I Am an Awful Friend

I am so sorry that I feel as though I am an awful friend right now. Sometimes you get so embroiled in a project that it consumes all your resources, every waking moment. I started this project that I’ve put off for over ten years, and those of you who know me well, know it’s about time.

And then, not long after I decided to go forward with this project, the world gets shut down by the COVID-19 pandemic. Hugely unfortunate for the whole world.

This has affected us all in different ways. Many of us are finding ourselves celled-in and this is causing huge problems around our nation. Problems that may be far worse than the effects of the coronavirus itself, as we’re all trying to find ways to survive, and no one would blame you for going a little stir crazy.

Thanks to technology, we have access to others, so we’re not totally cut off.

While this pandemic has offered my friends a little free time, for me, it actually resulted in eating up some of my former hours that I would usually sleep to keep the project moving forward during the shut-down.

There are so many things that need to be done, some I am unable to do during these times, which have made the things that I can do far more complicated and time-consuming… Not a problem. For those that know me well, you know that when I get my teeth into something good, I do whatever it takes to get ‘er done. So, I’m pushing forward. Much more in force than power at the moment.

That is to say, I’m feeling like I am pushing forward in my flesh, when I’d rather relax and let things unfold naturally. But I’ve reasoned that if I want to be ready to rock when the fog of this pandemic lifts, I need to man-up now, even if it’s more difficult.

I am still making room in my schedule for my clients, whose needs have also grown exponentially, as you might imagine, which as you know has always been a priority for me, as well.

Here am I, eating my own cooking again. I preach “when the going gets tough,” and, “how are you gonna get where you wanna be, if you’re not moving?”

I feel like I cannot let this coronavirus-thing take me out.

At the same time, all my friends are reaching out to me. I get that. But I’m so overwhelmed right now, trying to stay on track, I really don’t have time to commiserate or cavort with friends right now, and I know you guys need me right now.

This breaks my heart, that I feel like I cannot be with all of you right now. You know I love you, and I miss you as much as you’re missing me (maybe more).

On this surface, this might appear to be rude or insensitive, and I want you to know, more than anything that this is not the case. I am just so overwhelmed with all the pressure of this, right now, that I do not have the bandwidth to actively connect with you, whom I care deeply about.

I want you to know that I love you now more than ever, and just knowing that you are there, cheering me on, at a time when we should be able to spend more time together, helps me get through the day.

I know it might seem like I am an awful friend, right now, but believe me, I don’t care about you any less, and I love our love and friendship, and cherish it more now than ever, and I apologize for not “being there” for you during this crisis.

Please forgive me if I appear to be an awful friend, right now, I am doing the best I can with what I have, and bless you for your understanding and encouragement. We will celebrate when this cloud is lifted.

Sending my love to you.

-David M Masters