How to Deal with a Liar

How to deal with a liar? The truth is, if you can handle it, behavioral scientists report that during a 10-minute conversation people will lie two to three times, and if we are people, these statistics are true for you and me, too.

That’s a hard pill to swallow because we don’t like to be lied to, and we don’t like to be thought of as a liar, so we try to cover it up with withholding otherwise negative information (which is the unspoken lie of a weak-kneed chicken-hearted person, or people-pleaser). I know, “But I was trying to be nice,” but it’s still a lie.

And if you’re sensitive or aware enough to know when someone is lying to you, guess what? You’re wrong 47 percent of the time, so the joke’s on you.

Think law enforcement, CIA and lie detector professionals fare any better? Well, they do. They’re only wrong 40 percent of the time. Even with all the technology and behavioral science we can muster, only a seven percent increase in actual detection of a lie.

Even so, when you catch someone in a lie, it seems like such a betrayal or breach of trust how could anyone not take it personally?

So, what do you do when you catch someone in a lie?

Well, there are a couple of ways to approach the fact that someone has lied to you (assuming you know the facts, and that there is no other option than you’ve actually witnessed a bold-faced lie first hand).

Your first option is not to do anything, understanding that people lie all the time, and this person felt the inclination or need to lie based on any number of life circumstances and situations, and who knows? If you’d lived the same life and been faced with the same options at that particular point in time of your life, you may have responded the same way. Who knows? It could happen.

On the other hand, you could just laugh it off and make a joke of it, like it’s really no big deal. In this scenario, you might laughingly hint to what they might have said as being inaccurate or an exaggeration, without having to put the person on the spot. This gives them the un-threatened time and space to review what they’ve said and maybe consider approaching a more accurate story after they’ve had a chance to work it out for themselves.

You could take the Columbo approach, another non-threatening tactic, pretending that you’ve had a memory lapse, or appear to be confused because you’ve been juggling a lot of information that has become overwhelming and confusing. With this approach, you can query the person at leisure, by playing dumb, while continuing to ask questions to clarify your confusion, you’re likely to end up with a more accurate picture after some continued communication exchange.

Then, of course, there is the more direct option, which is to challenge their lie face-to-face, eye-to-eye. While this is the most direct approach, this is by far the most difficult and there is little or no margin for error. You must have your facts in order, in such a way so as not to be challenged yourself, or you could be labelled as a liar. In this direct fashion of facing off with the liar, it might be best done in private, or with others who may have been affected by the lie. Either way, be direct, keep control of your emotions, deal with the facts, and let the chips fall where they may.

Report the lie, if you feel the need to, to the proper authorities, manager(s), employers, agency, or victim, but if you do, keep it unemotional and stick only to the facts. Don’t use conjecture, accuse or try to speculate why this person feels as though they had to lie about anything. And if you are motivated by fear, anger or revenge, do not report it – at least not now – wait until you can make a report with complete control of your faculties. Often, after you’ve given yourself time to cool down, you might think that it wasn’t as much of a crisis as it felt like at the time, and you’ve avoided someone’s thinking that you’re over-reactive.

Above all, make note that you’re dealing with someone who has the propensity to lie. Try to cover your back by documenting all communication with this person. Try to communicate by verifiable methods such as email or texting. If this person is a highly advanced liar, they will not commit their words to writing. No problem, pay very close attention to what they say, noting the day(s), time(s), place(s) and player(s), then summarize their statement to him or her in a text or email just to confirm that you understood them correctly.

Truth and Integrity

What is integrity? What is it? How does it work and what does it mean to different people in their quest for truth?

Integrity and what it means can look very different, depending on who you are. Integrity is remaining congruent with that greater part of you while maintaining an authentic representation of your self with respect to your journey.

There are very few (possibly no) universal truths on which we as the human race can all agree. Nevertheless, you and I maintain truths that are apparent to each of us, and even these are subject to change as we grow and change. Even two people can view the same incident and report what they’ve seen very differently, based on their perspective and their own life’s experience and language patterns. Unless they have some nefarious motivation their differences are not considered untrue. Just because you’re interpretation of something is different from someone else’s does not mean either one of you, or anyone else is a liar.

It’s highly unlikely that two people could possibly write the same report word for word regarding any incident witnessed due to the fact that we are different people and we all see things differently based on who we are. Our lives, experiences and what is meaningful to us varies immensely among our population, The onus is on you to determine what is truth to you. Certainly there are people who have researched and specialized in different disciplines, but it is up to you what to adopt as truth to you at any given time, remembering that this is always subject to change due to access to new information. Therefore, what was true for you yesterday may not be true for you today.

Being true and congruent with what you currently believe while honoring the right of others to have a contrasting belief is the integrous approach to evaluating truth. You are not responsible for what another person believes. There is no need to change what they believe, as it is up to each person to make their own way and discover their own truths along their own individual journeys.

Your personal vibration and your intuitive heart-mind connection will help you to determine what truth means to you in any given moment, understanding that truth is ever-evolving, there may be moments of uncertainty during the reevaluation process. The more in tune you are with your heart’s frequency vibration, the faster the evolvement of your truth. As your personal vibration continues to raise, so will your perception of higher truths. Temper this personal growth with tolerance, allowing others to do the best they can with what they have without judgment.

An integral portion of your life’s purpose is to observe, nurture and maintain your expanding vision of truth, utilizing your heart’s connection to source to help you discern advancements and their validity to your consciousness.

As you adopt new revelations you may be compelled to share your new insights with others. By all means do so. But do not insist that anyone else see things from your perspective. Let others take what they resonate with as they plant and care for it in their garden of truth. Allow others to let your other seeds of truth which they are not ready for to fall on the ground. You never know which seeds left unattended on the surface will germinate and grow on their own.

Our world and our connection to it is changing. The archaic institutions and systems of control (including our imposed belief systems) are losing their effectiveness and validity. New, expanding and evolutionary thought is the key to the sustainability of our future. You are an active part of this evolution which is taking place at this moment.

Your contribution to help in making the world a better place is discerning your own truth as it emerges and becomes refined in your heart and mind. Being congruent to this process of revelation in integrity is imperative to your ability to contribute.

None of us holds the entirety of all the truth. Each of us maintain our own specialty and only together can we achieve a better understanding of emerging truths, and when we unite in love, together we can achieve a higher vibration and evolutionary expansion affecting the whole world.

Red Pill or Blue Pill?

As you approach life and become more aware and able to see things as they really are, you are able to get a glimpse of how things actually are and you’re discovering that the thoughts, beliefs, ideals and principles that you once revered as undeniable truths are not as they were represented to you.

You start to question things…

Once you’ve discovered that one or more things that have been beat into your head as constructs of thought to control your perception of what is and what is not, it makes you wonder and ask the question,

“What else have I been indoctrinated with?”

You look at things from different perspectives and notice inconsistencies, cracks in the surface which if investigated, lead you to underground chasms filled with data that makes you question even more. You start to realize that much, if not all, that you believed in and held so closely dear to you, are misrepresentations force fed to you in an effort to control your mind, and you start to

Question Everything

As you dig deeper, you find that not only you, but everyone (or almost everyone) you know is also a victim of this massive deception. At first, you become angry at those who have filled your head with all these lies, and then you realize, they, too, are victims of this sinister programming.

They are so embroiled with the lies, that they have no choice but to propagate the deceit. They are so compelled to insist that the lies are true; they are willing to fight, even die, in the defense of it.

What can you do with this awareness?

Good question. It doesn’t take long to figure out, if you tell anyone close to you about your discoveries, they will initiate their protocol to defend their programmed hyperbole by any means necessary. They will make fun of you, intimidate you, or accuse you of losing touch with reality because they have been indoctrinated so pervasively. They may refer you to medical professionals who can prescribe medication which is designed to keep you from questioning your programming. At some point, either literally, or metaphorically, you are faced with a decision of selecting,

The Red Pill or the Blue Pill

The blue pill is the one you’ve been force-fed since birth. You’ve blindly taken your daily dose of blue every day. The blue pill makes you susceptible to all the programming to which you are exposed every day.

The blue pill keeps us fearful and insecure but the taking of it promises to keep us safe and secure as we allow ourselves to wither into complacency and mediocrity.

Most everyone in your world since your emergence on this planet has spent a lifetime taking the blue pill and they know no other way to be. They believe that if anyone were to question the blue, they must be corrected, exiled or possibly even exterminated.

Then there is the red pill. The red pill neutralizes the effects of the blue pill and allows you to see things as they really are. Once you have taken the red pill, you are blasted into a shocking state of confusion, because you are so used to being under the influence of the blue pill.

It’s no wonder that many, who have experimented with the red pill, quickly abandon the idea and rush to re-ingest the blue pill.

If you decide to keep taking the red pill you will no doubt start seeking others who are taking the red pill and you may feel a sort of kinship with redders whom you might think are like-minded. Just be aware that even among the redders, there are still users who while they are expanding are still dragging attributes of the blues along with them. (We all do this to some degree as we are on the path to enlightenment.)

The red journey is one to be taken by you, alone, though you may commiserate and frolic with redders along the way, keep in mind to cease to expand will lead to stagnation. And while not progressing or continuing to evolve can be somewhat comfortable, the decision must be yours whether you will subside into complacency, or continue to grow and expand.