disappointment | David M Masters

Disappointed When Friends Let You Down

As you get to know other people and open up to them, they take more significant seats in your circle of influence. You’re being more transparent and you’re trusting them more and more as the bond between you grows. Invariably, the time will come when someone lets you down. You thought you knew them better, thought you could depend on them, felt reasonably assured they would keep their word, but they failed you. It’s no wonder you’re disappointed when friends let you down.

When you allow people to enter your inner circle, you tend to size them up as to what significance they will have in your life, and how much you’re able to trust them. When they react (or don’t react) in a way that you expected, it’s easy to jump to conclusions and judge them, like, “If you’re not for me, then you are against me.”

Granted, your feelings are hurt. You feel disappointed, left out, hurt, betrayed, disrespected and discarded because someone you trusted, your friends let you down.

Immediately, you don a self-righteous attitude because you would not have done this to them, you’re of the persuasion that you live by the golden rule, you do unto others as you would like them to do unto you. You just wouldn’t betray them like that. You know they can trust you, why can’t he or she give you the same respect of being trustworthy?

You’re likely to take this incident to heart and make a sudden judgment about the person who let you down and let it gnaw away at you for a while dominating your inner dialogue, reducing your vibration, and making yourself even more upset.

As soon as you’re able to find a place of cognisense, you need try to figure out if their action (or inaction) was malicious in nature. Most people are not out to get you, nor do they have the intention of hurting you. Everyone has their own things going on in the lives and in their minds, and it’s impossible to know what anyone is thinking at any given time.

Just as you’re doing the best you can with what you have available to you to get through this life, so are other people doing likewise. Someone who possess a high degree or maral integrity, whose word is gold, may even waver from time to time depending on what’s going on in his or her life. For others, it might just come down to their particular personality traits.

There are certain types of individuals who are so concerned with their own lives, that they may never be able to set aside their own wants, needs, or desires, to accommodate your expectations of them. It’s just the way they’re wired. You can’t change them. The best you can do is to love them and realize that’s just the way they are.

So, what can you do when your friends let you down?

When someone lets you down, you could take it personally, play the part of the victim, judge him or her, get upset, talk behind their back, shun them, or push them out of your life altogether.

If someone has been there for you in the past, and you know you could have depended on them because of their track history, then forgiveness should probably be extended to this person, even if it feels like you’ve been stabbed in the back.

To do so, it’s likely that you’ll have to make some space in your life to think about this, contemplate the details about what has happened and to review how much this person means to you. What kind of person are they? Are they just telling you how they really are and what to expect in the future, or are they genuinely dependable and this was an isolated incident?

Before arriving at a conclusion, I always like to pose the scenario to a disinterested third-party in the hopes of gaining a better perspective regarding the incident, because it’s easy to get locked into my point of view.

This is your life. You need to do what you need to do to get by the best you can with what you have. Sometimes, it means cleaning the slate and starting over again with someone who brings value to your life, other times it includes recognizing a potentially toxic person in your life and making space for someone more deserving of your trust.

The decision is your, whichever way you decide, think about which way is the high road leading to your highest and best.

Don’t Let You Down

You’ve done your best. You really have. You’ve guarded your heart and mind, filling them with positive thoughts, recited positive affirmations, found ways to maintain a positive vibration, only said good words, even about questionable people and circumstances, yet here you are; you’ve been hurt, betrayed, sad and/or lonely. You’re feeling like your ship has set sail without you. This is certainly not what you had planned.

No matter how much you try to plan, prepare, have the right mindset and heart-set, are kind, benevolent, righteous and/or deserving, stuff happens when you least expect it. And anyone – even me – would be knocked off their otherwise content horse of courage and possibly falling into the muck of disappointment.

What are you going to do about it?

That’s the question. You’ve suffered a setback, no doubt, and you’re feeling discouraged, rightfully so, but what you do about it makes all the difference in your world. If you focus on your misfortune and wallow in it, feeling dejected and blue, you could let it wrap you up in a cocoon of despair and you might find yourself sinking into a deep depression. Rather, keep your wits about you and try another approach to this predicament.

You feel bad, justifiably enough, so let that emotion pour over you. Allow yourself a predetermined amount of time (set a timer, if helpful) and feel all the anger, frustration, hurt and shame you can muster… then, when the time is up, pull yourself together. Get back on your horse, albeit a little less enthusiastic than prior to this unfortunate event, and stay the course, realizing that sometimes in life, bad things do happen to good people.

This is when you can start looking for the hidden treasure.

More often than not (if not always), unruly incidents that catch us off guard are blessings, though you may not be able to see it in the moment of being shocked by the unexpectedness of it, you find yourself in a much better position. It might not make sense now, but at some time in the future, you will find yourself grateful, having gone through the experience which prepared you for something far more significant.

Think about it. Isn’t that they way it’s always been?

When you’ve suffered an undesirable circumstance, hasn’t it always either led or prepared you for something better? And if you cannot see that, it might be time to take a closer look at those otherwise negative experiences from your past. If you can look at it (hopefully not overcome with emotion. Try using your imagination as if you were watching the event on a TV screen without sound), give it an honest review and see where it led you to or prepared you for: Voilà! You can see it. There is something more magnificent at work than meets the eye.

Life can have hidden cosmic Ninja training included for you that will imbue you with the experience and skills to allow you to deal with greater challenges in an effective manner further down the road, beyond your field of view.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotion, just realize that this is a part of your life experience. There’s no need to avoid or deny it. Just allow these feeling to envelope you, then put them aside when you are able and move on.

Sometimes friends or family can hold you to an impossible standard, likewise, you may hold yourself to unrealistic standards. Remember that no one is perfect, and we all will make missteps. Be forgiving of yourself and others. After all, we’re – each of us – are only doing the best we can with what we have.

Remember, in the face of adversity; try to look at it as if it were a test, challenge or gateway to something far better.

When things don’t turn out, like you expected, look deep into the situation or circumstance for clues of deeper meaning or a lesson to be learned, then release your emotional attachment to it.

Don’t let disappointments get you down, be the victorious warrior who seeks your highest and best in all things. Know there is a silver lining and keep going.
If you’ve reached what appears to be the end of a journey, begin looking for an opening. A door a window, a path will appear.

If you’re feeling overcome with overwhelm, seek the aid of a professional, a counselor or coach who can help you work through this event. Invite the process.

No one ever said life would be an unfurled bed or roses, and if they did, well… you know better. Life is full of ups and downs; learn to find enjoyment in the ride, like the exhilaration of a roller coaster.

I have learned that when I’m blindsided, I start to get excited because something really good is coming. So, get up, brush yourself off, put a smile on your face and be looking… Because no matter whenever things don’t work out like you had planned, something so much better is coming your way.

Don’t give up: Think.

My Own Worst Enemy

Why is it that just when I’m about to make a breakthrough, I clumsily do something to screw it up?
Does this ever happen to you?

You are faced with opportunity, a job, a promotion, a romantic relationship, an investment, a business opportunity, then just nonchalantly watch the whole thing go sideways based on your action – or inaction – that, when you look back on it, you KNEW nothing good would come from it?

Why do we do that?

Self Sabotage

It’s as if there is something inside us that makes us believe that we are not worthy of all the goodness this life has to offer and this underlying belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Then your mind can reassure itself with a resounding, “You see: I knew it was too good to be true.”

I told you so

But isn’t the truth of the matter that you were given this life and all it contains to have happiness, joy, fulfillment and the ability to achieve your highest and best?

If you could just wrap your head and your heart around it.

If not, you will continue to destroy every good thing that could potentially happen to you. This self-sabotage is a self-protection safety mechanism built-in to your subconscious, based on fear. The fear that something bad might happen, or you might be disappointed because we all know

It Happened Before

At some point (or several points) in our lives (beginning in our youth) we had a hope, a dream or a projected outcome that did not come to pass and it broke our heart or spirit. It felt bad not to enjoy our expected result in the way we had hoped. We thought it would feel so good, felt like we were fortunate and somewhat worthy (or at least lucky) enough to be able to enjoy this one moment, only to watch it fall to pieces before our very eyes.

Danger – Danger – Danger

Our subconscious (in concert with our conscious mind) goes about the work of protecting our fragile feelings, setting up our life in such a way as to never be disappointed again, for we would be better off not to have any expectations, wealth, feelings, love, joy or happiness, than to take a chance and suffer loss.

To protect ourselves from feeling let down, or taking the risk of making the wrong decision we screw up every opportunity we are presented with in an effort to protect that fragile little child who lives within us – who secretly desires to have all these things – but would rather die than take a chance at truly enjoying anything… ever.

Low Expectations

It’s as if keeping expectations so improbably low, and seeing destruction all around you does one thing. It proves that you are right and you can justify your pathetic state of mind because

Nothing Good Ever Happens

And all your observations seem to support your state of mind. Whether it happens to a friend, relative, stranger, innocent bystander or you see it on the news. Bad things happen to people all the time. It happens everywhere to everyone every day, and they’re not alone. We’re all in this boat together, “Life Sucks” for everyone 24 hours a day 7 days a week… and so it is.

Your resistance to allowing goodness into your life is the most effective way to protect yourself from disappointment because in this way you are sure never to have the expectation of anything better than achieving numb mediocrity… and that’s better than putting one’s self at risk of getting your feelings hurt.

Positive Thinking

You could live out the rest of your life this way, or you could experiment with happiness and joy just by exercising your imagination and thinking about something good. You don’t have to make any huge commitments to change your life in any way, or battle with any inner demons lurking within. All you have to do is to dip your toe in the water to find some sense of feeling good.

You risk nothing by exercising your imagination. Try it. Close your eyes and think of a joyous thought (or moment) when you felt thoroughly happy. See it in your mind’s eye and remember every detail of it, the colors, the smells, the lighting, the feel of it and smile.

See. You were happy and you did not die.

Maybe there’s hope for you, yet.

Isn’t Now the right time to start living a happy life?

My Own Worst Enemy (Unfinished) from Tim Madding on Vimeo.

Dealing with Disappointment

So, there you are living your life, making progress, feeling confident, satisfied and happy about your life; where’s it’s going, you’re at peace with where you’ve been and it feels good to be you as you blaze your own trail as your train rolls along the tracks of your life.

Then something unexpected happens, throwing you off balance, derails your train or at least slows your roll…

Then what?

It’s not unreasonable to maintain certain expectations as you make your way through life. With the best intentions, you have ideas about the way things should progress and when things don’t turn out the way you expected it is understandable that you would be disappointed.

It happens to all of us, and when it happens, we (who possess a level of emotional sensitivity) can start to feel bad about what happened. Disappointment comes in many shapes, colors and flavors and the span of emotions that one can be drawn to (or lost in) run the gamut of those less than positive.

There you are amidst all the emotional discomfort, wondering what happened? You didn’t ask or plan for this, nonetheless, here you are.

So, what are you gonna do about it?

I’m blessed to have been living my life a while, and I must admit – although I am surprised by unexpected events and outcomes (just like anyone else) – I have developed a propensity to put myself in a particular state of mind, as soon as possible (sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but I get there).
While others may have the propensity to stop, drop and roll, I on the other hand, stop, find and look.

Stop

How much I have in my emotional savings account determines how graceful I will be in stopping forward motion in this moment. If I’ve fairly well-stocked, I can put on my turn signal and look for a nice, safe place to pull over. If my account’s a little lean, I might just stomp on the breaks as hard as I can, without caution or forethought. But, I realize that further forward motion will just take me further from where I want to be, increasing my recovery time, so stop the drama, and if someone else is involved – don’t take it personally – realize we’re all doing the best we can with what we have.

Find

As quickly as possible I try to find the blessing – that good thing – that is hidden from my conscious view; blocked by my emotions. It’s something that I’ve learned from my vast variety of life experience, that everything that doesn’t work out the way I wanted it to, had some higher reason. Some learning, some neglected awareness, some latent skill, some reason to seek another vantage point, further education or to keep me safe from a fate far worse than disappointment.

Find the treasure, message or meaning hidden amidst the chaos.

Look

This is my favorite part, and as I get surprised when something doesn’t work out the way I planned (or expected), as soon as possible, I start looking around for something amazing to be lurking in the wings.

If there’s one thing I have learned in my life, it is this:

Everything that I thought was bad for me – even thought would destroy me because there was no way I could see to consider surviving such a horrific event – led me to something else so amazing!

Had I continued down the path I was headed, there would be no way for me to be in the right place, at the right time, for such an incredible experience or opportunity; no way.

So, these days, when I’m caught off-guard, I start looking around with heightened anticipation, because I know something so crazy good for me is on its way.

… and it’s getting closer… I can feel it, hear it, smell it… almost taste and see it (though not fully present or in view, yet)…

But that’s just me.

It’s not for everybody.

If that sounds too far from your reality, I will give you more practical tips t deal with disappointment tomorrow. Sound good?