Growing It Alone

It can get lonely when you’re growing it alone.

You are courageously in the process of doing some advanced inner work few others could fully understand. This is deep inner work that would frighten anyone else if they could even allow themselves to conceive of taking on such a task.

You need to be able to carve out a little safe space in your social matrix as well as in your mind and your heart where you can be honest and open with how you’re feeling about this process and the road that you’re on. There might not be anyone else, no other person in your social circle, who could understand what you’re going through or how you’re feeling, but you are there.

You can, and need to be, honest with yourself about how you’re feeling. You had felt so connected to the thoughts and ideals which gave you a false sense of security, but still, you felt safe, surrounded by other people who felt the same way. Now that you’re in a state of metamorphosis, evolving, and shedding your socialized skin, it’s completely normal to feel like you’re all alone or frightened of the unknown from time to time. You might even feel like abandoning your decision to allow yourself to evolve and continue growing into a higher version of yourself altogether, and go back the familiar, the way things were.

It’s okay to have these feelings. We, all of us do, anytime we embark on a journey leading to something new. When we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory, we long for home. It’s a normal, natural part of growth. Honor the past with a sense of nostalgia, there were good times. Times when you felt safe and secure, and things weren’t quite as scary; remember them. It is good to let yourself reflect back on the good things in life.

Your mind is a very active machine, left to its own devices, it’s bound to come up with all kinds of ways to distract you from anything your growing heart consciousness might have in mind. You might think that people you once felt close too are rejecting you and your decision to choose this growth and advancement, but more likely they are secretly admiring your courage to attempt such a thing that they themselves would not have the courage or the wherewithal to do. So, they sit back in the shadows, secretly hoping that you will continue this journey, breaking out and breaking through. If you don’t make it and come back to your former life, they will be there to welcome you back and console you, but there will be a part of them that secretly hoped you would have made it. Because if you had, it would mean there is still hope for them.

Even in your relationship…

If you’re in a romantic relationship with someone, don’t make assumptions about what he or she might be thinking about your growth process. Create a safe place where the two of you can connect and you can talk openly about your adventures in growth. Even if he or she doesn’t fully understand, they should have an appreciation for the work you’re doing. Let your partner know that your growth and expansion is not threatening the relationship. It would be a normal concern that your lives may be leading in totally different directions, but it doesn’t mean the end of your relationship. In fact, it can make your relationship far better than either of you could imagine, because as you change, your relationship changes, too, without any extended effort on your part. It is a natural law.

As your relationship changes, staying connected, open and honest with your partner is paramount, if your relationship is to survive. Your expansion may call for changes to the patterns you previously contacted to sustain. These may be unhealthy or incongruent with your new life. So, without judgment or ridicule, simply being honest and open and renegotiating the parameters of your old relationship style will lead to growth and expansion of your relationship.

In this safe, heart-to-heart place, feel free to share your feelings, and encourage your partner to do likewise. And when your partner speaks, listen attentively. Let your partner ask questions, and answer them as best you can. Don’t compare you in your growth process to your partner’s. This is not a competition and no one has superiority over the other in this space. You are always equal, each doing the best you can with what you have, and you can remain as “one” throughout your journeys.

If you’re having trouble communicating, it’s okay (if not advised) to seek out third-party assistance to avoid losing the connection with your partner. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner to join with you to speak to clergy, a counselor, therapist or coach in an effort to find ways to work it out.

And in the event that you do end up growing apart, continue to love and bless each other as you both continue your separate journeys. Plus, you never know, sometimes people who have taken separate routes end up at the same location. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. You might be surprised one day to look over and find your partner standing right next to you. It happens.

No one knows, better than you, even if you’re feeling lonely, you are never alone.

My Partner Doesn’t Support My Mission

What if my partner doesn’t support my mission?

What if you and your spouse, mate, or partner are not on the same page?

You’re going on about your business, kicking ass, taking names, fulfilling your life’s purpose, pursuing your ministry, and making the world a better place… but your partner couldn’t be less enthused. He or she may come along reluctantly, but it’s just not as satisfying as your fantasy or vision of going forward with power hand in hand with your partner by your side.

What can I do if my partner does'nt support my mission?
What can I do if my partner doesn’t support my mission?

As romantic as it might be, and as hard as you might pray for this kind of oneness and support, it’s just not going to happen, and it’s not up to you to try to make this dream come true. You have to accept and love your partner just as he or she is.

If there’s anything that I’ve learned over the course of my life, it’s that you can’t change someone. If you are able to “make a deal” with your partner, and they comply by “acting” or playing along with your expectations, unfortunately, every time they compromise on your behalf, they rack up huge reserves of hidden resentment. When the resentment builds and reaches critical mass, beware; the effects will be horrendous. So, don’t entertain the idea that your partner will change for you. Just let go of that false expectation.

You may be tempted to, and many potential world-changers do, let go of the dream of living a better life, your best life and making the world a better place, simply because you love your partner and can’t possibly think of pursuing such a grand commission without him or her.

This situation is quite basic to deal with from a religious perspective because no matter what stands between you and your highest and best work is simply identified as the devil seeking to thwart your potential to perform great works, have an impact, or make a huge difference in the world for good.

If you lack the religious programming to wrap your head around the devil always trying to preempt and derail your potential progress, then you have to find some other way to not let your partner dissuade your attention to serving the greater good.

Another temptation might be to bail on your partner and holding on to the false expectation of there being greener grass on the other side of the fence.

I can tell you, after years of relationship coaching hundreds of people, the grass is greener approach rarely if ever, works. Why? Because two people will always different, and while these differences may not be apparent at the outset, once the new relationship is in full swing, the differences become more crystal clear; then what?

While all this relationship conflict is the sustaining drama leading to nearly unlimited financial support of all couple’s counselors, spiritual advisers, and coaches, there is a better way.

Taking the high road in the scenario where your partner is not fully on board or embracing your answering your call to fulfill your life’s mission is to go forward in faith and enthusiasm, believing that all things will work out for the best.

While people do change, and I have seen the potential world-changer go forward in an enormously passionate manner, and at some point, the partner’s inner flame is ignited and they join together in a brilliant blaze of glory in a synergistic harmonious display of their like-minded power, achieving their highest and best, with more impact than either of them would have ever had going it alone. But, this is extremely rare.

The more practical approach is to simply keep making daily progress in making the changes necessary and taking the appropriate steps and actions to accomplish your mission, living a better life, your best life, and making the world a better place.

There is no need to compromise or risk the sacredness of your relationship. Often when people are together in a romantic relationship, they do have different vocations, ideals, perspective, affiliations, and personal pursuits; and they find effective ways to accommodate and support their separate endeavors. Realistically, this is the best you can hope for.

Going forward and pursuing your dream may be enough to spark the flame within your mate to do the same, but know, if this happens, your partner’s purpose, message, passion, and mission, may be completely different than yours, which pretty much leaves you with the same situation than igniting your partner’s inner flame.

The most important thing?

Stay true to your calling, and do the things that get you closer to where you want to be, love your partner and do not be disappointed if he or she is not on board, or you’re not finding yourself on the same page.

Celebrate your differences, and don’t expect him or her to change.

Retain the love; encourage your partner to find his or her way, support him of her in everything he/she does, and you will find yourself the recipient of their support of your efforts and endeavors.