Cheaters Have Nothing to do with You

It’s easy to internalize your frustrations if you’ve been with a partner who has been unfaithful. Cheaters have nothing to do with you. If you’re monogamous and committed to someone who is a cheater, when he or she has left, you might start questioning yourself. “What did I do?” or alternatively, “What’s wrong with me?” amongst other self-deprecating questions. When the truth is it’s about the cheater, not you.

Cheaters are gonna cheat. That’s just the way it is. You can change a cheater, it’s just the way they are hard-wired. Can a cheater change into a loving, caring, monogamous, and faithful partner? Yes. But you cannot change them. Only the cheater can change his or her life that drastically. Nothing you can do can change them.

Your first instinct is to blame yourself because you lack the full lovingness for yourself, so you question your worthiness, as all your insecurities rise to the surface, making you feel worse and worse about yourself, while the happy-go-lucky cheater is off on his or her next conquest.

Nothing is wrong with you. You are perfect in every way, only you do not realize it or know that all the love you seek resides within you waiting to be set loose in all its power and glory.

Lacking this true love from within, you will submit yourself to the endless abuse of not feeling as though you are not enough, questioning your authentic beauty, or over criticizing your income, weight, choice of apparel, hairstyle, mannerisms, possessions, family, beliefs, or any other endless possibilities that might make you feel less than worthy.

The choices other people make, the things they do, have nothing to do with you. You are for more inconsequential in the lives of people who have little or no regard for you than you might think. People just say or do stuff because their lives have led them to say or do this or that. That is all.

If it wouldn’t have been you, it would have been someone else.

You are not responsible for the life your ex- has lived up to this point and you can never know what is going on inside someone else’s head or heart.

In most (if not all) cases of infidelity or the inability for someone to make a long-term commitment comes from a lifetime of insecurity, fear, and/or abuse, every detail of which could never be fully known by any other person.

It’s up to you to look after your own feelings and sense of worthiness. You need to not let anyone have control over how you feel. In this way, you can reclaim your power from anyone who has threatened your otherwise sense of wellbeing.

If you let others to be responsible for how you feel, you would be just like your ex- who is constantly needing someone else to make him or her feel good. And when you make someone else responsible for how you feel, it works, but not for long.

If someone doesn’t like you the way you want them to, don’t feel bad. Be grateful that you found out when you did, because it could have been much worse had your relationship been allowed to continue in its dysfunction.

Your value is not determined by anyone or anything outside of yourself. Your preciousness comes from the love within yourself. Allowed to grow within yourself your love can expand and overflow to others and the world around you.

Without this unlimited source of love enveloping you, the best you can do is to mitigate your emotional state, with all its contradictions and inconsistencies, the best you can by applying emotional bandages (other people and what they think of you).

You are perfect, with all your imperfections, just the way you are.

You were born in love, full of love, and worthy of love, for you (in your truest essence) are love personified. Even if no one else recognizes your sacred divinity, it still remains true; you are pure love.

You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, ever.

You love yourself enough to walk away from any relationship which is not in alignment with your highest and best.

You and your love is all the love you need, and when the right person shows up with a vibrational frequency with is alignment with your highest and best, nothing can stand in your way.

Great love is on its way to you.

Want to Have an Affair?

You love your partner, but you can’t help it, you want to have an affair. Why is your attention captured by that other person? Do you want to have an affair?

Top 7 Reasons You
Want to Have an Affair

There are so many reasons why you’re tempted by the idea of having an affair. Probably the number one reason you want to have an affair is that you’re not feeling like you did in the beginning.

1. Not Feeling Loved

In the beginning, you were cherished and adored by your partner, and lately, you’re getting along, everything is going just fine, but you’re feeling like you’re pretty much invisible. When perfect strangers treat you better than your partner, they are courteous, making you feel special, admired, and desirable. Isn’t that what we all want? Of course, you want to have an affair.

2. You’re Angry

Many affairs are conducted out of spite. You are angry about something your partner has done, maybe you’ve been disrespected, disregarded or abused either physically or emotionally, and striking back at your partner would be unacceptable. Having a revenge-affair seems like a more safe and sane way to express your angst and get it out of your system.

3. Sexual Incompatibility

If you are sexually subdued, inhibited, not very interested in sex with your partner who is a sextrovert (or vice versa) one or both or you will be looking for someone more sexually compatible with you in your spare time.

4. Curiosity Experiment

Sometimes a partner is just curious and seeks out to engage in an affair as an experiment. Nothing is wrong in the relationship, everything is going really well, you are fulfilled and there is nothing lacking, but you just want to know what it would be like. Maybe you get away with it, maybe not.

5. Thrill Seekers

Adrenaline junkies are more apt to take all kinds of risks in life and fidelity is just another limit to be challenged for the avid thrill seeker. There is a particular energetic reward for the person who likes living on the edge and is often found looking for the next exciting event or activity.

6. Sexually Incapable

If one of the partners in an otherwise healthy relationship is unable to engage in the healthy sexual activity, the remaining partner who still has a strong desire to have a sex as a valued component in his or her life will seek to subsidize his or her sex life outside the relationship.

7. Reignites Love at Home

There are relationships which are regularly visited by affairs because the affair reignites the flame in their relationship as the jilted partner tries to win back the unfaithful by turning up the flame of love in an effort to save the relationship. And it works.

Those are just some of the reasons you might want to have an affair.

In most cases, a real relationship can survive and thrive with and without infidelity. By getting a grip on what you might be facing based on the intimate details of your relationship with your partner, you can avoid the affair, or survive the pitfalls associated with an affair.

Want to have an affair?

Ask yourself, why? Then, see if there’s a way to reignite the flame of love at home without having to seek what you desire outside the relationship. You may be surprised to find everything you’ve ever wanted, you already have waiting for you at home.

See also: Infidelity It’s Not Just Sexual

Financial Infidelity

We all know there are many types of infidelity and while all types of unfaithfulness can break the trust in a relationship as much (or more so) as an affair, next to sexual infidelity financial infidelity is the destroyer of romantic love relationships in the lives shared by two.

What is financial infidelity?

Financial infidelity is the behavior which is marked by keeping financial secrets, having secret bank accounts, hiding financial affairs from your partner, such as getting a raise and tucking it away instead of sharing it with your partner. People engaged in breaching the sacred bond of trust for financial affairs are prone to making financial decisions, investments, and making purchases which are hidden from the other partner and kept secret.

Money is energy which tends to mirror one’s life and relationship. Your relationship with money will reveal what your relationship with a partner will look like, as well as many other areas of your life and how you perceive and interact with it.

Financial infidelity blocks the flow of energy not only in a relationship but in all areas of life which limits one’s ability to have access to or to experience all the best things in life which are abundantly waiting for you.

Financial infidelity represents festering wounds buried deep within someone who suffers from unworthiness, fear, emotional pain, worry, and doubt. Financial cheaters are often haunted and overcome by the demons of their past.

In relationships, fear is the primary motivator in cheating when it comes to money-related issues. Because you’re afraid that your partner won’t approve of a particular action which involves spending money, you tend to take the action and spend the money under a veil of deceit hoping and praying that your partner never finds out, and you may even be willing to go so far as to lie about it.

To attempt to deal with the issues that lead to financial infidelity is deep inner work that cannot be dictated or mandated. The healing which must take place to bring the cheater to a place where he or she and be open and honest about money issues and sharing and caring for their partner abundantly, which overflows into all areas of life, not just about money, will take some time and effort on the part of the cheater.

How do you confront a financial cheater?

Probably your initial inclination is to react in a fit of rage when you discover your partner is engaged in financial infidelity. Probably not your best option, unless you have a desire to create massive conflict and possibly end the relationship with a great deal of unresolved issues, and painful emotional wounds. At the very least, you will make helping the relationship heal and move forward more problematic by starting with an emotional outburst.
Try to keep your wits about you and muster as much resolve as possible before confronting your partner and try to make this as unconfrontational as possible. As with all important conversations when you want to say, “We need to talk,” try to be sensitive and non-threatening but be explicit about your concerns.

Being the initiator of the conversation, you get to set the tone.

You can start with as much softness and caring as possible in your voice, saying something, like, “Hey, baby,” (or some other tender word that you might use for your partner) “I noticed,” then disclose the discrepancy and let him or her respond in a way that is natural and less defensive than having to respond to an accusation.

Try to keep love as your focal point in your heart and mind as you look through the eyes of love at your partner. Remember that this behavior has a lot of painful inner connections that run deep. If there is any hope for a breakthrough in this kind of behavior, you are holding the keys to this issue.

Try to hold the space for this conversation as sacred, and allow an opportunity for your partner to rebuild trust. While trust can be lost in a heartbeat it takes a lot of love and time to rebuild, but it can be done, and when it does happen, it can bring a couple together closer and create deeper intimacy than could have been possible prior to the breach of trust.

If you can move forward through this rebuilding process together, you (the two or you as a couple) can seek to uncover your partner’s demons from the past and slay them together. This is the highest and best sacred work that a couple could do together fostering growth and change, though due to the highly sensitive nature of the material at hand, your partner may feel the need to do this deep inner work alone.

No matter what the outcome, keep love at the forefront and only good things can come from love in the end.