Lie of Omission and Truth

Just as deceitful as right out telling a lie, is the lie of omission, where you actually refrain from saying anything, as an alternative to blatantly lying.

If you feel your personal exposure is too great to be honest and lying feels like too extreme an option, you might opt to initiate a deception by omission, to deceive by saying nothing. And if you do, a peculiar thing seems to take place. In most cases, even if with the best intentions, even though you have said nothing, people who have lies of omission between them tend to drift apart.

You can justify to yourself, “Well, at least I didn’t lie,” but the consequences are dire, if not worse than outright lying.

By withholding the truth, you also withhold vulnerability, love, and connection. Any authentic connection which may have existed between two individuals where one or each harbor lies of omission continues to erode until nothing is left.

Not being able to live life as an open and honest individual could very well keep you from achieving your highest and best, from having all the desires of your heart. All the life to live that is your divine birthright withheld from you as you practice deception by withholding.

Oh, you may have some degree of success as measured by your peers, but true love, joy, and happiness will remain elusive experiences and expressions in this life.

A deep connection between two individuals includes celebrating each individuality, understanding that no two people are identical, allowing and honoring those things that make each of us unique. That means that there will be times when we experience separation having different past experiences, differing points of view, and moments of uncomfortableness, as we are equally vulnerable and honest which strengthens the relationship.

No one can tell you what is true. Only you can know what truth at any given time is, for everything you believe is true. You know it. You can feel it, and you must find a way to express your truth. You should be able to attract those who are willing to listen to those things that are important to you without judgment, and you likewise in loving reciprocity.

If you are honest, you are true to and honest with yourself, then you can speak your truth with integrity and honor, which can (and should) make you vulnerable. Being transparent and honest leaves you at risk of being disagreed with, challenged, attacked, or left wide open for haters to exploit.

Honesty can include the truth in general, as follows:

Question: How are you feeling today?

Honest Answer: Okay, I’ve been better, but seeing you makes me feel better right now.

You can give an honest answer to most anyone, but vulnerable answers are best saved for only those people who you can trust with more intimate details of your life. You have vetted them, and you quite convinced of their trustworthiness.

Vulnerable Answer: Okay, I’ve been feeling like I’ve let my family down because I could be making more money and giving them a better quality of life, but I’m working on my attitude and trying to find other ways to show them how much I love them.

Some things are best kept in private, while others can be shouted from the rooftops, and if you have promised a friend to be discrete with the sensitive details of their life, by all means, do so. Unless you are a priest, you may be lawfully compelled to testify under oath, but in the absence of such a court order, honor your friend’s request and keep it to yourself.

To trust your friend means you believe that your friend will keep those things which you have shared in confidentiality will remain safely guarded by your friend, and your friend believes you to be trustworthy in kind.

Keeping Secrets

Unless you’re a sociopath, psychopath, or pathological liar, keeping secrets will have a negative impact on your holistic systems. Keeping secrets causes the decline of your autoimmune system and leads to a decline of quality in your mind, body, and soul. This act of withholding powerful information, which you would be better served by releasing, leaves you keeping secrets and promotes deterioration of health, the onset of disease(s), premature aging and death.

Those who are keeping secrets are more likely to withdraw from social interaction, have fewer friends, and are prone to paranoia, feeling as though potential interaction with others will put them at risk.

Keeping secrets in a romantic relationship causes separation and prevents a relationship from progressing or deepening.

Secret keepers are highly proficient at projecting their issues onto the people they encounter.

If you hide unexpressed anger regarding people from your past which might include parental angst, keeping these feelings deeply held within will likely cause you to see these attributes applied to the people (or person) closest to you.

Children who suffered abuse and keep these details highly regarded secrets as adults will suspect any prospective partner as potentially abusive, even when no real potential for abuse exists.

For those who actively push down their past of having been abandoned in their early years, they are likely to be clingier in relationships and fear being abandoned by their partner.

These emotionally charged memories and thoughts, even if they are deeply hidden, possibly even from the cognoscente mind of the secret keeper, will become the filter through which the keeper of secrets views life.

The keeper of secrets is likely to hide many secrets which is likely to include their own feelings. In relationships, one partner might sense emotional disconnect or psychological distraction, and query, “What’s wrong?” To which the secret keeper will respond, “Oh, nothing.”

The solution to this self-destructive withholding is to find ways to find ways to express yourself, starting with surface issues, then digging deeper as you become more adept at sharing your feelings.

If you’re in the habit of keeping secrets, you’re likely to do it all the time, not speaking up when you are disappointed, disillusioned, or feel as though your feelings have been disrespected or hurt.

Start speaking up for yourself. The next time you go out to eat, and your food arrives in a way you did not expect, do not push down your feelings and force yourself to silently eat your dish silently vowing not to come back to this establishment. Instead, note your concerns to the server, offering the dish to the wait staff who can take it back to the kitchen and make it right.

Start speaking up and asserting your concerns, while allowing others to make accommodations which would be more pleasing to you.

Nest time someone asks, “What’s wrong?” Don’t hide your feelings. Tell them what’s wrong but temper your expression with respectful compassion. Your tendency might be to start your expressing yourself with the object of what’s bothering you, which places blame and puts the recipient on the defensive.

I Feel Like

If you want whoever it is to hear how you feel, then start with, “I feel like…”

No one can deny how you feel. How you feel is how you feel. Even though you may be expressing your disapproval of something that is based on someone else’s actions, no one can deny that whatever is the object of what has made you feel bad, it’s not disrespectful to the cause.

This is a safe way to express yourself, while taking full responsibility for your own feelings.

Once you get used to the idea of being more open and honest in this way, you can consider talking about things that you have encountered in your past which you have kept secret.

Whatever has happened to you in your past is not good or bad, it just happened. It was a part of your past. You are an amazing person today, and had you not gone through all those experiences, you would not have become the person you are today.

And it is highly likely that once you get to a level about peace about your past, you can help others who share similar tendencies to keep secrets, once you realize the benefits of not keeping secrets.