I work with a wide variety of clients with just as varied philosophies and levels of personal and professional acumen. In my attempts to reach out to them – to help make their lives more efficient and/or effective – invariably we encounter obstacles along the way.
In every case, there are at least two options involving making a decision to attempt to deal with the problem or circumstance. It is my preference to evaluate the situation from as many perspectives as possible before taking action (if time and circumstance allows), weighing the available data and deciding to take the action that offers the least resistance.
If life was a raft, you’d make it so much farther downstream in less time, by letting the current do most of the work.
If one approaches his or her life as a river rafting trip and thinks of the raft as representing one’s life or business, then you are more able to disassociated yourself from the circumstance enough to more successfully navigate the journey and allowing the flow of the water carry you to your destination.
In the same way that we use conservation to protect valuable resources and reduce waste, we need to approach problem-solving, navigating our business and lives by expending the least amount of effort to gain the greatest reward or impact. You want to conserve your strength for what might lay ahead, only using the necessary resources to get you from here to there.
Yet, the river’s flow and the terrain surprises you with what may be lying around the next bend (especially if you haven’t navigated a river trip, like the one you are currently taking).
Some, if not most, of your river rafting trip will not be torrential and you will be able to drift along enjoying your scenic oneness with all that is.
I am blessed to be invited to join others on their river rafting journey and it is my life’s ministry to offer my perspective to others to help maximize their efforts along the way.
Whether the trip is a personal, professional or spiritual one, my calling is to help others achieve their highest and best. This journey – whatever shape or form it takes – requires effort and resources to get from here to there; thoughtful conservation of energy and resources involved the management of your cache to increase the effectiveness of your time spent in the flow.
Find ways to go with the flow. Ask yourself, “Is this the best use of my efforts and resources at this time?”
You may find (if you’re able to remove yourself from the anxiety of the current perceived situation or crisis) that in some cases, little or no action may be necessary, because even though it looks like you’re hurdling straight for that rock… the flow of the river’s current will guide you around it.
Sometimes your choice to go to the left of the rock – or the right of the rock – can directly impact what lies ahead. The rock may represent anything, a life challenge, business opportunity, marketing approach or financial decision. Using a T Chart or having a co-pilot can be extremely effective.
A wise person uses the technological resources available to best navigate the journey. Although this approach may be offensive to the purist, I would embrace having lookouts with binoculars connected to me via a wireless headset to assist in navigation, if possible. (Just sayin’.)
In any case, be open and willing to take no action, if necessary and enjoy the thrill of the ride.
You may know me by my work at Olympia Life Coach, or you might have taken any of my many classes or been trained and certified as a Life Coach by me, and if you have, you’ve heard me refer to the “truth matrix” at one time or another.
Having a grasp of the truth continuum can be extremely valuable in the way you interact with your life coaching clientele. In this business, you never know who is going to walk in your door and what condition they might be in.
Remembering that you’re in the business of helping someone do the best they can with what they have is of primary importance. You are not here to educate, train, or convince anyone of anything. Other experts in various modalities are called to ministries which persuade people to do or think in certain ways, but the life coach is there to support the client, period.
Clients may be predisposed to any concept of life or belief system. It is not the coach’s job to change what anyone believes, only to accept clients for who they are, believing whatever it is they might believe, without judgment or ridicule.
We do present clients with challenges, and a plethora of “what ifs” in an attempt to encourage clients to look at things from different perspectives, but their reality is solely their own, and we encourage them to make their own decisions supporting them all the way (unless it comes to a point where it becomes a conflict of interest, then you can refer them to another coach).
This is where the idea of the truth continuum comes in handy, as the truth continuum assumes that whatever the client thinks, or says is somewhere inside the truth continuum, even if it sounds contradictory to anything you might believe as being true.
The truth continuum honors the right of any client to believe anything they want and enables you to support them 100% in whatever they long to accomplish in their life without judgment or criticism.
Of course, all life coaches are not created equal, and no two are the same. You are encouraged to specialize in particular areas of expertise. For instance, there was a time when I specialized in drug and alcohol addictions. Since those early days, I have moved on to other areas of expertise.
When someone approaches me, who desires coaching regarding alcohol or drug addictions today, I refer them to another Olympia Life Coach who specializes in that particular area.
I stay focused on the vibration of the areas of coaching which resonate with me at the time.
Certainly, if I am working with a client who encounters a bridge which must be crossed to better approach the goals and ideals which he or she is working on, I can reach into my cache of previous specializations if we can keep moving ahead without any loss of momentum. If it requires a more long-term commitment, again, I am likely to refer my client to another coach specializing in that area.
My client is welcome to either maintain the work with both coaches, each working in their area(s) of expertise, or alternatively to return following the other work which may cause conflict with their primary focus.
This is the beauty of working with many other coaches, counselors, and consultants in my practice at Olympia Life Coach.
If you’re interested in joining the team at OLC, contact me and I will see what we can do.
A little about me, I’ve been counseling and consulting since the late seventies/early eighties. Occasionally, in the course of my coaching, I would encounter a client that had to mitigate the damages in their life due to the influence of a third-party individual, a “bad person.”
From my perspective, there were no such thing as bad people, just lost souls wandering aimlessly through life with little regard for others; and so, the advice that I gave to individuals in those days was very different than I might suggest now.
What I learned, was that there are people who are devoid of particular mental, emotional and spiritual components that compromise their humanity when integrating with other persons, we call these people psychopaths, sociopaths and the recent, more political correctly referred to as being on the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum.
That said, there are thousands of variables and no two psychopaths are identical, but they do share many similar characteristics.
So, how can you tell if you’re dealing with a psychopath? Here are some common signs that would indicate that you might be dealing with a psychopath in your life:
Psychopaths are charismatic and are able to attract supporters easily.
They are wonderful speakers who are able to engage their audience and can easily engage the emotions and attention of those fortunate enough to be in their presence.
They exaggerate stories skewing the truth for their self-serving benefit and will go as far as to lie and place themselves in someone else’s story and claiming it is their own.
Psychopaths are intellectual. They have a gift of having incredibly sharp wit and intelligence enabling them to masquerade as highly-educated as they bob and weave socially in live situations.
This also makes them excellent con artists able to conceive, plan and execute elaborate schemes, while staying one step ahead of the authorities.
3. NO FEELINGS
Psychopaths have no feelings. They do not grieve, are incapable of feeling guilt, shame or remorse, empowering them to easily victimize anyone. They will enthusiastically engage in anything that bolsters their position at someone else’s expense.
They do not love. They are incapable of giving or receiving love, but terribly acute at acting as though they are madly “in love,” if it will help them achieve a desired result.
They are great actors/performers giving them the ability to create any perception of themselves that will achieve for them their desired result.
Even though they can appear to have emotions and use them as tools to manipulate their victims, let there be no doubt, they have no real feelings whatsoever.
Psychopaths are impulsive, often acting or speaking without thinking through potential consequences of their words or actions, and are more likely to spontaneously take risks.
They are free of repercussion since they see themselves as above the law or the constraints of the social norm. No social filters, consequences or guilt.
Psychopaths never lose. They will dominate anyone who gets in their way, will viciously defend their position, often by telling lies and spinning wild tales in an effort to discredit anyone with the inclination to disagree with them.
If you are naïve enough to challenge them, be aware that they will wield their powers of persuasion to make you look like a fool for questioning them. Which presumes that they believe themselves to be:
6. NEVER WRONG
Psychopaths are always right. They never apologize; do not feel remorse for hurting others and are incapable of feeling guilt.
If asked to apologize, a psychopath will often strike out and attack their victim, rather than admit they may have made a mistake or misstep.
Now ask yourself, is the person you’re dealing with a psychopath?
Are they charismatic, smart, have no feelings, impulsive, always the winner and never wrong?
Chances are, you’re face-to-face with a psychopath.
You’re probably saying to yourself, “I knew it. I knew there was something wrong with that person…” You are realizing that you should rely more on your intuition that may have been warning you when you first met this person that something was not quite right. If only we learn to listen more to our gut, we would live happier, safe and secure lives, free from those who seek to exploit us.
If nothing else, that is the lesson to be learned from encountering a psychopath, is to trust your instincts and to not let yourself be taken advantage of by a cunning predator.
I would not, now, be an expert in the field of psychopathy had I not had my own first-hand experience with an evil psychopath that opened my eyes to the realities of the disorder. And now I have deep regret for all the folks that I was ill-equipped to be compassionate enough to reach out to them appropriately.
In this way, I may have attracted this psychopathic presence in my own life to benefit those whom it is my calling to assist along their life’s journey.
So, we’ve established that you have found yourself to be the unfortunate victim – or mark – of a psychopath, sociopath or someone amidst the antisocial personality disorder spectrum…
What Can You Do About It?
How to Deal With a Psychopath
1. NO CONTACT
The very first thing to do is to create as much separation as you can as soon as possible between yourself and the psychopath.
You need to distance yourself physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually and in any other way possible from the psychopath and cease any and all communication with him or her, period.
Any further communication or contact after correctly identifying a psychopath will only lead to more risk or potential loss to you and yours.
Be aware that as you distance yourself, the psychopath will try to cling to you or play on your emotions in order to further victimize you. Do not fall for their manipulation or pity ploys from this point forward. They will try to appeal to your feeling but keep in mind they have no feelings and no regard for yours, except as a method to further victimize you.
You must cut them off. No contact, means no contact. Though this may not be possible, if you work or live with the psychopath; but that will be an issue to be handled specifically and independently of the scope of this primary message.
2. GET HELP
Next, you will need a strong support system. You should seek out a professional, a counselor or therapist, with experience in dealing with psychopaths. Note that early in my practice, even though individuals sought me out for assistance, I was ill-equipped to offer them the support that they needed at the time.
How can someone understand what you are going through if they do not understand what you are going through… because – and I am as guilty of this as anyone – “things can’t really be all that bad.” But they are, and they can be very bad, and they can get worse if you do not take the appropriate actions.
Seek out a specialist, or at least someone with experience dealing with victims of psychopaths.
3. BE QUIET
Do not talk to your friends about the psychopath. You might think this is a good time to reach out to those in your circle of friends that you can depend on for support, but chances are (if the psychopath has done his or her homework) they have already gotten to them in advance.
If your friends have not been compromised by the psychopath, there is a good chance that they will be, and be forewarned very few people can compete with the ability to manipulate the minds of the unsuspecting, like the psychopath.
Keep things quiet. Do not confront your psychopath, engage in a battle of wits, challenge or attempt an intervention with your psychopath. This will only open you up for further potential pain, suffering, and potential loss.
They psychopath has the uncanny ability to turn anything that you say against you. Don’t give them the opportunity.
4. STAY STRONG
Stay the course. If the psychopath has counter-attacks you, don’t respond.
If you communicate anything to this person it should only be silence. Be steadfast and unshakeable, solid as a rock.
He or she must realize that you cannot be manipulated or be bullied into making any kind of response, no matter what they do or say.
Keep a good posture, positive outlook, smile and be confident (even if you don’t feel like it) at all times.
Any indication of weakness will be seen as an opportunity either to insert themselves or launch another attack.
Document everything. Keep hard copies of everything you can to document any interaction or statements made by your psychopath and keep it at a secure location.
Watch what you say. Act as if every word you speak is being recorded, and may be read to a jury in the future word-for-word, twisting your words and spun out of context in an effort to make you look like a lunatic.
Maybe someday the people who once trusted you will see the truth, but even so, if your psychopath was a masterful one, they will still wonder about you, even after the true colors of the psychopath are made known.
So, don’t hold onto the false hope of one day being vilified of all the illicit accusations that were made against you. In most cases the effects are permanent, though may fade over time. Maybe, in the afterlife…
6. FORGIVE YOURSELF
Most of all, forgive yourself. You were not the perpetrator, here, you were the victim. And as a victim, you may have found yourself invulnerable or compromising situations, and you may feel like the fool. But you were not the fool. Anyone could be victimized by the proficient psychopath and it happens every day in all walks of life and levels of society.
You could not have seen this coming… but now that you are aware, you are less likely to become a victim again… and maybe you can help others to see the signs – or at least be aware – that there are evil people out there, the virtual wolves in sheep’s clothing, who seek to destroy the lives of others without remorse.
Thank you for joining me for this message. It is my hope that this information will help to save you and other from further potential pain, suffering or loss at the hands of the psychopath. Pass this information on to others who may be potential victims.
Raised in an Oregon commune surrounded by hippies helped to mold the character that I would become as an adult, facing a myriad of challenges that would result in disaster as I developed as a human being. Regardless of my set-backs, many core values remained intact as I pressed-on to achieve my personal goals.
Being raised in a rock-and-roll, free-love, pro-high environment helped to mold the person whom I’d become. Even though I’d spent my formative years in this, “hippie,” environment, I made my decision early in life, that I would be the author of my own life story, so I set out to make my life my own.
I decided early, that the free-love-philosophy was not for me. I had seen first-hand the psychological trauma that came along with this, so-called, “free love,” and discovered that it was not quite as free as its proponents had claimed. So, realizing I was on the monogamy spectrum, I decided to save myself for that elusive, “one true love.”
I had (and still have) a huge heart-component and desire to share monogamously and wholeheartedly with that one special person, who would have the capacity to love me in the same way.
Another influence that I rebelled against was the lack of work ethic that dominated the surroundings of my early rearing years. I thought to myself, “This is not the way that I want to live, nor is it the way that I want my family to live.” I didn’t want my kids to be raised in a lifestyle that was little more than a modern-day, homegrown gypsy.
Drugs were prevalent early in my life, and I admit that I did experiment with different varieties of natural and chemical mood enhancers… enough to realize that my two favorites were Marijuana and LSD. It wasn’t until I actually fell in love and began to start a family with my first, “true love,” that I looked around at all my friends who were actively engaged in utilizing my drugs of choice, and concluded that their lifestyles were incompatible to the lifestyle that I desired to give my new family. So, to better facilitate achieving my goals for our family, I left them behind.
Throughout my adulthood (and even in my youth) I struggled with maintaining a normal body weight. It didn’t take me long, as I started to apply for work in available job markets, to figure out that I got the best job offers, and made better money, when I applied for jobs while I was at a lower body weight. That led to my yo-yo dieting affair that gave way to my, “serial dieting,” (the compulsion to go from one diet to another in an effort to maintain a healthy body weight).
My first wife, I concluded, did love me in much the same way that I loved her, I believed the words that she spoke, we exchanged vows in marriage and started a family. It didn’t take long for me to realize that she was not able to keep the vows, but I attempted to hold the relationship together, with all my might, in an effort to preserve our family unit… to no avail.
When our marriage counselor intimated to me that, “Your only option for saving this marriage, is to open your relationship.” (For those of you who don’t know, “to open your relationship,” means to have an, “open relationship,” which means that you both agree to stay together, sleep together, and agree to have sex with alternate partners, periodically). In total opposition to what I signed-on for.
Being true to my love-component, I engaged in many activities including counseling others, drug and alcohol counseling, christian ministry, song-writing, and traditional businesses that I would conduct, ususally in conjunction with working a regular day-job. Because of my love-component, my strictest condition would be engaging only in activities that offered win-win alternatives. Some businesses are successful because they prey on the ignorance of others – this was in opposition to my personal ethics. Interestingly enough, my business ventures were normally short-lived due to changes in the business culture or economic environment.
Early business ventures included a musicians’ artist agency, energy-saving business, recording studio, independent record label, independent music review journal, video stores, professional photo labs, the hospitality industry (hotel), and author. By evaluating my peers, I knew that owning your own successful business yielded the greatest possibilities for achieving one’s familial and financial goals.
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