Why Do I Keep Attracting Jerks?

Here we go again, the end of yet another relationship, and things have not turned out the way you wanted. You start to question what’s wrong with you and ask, “Why do I keep attracting jerks?” or the wrong lovers?

Here’s the answer. First off, there are some things in play, that once to recognize it, will help you get a handle on what is happening. This knowledge will help you make the necessary adjustments as you entertain the idea of finding a suitable love interest.

There is a lot of talk about chemistry between two people, which is likened to a like-mindedness or sense of familiarity which makes it easy to be attracted to or fall in love with someone with whom you feel this “chemistry.” While this sounds well and good, the actual chemistry that is going on is quite contrary to what you’re thinking it is.

Chemistry is not compatibility, chemistry is the chemical reaction that’s triggered by the release of the love hormone cocktail send rushing through your brain, hijacking your mind and your body. The same thing happens when you take a hit of cocaine.

You are high (literally) and understandably not in the proper frame of mind to make rational choices. Although, things will be exciting and fun for as long as the level of this chemical reaction is sustained at a fairly high intensity.

Unfortunately, the chemistry declines and fades over time, and at some point, you start to sober up and see things more clearly. This is when you start to notice inconsistencies that you couldn’t see earlier because you were basically love-stoned out of your mind.

What triggers your love cocktail?

Many things come into play for triggering the release of your love cocktail, normally it’s a combination of your survival instinct which is attracted to physiological strength and hints of financial and social success, either in his or her present state or projected into the future. That’s on one hand.

On the other hand, you are also triggered by your past, an attraction smoothie blended of childhood trauma, focus on unresolved issues with a dysfunctional parental relationship, and the history of your life. This attraction smoothie will have you triggered by the worst possible person for you.

What?

Okay, actually this is the best person for you; not for a love-relationship, but for your personal growth. When you feel the onslaught of your overwhelming personal chemistry engaging, it’s a pretty sure sign that something unpleasant is ahead.

People come into your life for one of two reasons.

As a Lesson

You attract toxic people who are necessary for you to learn something that you wouldn’t be able to see in any other way. If you close off the idea of issues that need to be dealt with or changes you need to make, the dysfunction increases until you crack.

Running, claiming you’ve been victimized yet again, and hiding yourself away only offers a temporary pause in the process. When you are ready to re-engage in life again, here he or she comes again. Why?

You can break the cycle by looking within, asking yourself why. If you’re unable to see any changes that would be beneficial for you to make within yourself and your own life, then inviting a third-party, a coach, counselor, or clergy to help you uncover the areas in your life that could be better.

The Lesson-people are there for your highest and best, even though it feels like the opposite at the moment when you are overwhelmed with the pain of the toxicity.

As a Blessing

Other people are attracted to you to be supportive, to help you maintain a level keel throughout the crazy that life throws at you. These are your (angels) friends who will be there for a season, as they move in and out of your life, while a select few will be there for longer periods of time (sometimes a lifetime).

So, instead of your first reaction toward someone that makes you feel bad, do not focus your attention on the act, situation, or circumstance which causes you to feel angst or as though you’ve been victimized, look inside yourself.

Ask yourself, “Why?”

“What can I do to deal with the issues of my past, or changes I can make in myself to neutralize this challenge once and for all?”

The answer is the key to your liberty, breaking free from the cycle, and a better self-aware life filled with love and happiness.

The greatest love of all awaits and starts with you.

Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

Ever sit back in your easy chair and wonder, “Why bad things happen to good people?” You might know the best person, who lives a good life, gives in service to others, supports friends, family, strangers and the community with loving kindness, yet here they are; amidst a life crisis that no one should have to bear.

You might know this person so well, you might be sitting in his or her chair right now wondering why bad things happen to good people. You’re a good person. It’s not like you do anything wrong to other people. You’re a good and faithful servant. You’re growing and expanding every day, yet here you are face-to-face with the most incredible challenge; one you would not wish on your worst enemy.

As hard as it might be to fathom the idea when you’re amidst the storm of a life trial, there is a divine thread which connects all issues in life to lead us to our highest and best potential. You are blessed with opportunities to grow and change throughout your life, leading through various stages of metamorphosis as you continue on your life’s journey.

If you are WAY out of your comfort zone, feel severely challenged, overwhelmed, or find yourself sinking into a depressive state, chances are you’re facing a huge growth spurt on the other side of this time in your life. If you choose to embrace it.

You could, on the other hand, turn from it, not rise up to the challenge, and give in to the idea of accepting your lot in life as a mere mortal; a victim of life.

Or you can post up and ready yourself for battle, face the challenge head on, and emerge the victor, an inspiration for others who might be facing similar circumstances. The choice is yours, whether you accept the invitation to grow or to submit yourself to being victimized by life circumstances.

This is why it appears that bad things happen to good people. But if you can step back and look at bad things that have happened to good people, you see that some of the greatest, most inspirational stories have come from people who have overcome insurmountable odds, the worst imaginable things no person should ever have to bear. In this respect, there are no bad things, only challenges which are opportunities for growth (sometimes, enormous growth).

So, here you are. Possibly facing a circumstance that is impossible to imagine. You haven’t done anything to deserve this, yet here you are.

What will you do when faced with this challenge?

Sure, this would have taken out anyone else with a heart in a heartbeat. But what about the next person. Is it possible that your story, the story about how you faced, battled and defeated this dragon, going to save the life of someone else who may find themselves facing a similar dragon in the future?

Believe me, I know people who have done just that; they have looked fear, suffering, false accusations, physical and psychological trauma, and death, in the eye and definitively stated, “I will not let you take me out.”

Then, pick up their metaphoric sword and conduct the grueling hand-to-hand battle, emerging victorious, and lived to tell their story.

And I can tell you, people who have gone through such a transformative process are very different people than they once were. The person who comes out on the other side, even if they engaged in the battle and it may have appeared to us (the exterior witnesses) they lost the battle, the warrior is nonetheless transformed and has grown so much from the process.

Does that mean you have to fight every battle? No. You get to choose the battles you engage in, so pick your battles wisely, and in doing so, you can help to make the world a better place.

Stay in tune with yourself and document your progress, as you pave the way for others who may be following in your footsteps.

It’s no accident you’ve faced the challenges that you have encountered in your past. No matter how you came through that circumstance, you made it here, and your story beckons to be told to others who are treacherously approaching a challenge, like the one you had to endure.

This is your time, this is your moment, take charge, inspire or help someone else.

Your experience might save someone’s life.