Tag: love

Maybe You Don’t Need to Ask the Question

There was a time when I placed an enormous amount of importance on people telling me the truth. Honesty. Openness. Integrity. These things mattered to me. They still do. But after nearly a lifetime of being invited into some of the darkest, most private, occasionally unbelievable recesses of people’s lives, I’ve learned something about human beings. People lie. Good people lie. Honest people sometimes lie. People who love you may lie to you.

People lie because they’re afraid. They lie because they’re embarrassed. They lie because they haven’t forgiven themselves yet. They lie because they don’t know how you’ll respond. Sometimes they lie because they don’t know the truth themselves. And sometimes what we call lying is another person desperately trying to protect a room inside themselves that they aren’t ready to open.

That doesn’t make dishonesty good. It doesn’t mean deception should be tolerated when truth is necessary to the health or safety of a relationship. But it has changed the way I ask questions.

These days, before asking someone something deeply personal, I sometimes think:

Would I be disappointed if they lied to me?

That’s an interesting question. Because if the answer is yes, another question immediately follows.

Then do I really need to ask?

Maybe I don’t.

Curiosity Does Not Create Entitlement

We can become curious about something another person has experienced and unconsciously decide that our curiosity gives us a right to know. It doesn’t.

People have sacred spaces. There are memories they may not want to revisit. Experiences they haven’t figured out. Things they regret. Things they don’t understand. Things they may someday tell us. And things they may never tell anyone.

That space belongs to them.

One of the unexpected expressions of wisdom may be learning to stand outside that door without knocking. Not because we don’t care. Because we do.

Every Question Creates a Moment

Suppose there’s something you suspect about someone you love. You could ask.

Maybe they’ll

    • tell you the truth
    • lie
    • tell you half the truth
    • become defensive
    • feel exposed
    • answer honestly and you’ll discover you weren’t prepared for the answer.

Suddenly something that wasn’t damaging the relationship five minutes ago is sitting at the dinner table with both of you.

What did we gain? Sometimes quite a lot.

There are questions that need to be asked. There are things that truly matter, like

    • Safety
    • Consent
    • Commitments
    • Health
    • Finances
    • Faithfulness

Anything materially affecting another person’s ability to make informed choices may require uncomfortable truth.

Love isn’t an excuse for avoiding reality. But there are other questions whose answers change almost nothing. Except perhaps the relationship. Those deserve another moment of consideration.

You Can Leave the Door Open

Something wonderful happens when people discover they don’t have to defend themselves around you. They start talking. Maybe not today. Maybe not next Tuesday. But trust has an interesting way of opening doors that interrogation keeps locked.

You don’t necessarily have to extract someone’s story. You can become a person with whom the story feels safe. That’s different. And it requires patience.

Maybe

    • the answer eventually arrives while you’re driving somewhere
    • it appears over coffee three years later
    • one evening they look at you and say, “There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you.”

And because you never demanded it, they’re finally able to give it freely.

Or maybe they never tell you. Then what?

Well…

Did you

    • love them?
    • enjoy their company?
    • laugh together?
    • encourage one another?
    • build something beautiful?
    • become better human beings because you knew each other?

Then perhaps nothing was missing.

Connection Is Not an Investigation

I think we sometimes approach relationships as though intimacy means knowing everything. I’m no longer convinced that’s true.

Maybe intimacy is not having access to every room. Maybe intimacy is knowing there are rooms you haven’t entered and loving the person anyway.

That’s a different kind of trust. It doesn’t require blindness. It requires discernment.

There will always be questions worth asking. There will always be truths worth pursuing. And there will certainly be moments when someone’s deception must be confronted. But wisdom doesn’t only teach us how to ask better questions.

Sometimes wisdom whispers,

You don’t need to ask this one.

Let it go. Give them their sacred space. Keep walking together.

If the answer needs to become part of your relationship, perhaps someday it will. Meanwhile, you’ve protected something precious.

    • Momentum
    • Dignity
    • Safety
    • Connection

The growing confidence that neither person must live under interrogation to remain loved.

Maybe that’s what leading with love occasionally looks like. Not knowing everything. Not demanding everything. Not resolving everything. Just leaving one door closed… and making sure the person on the other side knows they’re still welcome in your life.

FAQ

Should people in a relationship tell each other everything?

Healthy intimacy does not necessarily require complete access to every memory, thought, or experience. People can maintain personal boundaries while remaining loving, honest, and deeply connected.

Is privacy the same as secrecy in a relationship?

Not necessarily. Privacy preserves personal space and autonomy. Secrecy becomes more concerning when withheld information materially affects another person’s choices, safety, commitments, or wellbeing.

Why do people lie when asked personal questions?

Fear, shame, embarrassment, uncertainty, self-protection, and concern about another person’s reaction can all influence how someone responds to a deeply personal question.

How do you know whether to ask a difficult question?

Consider why you need the information and what you intend to do with it. If the answer materially affects safety, consent, health, finances, faithfulness, or an important commitment, the question may need to be asked. If it primarily satisfies curiosity, allowing privacy may sometimes serve the relationship better.

Can giving someone privacy actually build trust?

Yes. Knowing that personal disclosure will not be demanded can create emotional safety. Sometimes people voluntarily share more when they know they are free not to.

 

Love Is Not Weakness – Why Real Love Requires Strength

Somewhere along the way, love got mislabeled. Not suddenly or maliciously. Just gradually, until love was no longer seen as strong, but soft… no longer intelligent, but sentimental… no longer courageous, but passive. And that misunderstanding has cost us more than we realize.

Love is not weakness, and it never was. What is weak is the version of love many of us were taught to perform, the kind that avoids truth, tolerates harm, and sacrifices self-respect just to keep the peace. That isn’t love. That’s fear, dressed up as virtue.

Why Love Is Often Mistaken for Weakness

For many people, love became confused with being agreeable. Staying quiet, enduring too much, giving endlessly, even when wisdom was already whispering, “This isn’t healthy anymore.” But love has never required self-erasure.

Real love doesn’t ask you to shrink, betray yourself, or abandon your values. It doesn’t demand silence while your spirit erodes. When love looks like disappearance, what’s actually happening is survival; not wisdom. And survival strategies, while understandable, are not the same thing as truth.

Real Love Is Strength Under Control

When you strip away the confusion, something important becomes clear: Love is not fragile. Love is strong. In fact, real love is strength under control.

It takes strength to tell the truth without attacking. Strength to hold a boundary without slamming a door, the strength to walk away without bitterness, and to stay without resentment.

Love doesn’t beg. Love doesn’t manipulate. Love does not guilt or coerce.

Love stands. And because it stands, it can feel threatening to systems built on fear, control, or compliance. That’s one reason love has so often been rebranded as weakness, because calling it weak makes it easier to dismiss, exploit, or override.

Love Requires Courage, Not Avoidance

Avoidance is easy. Numbing is easy. Shutting down is easy. Going along to get along is easy.

Love is not.

Love requires presence, and presence requires courage.

Every meaningful act of love asks something of us. It asks us to stay awake when it would be easier to check out. To remain open without being naive. To forgive without forgetting, and protect what matters without becoming hard.

There is nothing weak about that.

What Happens When Love Loses Its Strength

When love is misunderstood, people learn the wrong lessons.

They learn to:

      • Overgive until they are depleted
      • Confuse endurance with virtue
      • Call self-betrayal kindness
      • Call silence peace

Eventually, they burn out; not because they loved too much, but because they were never taught how to love wisely.

Love without strength collapses. Strength without love hardens. But love with strength? That’s where healing lives.

Love as a Stabilizing Force in a Chaotic World

Strong love doesn’t escalate. Strong love doesn’t need to win, and doesn’t require an audience.

Strong love listens without surrendering discernment. Strong love sees clearly without condemning, and acts deliberately rather than reactively.

This is why love changes rooms. Why it disarms aggression, restores dignity, and endures long after louder forces burn themselves out.

Not because love is soft, but because love is grounded.

What Loving with Strength Looks Like in Real Life

When love is rooted in strength, it shows up practically:

      • You can say no without guilt
      • You can disagree without contempt
      • You can care deeply without carrying what isn’t yours
      • You can leave without hatred
      • You can stay without losing yourself

You stop confusing being liked with being loving, and stop confusing being needed with being valued.

Your love develops a spine.

Why This Love Elevation Can’t Wait

The world doesn’t need weaker people trying harder to be nice. It needs grounded people who can love without fear. People who can hold truth and compassion in the same breath. People who don’t collapse under pressure, or harden under disappointment.

Love is not weakness. Love is not passivity or submission.

Love is clarity. Love is courage and strength—fully awake.

And when you live from that place, you don’t just change your relationships. You change the world around you.

That’s the kind of love this world has always needed.

That Moment When Everything is Perfect

Then there is that moment in time when everything is perfect. Everything in life, the world, the universe is in perfect harmony. Sure, there could be things going on that appear to be bad, even evil, other things that don’t make sense and you wish you had access to more information. You could be surrounded by uncertainty, dysfunction, and chaos everywhere you look, but In this sacred moment, everything is perfect.

I experienced such a moment when my latest granddaughter was born.

Even though the world had not changed. There was no pervasive love vibration amongst all peoples, no worldwide peace, no curtailment of the powerful trying to control and manipulate the less powerful, and people were still killing each other in the name of their country or what they believed in, still, there I was in this brilliant moment of sanctity.

I knew that everything was fine, even more than fine, I was able to sense a sacred harmony and balance is all things, in that moment when my granddaughter arrived on planet Earth.

Here she was, fresh from the other side, when moments ago when held in her hands and being the knowingness of all things. She chose to live a life journey in the arms of my daughter and son-in-law. And I am blessed that she chose me to be her Papa.

As I was high on all the biological chemistry taking place, everything was so sacredly impressive and for a while, I was able to see and feel that there was a sacred harmony in all things. Everything, even the injustices, and horrible things made sense to me, because of this. This is what life is all about.

It’s about creation and the willingness to go through the process to live, love, learn, share, and create, while experiencing a wide emotional range, sampling all this life has to offer.

How exciting for my daughter and her husband to be starting this new chapter in their life together?

How much more exciting for my new granddaughter, who is starting her fresh, new journey, with a blank slate? I love her so much, more than words can express, and I barely know her.

(She has my DNA in her mix. I hope my contribution is a blessing for her, her parents, and families to come.)

How will her journey unfold?

I can’t wait to see what happens next!

It’s moments, like these, that make me want to live a thousand years or more. I am so fascinated by being able to see all the possible paths those whom I care deeply about have chosen as their method of experiencing everything this life has to offer.

I don’t want to miss a thing.

I believe this world has a bright and sunny future, and I will do what I can to encourage others to raise the bar for all the grandchildren in all the world.

One man cannot do it all, but all the grandparents in all the world, if we all could just do just one thing for a better world for our grandchildren, the world will change dramatically, for them.

Here comes the sun…

 

This Relationship’s Going Nowhere I’m Out

“I am just not feeling it. My husband and I, it’s like we’re from two different planets. I just can’t live in a relationship that’s going nowhere. Can’t do it. I’m out.”

From that to,

“I was in a loveless relationship with my husband and ready to cash-out when I realized that he was my soul mate and now we share the deepest and romantic relationship together forever.”

If you find yourself in a difficult relationship (this applies to all relationships, not just those of the romantic persuasion) you could just bail out when it doesn’t seem to suit your needs (no one would blame you, this is your right) or you might consider, as some have, calling on the power of the universe to have your back.

Those who do, often experience dramatic changes within a year. So, be aware this is not normally instantaneous change. Change, evolution, real change takes time. If you’re interested in giving it a go, consider adopting some of the basic principles that can get you miraculously from where you are now to where you’d love to be with very little effort (though effort is required).

As much as it seems like it’s all about how incompatible this person seems to be in the moment, you might be surprised that this process starts with you. Yes, you.

You have been raised and trained to accept what’s been put on your plate and to expect nothing more. You’ve been programmed for mediocrity and “settling” for less than your highest and best, when that is not what you came here for.

You came here to have it all, and this is your birthright. It’s time you decided to take back your divinity as a child of God and reclaim your sacred life, now.

And it starts with you, getting to know and love you, the true authentic you, with all the blessings that have been bestowed upon you in this life. Even if it looks lackluster, and may have been incredibly painful, causing you to accept anything less than your best life, but has brought you to this moment in time. And the you who you’ve become and as transforming into through this magnificent evolutionary process is nothing less than magnificent.

If you’ve quashed and squelched your special purpose, skills, abilities, and unique message, the universe has caused you to experience life which would further prepare you for this moment, the moment of awakening to your unlimited potential.

Now is the time to start to embrace your divinity and find ways to express who you are through the words you speak and the deeds you do. By activating your 7 points of evolving expansion, you can raise your vibration to love and above.

You must get to know who you really are and love everything that you are and can be in this life and beyond, all of it, even the stuff you thought was not good (and no one was saying it wasn’t bad) but it helped to bring you to who and what you are today, and will magnify your future potential.

Don’t wait for anyone to validate or love you. You are the love of your life. Love yourself deeply, now, more than ever, every day more and more. As you find ways to fill your heart with love, this overflowing love can spill over to the others you care deeply about, your family, your community, and the world at large. Any other form of giving love is really servitude and generosity, if your heart is not full and overflowing with love. (And there’s nothing wrong with that. We need all the love we can get.)

So fill your loving cup by learning to love who you are, accepting and embracing the life that has brought you to this point in time, find ways to fill your heart with love, and take full responsibility for looking after yourself and seeing that your needs are tended to.

When your loving cup is full, then you can truly spread the love that overflows to others.

Sometimes you encounter situations and circumstances that rub you the wrong way. Find ways to take another look at the scenario, from an alternate perspective, keeping in mind that your desire is to raise your vibration to love and above, and maintain this higher frequency.

With any circumstance, there is a full spectrum of responses you can initiate in response to the situation or thought. On one end, you can stand and fight because you’re justifiably “pissed off,” and on the other end of the spectrum, you can choose to apply love and see the event from God’s perspective.

Often perception interpretation can lead to misunderstanding, and no one would blame you for going there. After all, you’ve endured many life experiences that have caused you to reach conclusions rapidly as a form of self-defense. Thankfully, this skill has gotten you this far.

If a person’s words or actions have set off your inner alarms, instead of jumping to conclusions, try jumping into the other person’s perspective. Why would he or she say or do such a thing? What life traumas might be underneath it all? Can you find compassion for someone who might act or react in such a way? Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What does that feel like?

And if that weren’t enough, look at it from God’s perspective. I could be with a completely indiscriminate person that I do not get, at all, but if I were to ask for God’s opinion, God would say, “I love him” (or her). Could I then, by seeing through the eyes of love, see those redeeming qualities that God sees?

Yeah, I might not agree with them, but they do have that God-loves-‘em-so-much quality about them. Who am I to judge? A little tolerance goes a long way. Try asking yourself What are People Like Who are Tolerant?

The quicker you are to change the way you think about a negative thought and turn it into a loving thought, your love quotient remains at the high level you are practicing to regulate. As with anything, the more often you do it, the easier it gets.

As you start to turnaround how you think about things, the whole world starts to turnaround, adjusting to your new perspective, but you must shift your point of view, first.

Raising your vibration makes you start to expect more positive responses and good things to happen to you, and they do.

If your attention is focused upon this person who you might like to be a better match for you but is not in the moment, no problem. You respect the fact that we’re all doing the best we can with what we have, and this is a beautiful child of God you’re looking at, regardless of how off-base or weird he or she may appear right now.

You can be proactive by giving him or her a chance to respond in a manner which is more befitting of your new higher vibration. You may go through an entire scenario and have it come up leaving you feeling unconnected and empty inside. By all means, do not just walk away in silence. This is the new you, with your full awakened presence intact. Give him or her another chance.

Speak up. Let him or her know that you thought this could have gone better. Try reframing the situation and all the two of you to give it another go, to see if you can come up with a more favorable outcome. If this is practiced in love, with a pure heart, the outcome will be more to your liking. Maybe not to meet your fullest expectation, but look how closer you are to having the synchronicity you desire. Good job.

As you do this, the person you’re practicing with begins to anticipate this as opportunities arise and he or she rises to meet your positive loving expectation. You expect more, receive more of what you want in connection, and love grows.

Love is all there really is  …

Love Masters

Love is the most powerful energy in the universe. True love energy is the source energy of God, and if you are open, aware, and loving, you can master this powerful love energy. To do so, you must apply this love energy to everything that is happening around you, appearing before you, and being felt within you.

It sounds like a tall order, but you don’t have to master all of this instantly. In fact, that would be extremely difficult to do because it takes discipline and a great deal of retaining the way you think.

You have been programmed since your earliest of ages to not think in this way, even though in your purest form when you first arrived in this world, you were a natural-born master of love. Since your birth, you have been retrained to be a master of fear.

Fear is exclusion and isolation of self, while love, on the other hand, is inclusive, embraces all things as divine and absorbs all the positive energies in everything, regardless of how it may look on the surface.

Love is a state of being which is associated with a particular frequency of energetic vibration. When you are in it, you can feel it. You know it when you are there. To apply this energetic state of being to every moment of every day, that is mastering love.

Interestingly, those who are able to maintain this level of energetic love mastery, their lives look very different from the rest of us, because this energy attracts those things which are an energetic match to the energetic “love field” they have created for themselves.

Love Masters love everything around them, the way that it is. They love others; their families, their neighbors, friends, coworkers, management, law enforcement, governing officials, all of them, just the way they are. They love the nature which surrounds them; the chirping birds, the trees swaying in the breeze, the bud of a flower as well as in full bloom, the grass as it grows and the smell of it after its been freshly cut, the taste of a freshly picked juicy apple. They love where they live, the sounds heard from outside that verify their existence in this place, they love the transportation vehicle(s) which allow them to move about freely in this exciting world where we live.

So, things show up that are a match to their energetic vibration of love which flows through them.

To love is a choice, and you could choose to adopt this vibrational state of being for yourself and enjoy all the good things in life that are a harmonic match to your new love vibration.

As a Love Master, you will be imbued with special abilities to influence the world around you with this new energetic power of love, but to take full advantage of your love prowess, you’re going to have to let go of all the “separation” you’ve been taught and have grown so accustomed to.

Love Masters love everyone and everything, just the way it is. They find a sense of balance in all things working together for good, even when they appear to be quite bad at any particular time in space. People are not bad, just as you are not bad, and everything is perfect as it is. All things are always changing, growing and evolving, and nothing is wrong or broken, nor does it need fixing, though there may be many things to which you are not a match at any given time.

If you are not a match for any given thing, it is of little concern to you. When you notice such a thing, you honor it and acknowledge that it is something you do not want in your sphere of influence, unless you have received the calling address the issue for the greater good. If you have not been called upon, it is someone else’s calling. To assert your attention or influence would only cause your vibration to deteriorate unnecessarily and add more momentum and energy to that which is unwanted, if this is not your calling. To do so would hinder the work of those who are called to address the issue.

Rather than focus your attention on the thing(s) that you don’t want, focus your attention on the solution, the cure, and support those who have been called to the fighting of the fight. Celebrate and support those who have been called, do not focus your attention on the things which cause you to be upset.

I know this is counterintuitive because you’ve been programmed and trained against such things, but this is the gateway to widespread peace, love, and happiness.

People can see Love Masters from afar because they have a particular glow about them. This is due to their fully love-charged energy field or aura which gives them the ability to more greatly affect the world around them in the most positive ways, and they are often kindly referred to as being blessed, or in the extreme as miracle workers.

Love Masters are tolerant, patient, confident, respectful, and courageous, yet practice humility. They realize that everything is in a constant phase of change, always for the better, realizing that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have (as we all do) as they refrain from judgment.

They embrace the practice of meditation as a method to raise their vibration, while avoiding practices that lower it, when appropriate. (Life is what it is, and we all succumb to its pressures at times.)

If you look at the most powerful people who have raised from the ranks of the working class, you will find that they are Love Masters. You will find them, helping others, edifying others, encouraging others without exclusion. They share their energetic resources and attract even more as they do.

When you fill your heart with love from the pure source of all life for yourself (without the need to receive love or validation from others) your love cup overflows into the energy fields of all others who are in your presence.

How do you know you’re in the flow of love? You know by how you feel. If you feel good, you’re in. If you feel bad, you’re out.

Make more opportunities to feel good and stay in the flow of love.

There are those who will be upset by your abundance of love and they may try to drag you down. Just remember that their need to feel like they should knock you out of your love-flow has far less to do with you than it does them.

They are hurting. They want the love you have, but they have ascribed themselves to the belief, and have aligned themselves with a world that teaches against such things as folly. Do not judge them. Have compassion for them. Know that they are in a process of change and evolution, and everything will get better for them.

Don’t try to educate or convert them (they are unable to receive words to which they are not a match anyway). Love and bless them because they’re doing the best they can, and things will get better. They always do.

 

Strong Not Broken

I had a client with whom I was working who had intimated to me her traumatic past relationships with men which led her to the conclusion that she no longer desired to expose her heart to another man, and she made a vow never to do so again.

I assumed this might put her at a disadvantage when it came to having love in her life, and I suggested that she might reconsider her position because this might be blocking other areas of her life as well, especially because we’re talking about “love,” which she agreed was the most powerful force in (and/or beyond) the universe. It is the key which unlocks all doors which stand between us and the desires of our heart.

She was quick to correct me. She had filled her life with so much love, loving deeply family, her community, others who had little or no love in their lives, animals, nature, all living things, and those beyond. Her life was not one of brokenness but one of love, an enthusiastic abundance of love.

She admitted she had been broken by the men she had allowed herself to be victimized by, those who disrespected her, abused, and terrorized her, but when she decided to deny them access to that most vulnerable organ inside her, it was not out of fear, or fueled by pain from the past.

It was the most powerful decision she had ever made in strength and honor which enabled her to freely open herself in unconditional love in all other areas of her life. Since making this decision, she has been able to interact and work with men in her field, and throughout all other areas of life, without the threat of being vulnerable, hurt, disrespected, or loved by them.

She could powerfully interact with them intimately, for a limited amount of time, without risk of developing a deeper connection, for she did enjoy having them in and around her life, but not allowing them access to her heart.

She had built a stronghold, a mighty fortress, not around her heart, but only around that area which focused only on men, and who could blame her if you’d had the opportunity to learn the depths of darkness, she had endured while her heart was held captive by a succession of abusive monsters.

This fortress was not built in weakness or fear. This fortress was built in love. Pure love, which enabled her to freely love everything that is, protecting her and allowing her to live other days, one after the other, in love.

It has been many years of her living this life of love, without a thought of exposing herself to the idea of romance and she continues to live a happy life, full of love, without regret. She never has the thought of what it might be to have romantic love in her life.

And when she sees someone, a couple who appears to be enthusiastically in the throes of love, she blesses them, wishing for them all the love which they seek to find in each other, without imposing her views upon them. She loves them, the idea of love, and sends them some of her love in hopes that it will help them have all the best things in life together, and that their love will overflow to others.

There is no doubt, this woman is living a life of love. “Romantic love” in her life is not her ministry (by “ministry,” I mean, “her passionate area of specialization”). She declines participation in this arena and blesses others who do specialize in this type of work.

She does not judge others for seeking their individual paths, leading to their own unique journeys, fully supports them on their way, and does not impose her personal stance on romantic love on anyone else.

This is a deeply personal work she has accomplished on her own which has led to a full life or happiness, abundance, and unconditional love.

So, I stand corrected.

In my attempt to understand her from her own perspective, I mistakenly applied a general filter based on my experience in working with singles and couples who are struggling with the idea of love in their lives. And I was wrong.

This extraordinary woman took massive action to protect herself from abuse, which any one of us would have encouraged her to do, to stop the abuse, to find a safe place to do the deep work, and heal traumatic wounds of the past.

She has done the work, the hard work, and continues to do the deep work, in a safe environment filled with love. There is no lack of love here.

She remains a light in the darkness for so many.

Maybe she is an angel, for angels are love and have no need or inclination for romantic love.

God bless her for all she brings to this world.

Because of her, so many of us are blessed.

Romantic or Unconditional Love

Two people meet, fall in love, pledge their vows of love to each other, and live happily ever after. This is the romantic aspirations of most people who seek romantic love in the world today.

There are many forms of love which are active in our society. Love is used on a wide spectrum including many possibilities and representation. On one end of the spectrum you can love chocolate cake, and on the other, a desperate heartbroken young child can find solace in his or her mother’s embrace accompanied by the speaking of the words, “I love you.”

All love is good love and the more there is of it in our world, the better the world can be. For a moment consider there might be a difference between romantic love and unconditional love.

There is nothing better than entering a relationship in love with the expectation that it would last forever. There is an instinctual part of you that wants to go through life with someone by your side. Having to decide who that might be only once, sounds like a dream come true.

When you are attracted to someone or something, this is an expression of your flesh, creating a desire for it whether it be a particular type and color of a car or a prospective mate. Certain hormones create a chemical reaction in our brain which makes us love one thing over another.

The love chemical reaction fades over time and so do the feelings of love. That’s why your admiration of that new car is often replaced by resigning yourself to drive the darned thing, while you long for another car that is more appealing; one that causes your love chemistry to kick in. And so it is with romantic love.

Romantic love projects expectations on your partner. If they look and act in a way that is in line with your expectations of him or her, your love is sustained. If not, you are disappointed and may respond negatively, potentially giving way to disapproval or anger.

Unfortunately, romantic love is based on this expectation and the challenges you face with being shocked by the stark realization that the object of your affection has failed or is unable to meet your expectations.

Instead of fostering togetherness, as in the two of you becoming one, romantic love separates each of you into a my-way vs your-way opposition fostering a push-pull power struggle which can never be won.

Romantic love will have you endlessly attempting to make your partner fit your perception of how he or she should be based on your expectations, with little consideration for who your partner really is in his or her own natural state, or respect of individual potentialities which are yet to be realized.

Romantic love is perpetually fueled by fear of loss, which keeps you looking for clues of potential loss, and as a self-fulfilling prophesy, that which you seek appears, either by using your overactive imagination, or real-life circumstances, which you may have called into being by your fear.

Fear leads to disrespect, suspicion, loathing, and even hatred, when you are jolted into the reality that your love cannot be sustained by whom or what you believed could be trusted to fulfill your expectations of love. This dichotomy creates a violent cognitive dissonance which rocks your world and wreaks havoc on your emotional wellbeing.

Unconditional love, on the other hand, is quite the contrast to romantic love, in that there is no my-way vs your-way opposition keeping you separated. There is no right way, there is no wrong way. There is just you and your partner in love inclusive or all respective possibilities.

This is only possible by allowing true love to flow from the source of all life which does not impose expectations. This true love loves purely, without expectation. It does not look for flaws, nor does it seek to punish. Unconditional love loves regardless; no matter what you do or what you say.

Unconditional love can only be expressed if your heart is full of love for yourself, and to the degree to which you possess this kind of love for yourself, it can overflow into the life of your beloved.

Of course, in unconditional love, there will be differences which appear, but these are allowed to be expressed in love, and you may talk openly about whatever comes up in the contrast of your love experience with openness and honesty, allowing growth or allowing what is to simply be as you move forward.

You were created by this unconditional love source and the potential for it resides in every cell of your body. You can let loose this unconditional love and let it permeate you and the world which surrounds you at any time, if you can allow yourself to consider the possibilities.

Unconditional love is the most powerful force which can be wielded by any man, woman, or child and is more powerful than anything else. It exists in all life, everything, and without it, nothing would be.

God blesses all love unconditionally, from the romantic love looking to be negotiated and contractualized between two, and the unconditional love. Love is love, and everything is love.

God bless you on your journey in love.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Make Someone Love You

As much as you love someone, you can never love them enough to make them love you. Someone will either love you or they won’t. You will be able to trust them, or you won’t. They will either stay, or they will leave and no matter how much you love them, you cannot make someone love you back.

Since people have been exchanging love one to another, unrequited love has been an issue. It’s nothing new, and it’s not likely to change any day soon.

The False Accusation Breakup

There is a growing trend of demonization that is becoming more commonplace in the breakup process. When someone is secretly planning a breakup, they start collecting words and phrases uttered by you dating back to the origination of your relationship.

Data will likely include decisions you made or actions you’ve taken, which all can be spun into wild false accusations which would make others, possibly even yourself, question your capacity for love or sanity, which could be considered as abusive.

The false accusation breakup model is designed to hurt you and make you feel better about this person’s departure.

Until recently, this was a psychological tool utilized by psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists. Today, this is more common in our contemporary culture. When something invades popular culture, like this, there is little you can do about it, so until this method runs its course, try not to take it personally (though nothing could be more personal than a personal attack focused on you and your integrity).

Your attacker (the person breaking it off with you) has had plenty of time to prepare, and there is no way for you to compete or respond appropriately to each and every accusation, which will be voluminous.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of such an attack, your best move is just to listen, try not to let yourself be offended by all the accusations, and just let him or her air all their issues. Try to listen and interject with the, “Oh, I’m sorry,” or, “I didn’t realize that.”

The key is not to become offended or defensive about these exaggerated charges against you. This whole process is far less about you than it is meant to appear.

Your accuser has already left and has likely already made plans that do not include you. He or she has already left, and this particular act of demonizing you is his or her way of justifying their recent actions and final disconnection.

Any attempt to reason with someone who is unjustly rapid-firing a long list of false accusations will only delay the false accusation breakup performance and its ultimate outcome. So, just let them do what they have to do, and let them go.

Will it be painful? Yes, it will because you’ve been blindsided. You didn’t see this coming and it’s shocking when it happens. And because this break-up method is becoming more and more popular, you’re likely to encounter it more than once.

Remember that when someone is done with you, they are done. When they’ve initiated your crucifixion on their own, acting as accuser, judge, and jury. There is nothing you can do about it but delay the inevitable.

You cannot make someone love you, who has already left and disconnected from you. He or she may return later after they have put you through this and accomplished whatever it was that motivated them to do this to you.

If he or she returns, you have to seriously ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to align yourself with. There is the likelihood that you will have to suffer this again in the future, and it will be worse the next time.

No one can make this decision for you. This is something you have to work out for yourself and whatever you decide will be right for you, because all things work out for good, even if it looks unlikely at the time.

So, see it for what it is, and let him or her say whatever is necessary to justify him-or-her-self. Let them go and remember,

You cannot make someone love you.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Thank You for Loving

If you’re an Earth Love Angel, I thank you for loving.

I am surrounded by people who vibrate at the frequency of love (which is 528 Hz according to Dr. Leonard Horowitz). The lives of these people actually resonate at the love vibration, as they love life with every heartbeat. At every opportunity they look at all life brings to their attention through the eyes of love. They are tender, compassionate, empathetic, do not pompous, nor do they judge others.

If you are one of the earth’s love angels, living your life in love, then you have an honorable place at the table of true lovers. You are love personified and your love is infectious. As you live your love life you inspire others to believe such a love exists. Thank you for loving with everything you’ve got.

Thank you for love

Thank you for love that inspires others to believe that true love is possible, ever present, and motivates them to take action. To do the deep inner work of finding the resonance of love which resides in all of us but is rarely tapped into.

Seeing your love in action inspires all of us who see you living your love life out in the open to join the love revolution by living our lives more in love, greeting everything in life which presents itself to us with an open heart pouring love out of endless supplies directly from the source of love which is the energy permeating all matter and space.

Thank you for love and all love’s endless possibilities.

Thank you for your love

Thank you for your love, the love shared between you and me, as well as all others who are blessed enough to bask in your presence. Your love inspires me to rise to new heights of living a life of love.

Your love not only reflects my love but magnifies my love exponentially, for which I am forever grateful. Thank you for your love which helps me to see all the love I could be.

May love fill your heart with gratitude

May love fill your heart with gratitude for the love in all of creation, love of family, love for your friends, love for everyone, those who hurt you, love that never ends.

You are so blessed to have all the power of love tenderly placed within you, which when accessed plugs you directly into the source of all life and love. This connection is sacred and more powerful than any weapon ever conceived of.

With this love, you can become empowered with the eternal love that never ends. You can love yourself, and others, in such a way that the angels bow in honor of the love you are becoming.

How blessed are we to be able to have such a powerful love?

May this love fill your heart with gratitude for being blessed with such a love as this, as I am grateful for the love that we share, whether we are separated by land or air. I am forever grateful for the love, and the love that you are.

Love Talk

When you’re contemplating getting into a romantic relationship, you might consider having the Love Talk with your prospective mate, and if you’re already in a relationship and you haven’t had the Love Talk, yet, do it tonight.

Tonight is the perfect night to go out to dinner and have the Love Talk.

What should you include in the Love Talk?

Here are some ideas to include in your Love Talk tonight:

Where are we going?

Ask your prospective partner what he or she thinks this relationship is leading to? It may be awkward, but you should get your expectations about this relationship out on the table, and you want to know what your partner’s intentions are. If you can the two of you are going to be together, ask your partner, “Where do you see us in five years?” Then ask yourself as well.

What about the Benjamins?

Money is the number one reason relationships break down and fall apart. Talking about money issues at the outset of a relationship can help to avoid the pitfalls and incongruency about finances in the future. Know which money type you are and get to know about your partner’s relationships with the greenbacks. Don’t be shy about asking about bankruptcy, outstanding student loans, and other financial obligations.

Want to have sex?

You want to establish the parameters of your sexual relationship as soon as possible. If you are intending to be in a monogamous relationship you need to be open about this with your partner, and you both need to agree that your relationship is exclusive and includes monogamy. Otherwise, if no clear definition is agreed to, there is no injustice of infidelity if one of you engages in the sex act with someone else. Also talk about other things regarding sex, including expected frequency and fantasies (you don’t want to be surprised when your partner brings someone over to have a threesome). You want to be a match in the bedroom.

How are we going to communicate?

Communication, or the lack of it, is another leading cause of the deterioration of an otherwise healthy romantic relationship. Talking about how you might handle challenging or difficult conversations in the future can put you miles ahead of others who struggle to talk about things when the going gets rough. Create a safe process in advance. Make a plan that you can refer to in the event (when) the need arises to have an important but uncomfortable conversation.

What was life like growing up?

Talk about it now with your partner over dinner, or later in the therapist’s office at a high hourly cost, and possibly at the cost of your relationship, as the way we were brought up, our experiences with friends, relatives, and previous lovers, all have an impact on how we love someone else in our closest of relationships. Be open, compassionate, non-judgmental, and aware. This information can be invaluable in helping this relationship move forward in a positive energetic flow, or give you clues to seeing trouble ahead so that you can be prepared to handle things better if, and when, they come up.

Do you want to get married?

Knowing whether either one or both of you have a desire to marry someday can be important information to have early on in any relationship. Any way the balancing act goes, whether one does, and one doesn’t, both of you don’t want to marry, or both of you want to marry, just the establishment and knowingness of how it is can be extremely helpful. Even if it’s too early to know if you or your current partner are the participants in any given scenario, whether it includes matrimony or not.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.