Why is it that just when I’m about to make a breakthrough, I clumsily do something to screw it up?
Does this ever happen to you?
You are faced with opportunity, a job, a promotion, a romantic relationship, an investment, a business opportunity, then just nonchalantly watch the whole thing go sideways based on your action – or inaction – that, when you look back on it, you KNEW nothing good would come from it?
Why do we do that?
It’s as if there is something inside us that makes us believe that we are not worthy of all the goodness this life has to offer and this underlying belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Then your mind can reassure itself with a resounding, “You see: I knew it was too good to be true.”
I told you so
But isn’t the truth of the matter that you were given this life and all it contains to have happiness, joy, fulfillment and the ability to achieve your highest and best?
If you could just wrap your head and your heart around it.
If not, you will continue to destroy every good thing that could potentially happen to you. This self-sabotage is a self-protection safety mechanism built-in to your subconscious, based on fear. The fear that something bad might happen, or you might be disappointed because we all know
It Happened Before
At some point (or several points) in our lives (beginning in our youth) we had a hope, a dream or a projected outcome that did not come to pass and it broke our heart or spirit. It felt bad not to enjoy our expected result in the way we had hoped. We thought it would feel so good, felt like we were fortunate and somewhat worthy (or at least lucky) enough to be able to enjoy this one moment, only to watch it fall to pieces before our very eyes.
Danger – Danger – Danger
Our subconscious (in concert with our conscious mind) goes about the work of protecting our fragile feelings, setting up our life in such a way as to never be disappointed again, for we would be better off not to have any expectations, wealth, feelings, love, joy or happiness, than to take a chance and suffer loss.
To protect ourselves from feeling let down, or taking the risk of making the wrong decision we screw up every opportunity we are presented with in an effort to protect that fragile little child who lives within us – who secretly desires to have all these things – but would rather die than take a chance at truly enjoying anything… ever.
It’s as if keeping expectations so improbably low, and seeing destruction all around you does one thing. It proves that you are right and you can justify your pathetic state of mind because
Nothing Good Ever Happens
And all your observations seem to support your state of mind. Whether it happens to a friend, relative, stranger, innocent bystander or you see it on the news. Bad things happen to people all the time. It happens everywhere to everyone every day, and they’re not alone. We’re all in this boat together, “Life Sucks” for everyone 24 hours a day 7 days a week… and so it is.
Your resistance to allowing goodness into your life is the most effective way to protect yourself from disappointment because in this way you are sure never to have the expectation of anything better than achieving numb mediocrity… and that’s better than putting one’s self at risk of getting your feelings hurt.
You could live out the rest of your life this way, or you could experiment with happiness and joy just by exercising your imagination and thinking about something good. You don’t have to make any huge commitments to change your life in any way, or battle with any inner demons lurking within. All you have to do is to dip your toe in the water to find some sense of feeling good.
You risk nothing by exercising your imagination. Try it. Close your eyes and think of a joyous thought (or moment) when you felt thoroughly happy. See it in your mind’s eye and remember every detail of it, the colors, the smells, the lighting, the feel of it and smile.
See. You were happy and you did not die.
Maybe there’s hope for you, yet.
Isn’t Now the right time to start living a happy life?