When your heart gets broken by a predatory anti-social it’s more than your heart that breaks, it shatters your confidence and sensibilities. You fell in love with a predator and it is a shocking experience to endure. You loved someone to whom you gave your heart and soul, only to disappear without a word, and now you have to face the fact that your relationship wasn’t a relationship at all. You were not only betrayed but you were also victimized.
When someone rips your heart out of your chest and does a Mexican hat dance on it, this is the most unfortunate and damaging experience a normal human can endure. According to author Brene Brown, this is the “sort of betrayal that is more insidious… I’m talking about the betrayal of disengagement. Of not caring. Of letting the connection go. Of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship… there’s no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness. It can feel crazy-making…” (Daring Greatly).
You have been betrayed in such a tragic manner by being conned by a “lover” who had no capacity for love whatsoever. You were lured into this web of madness by a predator who vowed to be honest and open with you, to love you ‘til the end of his or her days, with uncompromised transparency and loyalty, so you responded in kind. And for what? To be disrespected, disenfranchised, discredited, and discarded, like trash.
Love predators are the masters of ghosting, turning invisible, and ceasing all contact with you because they know this will add insult to their injury to you while they have no thought of you as they move on to their next prey. They achieve great satisfaction not only from your continued suffering but they have the benefit of having to take no responsibility for their actions.
You might think that this person might be sorry for the pain they’ve caused you. Don’t expect an apology. This person has no feelings. No feelings of remorse, no guilt, or shame. You served your purpose and now you are worthless and have no further value to this predator. That is all. You may be lucky enough to be considered as nothing because it could be worse, he or she could be extremely ecstatic and gleefully enthusiastic about his or her abuse of you.
If they do break the silence, this is an indication that they have thought of other ways of victimizing you. They may feign remorse, and sorrow, and beg for forgiveness, only to set you up to take a greater fall.
You might try to rationalize his or her behavior by exercising empathy, and feeling sorry for him or her because he or she may have been victimized in the past. Don’t waste your time, because he or she doesn’t feel sorry for you or what he or she did. And keep this in mind,
The worst type of victimization is that which is conducted by a victim who victimizes others.
There is no excuse for his or her behavior. In fact, under any other circumstances, this person could be charged with a crime, but because you were the victim and the crime was committed under the guise of romance, there is no law against this kind of criminal activity. The exception is, if other crimes were committed in the process of victimization by romance, those crimes may be punishable by law, otherwise, there is no recourse for your broken heart.
This unspeakable crime against your heart and soul will leave an indelible mark on you. You are changed, more cautious, and being open to another opportunity to love feels like it’s beyond your reach.
To think, it wasn’t that long ago, and your future had a bright outlook. You believed in the goodness of people, you could find positivity or the silver lining in a world that was spinning in contradictions and chaos. You believed in love and felt secure in the fact that one day you would find the right person who would love you just the way you are and would be your perfect compliment.
Prior to this event, your heart was wide open, now you are suspicious of any potential romantic interest.
You were open, honest, and intimately unreserved, now the likelihood of that is remote if not impossible. You gave your best and the way it feels now, you’re probably not going to let anyone in that deep again.