpected personal revelation. This dichotomy is referred to as asymmetric insight among the mental health community.

And we want to be understood

There is a part of you that wants to be understood, yet no one could possibly know you. And if given half the chance, even if you could allow someone to see everything inside of you, you wouldn’t willingly allow it. But, you do have certain parts of you that you long to share with another person who resonates with your perspective; someone who would agree with you and support your point of view, if it could understood as you understand it without judgment. We all seek this harmonic balance with another being.

Tolerance is the key

So the key to this conundrum is tolerance. The idea that, “I am me and you are he and we are all together,” such as conceived by John Lennon in his cryptic song in which he dons the disguise of the walrus, refers to us. We are all what we are, that is all we can be and we can only do the best we can with what we have. We all suffer from the same human condition and the best we can do is to understand that we are all okay.

If you want to be honored for who you are, the only way to have any hope of being respected by anyone else is to first honor others with the same respect you might like.

No need to make it so complicated.
You are one. And so are we.
We can do this.

How to Not Take It Personally

When you see that person who is calm, in a state of zen, and nothing seems to bother them, you think, “What the hell is wrong with that person?”

What you might find, is that they have mastered the idea that nothing is personal. They don’t seem to get uptight (much) and stuff just seems to roll off their back, as they don’t get overanxious or take things personally. They embrace the idea that things are as they are and that’s okay.

You, too, could begin living a life free from the angst of others, because, after all, people will disagree with you, even scheme to trip you up, or try to make you look as if you’re overreacting in front of peers or coworkers, just to prove they can.

Rather than react, you could opt to stop taking things personally and take away their superpower in an instant.

First of all, make a list of the things that piss you off (you know the people that piss you off have this list, shouldn’t you?). Next, review the list. What do yo find? Look for the key components that bother you (this can be an exciting journey in self-discovery, as you find the things that irk you the most often are related to key life moments in your past – or early childhood – torturing you in the present).

Try to look at the issue from other perspectives and think about how a particular thing or topic that carries with it a powerful negative charge and ask, “Does it really matter?” In the scope of the life and times of the human race, many a mountain has been made of molehills, just to cause division between peoples, when in reality, very little is truly meaningful. And when you think of it, nothing has meaning, except for the meaning that you give it.

 

Take a look at celebrities, politicians and other public figures that take massive stands, expecting others to conform to their point of view. How is that working for them?

I discovered long ago, you are more likely to get someone to see from your perspective if you love and accept them just they way they are without expectation, rather than entering into a heated debate or brow-beating them.

If community or global issues get you riled up, realize whatever it is, is not happening to your, personally. Position yourself as a supporter instead of a protester. Protesters (those who expend a great deal of energy in opposition to something) actually add more energy to the thing they are standing against, strengthening the very thing they don’t want. On the other hand, supporters put their energies toward what they do want (the solution) thereby increasing its effectiveness.

Remember that life is what it is. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go ’round, and start making room in your psyches to allow others to be as they are. Take the position of the observer rather than the enforcer. It’s not your job to control others, so try to find opportunities to sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

As you are growing into a more tolerant lifestyle, embracing who you are without having to have anyone conform to your personal standards, you may begin to see others doing the same thing. Finding opportunities to spend time in their proximity will make your allowance grow even more.

Does that mean life will be rosy? No, not really. You can wear all the rose-colored glasses you want, and still, people you trusted will fall short of the mark, those you love will hurt your feelings, and you will do likewise (either intentionally, or not). This is a fact of life. Do your best to realize that it is what it is, any tr not to judge others (or yourself) too harshly when it becomes apparent.

How can you disarm those who would like to attack you, or put you down?

Easy, don’t give them any ammunition. When you practice tolerance, there is no opposition. When you can wrap your head around that everything and everyone is perfectly fine just the way they are and no one is right or wrong, allowing for differing opinions, what is there to fight against? Nothing.

And what about your idea of truth? Do you find yourself being defensive, fighting for what you believe? Well, just sit back and think about it… Where did you get this idea of truth? Did someone plant the idea, or did it originate from within your own mind, with your own reasoning and rationale? Then review all the things you strongly believed in… Has your belief changed over time? In most cases, truth and what we believe does change over time, as new information becomes available. It’s inevitable. Things change. So cut yourself some slack and admit to yourself, “This is what I believe to be true at this moment in time.” Based on the information at hand. Who knows what you might believe tomorrow.

Have good intentions and hold yourself to the standard of the Hippocratic Oath, “to do no harm.”

Stop adding energy to the bad things that are brought to your attention. If you see something bad in the media, switch it off, change the channel, refuse to engage in it. Just the welling up of negative emotion within you makes those things that you dislike more powerful. Avoid all negativity.

When people are acting poorly, it is not up to you to try to change them, punish them, or make them feel bad. Do not talk about them behind their back or try to ridicule them for their actions, confront them or offer them advice.

If you find yourself in close proximity and a confrontation is unavoidable, try to speak your peace with lighthearted humor, remembering that it’s not about you. When someone is in opposition of you and you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, keep in mind that this person is acting out because of their own inner demons. It has nothing to do with you. In fact, it can be somewhat of a blessing that you were chosen to participate, because the more tolerant, new you, is less likely to fight and more likely to understand and have empathy for the person who is acting out. Try to put yourself in their shoes.

If you don’t like haters, don’t be one. How hard is that? Only share positive support and do not put others down, not for anything. After all, aren’t we all just doing the best we can with what we have?

If yo have an opinion or want to share some factual data, please do so, but share your information humbly, without the expectation that anyone should believe you or conform to your thought patterns. Think of it more like planting seeds. Share your information and allow it to take root and grow on its own, or not.

Practice the Golden Rule (Jesus’ sermon on the mount, Matthew 7:12) by treating others as you would like to be treated.

Congratulations, you are on your way to the tolerant new you, who doesn’t take things personally, because it’s not. Everything and everyone just is as it is, and that’s okay.

 

Where’s the Integrity?

Wait-a-minute, if I have integrity and I give someone my word (like I will do something at some point in the future), well, that’s then and this is now. If I’ve told someone I was going to do something in the past, that was so then and it doesn’t matter now. So, if I make a promise to you, it doesn’t matter? What about someone else’s promise to me? Where’s the integrity in that?

Want the truth? Nothing really matters.

You just have to realize that life on planet earth is a lot of some-will-some-won’t-next. If you can wrap your head around this, you will be okay, but it’s hard, because we’re not programmed to allow what is to be.

I am a product of my programming and I have a huge Integrity component. I feel like, if I tell someone something, it must be true and it’s up to me to make it true no matter what the cost because I want to be remembered as an intengrous person, one who has always kept his word. For the longest time, I thought, if my tombstone had anything on it, it should read, “Here lies an honest man. If nothing else, he was good to his word.” Which sounds good on the surface, but if you look at it, there it is: Lies and Honest in the same reference, as if it was to be something good.

And what does it mean to be good to your word?

Is it really any good to suffer through pain, turmoil, tragedy, confusion and angst, just because you uttered certain words in the heat of the moment? How good is that? Wouldn’t it be more good to say, “Sorry, something came up. I just can’t make it.”?

I can hear all the Eckhart Tolle fans starting to murmur in the background about my finally starting to get a clue.

I mean, what kind of a prison have I committed myself to?

Actually, I do maintain a high level of integrity, although I must admit, I am less happy than the folks who are actively more apt to be less integrous and live in the now.

Take a look at someone you know who has no idea about what it means to keep their word – no concept of it – because they’re so blissfully living in the now. What do you see? Happiness. They truly have found a way to be content and joyful, by disregarding anything that isn’t and only seeing what is.

As I move away from selfishness and more toward allowing what is to be, I find myself less judgmental against someone whom I might have considered a liar in the past. Why? Because this is the unrealistic expectation I had of myself. This was my standard. I militantly adhered to the ridiculous concept that if I were to utter a certain sequence of words at any time, and if they were not manifest as I had uttered them, then I would be a liar and deserving of severe punishment (at least personal berating). So, it was not unreasonable for me to hold others to the same standard.

Say something. If it does not manifest as you said, you were a liar. (Oh, silly Masters.)

I have to credit business principles for introducing me to concepts, like, some-will-some-won’t-next. It is a reference commonly used to put salespeople at ease in their dealing with rejection. When you pitch your spiel, then there are only two possible outcomes, followed by your best course of action: Next; keep it moving.

That’s all well and good in business but to apply it to life was well beyond my ability to comprehend. What about integrity?

Really? What about it?

Where is the integrity in life?

“Life is the least integrous system ever conceived.”

If anything, life (as we know it) is the least integrous system ever conceived. It is full of chaos, dysfunction, unexpected twists and turns and for god’s sake, even such random acts as to be referred to as acts of god!

And through all this confusion, if you’re listening, you start to hear the gentle flow of isness in the background; that soothing vibration of allowing things to be as they are. It doesn’t mean you don’t get your feelings hurt, suffer pain or loss along the way. By all means, do. Cry, scream, rant, rave – whatever your fancy – then be done with it.

Next. Keep it moving…

In life,
some things will work out the way you wanted
Some won’t.
Next.

Thank god for the many nexts we are afforded in this life.

Amen.

Revenge vs. Tolerance

Revenge vs. Tolerance begs the question, “What is your reaction when you are faced with a concept, situation, organization or person that you vehemently disagree with?”

You could have a strict and concise, completely opposite point of view, or feel as though you have been slighted, attacked or betrayed by an imposition or affirmative action.

What you do about it say a great deal about the kind of person you are.

revenge-vs-tolerance-ego-and-love

Certainly there are many actions and reactions you can take, and like most things in life, the options vary among a spectrum of possibilities. At one end of the spectrum is Ego-fueled Revenge, on the other Love-inspired Tolerance.

Revenge

Revenge is the defense mechanism of the ego. The ego responds negatively to any idea in contrast to its own individual position. The wider the chasm between what the ego holds dearly and the opposing force or idea, the more violently the ego demands restitution.

While on the surface, the idea of revenge might seem just, “an eye for an eye.”

You offended, hurt me or my feelings, now you must pay dearly.
No one disrespects me, like that.

And there’s a romantic appeal to exercising justice in this manner, and it may be a lifelong compulsion overshadowing all aspects of your life until the need for revenge is satisfied, not unlike Inigo Montoya’s, “You killed my father. Prepare to die.” © 1973 William Goldman “The Princess Bride.”

You see the idea reflected every day in the media headlines in newspapers, on television, the Internet, radio broadcasts and is often reflected in casual conversation among friends, in cafeterias and around the water cooler at work.

The problem with the ego, is that it is not just. There is no other more selfish or disrespectful perspective from which to launch any action. Unfortunately, Albert Einstein accurately depicted the result of any action with his, “with every action there’s an equal opposite reaction.”

For the spiritually-inclined, this confirms the idea that there is a Karmic debt which accumulates with every action we take (which may also include our thoughts).

Where justice represents an equal eye-for-an-eye point of view, ego’s revenge exaggerates the difference to include psychological damages far beyond just the facts, causing any reaction to also be exaggerated. Instead of being an equal response (which might seem reasonable or just) the over-enthusiastic response swings an energy-charged pendulum.

Once the pendulum has swung full force, there is an initial sense of relief that justice has been served… only, as we all know, the pendulum will return to the one who launched it to exert its Karmic energy. Not good for the person who launched the counter-attack, or those within arm’s reach of the initiator of the revenge.

Tolerance

Tolerance, on the other hand, is inspired by love and promotes peace. Love does not seek revenge and is not destructive. Love honors justice but does so selflessly with compassion and respect. Love does not demand compliance, nor does it encourage victimization on either side.

The perspective of someone who may be the recipient of an injustice who is motivated by love rather than ego will respond with a different frame of mind.

The tolerant individual is more likely to imagine what it might be like in the offender’s shoes, wondering, “What may have contributed to this?”

Often, when looking at the entire picture, from the perspective of the other person, organization or thought, you can see how the combination of logic, emotion and circumstance has led to this thought or action that opposes your own sense of truth.

Tolerance is not the condoning of an opposing view, only allowing someone else to have (and hold tight) to such a view.

A tolerant response would be not to defend your position (pushing the pendulum) but to pursue a separate course of action to promote your point of view not directed to the opposition.

This is the enlightened response of tolerance.

Taking the action to promote your position is far more effective than defending your position from an argumentative point of view.

Revenge vs. Tolerance

So, what it comes down to, is answering the question, “What will you do about it?”

Would you rather push the pendulum in defense or make a stand, promoting your position in love and allowing support to be attracted to you?

Expectation Imposition

You can try to impose your expectations on another person, but is this really advisable?

I know, I’ve been there, too

I have been in the flow of helping others in counseling, coaching and consulting since high school. In the beginning my work was focused primarily on Christian counseling and I recognized that if it wasn’t impossible to legislate Christian conduct, it would certainly be immoral to attempt to do so. It resonated as true within my sense of being that a person could only conduct their lives in such a way as was congruent with any sense of rationality they could muster based on the individual lives they had lived up to this point in time, or simply put

Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have

counselor coach consultant training counselors coaches consultants

Yet early in my ministry, I kept running into walls and posturing against leadership promoting the idea that certain ideas and expectations should be enforced in order to allow participation in our program. After attempting to find ways to work-around these organized spiritual obstacles unsuccessfully, I determined more secular spiritual endeavors would better suit my ministry.

I mean, really? It appears to me that Jesus had an entirely more radical approach, like, “Love God, mind your own business and don’t screw anybody over” (admittedly, a Masters’ paraphrase, but you get the idea).

As I continued assisting others and later transitioned into training counselors, coaches and consultants, I continued to promulgate the idea that while trying to assist someone along their life’s journey, we should not impose our expectations on the client.

It’s not your life

You can, yeah but, me ‘til you’re blue in the face. I will never concede that you will ever know what’s best for another person. You may have your ideas, and by all means, it is your charge and responsibility to share your ideas, as well as others, to help your client see there are options they might have not considered.

Allow them to make their own way

You must allow them the space to make their own decisions and take their own actions and live out their own lives in their own way.

I have standards

Great; no problem with establishing a target market around the type of individuals you achieve the best results with. You only have a certain number of hours available to help others, it is prudent for you to establish your niche so you can better serve your clients with the resources you have available.

You cannot – and should not – try to be everything to everyone. This will lead to disappointment, discouragement and burnout (the fate of most non-specializing counselors).

If I can see that a client is not a good match for my coaching style, I do not demand they comply with my standards. Instead, I refer them to someone else who is better suited to help them with where they are on their life’s journey. Maybe, at a later date, we will be more compatible.

The easiest sign to identify a novice counselor, coach or consultant, is when he or she says, “I told them what to do and they wouldn’t do it,” with a certain degree of angst. While a more-seasoned professional might say, “I made some suggestions. In my opinion, they did not select the option I might have selected but c’est la vie.”

When someone doesn’t take advice from you and you’ve encouraged him or her to look at all the possible outcomes from various points of view, you might consider applauding them for blazing their own trail, then just sit back and see how their decision works out for them. You might be surprised (as I have been on many occasions) how well things do work out for them, even though you might not have fared as well.

And if things don’t work out for them as well as they’d hoped, for god’s sake do not tell them, “I told you so.” Instead, put yourself in their shoes; how would you feel if you were him or her? A little humility goes a long way. It is not your job to judge, but to empathetically support the client; not to validate your ego-dominated superiority.

Lighten up – Let it be