What is Love to You?

You wake up one day, look up at the sky and ask, “What is love?” To you, it just doesn’t seem to add up. It turns out, love is not what you thought it was.

Love is not something we can put in a box, wrap it up and give it to someone, with the expectation to receive the same in return. Love is an elusive, wild beast that you cannot capture, harvest, or do with as you will.

Out of mutual respect, or fulfilling each others’ needs, we try to love, only to discover love is not fair. You can’t measure it, you can only treasure it, whenever and wherever you can find it, because no one knows better than you, it may not be here tomorrow.

Sure, you can create a construct of something based on the idea of love and call it love or whatever you want. You can try to reduce it to its simplest form, a contractual agreement is substance and form, but this is not love. This is a self-imposed prison sentence.

Higher than a mountain, deeper than the seas, love is all around. A powerful force of nature which cannot be contrived tamed or forced into a box. Love is in and through all things and when all of this is gone, love is the only thing that remains.

We want it, we need it. We spend our whole lives seeking love, or at least our idea of what we’ve been told love is. If love all it’s cracked up to be, then when you think you’ve found it, why are you not happy? When you’re in it, shouldn’t you be happy?

But, still, there’s something missing.

Even when it feels like love is lost and nowhere to be found, love is there. In the laughter and adulation, the pain and isolation, love is there. When you can’t feel it, see it or even imagine it being anywhere, there it is, in every breath, every heartbeat, every tear that falls, love is there.

Love is not sex, the idea of it or the pursuit of it. Penetration is not love. You can pierce the heart of another, and not break the law, but you can break a heart and leave love bleeding as you walk away from the scene of the crime.

You can buy, sell or trade attention or companionship, as long as you can afford the retention of relationship. But not love. You cannot legislate love, but you can amass a fortune or lose one in the name of love before the magistrate.

Love is tender, honest, brutal and cruel, yet the truth is, without love we wither and die.

Love can be the most amazing thing, sending our emotions soaring or the most destructive thing, sending you sinking to the depths of despair. The fury, the power of love is an unbridled lion seeking to devour the hearts of those in its path. Attacking, ripping, tearing you to shreds, then lovingly caresses and puts all your pieces back together, and you are better than before. The new you, sealed with a kiss.

Love doesn’t care who you are or about the things that you’ve done to disregard it or earn its reward. Love is always there for you and can be found any time you look for it inside of you, all around you, in the air or the absence of it, love is there.

Know this: Love loves you more than you could ever know. Love will never leave or forsake you.

Love is not what you’ve been told it was.

You are love, find the love within and nurture it. Let it burn, like a fire, let its bright light show you the way, and light the way for others, too. Love in all its power and glory waits for you to unleash it from within you.

Want to get to know love better?

Host or attend an Awakening to True Love Workshop.

Why Is Love So Hard?

You’ve been there. You’ve fallen in love with someone, given your heart, mind, body and soul to someone and expected the same in return. More often than not, loving someone and expecting them to love you in return invites a world of trouble and what appear to be insurmountable obstacles. It can leave you asking, “Why is love so hard?”

First of all, keep in mind that we’re talking about two different people. There are three different thoughts about how relationships are formed, based on

Opposites Attract
People are attracted to Carbon Copies
Attraction is Chaos

When opposites attract, of course, trying to work it all out will be problematic. In fact, this is the entire concept of attracting your Twin Flame. The idea of the twin flame insists your partner is the polar opposite of you, the other half of you, destined to create a higher version of yourself when the two of you are united if you can survive the hell and high water to achieve exponential personal growth.

When people are attracted to carbon copies, they are (often unconsciously) looking for someone who is familiar, either like someone who was a powerful influence (positive or negative) in their earlier life, or someone who is like themselves in compatibility (or “chemistry”).

Then there is the thought that attraction is chaos and random. In this scenario, there is a degree of animal magnetism, followed by the assumption that no one is every truly satisfied in romantic relationships. These relationships are destined for trouble but if the couple is willing to work hard at it, they can maintain a long term relationship.
Some of the things that can make trying to maintain a relationship so hard include

What Is Love?

In my work with couples, it is common for individuals in a relationship not to have the same definition of what love is. How can a couple be “in love” when they don’t share the same idea of love’s definition?

Our society has warped the sense of love’s definition by offering romantic ideals based on fairy tale knights in shining armor and Disney Cinderellas to films depicting love at first sight and other magic of falling in love concepts.

Of course, there are more substantial concepts of love which include love as being based on integrity and commitment which means you stay with your partner whether you like it or not because you made a promise or signed a contract. On the other end of the spectrum are people who approach the idea of love as being an opportunity for personal and/or spiritual growth.

Understanding each other’s definition of love, coming to a shared definition and understanding how each person feels as though they are being loved are two of the best tools to have an idea of early on in the relationship or when looking for ways to offer help in a troubled relationship.

You Are Afraid

Fear is the reason for failure not only in relationships, but other areas of life as well. Fear is the most destructive force in our world and it hides deep inside you, and it serves only two purposes: To Protect You from Pain or Death – or – To Destroy Any Hope of Having a Good Life. In relationships participants are afraid of committing to another person, afraid that if they leave themselves open they will experience pain and/or loss of self. There is the fear that your mate may not be “the one” (what if someone better comes along?). There is the fear that love will fade, the initial attraction dissolves or each of the partners fall into stereotypical roles in the relationship. What if your partner devolves into an abuser or suffers health challenges that would scare anyone who might be left the eternal caretaker?

Atop the heap of fear of the endless unknown or expected possible negative outcomes is the fear promoted by witnessing the failed relationships all around you. Trust is the hardest thing to establish in a world where you are surrounded by unrequited love, infidelity, dishonesty, lies, physical or mental abuse, secret-keeping, addictions, embezzlement, con games, and a degree of evil lurking in the shadows seeking to break or destroy you. You have seen many relationships fail as most of them do, or witnessed the sacrificial martyrdom of one of the participants in a relationship to “make it work” and you don’t want that to happen to you. It’s no wonder you’re frightened about falling in love.

There Is No Such Thing as Love

Then there is the idea that there is no such thing as love, where people believe that love is nothing more than an ideal, thought process of tool used to get what you want in life. Let’s face it; society has trained us to believe love is a superficial means to an end. In this materialistic scenario there is no real connection between two people, instead one or both parties are shallow participants only focused on what they can get out of the relationship. When they fail to get what they want, or feel like they see a better deal on the horizon, they’re gone.

Don’t Want to Deal With It

No one wants a great deal of drama in their life, and if you’re in a close relationship with someone else (even if it’s not a romantic relationship) it can become problematic.
For the people who will avoid conflict or confrontation at all costs, it’s easier just to bail out altogether. There is no sense of fighting for love, what is right or the greater good. Instead of thinking, “I’d rather fight than quit,” these folks are more likely to think it’s time to, “Cut my losses,” and walk away because it’s easier than dealing with the drama or facing their own inner issues (especially, if they think there is a potentially better relationship waiting in the wings).

The Broken Hearted

It is harder for one who has loved and lost due to having their heart severely broken or crushed than one who has not endured this type of pain. The broken hearted people have a great deal to work through before they can be truly ready to re-enter a love relationship, but they often seek to quickly replace the love that was lost by seeking out a new relationship, like a love band aid, to treat the wound, but this is only superficial treatment and will likely lead to the failure of the subsequent relationship. Others, out of fear, will avoid putting themselves at risk, ever again. So, the broken-hearted must heal their broken heart to have any hope of an effective love relationship.

The Uncompromising List

After a few go-rounds in the relationship department, you tend to accumulate a list of what you don’t want to see in future relationships based on your negative love observations and experiences. Unfortunately, if you focus on the negatives of past relationships, you are likely to attract more negatives in future relationships; it’s how the law of attraction works.

No matter how complete and comprehensive you list is, it can be difficult (if not impossible) to find anyone who can measure up to your standards.

Not that this is completely a bad idea. Instead of focusing on negatives, focus on the positives and make a list of only these qualities, like my soul mate list. You will be surprised at what may appear on love’s horizon.

Don’t See Eye to Eye

In this day and age, there is a preponderance of posturing for separation. Society promotes the polarization among people and also in relationships, which makes us all somewhat narcissistic as we care less and less about others and more and more about ourselves.

Even though you are separate people, you need to look for opportunities to find the common ground, which you can share together in the long run, while allowing each of you to maintain your independence, a sort of interdependence instead of codependency.

In a relationship between two people, there is so much to manage, prioritize and compromise to affect a successful and long lasting romantic relationship. It takes work, investment of resources (time, emotion and financial) and a commitment to work it out rather than bailing out.

Is Love Worth It?

This is a question you have to ask and answer for yourself.

I will always be ever the romantic, believing that love is the most powerful force in the universe and can conquer anything. Love is the highest and best vibration in the world.

Is love easy? No. Is life easy? No. If it was, where would be the excitement in that?

It’s better to work on your relationship in love, rather than not to have a love relationship to work on at all. It will take work, I believe it’s worth it.

If you believe, and are looking for a way to break through to the other side of your most amazing love adventure ever, call me.

What is Love If True Love Dies?

In my opinion the sad truth of the deterioration of romantic love in our society is tragic.

Just as everything in the mainstream is moving toward making everything disposable diapers, water bottles, razors, pens, tissues, plates, shower curtains and home furnishings, likewise people and romantic relationships are also becoming more and more disposable.

I have witnessed this transition take place. I’ve seen the budding marriages forged in the fifties, fall victim to the wild abandon of the sixties. Then, in the seventies, the legal system welcomed no fault divorces ushering in the disposable marriage that has led to where we are today, bruised, broken and unable to find any love inside.

What is love if true love dies romantic love signs your marriage is over

I never asked the question, “What is love?” because as far back as I can remember, I had a keen inner sense or knowing what love meant to me, and even though I could have followed my peers in the sexual revolution, I maintained my composure and waited for “the one” I would marry following high school.

Innately, I always had an integrous approach to not only keep my word, but especially to do so if I made a vow of commitment in front of family and friends as witnesses. I pledged my love and commitment to not only a woman, but a family and the community. To me, this was heavy business, as love is a terrible thing to waste.

My deep respect for integrous love is one of the many things contributing to my personal freakiness. I don’t mind admitting it, and I proudly let my freak flag fly. I’d much rather make my own way, forge my own trail, research and discover new ideas, enjoy fulfillment, happiness and a quality of life that eludes the masses.

When I began my journey in the God business, I focused on love and relationships (no surprise, as this was my passion, even wrote a book about it) only to find the people who were attracted to counsel with me were not as interested in healing their relationship. Instead of asking, “How can we make our relationship better?” they were asking, “How do you know when your marriage is over?”

If you are in a potentially amazing romantic relationship, yet constantly on guard, continually looking for signs your marriage is over, chances are you will find what you are looking for. In fact, we know this to be true; you do find what you are looking for (and you always find it in the last place you look).

When someone comes in for relationship counsel asking, “Is my marriage over?” why we don’t just affirm, “Yes, you’ve already aligned yourself with the idea that love doesn’t exist, therefore it does not, and your marriage is over.” Cut your losses now, seek an attorney, get everything you can and be done with it as quickly and inexpensively as possible.

One of the main reasons I shifted my focus from relationships, was because my relationship ministry appeared to be more like torture. If someone is looking for an escape route, planning when to leave a marriage is appropriate. If he or she is thinking about how to end a marriage, then the best intentions of any counselor, therapist, coach or cleric has very little to work with. The best you can hope for is to delay the inevitable which usually leads to more damage, hurt feelings and increased legal battles. Where’s the love in that?

The only people who make out on that deal are the relationship counselors, divorce lawyers and the domestic division of our legal system that supports the whole relationship debacle. (Don’t get me started on the decline of that system…)

I knowingly share the realization of the truth of what is, and I say, “I still believe in true love.” I believe that true love is making its way back to us. I’m not saying that its not (note to editors: the double-negative was intentional) going to be a difficult journey, especially when I look around and survey all the broken people with little capacity for love at all within them (more about that, later…).

Our lack of respect for integrous love has left an indelible mark on our hearts, if it hasn’t stomped out any hope of romantic love for good, but there is a growing compulsion that is beginning to emerge as people realize that all this independence is not what it’s cracked up to be.

True love does exist, there is love waiting for you that is difficult for you to imagine in this moment, and you don’t have to worry about how to find true love, because it will find you. This life, in its highest form is all about love, and you will never be happier and fulfilled as when you change your perspective and begin to peer through the eyes of love.

Think about opening your heart to love… Not just romantic love (that may be too much to ask, from where you are at the moment), but dare to begin to look at anything, beginning with the smallest of things, then progress to other situations and circumstances, with love in your heart.

You will be surprised at how you attract even more love, the more your love light shines from within. It’s a process you can love…