Ready to Move on In Love?

How Do You Know If You’re Ready to Move on in Love?

When you activate a shared love with another person you create an emotional connection with that person which remains long after that lover has been separated from your active life. How do you know if you’re ready to move on in love?

You might be seeking for the answer to how do you know if you’re ready to move on in love because you know you’re going to be ever-connected to your former lover, and the connection is even more severe if you shared an intimate physical relationship.

Sex complicates the moving on of it all because as you are contemplating entertaining another lover, the lingering connection to your former lover(s) is at the very least awkward and confusing.

In a perfect world, the first time you fall in love, you would meet your one true love and live out your lives together, hand-in-hand, for the rest of your life happily ever after.

Also, in a perfect world, you would experience a long succession of tragic love interests which break your heart and allow you to experience how interacting with another person on a deep level could be enjoyable and one of the most catastrophic, painful chapters of your life.

Love is love, and there is really no wrong way to do it. Your love journey will be different than any other person. No two love journeys are alike, though they may share some similarities. So, any attempt to give anyone advice is fruitless.

I can make suggestions, and you must decide for yourself what is good for you to consider and what is not. In fact, that is all coaching is; reviewing a variety of options with you, letting you decide which options and actions are best for you, and supporting you in the creative process.

That said, these seem to be the best ideas to consider prior to moving on to another relationship in the best way.

It’s Over

Relationships are tricky business, and those lingering connections can confuse any attempt to connect with another person, so cutting the ties to your greatest ability will go a long way in leaving your heart open enough to embrace a new love.

Let your feelings be your guide about the healthiness of creating space by setting boundaries which protect your heart from either hurting or re-engaging the love trance all over again.

Being in the throes of love creates energetic, physiological, electromagnetic, and a barrage of chemical reactions in the brain and throughout your body, which cause you to fall in love all over again, if you are exposed to a former lover if you experience him or her with any of your five senses.

At least for a while (probably 90 days) do not allow yourself to be exposed to your ex- if possible because you need this time and space to heal, so you can be ready to move on in love.

Nostalgic Emotional Ties

If you want to be ready to move on in love, you have to let go of your former expectations, the hopes, and dreams you held deep within your heart about your former lover.

Ruminating about what could have been will only cause you emotional pain throughout the separation and have you longing for vying for another chance to right wrongs. You cannot change the past or make things right. What is done is done and so is this relationship.

There’s no need to focus your attention on all the things that went wrong or all the good times which were so enjoyable. These nostalgic efforts need to be avoided, at least for the 90-day period (or however long you need) for healing yourself.

You need to find ways to think or talk about your life with your ex- without significant emotional impact, positive or negative.

You know you are closing in on healthfully being ready to move on in love when you can think back on your love experience without passionate fantasizing or heavy emotional pain.

Residual Love

Understand that maintaining a residual love for your ex- is totally acceptable and healthy unless your relationship, even if you were with a toxic or abusive lover.

Residual love must be respectful of your protection if your self and your heart, as well as the memory of your former lover, without feeling emotional pain or resentment.

Let this residual love be tempered by realizing that things just are as they are, and the past is the past. You and your lover shared these moments, but the time has come for both of you to move on in love, going your separate ways.

You love and look after yourself, love your ex- and hope the best for him or her.

There is no blame, or judgment because we’re all doing the best we can with what we have.

Loving You

7 Phases of Love

The best thing you can do is to love yourself to the best of your ability.

Many have heard some variation of the question, “How can you love somebody else if you don’t love yourself, first?” We all know this, but most of us do not understand what it means to love one’s self.

When you love yourself, you treat yourself with all the love, respect, and acceptance that you would ever desire to receive from a lover.

This can be difficult as you’re getting ready to move on in love, and you might be a million miles away from having this kind of love for yourself at this time and space. Just do the best you can to love yourself more.

When you consider finding all the love you could ever desire from within, you don’t need someone else to make you feel loved.

Ready to Move on in Love

If you are at peace with the idea that it’s over and find the nostalgic emotional ties honorable and manageable, can maintain a healthy residual love and love yourself more than you did before, you are ready to move on in love.

Love is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Surely there is no greater love than to experience that sweet connection between two human beings, separated by bodies but united in a strong love-connection that transcends time and space. This love can take many forms, like friendship, familial love, appreciative/respectful love, romantic love, eternal love, love for the others and the world, etc…

Being a love-child of the sixties (this is where I place the blame, though I realize the source could have come from elsewhere) I resonated with the love vibration that permeated the time. I was not attracted to – nor did I participate in – the “free love” movement that was prevalent back in the day, rather I embraced the idea of loving one another, accepting people for who they are and allowing everyone to find their own way, loving them all along their journey.

My sincere desire to participate in management of great love is likely why I was so attracted to ministerial work early on because the religious model that I was exposed to (then, in the late seventies) seemed to promote this kind of love. My fore’ into the business of religion did not turn into a life-long occupation, yet I continued in my personal work of helping others achieve their highest and best, while continuing to seek and promote higher forms of love and respect for others.

Throughout my life I always found it interesting (not only from a purely scientific viewpoint) that – even though I believed that each human was blessed with an innate capacity for love – some people seemed to be incapable of being able to truly connect to other individuals, experience compassion, empathy, or have a love-appreciation for concepts or things, like art. To witness the most beautiful sunset, or some other scene in nature, examine the details of someone’s art, see a heart-felt musical performance, see someone struggling for survival and to not be emotionally impacted; this surprised me.

Nowadays, I can wrap my head around the concept of someone who is devoid of an ability to love (as most the rest of us would define it), as is the case for most sociopaths, psychopaths or others at various locations along the anti social personality disorder spectrum; but otherwise “normal” people?

People with the inability to be moved to tears for anything except for pain or great fear…

Of course, I was raised under the tenet of, “big boys don’t cry,” like many of us (especially those of the male persuasion) and I maintained a tearless approach to life until the fateful day in 1982, following the viewing of E.T. with my young son, Nathanial. As the credits rolled, we both sat in silence, until he broke into the tearful sentiment, “I didn’t want him to go.” I joined in, and haven’t stopped since.

And I get that in our current societal structure, love is seen as weakness. In this respect it is understandable that one might numb one’s self to the idea of opening up enough to allow a wildly painful experience. These people had the capacity to love, but have taken extensive efforts to dismantle the ability in favor of self-preservation.

To complicate the landscape even more, there’s the whole “battle of the sexes” role reversal that figures into the picture of our love metamorphosis. In the past men were dominant over women, now women are exerting their dominance in an unlimited variety of ways.

Love is a terrible thing to waste shredder sign love waste
And still there are others who have never really had the ability to love… What about those people? Are they more inclined to use and manipulate other people serving their own selfish wants, needs and desires (but not in a narcissistic way)? Do they maintain relationships that are seen as highly disposable? And how does this all impact others who are authentic, loving people?

In my work (and in my life) it is not uncommon for me to meet people whose hearts have been broken by others who never had the capacity to return love in kind. Some of them heal and look for a more authentic love, while others allow their hearts to harden vowing to never love again.

To those with hardened hearts, I beseech you, consider learning to love again; the world needs your love now, more than ever.

I believe there is a progressive wave of love that is spreading throughout this planet as part of our human evolution.

What part will you play in this loving future?

See also: Making Sense of Wasted Love