What do you do when someone you entrusted your heart with turns out to be a different person than he or she represented himself or herself as when you trusted him or her with your heart?
This is a tender and sometimes shocking moment of truth, when you realize that your partner is not the person you thought he or she was.
First of all, do not discount your feelings. You feel the way you’re feeling about this realization, and you, or anyone else, has no right to disrespect what you are feeling. Even when you’re processing ill feelings about this current stage of your life, try to keep your wits about you.
Try to avoid striking out at your partner with an emotional outburst. If you can’t help it, no one would blame you. Resist the urge to blow up in rage, and hurling negative projections, which you may feel obligated to apologize for later, and begin your review process, as soon as you are able to find the space to think as possible.
Remember, this is someone you love. Unless you’re dealing with a psychopath, this person with whom you have trusted your heart, would not do anything to hurt you, because he or she does love you. It’s just that in this moment, his or her love for you looks differently than what you expected.
You build a vast array of expectations which represent what you expect your lover’s love for you to look like. When you see expressions of love which are contrary to what you expected to see, you feel like you’ve been assaulted, and the emotional impact is tragic.
Nothing wrong with having expectations and being deeply attached to them, this is completely normal and natural, but realize,
Your partner wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.
Up to now, your life has been full of experiences which have culminated in the person that you are in this moment. You’ve faced certain situations and circumstances throughout your journey and you’ve dealt with them in the best way that you could have in the moment.
Every one of those experience has left a residual energy inside of you, whether the experience resolved graciously or tragically. No matter how you’ve managed your life in the past, the truth is, you did the best you could have in that moment, with what you had to work with at the time.
This is your journey.
Just as you are on a journey, so your partner is on his or her own journey, and is a collection of his or her experiences up to this moment in time.
When your partner surprises you with his or her doing the best he or she can with what he or she has, it can sometimes be disturbing and shocking. No one would blame you for being taken aback by this unexpected reveal.
In your attempt to rationalize and figure out why he or she would have done this thing which has captured your attention, consider that while your partner loves you deeply, he or she is just doing the best that he or she can with what he or she has moment to moment.
Sometimes, a person does something that has nothing to do with you, but it feels as though it is a personal affront, or outright attack, focused at you. Even though, in real life, any thought of you was not present when this event happened.
You’re upset because you feel like every moment of your partner’s life should be viewed through your consciousness. You think this is a fair expectation because it feels like everything that you think, say, or do, is run through your partner’s consciousness, even though you know that to do so would be impossible.
Sometimes you will react to life circumstance and in the moment of impact you respond intuitively or instinctively without first considering how your reaction will affect your partner.
If you’ve reacted to something life has presented you with, and your action or reaction triggered your partner or caused him or her to be shocked by your response, how would you like him or her to respond?
You would feel bad for hurting your partner’s feelings and you would be apologetic because you wouldn’t have done anything intentionally to cause your partner pain. You were only doing the best you could do with what you had in the moment.
Consider why your partner might have felt like he or she had to respond in the manner which has surprised you and captured your attention. After all, he or she has lived a whole life which has led him or her to this moment.
Try to imagine what it might be like to be your partner, living his or her life up to this point, and ask yourself what he or she may have experienced in the past which has cause him or her to have such a reaction today?
Often when these situations and circumstances who up in life, it is grounded in a hidden set of programming which has built up from the past. Sometime very early in life, early childhood, and in many cases, the person who is reacting has no idea the reaction is energy recoiling off a childhood memory.
Find a place of compassion and empathy for your partner when you are surprised or shocked, even if you’re the victim of his or her abuse. But if you’ve been abused, take action to stop the abuse, because you never have to submit to being abused by anyone.
Love your partner but look after yourself.
After all, we’re all doing the best we can with what we have.