Good evening, everyone. Welcome to tonight’s meeting of the Olympian group of Monogamous Anonymous. My name is David, and I’m a monogamist.
As a young child, I was an introvert, always on the outside looking in. I secretly longed for a better life full of love and connection. I embraced the fairytale ideals of love—the ones Disney portrayed so vividly. I adopted monogamy as my life’s theme wholeheartedly. I kept myself chaste, believing a princess was somewhere, dreaming of me, just as I dreamed of her.
Being so introverted, I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone nor justify my commitment to this Disney-inspired concept of love. My first love didn’t come along until after high school. I was working in Christian ministry, helping people struggling with addiction. That’s where I met my first wife. We dated, attended Christian college together, married, and started a life. Nine months into our marriage, our son was born. After that, we dove deeper into ministry, building a life around faith and family.
That marriage gave birth to many things—ministries, businesses, and two beautiful little girls. Those were good years, but they were also marked by infidelity—a wound I never fully understood. It was confusing because we both agreed on the ideals of monogamy and fidelity. Still, for reasons I didn’t yet comprehend, my wife struggled to stay true to those values. In hindsight, I wish I could have understood what she was going through, but it felt like an inevitable end at the time. It was so tragic because two people as in love as we were should never have to separate.
After the divorce, I turned to Christian counseling, helping others, and exploring entrepreneurialism while waiting for my next “princess” to appear. Being single as a monogamist isn’t easy, especially in a world that doesn’t understand what it feels like to be hardwired this way. In the seventies, eighties, and nineties, many already saw monogamy as an outdated ideal. Friends didn’t get it, and others who showed interest in me didn’t get it. And so, I waited.
You know, only some of you here truly understand what it’s like. I wasn’t looking for a superficial connection, nor did I seek someone just to fulfill primal urges. I longed for a deeper connection—a partner compatible with my values, traveling a similar path, with a real possibility of a shared future.
Between marriages, I dated women who seemed like they might be the right fit, but I always knew rather quickly whether a lifelong relationship was possible. As a chronic monogamist, I seem to attract women who desire a monogamous man, and while they love the idea of monogamy, they cannot offer reciprocity or sustain fidelity. I’ve been married three times, and some people in my circle call me a “serial monogamist.” But, for me, it’s always been about finding the right person, believing I’d found them, and following that belief with everything I had.
People marry for many reasons, and often, we don’t fully understand each other’s reasons until later on. Then, we do the best we can with what we have without judgment, however painful it might be.
Finding Monogamous Anonymous has been such a blessing. Here, with you all, I finally have a place where I can be understood. I can bask in the presence of those who are also hardwired for monogamy. It helps so much to know I’m not alone in this and that others understand the challenges and the commitment to this way of life.
I know historians, scientists, and anthropologists tell us monogamy is an outdated, impossible ideal, even labeling it an oppressive control tactic invented by the church. But we know it’s not about religion—it’s about the heart. Disney influenced me more than any religious institution. Growing up, I didn’t know much about God, but I knew what I wanted love to look like.
As I grew older, even throughout the sixties, I knew beyond a doubt that true love and monogamy were for me. They felt right, even when society seemed to be moving in a different direction.
So, thank you to all of you, to Monogamous Anonymous, for being here, for being this community of understanding and support. In a world that’s moving farther from monogamy, it’s a comfort to have a space like this. I’m grateful to be here, to share my story, and to offer my understanding to anyone who needs it.
Thank you for listening, and I look forward to hearing your stories, too.