When Someone Calls You a Liar

What can you do when someone calls you a liar? That’s a tough question and one of the most difficult situations between two people. You have told the truth, whoever you’ve told it to doesn’t believe you, and to make matter worse, you’ve been called a liar.

If you are telling the truth, what else can you do?

You are never obligated to defend yourself against someone who accuses you of being dishonest when you have stated the truth. Trying to defend yourself, or prove what you are saying can make matters even worse.

If someone believes you are lying, nothing you do can help sway their mind, or what they think about your ability to be honest in most cases and standing up for yourself can make matters worse as the person who thinks you are lying will think your insistence “proves” (in their mind that you are lying.

When you tell the truth, it reflects upon your integrity. We all have different levels of integrity, but regardless when you’ve told the truth, and you know in good conscious that you have told the truth, you need to just speak your truth and let it be.

It is not up to you to convince anyone that they are wrong about you.

You never know what’s going on inside someone else’s head. They might not trust you for any of a million reasons and their lack of trust in your ability, to tell the truth, tells you more about them than it does about you.

They can falsely accuse you of a great many things and call you names which can cut you like a knife in an attempt to get you to crack open. While this does not feel good, and can make you feel awful, you may feel like changing your story just to stop their crazy and abusive behavior, then where are you?

You might think it’s no big deal, so you change your story to accommodate their insistence that you are not trustworthy. You just want to be accepted. While this may stop the onslaught of abusive interrogation, this person will never trust you again.

It is quite a conundrum, but you are not responsible for what someone else thinks about you.

Unfortunately, this can escalate to unreasonable proportions. Our society has a corrupt legal system, that while it is imperfect, it’s the best we have at this time in the world, and for the most part (even if the most part is only represented by 51 percent of the time) it is mostly effective, even if sometimes it is absolutely wrong and unjust.

Some people, empowered by this system and know how to manipulate it, can cause a great deal of pain and suffering to those whoever they desire. These people can be motivated by a sense of self-righteousness, revenge, haunted by their own inner demons, or to exert superiority over someone else.

The best you can do is to speak your truth and let it be. Love the person who accuses you and walk away if you can, knowing you did the best you could. Do not engage in an argument, because as you may already know, some people will persist in beating you into submission, and for what?

Because they are so embroiled in their position that they might do anything to prove you wrong?

This is an argument or battle you may never be able to win.

Unfortunately. people lie all the time. And once you’ve been lied to, it’s hard to trust again, especially if you do not have the power of love to fall back on, and the realization that everyone is entitled to live their lives in the best way they can with the tools they have available to them at any moment.

Wars are fought, and many lives are wasted in fighting over differences in belief. It is your choice to fight, or not.

Interestingly enough, if you can find a way to stay in the vibration of love, and refuse to engage in a defensive position, you will be able to see other options as they are revealed to you.

Even though it may look like you are facing impossible odds, you will be afforded other options, and you will find yourself living a more advanced life of love and honor.

Stay true to you and seek not to force others to see from your point of view, only love.

The world we live in is not perfect, but it’s the best we have. It’s up to us to make the best of it, and find ways to pave a better road for generations that follow.

We can change the world, and it will evolve into a better world, if we only love, for love is the most powerful force for good.

Life After Trust and Betrayal

Yes, there is life after trust and betrayal. Because you don’t live in a vacuum, you want to trust someone enough to establish a close relationship wherein you may share the intimate portions of your life. While relationships of all kinds are readily available, most of them are superficial at best. Yet you long to have a deeper connection with a person, someone you can be honest and open with, someone you can depend on, someone you can trust.

Trust doesn’t come easily, especially for you, if you’ve trusted before and have suffered the consequences of trusting someone who was untrustworthy or demonstrated betrayal of trust. If you trusted someone, then found out later trusting them was not in your best interest, then there is the likelihood you have been wounded by the experience.

The betrayal leaves wounds and scars which cannot be seen by outward appearance, though the emotional suffering which results from a misplaced trust can be much more painful than being bludgeoned by a gang of bloodthirsty thugs, and last much longer.

Is it any wonder you might think twice before entering that dark alley of trust again? How can you know if you can trust someone or, not?

You have a natural inclination to trust others, or not, based on the conditions under which you were raised. We learn either to trust or not trust others with the sensitive details of our life when we are young, and progress through adulthood.

Trust is a give-and-take endeavor, if you feel as though you cannot trust others, you will not likely be as open and honest as you could be, and you will live a heavily-guarded emotional life, feeling mostly disconnected and alone, but also have a sense of safety by not exposing yourself to potential betrayal.

You’re no fool. You are a keen observer of others and can decide whether someone is trustworthy in ten seconds. Every now and then, you find someone. Someone who appears to be trustworthy, someone you resonate with, someone you call friend, and you believe you can trust him or her, so after prolonged observation and data collection, you open up.

You put yourself out there, even if it is infrequently or a rare occasion because you desire this deep connection with another person, one that can only be achieved by trusting someone outside yourself who reciprocates with an equal degree of trust. This is the basis of true intimacy.

Then, before you know it, the trust is broken and you’ve been betrayed by your friend. Though, if you could consider the possibility, even if only for a moment, there is a forty percent chance the breach of trust was the result of your self-fulfilling prophecy.

You allowed yourself to question the idea of trusting anyone, therefore if you actually do trust someone, you expect to be betrayed, so the betrayal manifests itself, even if no betrayal actually took place. Not the best approach in dealing with betrayal.

It’s true, in many cases, a perceived breach of trust was actually a tragic miscommunication between people, which appeared to one or more of the participants as a breach of trust because that’s what he or she was looking for. When the red flag of mistrust was first perceived (even though it may not have actually been waived) the person who expected betrayal, points a finger and shouts, “I knew it!” Further supporting the position that no one can be trusted.

Casual relationships needn’t rely on a high level of trust and are therefore easier to maintain. Given a certain amount of time, a superficial relationship can morph into a more intimate relationship unbeknownst to the person who would otherwise be unlikely to trust. Nonetheless, trust slips in under the radar, and before you know it, someone else has trashed your trust in them, yet again. Though, in this case, there was never any expectation of trust communicated.

It is best, when communicating any sensitive information to someone, to at the very least, let them know that you are trusting him or her, as if to place a delicate crystal bauble in his or her hands with the expectation that he or she will care for it respectfully, protecting it from harm, so as not to damage it while in their possession, and have them acknowledge their commitment to you to keep it safe. It is clearly understood that you do not expect, and it would be devastating to you if he or she threw it onto the ground and crashed it into a million pieces.

Not setting the ground rules of the expectation of trusting someone with something is just not fair, for how is the person supposed to know, as we all regard different things as “sensitive information.” What might be highly sensitive to one person might only be interesting or humorous to someone else, without the proper supporting framework. After all, we can’t possibly know what’s going on inside someone else’s head.

And if you’re carrying around emotional wounds from past betrayals of trust, consider the idea of letting the anchors to those painful wounds go.

If you can allow your mind to conceive of the idea, you might be able to imagine the point of view of your transgressor. What if he or she was doing what they were doing (which encompassed the breaking of your trust) from an entirely different perspective than your vantage point, when the betrayal occurred?

If it is true, that

we are all doing the best we can with what we have

Then, there was no malicious intent of the person who conducted the breach of trust. In fact, that person had no idea (or maybe they did) that trust would be broken. What was going on in the mind and life of that person in that period of time in space left him or her with no other option but to make the decision to take the action which hurt you.

Has there ever been a time when you were falsely accused due to a misinterpretation when someone was unable to see something from your point of view?

If you were that person, had lived his or her life up until that point, and if you were under the exact same circumstances as he or she was in, in that moment… You would have done the same thing.

You could recoil in self-righteousness and say, “No, I wouldn’t.” But that is not true because had you been that person, you would have done the same thing, likely not for the reasons or with the intent which you have associated with the other person’s actions though.

Through empathetic understanding, try to imagine what was going on inside the emotional body and mind of the person you felt betrayed by. Why might they have felt like there was no other option? Be brave enough to try to compassionately imagine what it might have been like to been him or her in that moment in time. How hard might it have been?

Then, if you dare, forgive them, one by one.

You don’t have to tell them or confront them, you only have to forgive them in your own heart, and if you have the ability and the courage, to not carry a grudge and let it go.

There is hope for you, even if you believe that people cannot be trusted, that you can live to love and trust someone in a deeply connected relationship.

You have much love to give.

How to Know If You Can Trust Someone

Is He or She Trustworthy?

How to know if you can trust someone or, not? Is he or she trustworthy?

If you pay attention you can usually tell if someone is worthy of your trust early on. People are generally fairly transparent unless they have a form of psychopathy or are a highly trained government spy.

Early on, people give us clear signals which could alert us to whether they can be trusted, or not, though in most cases we overlook the warning signs because we desire to seek out and believe the best in people, especially those we may have the potential of developing a relationship with.

First off, you feel comfortable about the idea of trusting them. Now this may be a false positive, but it is rarely a false negative. If your first impression of a person is that they appear to be trustworthy, more often than not you will be right. On the other hand, if your first impression of someone is that they cannot be trusted, you’re probably right.

Observing how a person acts and reacts will help to give you more supportive information as to whether someone can be trusted, or not, such as do they appear to trust others, or are they more suspicious of others. There’s a pretty good chance, if they are unable to trust others, it is probably because they know they themselves cannot be trusted. If you can’t trust yourself, how can you trust someone else? An early indicator might be impulsivity. If they can’t trust themselves, their ability to control their own actions, then there’s a good chance your faith or trust in them may be misguided. People who are worthy of your trust are usually able to demonstrate an adequate level of self-control.

Trustworthy people are more compassionate and willing to compromise for the greater good, while someone who is unwilling to compromise might not be able to be trusted to do the right thing. These observations can be noted on the smallest scale and extrapolated out to the more important things of life. For instance, if you have an impromptu meeting after work with co-workers about a particular project and you invite the new hire along, if he or she declines the invitation because he or she is tired, you can reasonably expect that this person will opt out of more important obligations if they are not feeling up to it. Which in itself is not a bad thing, but what if you’re depending on this person to follow through on something of great importance? You will look back on this early warning sign, slap your forehead and say, “I knew it.”

If you can’t trust someone with the smaller details, then you probably can’t trust them with the big ones. If someone is not telling the truth about how long they took for a coffee break, or lie about where they went on their lunch break, even though these may seem inconsequential, they are early warning signs of someone who is comfortable with not telling the truth. Even though they might be white lies or they might have purposefully withheld particular details which may not be cause for alarm, these can be indications that trouble may be brewing down the line when the stakes are much higher. If someone can be trusted with small, inconsequential details, then there’s a good chance they can be trusted with more important details.

Making excuses, justifying their missteps, or blaming others could be early indications that someone can’t be trusted, for trustworthy individuals are far more likely to take full responsibility for their actions. You know what to expect from someone who can be trusted. If they say they are going to do something, they do it. If they give you a head’s up that they might not be able to perform to an expected level, and they do not, they were honest and forthright, giving you fair warning. While untrustworthy individuals are more likely to make promises knowing they are unlikely (if not unable) to keep them, then make excuses or blame someone or something else for their inability to follow through with their commitment(s).

The only real way to know if you can trust someone, or not, is to trust them with something small at first. Then sit back and see what happens. If they prove that they can be trusted with this, then you can move on to other, more important issues. Sometimes trusting someone allows them to raise their own personal bar of integrity, answering the call with trustworthiness. Giving them the opportunity to show themselves as trustworthy might actually make them worthier of your trust in him or her.

10 Seconds to Trustworthiness

When you meet someone for the first time, or are just getting to know someone, they have created an image of you in their mind’s eye about whether you can be trusted or not. Whether it’s a social engagement, casual meeting, job interview, meeting a potential client, sales meeting or a potentially romantic date, you have only 10 seconds to communicate your trustworthiness.

Set the Stage

In setting the stage, you’ve taken into consideration your intention. Ask yourself, “What do I want to achieve?” and set your mind on the intended result that will lead to supporting your highest and best as well as that of any person you meet. To communicate trust you must quickly convey you are authentically open and honest, possess humility and are not selfish or conceited.

Being in tune with your intention sets your vibration and being in touch with your vibration will attract others with a similar vibration, or raise the vibration of the person or people that you meet to match your vibration. This is where true communication (or communion) takes place, but you only have 10 seconds to establish tone. Sow set yours in advance and consider also

Accessories and Attire

I know much is said about high fashion accessories and apparel that communicate confidence, compel followers to be attracted to you and increase sales.

This is a sensitive area. While the fashion industry would like you to believe that your expensive watch, designer clothes, shoes and bag will make you the toast of the town, it may also create a negative emotion in someone you might be trying to connect with in an authentic manner.

The higher your intention for connection, the more conservative your appearance (clothing and accessories) should be, if you want to be trusted. Try to match your overall look with the vibration of your intention, especially if you want to seem humble, approachable and trustworthy.

Too much bling is intimidating and may communicate selfishness or arrogance instead of trustworthiness at first blush.

Body Language

Be aware and conscious about how you communicate with your body. There are some things you can do that communicate openness and humility, like keeping your hands in a palms-up open position, keeping your shoulders down in a relaxed position, looking them in the eye but taking breaks so as not to seem like you’re staring them down and maintaining a mildly confident stance (avoid the hand on hips Superman pose).

If appropriate to greet with a handshake, firmly but gently (without a death grip) shake hands in with a vertical hand position, pump two to three times and disengage. Overdoing the handshake can put someone on the defensive.

Without going into detail about body language (which could consume a lifetime of study) avoid any stance, body motion or hand position which may put someone on the defensive if you want people to trust you. Consider being observant about others who do establish rapport and trust easily. You don’t have to hear what they are saying, just watch what they do. Consider video recording yourself. Watching your communication style from outside of your own experience may be an enlightening experience. We all could do better.

Be Attentive

Whatever it is, make it about the other person. Don’t put yourself on display or make this about you. Putting others first is the best way to establish a non-threatening position when making a first impression.

Quickly find something good to say about the person you are approaching (in the first 10 seconds) a genuine, well-intended and honest compliment can help instill camaraderie.

Be complimentary – but don’t overdo it – you want to seem nice, not manipulative.

Even if you’re in a room full of people at a networking event, for the brief moment(s) you are meeting someone, stay focused on him or her. Don’t be looking around the room for your next target, or checking your phone. Listen actively, don’t interrupt or try to show how smart or important you are. Leave them wanting more, save it for a later date.

Be willing to appear confident but honest and vulnerable.

You don’t have much time (10 seconds) to set the tone. If you are really the kind of person who can be trusted, you would like people to know this about you as soon as possible. A little thought and preparation can go a long way in communicating your trustworthiness and hopefully make an impact during your opportunity to leave behind a good first impression.