Every once and a while I meet with someone who says something like, “I’m just not feeling it anymore.” They’re with someone who they once felt like they were in love with but nowadays, they feel like they’re just going through the motions and faking it. They’re uncomfortable and say, “I don’t want to fake love anymore.”
When you feel like saying,
I don’t want to fake love anymore
What can you do?
First off, you must know that love is a modulating frequency which goes up and down, in a constant state of flux. Just like the tide, love has ebb and flow. Sometimes it goes out and the beach is dry, other times love comes rushing in, like a flood.
It’s common to reach a dry spell in your relationship, when you’re feeling like you’re engaged in a false love relationship. Sometimes it feels like you’re faking your love for your partner, sometimes you’re wondering if your partner is faking his or her affections toward you.
One thing you can do is to ask yourself, “What does love mean to me?”
You’re entitled to have and hold your own definition of love. If you choose to believe that love is only that exuberant feeling of passionate desire, then that is your choice, and you will probably have a long line of successive relationships to capture and try to sustain that kind of love.
On the other hand, if you’re definition of love leans more toward longer-term relationships, you will recognize and honor love’s ebb and flow.
Let’s say you’re at your peak, you’re an Adonis or Aphrodite (which we all are, of course) and your partner has become slightly less desirable to you, no problem, there’s always someone waiting in the wings for their turn with you. Even so, you might consider the, “What if?”
What if something happened to you? What if you were in an accident, suffered disfiguring wounds (emotional or physical), lost your good looks, health, or fell ill? What then?
Would you want to be with someone who would stand by you no matter what because they love you, even if you’re not on your best game, even when times get rough? Or would you rather your partner seek out someone whom he or she felt was more desirable in that moment?
A wise lover gives the love he or she desires.
Can you prevent yourself from falsely loving someone else?
If you really want to love the person you’re with, then you just have to do it. Love your partner even when you’re not feeling it. Love is an energetic continuum of unlimited supply.
When you’re not feeling the love, fake it.
I know, you’re thinking I didn’t understand the question, but I did.
When you’re not feeling the love, engage in the activities, yes, go through the motions, acting as if you feel the love just as much as you did before. You can call it false love, or faking it, play-acting, or put any label on it you want, but something magical happens when you love someone in this manner…
Your efforts are rewarded with the feelings of love from the endless supply of love which permeates all things. Before you know it, as you act out your love in the absence of the feelings, the feelings begin to return.
If you keep doing those things that you did when you felt deeply in love, the feelings return and then some, opening the doors to new possibilities as you pass through thresholds leading to even greater love.
Or, you could just go find someone else and see where that leads you.
If you don’t want to fake love anymore, just go through the motions (not because you hate having to do it, but) because you love your partner, and the feelings will come back, and even more.