First, you’ve got to be able to agree with me, that what you’ve been doing up to now has NOT been serving your best interests, right?
7 Steps to Attract Your Soulmate
1. LOVE AND FORGIVE YOURSELF
If you’re with me and you’re feeling like you’ve totally blown to this point, I want you to put your hand over you heart and apologize to yourself, and repeat after me, and I’m gonna warn ya, you’re going to refer to yourself in this little exercise, just get over it, and take a deep breath in, hand over your heart. Exhale. We’re gonna take another breath in, this time see your breath going into the area of your heart. Hold it. Breathe out. Hand over your heart, repeat after me,
“I love you baby
And I’m sorry I let you down
From here on out,
I got ‘choo, baby.
Please forgive me
For not taking better care of you
Thank you for not bailing on me
You’re my world
I love you baby
I love you. I love you. I love you”
Understand what’s the difference between love and attraction.
“Attraction” is the default method that draws prospective lovers to you and its rooted in some really deep sh… stuff, that reaches all the way back to when you took your first breath, and maybe before. I know this might sound like BS but hang in there for a minute.
Attraction is that magnetic field which is influenced by everything that appeals to you and operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, while “love,” on the other hand, is something REALLY different. To complicate matters, attraction can feel like love and may have romance in the mix as well.
But love is something else, it develops over time, and is the deepening of the relationship which enables two people to have a co-creative union. Love does include attraction, but you can experience massive attraction with no love, and you already know that o’ too well. Right?
READY FOR A CHANGE?
2. BE WILLING TO CHANGE
Who needs a change in their love life? You? Who? You?
You know you can’t keep on going on like this and expect things to magically change, not gonna work. If you want to have a chance to find a healthy love partner, you gotta stop being the you that you are, right now, and start being the you that’s gonna attract that healthy lover.
You have to break the cycle. You. If you want a different love life, you gotta start being the love you want.
LOOKING FOR A SOULMATE?
Are you looking for a soulmate?
If you’re looking for a soulmate, what does that look like to you?
3. MAKE A LIST OF WHAT YOU WANT
Make a list of all the positive attributes of your soulmate, and when you start including negatively-influences, like, “I want someone who doesn’t have and affairs,” that’s negative, so flip it. Reword it positively, something like, “I want someone who is faithful to me.”
Make a list of everything, all the characteristics you want in your soulmate.
Now you’re looking for true love.
Instead of wondering, “Where can I find love,” you can attract your soulmate, that special person who is uniquely matched to you, by changing your love vibration to match that which you seek.
Any ideas where you’re going to find your true love?
You have the list which represents your one true love. Right?
LOOK IN THE MIRROR
4. BE THE LIST
Look in the mirror. There’s your one true love looking back at you.
Remember, you told yourself you’d have your back, right?
Take another look at your list of love characteristics. When this list represents every aspect of you, you will be ready to attract your soul mate like a magnet.
LOVE IS ENERGY
Love is energy, an energetic a vibrational frequency, and you attract the relationships that resonate with your current frequency. That’s the way it works every time. If you want to attract someone who’s more to your liking, then change your vibration.
5. STOP DOING WHAT DOESN’T WORK
And for God’s sake, stop doing what you’re doing now. Stop looking for love where you’ve been looking for love, because you’re not going to find love there. You already know that.
Whatever you’ve been doing, wherever you’ve been looking, bars, restaurants, grocery stores, online dating sites, if those are not working stop doing that.
Take another look at your list of love characteristics. Where is the person who is like that going to be?
6. BE WHERE YOUR TRUE LOVE IS
In brick and mortar business, the three most important things are Location, Location, Location, and in love, it’s twice as important.
Be someone who is also in those kinds of places and you will find your frequency changing to the frequency of your soulmate, and when they match?
You will look in the mirror and see your other soulmate (because you’re your first soul mate) in the mirror standing beside you.
7. RELAX AND LET IT BE
Stop exerting effort to find or create your beloved. Just relax, be open, and bathe in the vibrational frequency of your perfect mate. Be okay with who you are, raise your vibration, be what you want and your one true love will be attracted to you like a magnet.
We all want to be loved, and there’s nothing better than being in the throes of love and passion.
With many years consulting in love and relationships, it’s generally accepted that when two people get together there are going to be problems. All this relationship drama contributes to the bottom line of so many industries in America, it’s not just the relationship coaches, keeping their caseloads maxed out, with the constant struggle of helping couples with their constant struggle.
In the office, there are issues that show up regularly, and every once in awhile, you are truly surprised or shocked by something new. But the struggle remains. My book, 7 Phases of Love, depicts a general path of growth amidst the romantic love spectrum and offers assistance to those on such a journey, as well as tips, tools, and techniques for the people who work with them, assisting couples to navigate the treacherous waters of romantic love.
Oh, yeah, I am David M Masters, Lead Coach, Trainer, and Transfiguration Specialist at St. Paul’s Free University, and you can find out more about me at davidmmasters.com. The word on the street is that St. Paul’s Free University is looking for teachers, trainers, and instructors. If you think you might be interested in joining us to help make the world a better place. Feel free to contact me or talk to any of our presenters here, today.
The 7 phases of love follow the path from hormonal, horn honking, drooling, lust-driven love, all the way to the harmonic love frequency fully honoring each other in positive partnership.
No matter where you are on your love journey, there are bound to be some challenges along the way, and at any time, either you, your partner or both of you can call it quits and walk away.
Call it quits?
That’s worldly love, and you know what I’m talking about. The kind of love that’s like a disease that eats away at your heart until there’s nothing left. No love. Love is a heart-eating disease.
Love is like a poisonous virus that spreads the highly contagious disease of love’s toxins that promote possessiveness, jealousy, envy, suspicion, bitterness, dishonesty, controlling, abuse, and the judgment of others and yourself.
You’ve loved, stood there in faith, totally open and naked to your partner, and where did that get you? Far more misery than pleasure, that’s for sure. It’s no wonder you want to bail out of the love boat. Who wouldn’t?
Especially in our present-day society, where relationships are disposable, and in worldly love, “the world” profits when relationships thrive, and even more when they fail.
It is easier to walk away (and far more profitable for the powers that be) than it is to do the work necessary to create a sustainable relationship. So, at the first sight of something you don’t like in a relationship, you start looking for the EXIT sign.
Anyone want to know what the Top 10 Reasons Relationships Fail are?
Top 10 Reasons Relationships Fail
lack of trust
Of course, this is an over-simplification of what is really going on behind the scenes because you have a lifetime of accumulated pain, wounds, and emotional triggers, that cause you to recoil at the first hint of trouble (even if there is no actual trouble at hand).
Your friends will counsel you to, “Run, David, run!” because they don’t want to see you suffer needlessly (or again), plus, they miss your uninterrupted attention. There’s a good chance that your best friends see their relationship with you as far more meaningful than that of your mate, and in those times when things are not looking good, they can taunt you with, “See, I told you so.”
You might be surprised that your friends are really not looking out for your best interests in your partnership relationship as much as they are their relationship with you, and there may have been some building animosity since you’ve been distracted by your love relationship.
So, things are not going as well as you might like them to, and that’s when you find yourself in my office, or the office of any of my contemporaries, asking, “Is there hope for us?”
Relationship counselors make bank on your struggle in relationships. The more dysfunction, the more money the therapists make. When you come in as a couple, we get a hundred bucks. When you drift further apart and come in separately, we make twice as much.
We do our best to coach you through the 7 phases of love, and the further you progress, the easier it gets.
And we expend our greatest efforts to help you negotiate as we mediate and try to help you discuss and argue about your relationship endlessly, making agreements, and promises to each other in our presence, knowing that as soon as you leave the office, all bets are off.
It’s just deteriorated too much for far too long. You’ve tried to fake it till you make it, and you just can’t take it anymore.
But totally bailing out is hard, and frightening. I mean, take a look around at all the other relationships you can see self-destructing before your very eyes, and you’ve heard the horror stories. The heartbreak, the battles over this and that.
It’s no wonder you feel helpless, hopeless, like a victim, or a prisoner in your own life.
Can you make it work?
Yes, with enough hard work, if both partners cooperate, and pay a relationship coach to help level the playing field, you can find a way to make your relationship work.
Let’s face it, you’re two different people, and you’re supposed to aspire to becoming “one?”
Is that possible?
Yes, you can each remain to be fully yourselves, and combined, the two of you culminate in another entity, as a couple, your relationship is expressed as another being, not unlike a corporation, and incorporation of two souls into one entity.
But rarely does this happen naturally, usually, it is due to patience, sacrifice, and lots of hard, sometimes painful work. And amidst all the hard work and pain of trying to work it out, it’s easier, to say,
And if you bail out, the system profits wildly from your decision.
The system profits from two households being supported when there used to be one. Everything from toiletries to insurance rates and taxes go up.
There is hope?
And there is. And it can be summed up in these two words,
Which sounds so wonderfully romantic.
What does it mean?
It means your partner will love and respect you 24/7. Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that what we all want?
You want to be with someone who trusts you. Who doesn’t question you? Who allows you to be the person you really are?
You want this unconditional lover not to question your underlying motives, constantly asking about your whereabouts when you’re out of sight.
You want someone who loves you no matter what. No matter what challenges you may face in life. Just to be there, supporting you, in the knowledge that everything will work out okay.
If you need help, he or she will be there for you, supporting you, loving you, without accusation or judgment.
When you boil it down to its simplest form, you want someone who loves you unconditionally. Someone who will hold your hands tenderly yet firmly, look you in the eyes, and say to you from the bottom of their heart,
“I love you no matter what.”
No matter what you say, no matter what you do, I love you.
No matter what happens, what challenges you may face, I will be here for you, loving you, no matter what.
Wow! That’s it!
THAT is unconditional love, and we all want that.
Do you want that?
If you do, say it by declaring a resounding, “Yes!” (Yes.)
In order for you to get what you want, that unconditional love, you need to define what that looks like for you.
Take three minutes and write down at least 10 ways that you know you will feel like you are loved unconditionally by your partner. Ready? Go…
What are the ways you know you can feel totally loved and accepted unconditionally by your partner? Write them down.
Some ideas: Believes me, doesn’t argue, challenge or debate with me. Does not lay down the law. Doesn’t threaten the relationship by threatening to walk out. Loves me just the way I am, warts and all. Cherishes all the little things I do for us. Listens to what I have to say. Negotiates with me, so that we both can have what we want out of life. Wants to support and work with me for the greater good. Never raises his or her voice, threatens, or abuses. Wants to show me love when I need it, when I want it. Loves and respects me, my family, my hobbies, my potential.
Whatever it is for you, write it down.
This list represents how you know you are loved unconditionally.
You say, Oh, yeah, baby, I want a man or a woman, like that.
And if you’re in a relationship with someone, right now, unless you are our hosts today, Mark and Lynetta, you’re thinking I need to find someone, like that because my partner is not capable of being what I want.
And this is the one biggest key in a sustainable loving relationship:
If you really want it, let me hear it from you again, and say, “Yes!” (Yes)
Now, keeping all that in mind, here’s something that you might find as interesting as I do:
When I ask a client if he or she wants unconditional love, they enthusiastically declare how much they really want to be loved unconditionally, no matter what.
But when I ask them if they are willing to
LOVE THEIR PARTNER NO MATTER WHAT
Their response is a resounding,
We want it. We want it more than anything, but we’re unwilling to give it, and therein lies the rub.
In these workshops, we take the love relationship to a whole new level, far beyond the 7 phases of love, where we work with people in traditional relationship counseling.
In traditional or “worldly love,” unconditional love is not possible because we get in the way of giving it. It’s not that we don’t want it, because we want it desperately, but, for the most part, we do not have the ability to give it within ourselves.
In awakened love, in contrast to worldly love, the couple is encouraged to focus more on truly loving one’s self, more than trying to impress or serve the other person in the relationship.
Once they’ve done the work of cleansing, removing blockages, and healing wounds from the past, they are in a far better place to truly love themselves.
Following this sacred work, the couple is able to fully open up and allow their love to overflow to the other partner.
The competition fades away and the two can truly become one. Both individuals, completely separate but together unlimited possibility and extremely powerful in the world working in perfect harmony.
We have a ceremony at the conclusion of the Awakening to True Love Workshop where we release all those things that stand between us and the authentic true love we desire, and send it off in a burning love lantern, and those things that held us back soars off with the glowing lantern.
And I’ve done this often enough to know, the question that is on your lips, right now:
“What happens, if it doesn’t work?”
It always works, 100 percent of the time.
Your lives can grow apart, and in an awakened love relationship, you can both agree to go your separate ways, no harm, no foul. Without guilt or blame, only love. True love.
This is the nature of true love.
If we are meant to be, then fine. If not, then, fine. God bless you, and God bless me, as we make our own way to our destiny, wherever that might be.
It’s a little like dropping your partner off at the airport.
I love you no matter what.
In awakened love, love is unconditional. I love me so much I can love you no matter what.
I love you no matter what you think.
I love you no matter what you say.
I love you no matter what you do.
And if we’re no longer meant to be? I love you then, too.
I love you enough to let you do whatever you need to do, even if it’s without me.
That is unconditional love.
My name’s David M. Masters, and you can find out more about me at davidmmasters.com
You have been charged with living out your journey as a human being on this planet. Yes, you came as a divinely inspired being with a purpose, plan, and your own song to sing, but likely have lost sight of this through the process of living your life to the best of your cognizant abilities.
With every breath you take every step you make in every moment of your life it is up to you to decide to experience episodic
Drama or Dream
The Choice is Yours
Any time you feel poorly, when you feel slighted, misunderstood, shamed, ridiculed, threatened, or victimized, it is up to you whether you will see this feeling and the scene that follows play out as drama or dream, the choice is yours.
If you feel, for any reason, your life is one with consummate drama, you will respond to any ill feeling in a way which charges the impending scenario with negative energy which will play out in a dramatic scene. Your response will feel justified in the outset but will have you feeling worse once the scene has played itself out.
On the other hand, if you respond to ill feelings with love, love will find a way to turn the scenario in a more pleasing direction. The charge in the Bible’s Matthew 5:44 supports this advice divinely, “love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”
This concept is nothing new and was previously noted in Proverbs 15:1 with, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Simple social science at work, even thousands of years ago.
Let’s face it,
Life is a bitch
More like a drunk ass
Life will throw all kinds of opportunities for you to choose drama or dream, it’s a bitch, or more like a drunk who’s had one too many, who is invading your space or pushing your buttons.
If a drunk bumps into you, causing you to spill your drink (chocolate milk), it’s up to you to make a decision. Will you put a negative spin on this, or will you approach the situation with love?
Your initial reaction would be to push the drunk back, and no one would blame you for asserting yourself in the defense of your personal space. When you look into the drunk’s eyes, you can see a lifetime of pain welling up which turns to rage, and now you’ve got a fight on your hands. The repercussions of which could tarry on for some time depending on how the fight goes.
How about the dream?
Or, when the drunk bumps into you, you can smile, put your hand on his should and say, “Whoa, Nelly! What happened to your sea legs, sailor?” As you look into the drunk’s eye, you can see a lifetime of pain. When he looks back at you, seeing eyes filled with love and you’re smiling at him, he feels loved, even for the slightest moment, and this simple gesture, you’re showing a bit of kindness, may be the bright spot in the drunk’s day (possibly his entire life). He might even offer to buy you another chocolate milk.
Does it work every time?
Though it may look like it doesn’t, or it may look like an utter failure at the outset, your kindness is remembered. It may take time and some other kindness shown by others to break through the thick walls which people who have experienced a great deal of pain in their life have built around their hearts to protect themselves from ever being hurt again.
So, they may respond inappropriately. They may reject your kindness.
Instead of being offended, maybe you could muster enough love in you to have compassion for someone in this condition. For God’s sake, don’t point out that you are aware of the drunk’s condition. Just remember that if it weren’t for God’s grace, you might be in the same place as the drunk.
Even if you do not see the immediate rewards for your benevolent act, it does work every time. After all, he’s doing the best he can with what he has, and aren’t all of us just doing the same?
Just love him and bless him as he makes it through another day. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day for, maybe not, but we are no better than he, for in our own ways, we can be a little reckless and bump into things in life which catch us by surprise, too.
It’s on you, whether you live your life in drama or dream by simply choosing love over defense.
You got married with the best intentions. When you got married you vowed to love each other for life, but something happens after you’ve signed your affirmation of love on the dotted line, the love you had begins to fade. What can you do when love dies in a marriage?
Love is like an ocean, with ebb and flow. There are good times, bad times, and most of the time you just sort of modulate within the “okay” sense of being neither good nor bad, just somewhere in between, finding the marriage somewhat tolerable.
Like incoming waves, your marriage is visited by incoming waves of love which nourish the relationship. Every seventh wave (as each relationship is different so is the time differential between waves of love) is good enough to make you feel good and strong enough to stay in the love cycle for another round.
The only problem as you stay in this cycle of love waves, the incoming waves of love decrease in their volume as your ocean of love evaporates and can dry up completely. This is when love dies in a marriage.
When your love has died, what’s the point of being at the beach at all? You think both of you would be better off just to cut your losses and go your separate ways, and the thought of revisiting another love beach is either vastly appealing or sounds like an ominous devastating idea inviting dissatisfaction and broken heartedness.
If you choose not to throw in the beach towel of love, you could alternatively choose to love again.
You can infuse your marriage with love just by being willing to step out in faith and recreate the environment of past love and reinvigorating your marriage by acting as if your love never waned.
All you have to do is to remember the way you felt and think about the things that you did when you felt you were overwhelmed by love’s magic spell. Back when you were in the throes of love, you did different things than you do today, You may have done anything for the object of your spouse. All you wanted to do was to express your love and feel the love emanating from your partner.
By doing the things that you did when you were “in love,” even though it doesn’t feel the same or like you’re just going through the motions, you will notice the feeling of love returning to your heart and countenance.
When you feel like love has died in your marriage, remember this…
Love is not dead. Love is, always was, and will forever be. Love is eternal.
You can keep your love ocean full and vibrant by turning on the tap of unconditional love.
Unconditional love is such a high concept and it is frightening for the average mortal to even consider. What? To love someone no matter what?
To say to someone, “I love you no matter what you say, no matter what you do,” just sounds like you’re inviting disrespect, pain, suffering, and abuse. You imagine nothing good could come from that because everyone is always out to get you or take everything from you and victimize you.
Just the idea of giving unconditional love, even though you want to be loved in this way, can make you feel angry.
Sounds like a lot of fear, and fear is the opposite of love. There is no love in fear, but often there is fear in love, and love cannot be raised to its highest form (unconditional love) in fear.
It starts with you. If you can allow yourself to tap into the unlimited source of unconditional love (God), you can have so much love for yourself that it overflows into the world around you.
In this state of unconditional love you can fully love anyone, even your loveless spouse, so much that you don’t require receiving any love in return. One person in unconditional love can sustain an otherwise loveless marriage indefinitely.
A common response of a loveless spouse in a marriage with one partner loving unconditionally is to reciprocate love, leading to a profoundly loving marriage between the two.
Love not only returns to the marriage, but it surpasses any love that has gone before. This is the power of true love which is unconditional.
Think about these things and when love dies in a marriage know that it does not necessarily indicate the marriage is dead. Love is all around and true love is lying in wait, ready to breathe new life into any relationship, eliminating fear, if you dare to release it.
It’s easy to internalize your frustrations if you’ve been with a partner who has been unfaithful. Cheaters have nothing to do with you. If you’re monogamous and committed to someone who is a cheater, when he or she has left, you might start questioning yourself. “What did I do?” or alternatively, “What’s wrong with me?” amongst other self-deprecating questions. When the truth is it’s about the cheater, not you.
Cheaters are gonna cheat. That’s just the way it is. You can change a cheater, it’s just the way they are hard-wired. Can a cheater change into a loving, caring, monogamous, and faithful partner? Yes. But you cannot change them. Only the cheater can change his or her life that drastically. Nothing you can do can change them.
Your first instinct is to blame yourself because you lack the full lovingness for yourself, so you question your worthiness, as all your insecurities rise to the surface, making you feel worse and worse about yourself, while the happy-go-lucky cheater is off on his or her next conquest.
Nothing is wrong with you. You are perfect in every way, only you do not realize it or know that all the love you seek resides within you waiting to be set loose in all its power and glory.
Lacking this true love from within, you will submit yourself to the endless abuse of not feeling as though you are not enough, questioning your authentic beauty, or over criticizing your income, weight, choice of apparel, hairstyle, mannerisms, possessions, family, beliefs, or any other endless possibilities that might make you feel less than worthy.
The choices other people make, the things they do, have nothing to do with you. You are for more inconsequential in the lives of people who have little or no regard for you than you might think. People just say or do stuff because their lives have led them to say or do this or that. That is all.
If it wouldn’t have been you, it would have been someone else.
You are not responsible for the life your ex- has lived up to this point and you can never know what is going on inside someone else’s head or heart.
In most (if not all) cases of infidelity or the inability for someone to make a long-term commitment comes from a lifetime of insecurity, fear, and/or abuse, every detail of which could never be fully known by any other person.
It’s up to you to look after your own feelings and sense of worthiness. You need to not let anyone have control over how you feel. In this way, you can reclaim your power from anyone who has threatened your otherwise sense of wellbeing.
If you let others to be responsible for how you feel, you would be just like your ex- who is constantly needing someone else to make him or her feel good. And when you make someone else responsible for how you feel, it works, but not for long.
If someone doesn’t like you the way you want them to, don’t feel bad. Be grateful that you found out when you did, because it could have been much worse had your relationship been allowed to continue in its dysfunction.
Your value is not determined by anyone or anything outside of yourself. Your preciousness comes from the love within yourself. Allowed to grow within yourself your love can expand and overflow to others and the world around you.
Without this unlimited source of love enveloping you, the best you can do is to mitigate your emotional state, with all its contradictions and inconsistencies, the best you can by applying emotional bandages (other people and what they think of you).
You are perfect, with all your imperfections, just the way you are.
You were born in love, full of love, and worthy of love, for you (in your truest essence) are love personified. Even if no one else recognizes your sacred divinity, it still remains true; you are pure love.
You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, ever.
You love yourself enough to walk away from any relationship which is not in alignment with your highest and best.
You and your love is all the love you need, and when the right person shows up with a vibrational frequency with is alignment with your highest and best, nothing can stand in your way.
Two people meet, fall in love, pledge their vows of love to each other, and live happily ever after. This is the romantic aspirations of most people who seek romantic love in the world today.
There are many forms of love which are active in our society. Love is used on a wide spectrum including many possibilities and representation. On one end of the spectrum you can love chocolate cake, and on the other, a desperate heartbroken young child can find solace in his or her mother’s embrace accompanied by the speaking of the words, “I love you.”
All love is good love and the more there is of it in our world, the better the world can be. For a moment consider there might be a difference between romantic love and unconditional love.
There is nothing better than entering a relationship in love with the expectation that it would last forever. There is an instinctual part of you that wants to go through life with someone by your side. Having to decide who that might be only once, sounds like a dream come true.
When you are attracted to someone or something, this is an expression of your flesh, creating a desire for it whether it be a particular type and color of a car or a prospective mate. Certain hormones create a chemical reaction in our brain which makes us love one thing over another.
The love chemical reaction fades over time and so do the feelings of love. That’s why your admiration of that new car is often replaced by resigning yourself to drive the darned thing, while you long for another car that is more appealing; one that causes your love chemistry to kick in. And so it is with romantic love.
Romantic love projects expectations on your partner. If they look and act in a way that is in line with your expectations of him or her, your love is sustained. If not, you are disappointed and may respond negatively, potentially giving way to disapproval or anger.
Unfortunately, romantic love is based on this expectation and the challenges you face with being shocked by the stark realization that the object of your affection has failed or is unable to meet your expectations.
Instead of fostering togetherness, as in the two of you becoming one, romantic love separates each of you into a my-way vs your-way opposition fostering a push-pull power struggle which can never be won.
Romantic love will have you endlessly attempting to make your partner fit your perception of how he or she should be based on your expectations, with little consideration for who your partner really is in his or her own natural state, or respect of individual potentialities which are yet to be realized.
Romantic love is perpetually fueled by fear of loss, which keeps you looking for clues of potential loss, and as a self-fulfilling prophesy, that which you seek appears, either by using your overactive imagination, or real-life circumstances, which you may have called into being by your fear.
Fear leads to disrespect, suspicion, loathing, and even hatred, when you are jolted into the reality that your love cannot be sustained by whom or what you believed could be trusted to fulfill your expectations of love. This dichotomy creates a violent cognitive dissonance which rocks your world and wreaks havoc on your emotional wellbeing.
Unconditional love, on the other hand, is quite the contrast to romantic love, in that there is no my-way vs your-way opposition keeping you separated. There is no right way, there is no wrong way. There is just you and your partner in love inclusive or all respective possibilities.
This is only possible by allowing true love to flow from the source of all life which does not impose expectations. This true love loves purely, without expectation. It does not look for flaws, nor does it seek to punish. Unconditional love loves regardless; no matter what you do or what you say.
Unconditional love can only be expressed if your heart is full of love for yourself, and to the degree to which you possess this kind of love for yourself, it can overflow into the life of your beloved.
Of course, in unconditional love, there will be differences which appear, but these are allowed to be expressed in love, and you may talk openly about whatever comes up in the contrast of your love experience with openness and honesty, allowing growth or allowing what is to simply be as you move forward.
You were created by this unconditional love source and the potential for it resides in every cell of your body. You can let loose this unconditional love and let it permeate you and the world which surrounds you at any time, if you can allow yourself to consider the possibilities.
Unconditional love is the most powerful force which can be wielded by any man, woman, or child and is more powerful than anything else. It exists in all life, everything, and without it, nothing would be.
God blesses all love unconditionally, from the romantic love looking to be negotiated and contractualized between two, and the unconditional love. Love is love, and everything is love.
Why is it so hard to wrap your head around unconditional love? No doubt, you want unconditional love. You want someone to love you no matter what, but when it comes to your loving someone else, it immediately turns to conditional love, or, “I’ll love you if…”
It might surprise you to discover that if you have no love, you’re why.
You are the reason you are not able to engage in unconditional love because it takes two; your partner and you. The you that keeps all the love you’ve ever imagined just beyond your reach.
Some people refer to this you as “ego.”
Your ego looks at love as a means to an end, a method to get whatever it is that you want, and to provide you with the sense of safety and security that you longed for as a child but rarely, if ever, received from your parent(s).
Chances are, you’ve looked for love in the past and it didn’t turn out the way you thought it would. You may have suffered a few of love’s wounds along the way, and your ego will collect every possible indicator culled from your past to prevent you from falling victim to love’s evil again.
This results in your gathering many (oh, so many) red flags as a method to protect you.
In my Awakening to True Love seminars, we discuss that unconditional love, the only true love, is about the giving of love. It requires nothing from those to whom it is given. True love is a free gift, without expectation of receiving anything in return.
You want unconditional love, but your ego will not allow you to give it, therefore you can never have true love.
The ego can dress up a romantic affair to make it look and feel like love in an effort to extract a feeling of love or safety and security, but this illusion is not sustainable for long.
As soon as your ego feels the threat of not being able to sustain this love feeling, it will initiate various and sundry irritations, inconsistencies, conspiracies, suspicions, and demons to threaten your sense of wellbeing.
Your ego does not see it as your failure to connect deeply with this person, instead, it will do everything possible to make your partner the focus of your irritation and will exaggerate circumstances and your feelings until you are rescued from this relationship.
The love that you felt previously turns to fear and angst.
True love, your true love, will never come from someone else, it is drawn from an endless well of love which emanates from your heart, which is filled in unlimited capacity by the God of the universe.
If you can get a grasp of this, your ego will post up to guard the gates of your heart against you, with thoughts of “this is preposterous” because “How could the love you’ve been looking for your whole life be inside of you?”
To engage in true love is to surrender your “self” (your ego) and all that is to unconditional love.
In this state of being, all you are is love. Love is all that you see and feel no matter what. Even in the most desperate of circumstances, you can rise above it, see it for what it is, allow all the situations and players simply to be without judgment or blame; and love them and what is.
You can tell if you are in true love by the way that you feel. If you feel uncomfortable, fearful, at risk, or exposed to potential peril, you are not in the true love state. Unconditional love transcends that which is presented to us as a “cover story” or impending doom and gloom.
As more of us surrender to unconditional true love, a shift happens which resonates throughout the universe. At some point, this unconditional love will envelop our planet, and those who do not surrender to unconditional love will no longer be able to thrive.
Non-lovers will lose their power, fear will no longer serve them as a weapon, and they will find meaning in surrendering to true love, or they will deteriorate, and we will love them unconditionally, however they decide to live out their days.
For me and my house, we will love unconditionally.
The 7 Phases of Love depicts the love relationship which exists between most mortals. It is used as a text for lovers, relationship counselors, and coaches to give you reference points which are common among love relationships, even so, there is a great deal of variation among love relationships which enter offices seeking love therapy.
The problem with most love relationships which persist over time is that growth and change are not factored into the confines of the love relationship.
At the outset of your love affair, you and your beloved agreed to a certain set of parameters which represented each of your wants, needs, and desires of your hearts. You carve these love commandments in stone and hold each other accountable.
This is all well and good if you are in love with a robot and you are also a robot, otherwise it is destined to be problematic because people do change, and in the best-case scenarios they grow, and growth necessitates change.
The most successful love relationships are constructed with enough flexibility to account for growth and change, for not to presents the couple with a rigidity which is more likened to a prison sentence, or contractual agreement, which is all but impossible to maintain over time, unless one or both parties are willing to sacrifice their own growth and expansion.
Those who willingly acquiesce to resign themselves to a contractual relationship, in a sense agreeing to the long-term martyrdom of self, do so out of fear, and are likely not to achieve must satisfaction in life but are willing to sacrifice for some degree of stability.
In most cases, I see it as a matter of priorities when in the process of engaging in the love relationship.
While many people have a certain set of priorities to maintain in their lives, there are two which seem to impact love relationships more than others, and they are
Love and Stability
If these priorities are mismatched it can invite a lot of complications in the love relationship due to incompatibility. Both partners can have love and stability as their top two priorities, but which one comes first can have a huge impact on how the relationship is approached.
For instance, if stability comes first, then you will not be able to fully love until your needs for safety and security (whatever that might look like because it’s different for everybody) are satisfied.
On the other hand, if love comes first, then you will not be able to willingly do whatever it takes to supply safety and security until your need for love is met first.
You can see why having these priorities mis-matched can cause a great deal of conflict within the relationship. One is not right or wrong, it just is what it is. Everyone is entitled to his or her desires of the heart.
Realistically, if you want to have any hope of longevity in your love relationship, you must allow for flexibility, renegotiation, and change.
You may not find out that your love and stability priorities were improperly aligned until long after you’ve committed yourself to your relationship. This is just one instance when discovering such a discrepancy would call for an important heart-to-heart conversation and coming up with a new plan to address the differences.
All this negotiating is necessary when you’re in a love affair of the flesh. If you are in a relationship which is founded purely on unconditional love (which is very rare, even though many of us claim we love “unconditionally”) then, you are always open to growth and change within your relationship of true love.
Does “loving unconditionally” mean that you and your partner will live happily ever after? Or, “stay together forever?”
It means that you love your partner so much that you want only the best for him or her.
If the day comes when your partner might be better off without you, then you bless him or her and let them go, in love.
You love so much, that you can not only survive but thrive in their departure, though it might be difficult at first, because above all when you love someone unconditionally, you desire only the best for him or her.
Unconditional love is a tall order, and it is not for the weak-at-heart. Loving someone, “no matter what,” is far more than the mere mortal can endure.
Even when the love manifestors are out there coaching us on how to flip the switch to make love appear in our lives (I know, I’m one of them), why is it that people still claim that love comes when you least expect it?
There’s one dominant reason that people declare love comes when you least expect it, because in most cases that’s the way it goes, even when you’re fervently working toward manifesting your perfect mate.
Getting matched-up with the person who truly is the perfect match for you is not something you want to rush.
Likely, if you’re in the process of finding the right person, especially if the reason is that you’ve selected the wrong person in the past or even a long succession of wrong people in the past, it’s because you’ve been doing it wrong.
It’s not that, “Your picker’s broken.” It’s more that you’re just not doing it right.
There are many reasons why we do it wrong which can be traced all the way back to your birth (and even before).
When you are deliberately and intentionally going about attracting or seeking your ultimate mate, now (hopefully) you’re going about it in a different way. Firstly, you have a better understanding of what you have to bring to a potential relationship.
The best love relationships come as the result of filling yourself with so much love and letting it spill over into the lives of those around you. True love starts with you.
You’ve realized that the way you went about it in the past did not serve you well, so you’re a little (or a lot) more particular about what’s going on inside your potential love interest.
There’s a good chance that in the past, you sort of jumped the gun and found yourself in a full-blown relationship due to premature infatuation. Your body and brain chemistry get triggered and the attraction faction takes over your ability to rationalize what’s happening.
This is a temporary condition. When the chemical reaction begins to subside, you wake up one morning, look over at the person sleeping next to you and ask yourself, “How’d I get myself into this mess?”
At that point, you either try to make the best of it or cut and run.
But when you’re cognizant, purposely and lovingly waiting, holding your own loving and sacred space for “the one,” it’s a whole different deal. You have your hormones in check. You’re aware of your tendency to make bad choices, and you’re more aware of what’s going on around you.
This state of increased awareness and alertness can actually be counterproductive in terms of the laws of attraction.
If you are exerting a great deal of effort and energy in trying to make your true love happen, it may actually produce an energy field which will prevent your beloved to be drawn to you.
It’s as if you are struggling against the current, or swimming upstream in an effort to find your true love, when true love is found in the releasing of energy. You cannot fight your way to true love (even though there are reports of people who have done so. I suspect this is a different kind of love. Even though it does appear to be sustainable over a period of time).
That’s why it appears that love comes when you least expect it.
Because you’re in the process of doing a lot of inner work while you are in the process of attracting your true love, there’s going to be a delay. You’re not going to exchange phone numbers with the first person that you’re attracted to this go-round. You realize this is not in your best interest.
So, it’s going to take longer than the hookups which you’re probably more accustomed to.
Once you’re aware of who you are and who would be best suited for you, there is a sense of urgency, seeking, and filtering process which you engage in, which is upstream activity. Not the best energy for attracting true love, though it can happen.
When you’re nearly ready to collapse from exhaustion (from all the upstream activity), you’re considering the withdrawal from all the “putting yourself out there,” you might want to hold off on deleting your profile.
It’s when you’ve released and let go of the angst and expectation, when you’ve given up, that the holy spirit is allowed to bring true love to you.
That’s why it looks like love comes when you least expect it.
You’ve walked away from the work of seeking love or trying to make love happen with all your best thinking and activity of the flesh.
True love is not an act of the flesh. True love is born of the heart in peaceful and overflowing abundance without any effort, as if floating downstream in love’s flow.
All the love you could ever want is lying dormant deep inside of you. Let’s introduce you to your love. Imagine there is a little four-year-old child living inside you. This child is very loving, caring and is very sensitive.
You are responsible for this child’s wellbeing. What kinds of things might you tell this child to assure him or her that you will do everything you can to keep him or her safe? How would you make sure that the child was cared for? How would you make the child feel respected, self-confident, happy, and loved?
Are there things you could do to make the child feel at risk? Could you do or say something to the child to make him or her feel fearful, neglected, uncared for, unloved, or maybe even wish he or she had never been born?
While this might seem like a silly exercise, there is a little one who lives inside you who wants to talk to you. Your inner child is that little, neglected version of you, who is afraid, tucked away deep in the shadows in you, hiding from you and doesn’t want to burden you. Until now, you have neglected this little child who is hidden between you and your heart.
As you get to know this child better, loving, caring, and making him or her feel safe, secure, and enthusiastic about wanting to come out and play with you, the more love you will have for yourself and others.
If you continue to neglect this child, the love you have for yourself and others will wither away. Left alone, your inner child might find ways to interrupt normal life by pitching a fit or throwing a full-on tantrum.
Loving yourself, filling your heart full of love, is the only way to have love to share with others. You can go through the motions in an effort to express love to others, but to share authentic love energy with another being, you must first possess the love energy to give or exchange it. To love without the energy is just being nice, and there’s nothing wrong with that, if that’s all you can do.
That child within you is longing to be loved, and your act of loving that precious little child builds love’s energy inside of you. The more you love your inner child and yourself, the more love you have to share with others.
True love starts with you. You must honor and cherish yourself before attempting to love someone else, or expecting to receive love from someone else.
If you have no love inside, and someone else’s love makes you feel good, that good feeling that you feel will fade away. It is unsustainable if your heart is not overflowing with love. This is how you can become a love addict. Constantly seeking love from outside yourself, because your heart is empty inside.
The exchange of energetic love is the only way to experience true love, where the love inside of you overflows to the others, your love is reflected from them back to you, and it’s so much better if they are also overflowing their love energy to you, and it is reflecting back to them. This is the amazing, authentic love which is awakening in mankind at this very moment.
You have and are all that you need for true love. You are complete and whole in yourself. You don’t need to find someone to complete you or be your other half. You are not broken or incomplete without anyone else.
If your heart is full of love, you never have to seek love outside yourself, though the spice of life can be found in the reflection of love’s overflowing and intermingling with another.
Love is not about struggle, strain, or about manipulation or gain. You don’t have to work so hard to get the love, attention, or security you seek. When love is abundant, there is no need to covet, conquer, bargain, or control. Love is sacred, fearless, only trusts, protects, honors, is hopeful, and is safe.
Love seeks its own level. Love goes where it overflows.
True love is likened to the love between a loving mother and her perfect newborn baby. There is no jealousy, contractual agreement, trading this for that, no guarantees or expectations. Only pure, fully open, overflowing love as they gaze into each other’s eyes.