Take the Blame

When you feel compelled to blame others for your misfortunes, it may be time to turn your attention inward because more often than not, when you point your finger at someone else, it’s a pretty good indication that the responsible party is doing the finger-pointing.

Who wants to admit that they are sabotaging themselves? No one. Regardless, if you want your circumstance and life to change for the better, really the only way to get there is to take responsibility for the situation.

So, if you’re looking for someone to blame, blame yourself.

This is the fast-track to creating meaningful and rapid, long-lasting changes in your life.

Can you change anyone else? Not really. You might be able to coerce them to comply with your demands, but their heart will not be in it and the results will be short-lived. You can only change you.

This goes not only for people, but everything around you which creates situations which do not appear to serve you well. The doctor, bankers, the laws, the cops, the “system,” the government, the tax collectors, Mother Nature, natural disasters, the Grim Reaper, the devil, even God.

Whenever you start to place responsibility outside yourself, as early as you can notice it, it’s time to switch it up and ask yourself,

What part did I play in this?

And look for ways to answer the question,

How can I make it my fault?

If you can put yourself in the driver’s seat of your life in this manner, you can take charge of all areas of your life. Things that seemed chaotic and out of control, start to fall into place when you take full responsibility for whatever is causing you discontent, stress, or just not going your way.

All of a sudden, you are no longer a victim and you are able to influence areas of life which seemed to be beyond your influence. Misfortunes or bad luck disintegrate and fade away because you are the master, like the director of your life’s story.

It’s like you’ve been dropped off in some place which seems unfamiliar to you with a film crew. You are unaware of your surroundings, but curious about the props which may be available to you, and your purpose is to make the best motion picture you can, using only the indigenous tools, people, places, things, including culture and circumstance to the best of your ability. What’s in your movie?

When you are “at cause,” when you take full responsibility, you are the director of your life, so start directing.

Now, you are in charge of your relationship(s), your friends, family, co-workers, job or career,

The only thing that’s holding you back from all the good things in life is the “you” who resides within you who seeks to blame anyone or anything for everything that doesn’t go your way.

You’ve been programmed to play the role of the victim by blaming everyone and everything but you. You don’t have to accept any responsibility for playing the part of the helpless victim, and if you choose to do so, victimization will be a constant in your life. If this is your lot in life, you will blame anyone and everything for whatever happens to you.

Everyone else is at fault but you. You blame your past, your parents, your siblings. You blame the country, society, your boss, other drivers, anyone or anything, as long as it’s not you because you are pure and blameless. (Which sounds a little narcissistic, does it not?)

No problem. You can take the wheel at any time and become the master of your fate.

Stop the game and take the blame.

Is now a good time to take charge of your life now?

Need Someone to Blame?

When you’re doing your best to make your way through the maze of life, you do the best you can with what life throws at you. People, places, things, situations, and scenarios will throw you for a loop, and not meet your expectations. You can feel better when you are disappointed, betrayed, wronged or otherwise let down by blaming someone for the breach. If you want to feel better, you need someone to blame.

Need someone to blame?
Victims need someone to blame

You are the victim, and from the perspective of the victim you will always be on the alert, looking for someone or something to blame for your pending (or perceived) victimization. Forever the victim looking to blame someone or something for your disappointment or pain.

On the other hand, there are those who take full responsibility for how they feel. When they feel slighted, they look within, not without, for a solution for feeling better about themselves. They do not seek to blame anyone or anything outside of themselves.

No one can victimize these people because they realize that in most, if not all, cases no one does anything to another person to cause them harm. The seemingly “offending” person is only doing the best he or she can with what they have.

They realize had they been that person, having lived their life, faced with the same set of circumstances, would have done the same thing at that particular point in time, with little thought of the consequences, or how it might have affected someone else.

From this perspective, there is not intention of malice, for everyone is only doing the best they can with what they have. From this point of view, you can compassionately attempt to try to empathize and understand what it might be like to be this person and see that there is no offender, and no victim.

But we like to blame others when we feel bad, and we feel bad when we attach our expectations to a particular outcome. When things don’t turn out like we expect, or people do not act like we think they should, we feel bad and need someone to blame.

What if someone is blaming you when you didn’t do anything wrong?

When people blame you for something you didn’t do, this is not so much false accusation as it is an attempt to make them feel better and blaming someone for victimizing them makes them feel both bad, and better, because it absolves them for any responsibility on their part.

You can have compassion for this person for awhile and take the blame on their behalf because you are a genuine, loving person, who just wants this person to not feel as bad as they might feel if they weren’t able to have someone to blame for feeling bad.

While this may be an impressive display of heroism or martyrdom, subjecting yourself to this repeatedly is a pattern of self-abuse.

At some point in time, you may have to draw the line and separate yourself from the victim and let them find someone else to blame for all the things that make them feel bad.

You can’t change the victim or expect them to perceive or act in any other way because they are only doing the best they can with what they have. Bless them, love them, leave them, miss them, grieve the loss of them, and let them go.