You have found an amazing treasure… the most incredible, life-changing discovery (or one of the most significant treasures, if you’re in the habit of uncovering them often). You are so excited. You can’t wait to share it with the person whom you care about the most.
Have you ever brought something of powerful personal significance home to share with your partner (or to some other Very Important Person, someone whom you give significant importance to in your life) whose first response was one of disregard, or worse to make fun of you for considering any value in the thought, idea or focal point of your inner most emotional connection to your discovery?
How does that make you feel?
How do you feel about your newly discovered treasure now?
How are you feeling about your partner or VIP?
Depending on who you are and who your partner/VIP, you’re likely to either to toss your discovery in the trash and walk away from it, or put it on the back burner, feign respect for your partner/VIP but feel a disconnect from that person. If you’re disconnecting, your respect and affection for your partner/VIP is waning and you find yourself drifting away, especially if this has happened before, or you expect it to happen more often.
This is the conundrum you can find yourself in if you’re in a relationship where the roles played are,
Dream Catcher vs. Dream Smasher
Obviously, you are the dream catcher. A dream catcher is so much more than just an optimistic person. The dream catcher is constantly not simply aware of or actively seeking to see the good in things (like the optimist) but is foraging for meaningful, hidden treasure in life (and beyond). These precious treasures, when uncovered attach themselves deeply within the treasure hunter, often including a direct connection to the heart.
Invariably, every dream catcher has a dream smasher lurking in the wings, not far off from where the treasure has been discovered. Sometimes the dream smasher is very close, maybe a friend, roommate or someone you share your most intimate moments, whom you care about, respect and/or love.
The dream smasher is more than just a pessimist or a cynic. The dream smasher is compelled to disregard, ridicule, or totally squash your newfound treasure. They are compelled not to just do so once. Try to share another breakthrough of epiphany and they will laugh it off, or otherwise smash your dream again. Why? Because the dream smasher is hard-wired for this dream smashing response.
The dream smasher hard-wiring can be due to a life-long chemical balance in the brain, like that of a psychopath, or it could be learned behavior. Why would someone learn behaving like a dream smasher? The answer is: Fear.
People will smash your dreams out of fear.
Fear that you will follow the dream, and leave them behind.
Fear that you will move forward in some way, which would make them feel bad about their lack of desire to move (in thought, lifestyle, or time and space).
This fear can either be imagined, or based on a life experience when they experienced loss due to someone else who abandoned them for something better. This person will smash anything that threatens any potential loss or disconnect.
Interestingly, the learned behavior dream smasher will smash your dream in an effort to preserve and save your relationship with (and /or dependence on) them, when in reality, it has the opposite effect; refusing to embrace and support another’s precious treasure(s) only causes disconnect and a falling away.
While there is no hope for the psychopath who feels a sense of power and superiority from smashing the dreams of others, there is hope for the dream smasher who is smashing your dreams out of fear.
If you cannot break through the dream smasher’s issues, you will continue to drift apart. If you can break-through, heal and create a more intimate connection, the relationship will continue and may thrive.