Ever wonder why you take everything so personally?
Why does something someone else says or does seem to get you agitated, upset, angry, sad, hurt your feelings or have a tendency to make you feel bad?
Do you ever find yourself wondering,
“What is wrong with these people?”
The more sensitive your personality type, the more severe the negative impact on your state of mind and the greater your propensity to feel bad, maybe even to the point of becoming physically sick.
All these are indications that you might be taking things too personally, leaving you wondering,
“Is there is a better way, a higher vibration that could help to mitigate the damages of how I feel about what other people do or say?”
First off, you must be able to wrap your mind around the idea that you are the master of your own life, and you get to choose how you feel. I know this may sound like a stretch at the moment, but bear with me and follow along…
You have the power, complete control, about what you feel about what others say and do. When you allow someone else to make you experience negative feelings about someone else, you give your power away to that person, submissively taking on the role of the victim.
What can you do when what someone says or does makes you feel like you’ve been (mentally or physically) assaulted?
Do what any reasonable warrior would do when attacked, as quickly as possible, assess your attacker (Who is this person? Is this someone whom you have a long-term relationship with?), and the potential threat (Do you fear consequences for disagreeing, challenging or not going along with him/her/them?).
Have you made compromises in the past to appease them, and then felt as though you suffered by not being true to yourself or your integrity?
Are you experiencing more inner turmoil or drama for appeasing, giving in, or going along with whatever they want just in an effort to keep the peace?
Is the value this person brings to your life great enough to outweigh any respect for yourself that you may be sacrificing in an effort to keep this person in your world?
If you are reacting to something someone has said or done negatively, you are clearly looking at it from your own perspective, as if this person attacked you and you are faced with the same emotional impact had this person slapped you across the face, or hit you with a stick. You post up, ready for a fight, and immediately defend yourself or counter attack to make things worse.
You’ve made a snap judgment based on your sense of right or wrong, or metaphorically surrounded yourself with an electric fence that sets off an alarm when someone approaches certain locations. And maintaining this emotional fence is far more important than anything the other person might be going through, because you’ve totally rejected there being any other point of view. You haven’t given a thought to what the other person might be thinking, seeing, responding or reacting to.
You’re expending a great deal of emotional effort to maintain your emotional electric fence, you could be in a constant state of defensive awareness, watching all your monitors in your control booth waiting for any breach that might trigger your fence. What if it’s not about you?
What’s it like to be in his or her skin? Where is this coming from? What is the meaning or purpose behind the manner in which they are expressing themselves? Do they express themselves in this matter to other people, too, or just you?
Maybe this person does not have communication skills as good as yours. Maybe this person has lived a life where he or she thinks that this specific method of delivery is the only way for their voice to be heard. Is it possible that they are overcompensating for low self esteem, or have problems with interpreting or setting boundaries?
It’s hard, if not impossible, to imagine or know what has happened in this person’s life that makes him/her react or try to communicate in this fashion.
Your propensity to fire off a warning shot when someone approaches your emotional electric fence is an indication that your vantage point is too close to the fence. You need a little more room between you and your fence to give you that brief second to evaluate the situation at hand without having to react first.
You have certain sections of your fence which are more sensitive than others; be aware of them, and put a little more space for reaction time between those areas.
In the place of time and space which you’ve created between you and your emotional electric fence, take that time to assess the situation and circumstances before you react. This can have a huge effect on your initial reaction and can lead to a more positive outcome.
Resisting your initial reaction to be defensive or launch a counter-attack, as gently as possible, assert your need to understand what the other person is trying to say. Give them the space to state their case. As you listen to them, try to imagine what it must like to be in their shoes, maybe look at what might be underneath or behind the words they are saying, to try to better understand not only what they are trying to communicate, but who they are.
If you have felt as though they were being mean, disrespectful or vicious, feel free to let them know, and encourage them to try a different approach the next time. They may have no idea of your sensitivities toward certain methods of delivery. It is possible that this is the only way they know how to express themselves. In this way, you might be able to help them look at and evaluate their own tactics and maybe make some necessary adjustments.
In the event that you are unable to establish a mutually beneficial communication style, it may be time to limit exposure to this person or separate yourself from him or her altogether.
This is your life, and you never have to subject yourself to potential abuse; and only you can determine what this means to you.
You are the master of your own life, and you get to choose how you feel.