Unconditional Love Makes You Angry

You’re not alone if the idea of unconditional love makes you angry.

You’ve been trained to desire unconditional love. You want to be loved for who you are, everything, the good, the bad, your adorable traits and the mistakes you have made and may make from this day forward. To feel as though you could be accepted and loved no matter what is what you long for.

You can look back on decisions and actions you’ve initiated in your past didn’t turn out the way you planned and may have turned out badly, possibly making you look and feel stupid. You know you could have done better if given a second chance. After all, your intentions were pure when you did it or allowed it to happen.

To be loved, regardless of the stupid things you’ve done in the past, not judged for those things you could have done better and understood as if anyone in the same situation might have done the same thing seems reasonable. And this is what you long for.

While this kind of unconditional love is what you desire, to imagine the offering of such a love to another feels like a preposterous proposition. This is when the idea of unconditional love makes you angry.

What? Love someone no matter what? Do you think I’ve learned nothing from all the pain I’ve endured throughout the course of my life? Have you lost your mind?

If I’ve learned anything, I know you can’t trust anyone, particularly someone you care about, and the more you care about them, the more they will hurt you, and the less you can trust them.

You have surrounded yourself with a protective forcefield in an effort to keep yourself safe from disappointment or risk of being hurt.

Congratulations. You’ve built for yourself and voluntarily checked-in to your hospital fortress where you can find the love you seek from within and heal, because life has been hard, and you need this time to focus on you, isolated from potential harm.

No one would blame you for feeling bad, sad, or mad while suffering from your wounds in your love hospital for recovery. While recovering from these wounds, of course, the idea of unconditional love makes you angry, anyone else in the same situation would feel the same way.

You are suffering from a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), not unlike any other form of PTSD.

If it weren’t for the support of others in their own various stages of love wound recovery, you would be totally alone and isolated in your fortress hospital, and with others who have are also suffering from love’s wounds you develop a supportive camaraderie. This kind of support can prolong your healing as you feel more comfortable in treatment than taking the risk of re-engaging in life outside the walls.

Isn’t the idea of checking one’s self into an isolated healing environment to become well enough to leave the facility and start to live your life again? To not do so transforms your hospital into a prison of your own making to serve out our own self-imposed life sentence. You needn’t suffer the extreme self-abuse of exercising your own love death penalty.

You’re better than that.

You can heal. In fact, you may be far more healed than you believe yourself to be. How many completely healthy people are in hospitals or recovery programs far past their healing because it’s safer to be in the hospital than to face your fears outside in the real world?

It’s time to get up and ambulate. Get outside and exercise your ability to love.

You can still exercise love when the idea of unconditional love makes you angry. No need to push through to unconditional love, but to start loving a little at a time would be highly beneficial.

You might find it helpful to see others as just like you.

You understand yourself so well and you would never intentionally do anything to hurt anyone else, unless in that moment, you felt like you had no other choice, as you were in fully engulfed in the fight-or-flight response. You felt like you had no other option(s).

You don’t have to love what someone else does, but you can still love the person.

Isn’t that what you want?

That is not to say that you allow anyone to abuse you. You have the right and obligation to separate yourself from dangerous situations, but let those situations be an authentic potential risk to you, your body, your mind, or your spirit. Don’t let your fear-inspired imagination to override your ability to find potential danger everywhere you look.

Instead, look to understand and realize that the person with whom you are feeling conflict is looking back at you in the mirror. If you were that person, having lived the same life, you would have done the same thing.

You can feel compassion for that person (not feeling “sorry” for them because that insinuates your superiority), trying to understand what it might like to be like to have to feel as though you might feel like you have to live life, like that. It could make you sad, and even react in a less defensive manner.

Even if the idea of unconditional love makes you angry, don’t let it stop you. Find ways to exercise your love. Start with letting friends in a little deeper. Find a child to love. Make occasions for you to engage in activities that you love, and allow your activities to grow to include more people to participate in those things that you love in public.

Get up. Get out of your love hospital, even if only briefly at first, and one day you will find you no longer rely on your self-restraint and self-imposed love prison sentence.

You have complete control of your release date. You get to leave early based on your healing and good behavior if you want to.

Maybe today is the day.

Write down today’s date, mark it on the calendar, and walk out on your own accord.

Set yourself free.

The greatest love is waiting for you.

Nakedness in Relationships

Relationships can be scary, especially the more intimate the relationship the greater the exposures. There are various degrees of nakedness in relationships. In less intimate relationships there is less nakedness, while the most intimate relationships include full nudity.

Of course, I am not referring to the nakedness of being unclothed, but of being fully exposed, allowing yourself to be seen intimately without any social or emotional covering or façade.

We all desire to connect with other people, to know one another to varying degrees. We find comfort in having people in our lives with whom we can relax, and just be ourselves.

You are so much more than your public persona. You have a particular view of yourself, of how you want the world to perceive you, so you adopt a fully adorned representation of yourself to present to the world. No one knows this is just an act, except for you.

Yet, you desire to drop all the act and to be fully open, honest, transparent, and fully naked, loved and accepted for who you are with no pretense, agenda, or need for covering the vulnerable you who is hidden underneath the multiple layers of your external representation.

You have many levels of intimacy, where you shed some of the public personas and let others have glimpses of who you really are among friends and family. Still, you yearn for someone with whom you can be fully naked, without the fear of stripped down to the most intimate details of your life and who you really are.

In most cases, the only hope you have is to find a romantic mate with whom you can share the most intimate details of your life without the threat of judgment. This is love. As much as you desire such a level of vulnerable intimacy, it is possible to trust someone not to judge you or disclose your innermost secrets to the world?

To be fully naked, not just in the body, but in the soul, where your partner can see and hopefully some grasp of, level of understanding, or at least an inkling of what private things have hurt you in the past, why you have certain sensitivities, what makes you tick, and what turns you on, not just in the sexual sense, but what makes your heart sing, and why.

Where do you doubt yourself? What are your shortcomings? What are your greatest fears?

What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What makes you want to throw caution to the wind and go for it?

This level of nakedness in relationships is what engenders true intimacy, entrusting your most intimate details in full view of your closest, most intimate partner. The one you can trust with all your transparent nakedness, fully exposed, with nothing left to hide.

This represents your most intimate relationship of all, yet it is elusive, and you fear opening up in such intimacy because you fear that you cannot trust anyone with the intimate details of your life.

It is likely that you trusted someone with some intimate details of your life only to have them disregard and disrespect you, judge you for intimating such details, and/or used your openness and honest against you.

You’ve learned, the hard way, not to trust anyone.

Still, your heart yearns to be joined with someone you can fully reveal yourself, who you can trust as the witness to the completeness of your life, as you are for him or her, the same.

This is the nature of the romantic soul mate, the one with whom you may have the potential of sharing an unconditional love.

You will run across many soul mates along the journey of your life, some who are potentially the best of friends, or the most intimate of lovers.

I hear countless regrets from those who later in life realize they once, or many times, had access to a potential soul mate but did not allow the relationship to explore the possibilities due to fear.

You must be able you overcome your fear to take the risk of experiencing nakedness in relationships in order to allow the soul mate to reveal him or her -self to you.

Your fear causes you to interrupt the idea with, “But…”

You’ve got to move your but to what. “What if…?”

Your what to when, “When should I…”

Your when to now. “Now is a good time to take action.”

Make a move to take the action to see if the possibility is closer than you thought.

If it turns out it’s not, keep looking and taking action to test the water, being mindful of the nakedness, or level of transparent intimacy you share, may not include actual nudity or be sexual in any way.

Don’t let your life be filled with the regret of having let him or her get away.

He or she is out there, waiting for you to reach out.

You Know I Love You No Matter What You Do

The words we all need to memorize and speak to everyone as often as possible are, “You know I love you no matter what you do.” These words can change people and the planet we all inhabit.

How often do you look around and see what’s wrong with the world, what someone else is doing wrong, noticing things that just aren’t right, and you get frustrated?

You get acclimated to seeing things that are wrong at a very early age, when you were enjoying life, playing, having a good time… then all of a sudden, your parent bursts into your playtime and asks, “Did you do that?”

You could tell your parent was not happy about whatever it is. You didn’t do anything wrong, but your play did result in the thing your parent is questioning you about, so you nod your head and say, “Yes.”

Your honesty was rewarded by a scolding and you are promptly sent to your room. Your feelings are hurt because you didn’t do anything wrong, and you sense the injustice of someone you loved, depended on, cared deeply about, and trust is broken.

At the earliest of ages, you have become keenly aware that the world is a cruel place, full of people who may not be what you think they are, betrayal, and injustice, and you learn to lie, rather than to tell the truth, because you don’t deserve to be mistreated, like that.

Welcome to the world as we know it.

What if, instead, your parent said, “You know, I love you no matter what you do,” then asked you if you were responsible for whatever it was, and did not punish you for being honest?

What if, instead, your parent hugged you said, “That’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to do that. You were just going on about your life and having a good time. You didn’t even notice that thing. You are perfect, just the way you are. That thing can be fixed or replaced. You can’t. You’re precious.

“You know I love you no matter what you do.”

Instantly, your whole world changes.

The world at large changes, too, as you are offered this bit of love and kindness, instead of criticism or judgment, as the predominance of fear is replaced by the power of love, the whole planet is benefited from even the smallest act of it in the life of only one child.

What if that was the approach offered to many children? The impact would be exponential.

And it doesn’t stop there.

What if you were to apply this same concept to your partner? How do you think that might affect your relationship? “I love you no matter what you say, no matter what you do.”

What if you started treating your loved ones, friends and family the same way?

Try it at work…

You could go as far as applying this simple concept to every incongruent situation, circumstance, confrontation, situation, news flash, or negative thought with,

“You know I love you no matter what you do.”

Not followed by a, “but.” Just accepting that things are the way they are. The damage is done. You can’t go back in time and change it. You will have to fix or replace it, anyway.

You could go about the fixing of a thing, or scenario, and think of it as an upgrade, making it better than it was before, and celebrate the newness of it.

Or you could criticize and judge, just like you learned to, you were trained to do, and suffer the consequences of living in discomfort and keeping those around you in fear of not meeting your expectations.

For me and my house,

You know, I love you no matter what you do.

Evolution of Love in Relationships

Then there is an emerging new paradigm in terms of romantic love and relationships which is altering the landscape of love and the partnering of two people. In this new style of loving and growing both independently and corporately there is no competition or discord as there is only love.

This, radical and expanded form of love is the evolution of love in relationships is non-competitive nor manipulative and centers around the idea of unconditional love.

The love as presented in the 7 phases of love is traditional romantic love. For couples to navigate modern-day, traditional love, entire industries, and even the government are supported by both the function and dysfunction of love and relationships in this fashion.

As a growing number of couples are moving into this evolutionary new style of expansive growth and love, already there are pairs of people who have not made a conscious effort to create this type of loving relationship.

Most of the couples living their lives amidst this evolution of love in relationships have made a conscious effort to allow this type of love to emerge and flourish in their lives, and the process is not easy, as it runs counter-intuitively to everything you’ve been taught, learned, or thought was expected of you in love and relationships.

Still, there are these couples who simply have arrived at healthy caring and loving unconditional love naturally. This is a clear indication that this is the next step in romantic love and relationships, and when this evolutionary love reaches critical mass, the entire world in which we live will change dramatically.

The world, which is based on the dysfunction of traditional love will no longer become sustainable and it will fall, making way for a new world of peace and harmony for all people and future generations.

This new love revolution is based on a combination of ancient traditions, emerging thought, and consciousness, resulting in a freely empowered style of love and loving that has both been long forgotten and never realized among the human race until now.

It’s not for everyone, as many surviving couples today are well-skilled and trained in the science of love as represented in the 7 phases of love, but if you’re feeling like there’s something more, a deeper, more sustainable and evolutionary love out there, your heart may be inviting you to move on to this expansive love.

If you feel you might like to participate in this new style of love and loving, you might consider investigating the idea for yourself.

Consider joining the evolutionary love revolution in loving like you never have before, in a higher, more satisfying style of love and loving, which promotes a better life, your best life, and makes the world a better place.

New love awaits you and yours. Seek out Awakening to True Love or any of the other emerging workshops and/or resources, if you dare enter the world of unconditional love by choice, coming to a bookstore and other media outlets near you.

An Awakening to True Love Workshop may be coming to your location.

True love will never be the same, again.

No Matter What You Say No Matter What You Do

With all this talk about love, growing and expanding in love, raising your love vibration, and unconditional love, you might find it difficult to say (think and feel), “I love you no matter what you say. No matter what you do.”

 

It seems like the idea of no matter what you say no matter what you do is a far stretch from reality. No one would blame you if you thought it was impossible or beyond belief that anyone could say such a thing without lying or being deceptive. Yet, there are times when you, yourself, are likely to have loved to that degree.

If you think about it, you have probably held a newborn baby or a new puppy in your arms, and in that moment as you look into the eyes of that baby or puppy, it’s easy to say, think and/or feel, “I love you no matter what you say. No matter what you do.”

Even though you came into this life as a baby who was unconditionally loveable and unconditionally loving, fascinated by and loving everyone and everything no matter what, you were raised, reared, and reprogrammed to love conditionally.

Then later in life, very possibly right now, you are awakening to or intrigued by, the idea of there being such a thing as unconditional love. You might be wondering why no one seems to be able to love you no matter what you say no matter what you do. And while you can love somebody so much, “no matter what,” seems like just too much to ask due to your social programming or personal beliefs.

Understand there is no wrong way or right way to love. We all love the best we can and if you do not have much love for yourself, you will not have a well of love to draw from within to share with others. Loving the best you can is the best you can do and you are blessed to have any love at all, no matter how small.

The unlimited unconditional love of God is infinite and all around you. This infinite unconditional love permeates every cell of your body. Do not panic if the idea of all life and you being made of and animated by unconditional love. Just keep your mind open enough to consider if there was no love in you, your body would fall to the floor, lifeless.

You are unconditional love, though you have been conditioned by family, friends, and society to believe that love is an elusive energy which exists outside of yourself, if it exists at all. This sets the scenario where true love, if you haven’t given up on it altogether, can only be found in some other person. Disney and Hollywood have helped shore up this idea.

In your search for love, you doubtlessly have discovered that love (the love you have been taught to seek) is not what it’s cracked up to be and your experience has led you to believe love is misleading, dishonest, painful, and not worth it, at least not for long. Your experiences in love can reinforce a negative perspective in relation to this idea of love, and you may come to the conclusion, “There is no such thing as love.”

If you would like to be loved no matter what you say no matter what you do, then you must ignite the flame of unconditional love which is within you, and turn it to and focus it upon yourself.

Up until now, you have probably been your own worst enemy, second-guessing and berating yourself, seeing yourself as a victim of life. Not if you love yourself unconditionally.

If you want to love or be loved unconditionally, you must love yourself no matter what you say no matter what you do first.

When you love yourself no matter what you say no matter what you do, you can then share your love as it overflows from you and to those who you love and the world all around you, unconditionally.

I know it’s a stretch because you’ve been trained to believe that no one can be trusted, but in the vibration of unconditional love, trust doesn’t matter.

In your conditional state of love, you think, “But what if…?”

In unconditional love there is no what if; there is only I love you no matter what you say no matter what you do.

If you are not ready to conceive of the idea of unconditional love, there is no judgment, you are not doing it wrong. Just find a way to love the best way you can, for love is really the only pure energy which permeates all of life. Find it. Get it and give it any way you can.

Here, you are loved no matter what you say no matter what you do.

I Love You No Matter What

I talk about love, been in the love promotion business since I was a teenager, but what is love? Granted, love is many things and can be expressed and felt, imagined and contracted in so many ways, but what is love, really?

I mean, if you could aspire to find the highest and best love that could be shared between two people, that would undoubtedly be unconditional love. But what does it mean to love someone unconditionally?

I love the Jesus model of unconditional love the best, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). It doesn’t stop there. The unconditional Jesus-style love meant he was willing to sacrifice everything for anyone, even the people who didn’t like him, refused to treat him fairly, the ones who shunned and/or rejected him, no matter what.

And when addressing the love of a couple, Paul charges men to, “love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25).

In a world where divorce is big business and relationships are pretty much disposable, this seems like quite the burden to place on anyone who is contemplating a higher degree of love. Unconditional? I love you no matter what? It just seems too impossible.

Is it like those marriage vows that go like, “love, honor, and cherish?” Okay, sounds reasonable enough. “For richer or poorer,” well, okay… for a while, maybe. I mean how long can two live on nothing? And, “in sickness and in health.” Well, exactly how sick are you talking about? We all have limits.

The degree of love you have for someone else is based upon your limitations, for unconditional love is limitless, “I love you no matter what.”

I have friends in my life whom I love unconditionally, they can ditch me, turn their back on me, pitch a hissy fit, leave me stranded at the airport, even steal from me and lie both to my face and behind my back, and I love them no matter what.

Sure, my feelings may wain and falter, but my commitment to love them is unfailing. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that people, no matter how well you know them, can be unpredictable at times, and of course this catches you off guard. Even so, their underlying strength of character remains, and if they are for real, they will return, when they have the ability to do so; or not.

I work with many people in relationships who are unwilling to even contemplate the idea of unconditional love because their partner is not good enough. Maybe their eye continues to wander, looking for a better deal, someone who is better suited for him or her, so their chances are better if they push all their chips onto the table, affirming they’re ready to be all in for unconditional love.

What if you don’t think your partner is capable of loving you unconditionally?

What if you once felt like you loved your partner so much, but nowadays, you’re, “just not feeling it.” Then what?

I like what Stephen Covey says, “Love her anyway.” He insists that love is first an action, and the feeling cannot help but follow the action. So, if you want to have the feeling of being in love, love first, and the feelings will come.

Does, “I love you no matter what,” mean that I love you even if you beat me or cheat on me?

No. In life, we all make choices and should have healthy boundaries. There is no vow which suggests that you agree to allow your partner to abuse you, and you will stay, no matter what. You have the inalienable human right to life, and to live in freedom and safety.

Following self-protection, you need to decide what your conditions for love are. But think about it before you do because if your love has conditions, could your love be unconditional?

No. Unconditional love has no conditions.

Are you man or woman enough to go there? To love someone regardless of who they are, what they do, if they hurt your feelings, occasionally break promises, treat you poorly, forget some detail(s), ignore you when you could use a little acknowledgment, lose their libido, etc. Or a million other reasons why your love might waver or fade?

Might you long for unconditional love?

Do you think you want someone to love you, whom you can love unconditionally?

Unconditional love raises the bar of love incredibly high. It is not for the faint of heart, for the heart must come before the head in terms of it.

Your mind is the enemy of unconditional love and cannot conceive of the concept of loving someone unconditionally. It will do anything it can to protect you from it, for the mind’s base emotion is fear. Loving from the heart is the only hope there is of having unconditional love, which embraces the idea that,

“I love you no matter what.”

See: Awakening to True Love Workshop