Tag: withholding

Lack of Transparency and Honesty Affects Counsel and Growth.

What if someone has come to you for help, and you’re doing your best to help them, but they are not being honest and open in the process? Why might someone withhold important information? Engaging in counseling or spiritual work without being open and honest can stem from various underlying motivations and psychological factors.

Why might someone feign therapeutic effort while withholding truth?

Fear of Vulnerability:

Some individuals struggle with deep-seated fears of vulnerability and intimacy. Opening up in therapy or spiritual settings requires confronting uncomfortable emotions and exposing one’s innermost thoughts and struggles. Fear of judgment or rejection may lead someone to present a façade of progress while concealing their true feelings or experiences.

Avoidance of Painful Truths:

Facing painful truths about oneself or one’s circumstances can be incredibly challenging. Individuals may engage in counseling or spiritual practices to seek validation or relief from distress without confronting the underlying issues. By avoiding uncomfortable truths, they attempt to maintain a sense of control over their emotions and protect themselves from further psychological distress.

Desire for External Validation:

Seeking validation from others is a common human desire, and some individuals may engage in therapy or spiritual work primarily for external validation rather than genuine introspection and growth. By presenting a curated version of themselves, they seek approval and affirmation from their therapist, spiritual leader, or peers without fully engaging in the transformative process.

Social Expectations and Pressure:

Societal norms and expectations can also influence behavior, leading individuals to participate in therapeutic or spiritual activities due to external pressure rather than genuine motivation. Family members, partners, or cultural influences may encourage participation in counseling or spiritual practices to address perceived shortcomings or fulfill societal expectations.

Why Might Someone Maintain a Secret Relationship?

Maintaining a secret relationship with someone and maintaining full disclosure to another individual can be an indication of underlying issues such as:

Conflict Avoidance: 

The individual may avoid conflict or confrontation by keeping the relationship secret from those who might disapprove or have a stake in their personal life.

Desire for Secrecy: 

They may derive a sense of excitement or thrill from keeping the relationship clandestine, finding novelty or satisfaction in the secrecy itself.

Lack of Commitment: 

Secret relationships may indicate a commitment or investment deficit in the relationship or with the individuals involved.

Emotional Unavailability: 

The individual may struggle with emotional intimacy or commitment, preferring superficial connections or relationships that can be easily compartmentalized and kept separate from other aspects of their life.

Understanding these motivations can address underlying issues and foster genuine growth and transformation.

The Importance of Transparency

In the matrix of human relationships, the intersections of allegiance, transparency, openness, honesty, dishonesty, withholding, and lying permeate the grid with profound implications for personal growth and transformation. Whether in intimate partnerships, professional dynamics, or therapeutic settings, navigating truth and disclosure shapes our development trajectory.

The Foundation of Trust:

Trust lies at the heart of every meaningful relationship, nurtured through transparency and honesty. In therapy, the client-therapist relationship thrives on a foundation of trust. When individuals withhold truths or engage in dishonesty, they erect barriers to the therapeutic process, hindering their growth. The safe space of therapy demands honesty to explore vulnerabilities and challenges, paving the way for healing and transformation.

The Impact on Intimate Relationships:

In romantic relationships, honesty is the cornerstone of intimacy. When one partner withholds information or deceives the other, it erodes trust and undermines the foundation of the relationship. Secrets and lies breed resentment and distance, impeding personal and relational growth. On the other hand, open communication fosters connection and allows for mutual support and understanding, nurturing the growth of both individuals.

Professional Dynamics and Ethical Conduct:

In the realm of work, honesty and transparency are essential for maintaining ethical conduct and fostering a healthy organizational culture. When employees deceive their superiors or colleagues, it disrupts teamwork, undermines productivity, and erodes trust within the workplace. Conversely, a culture of openness and honesty promotes collaboration, innovation, and personal development, as individuals feel empowered to express themselves authentically and contribute to their fullest potential.

The Role of Support Systems:

Beyond professional and romantic relationships, the support systems we cultivate play a pivotal role in our personal growth journey. Friends, family members, counselors, and mentors serve as sounding boards, offering guidance and perspective. When individuals are honest and open with these significant players in their lives, they invite constructive feedback, support, and encouragement, facilitating personal growth and self-awareness.

Therapeutic Disclosure and Transformation:

In therapy, the act of disclosing one’s deepest fears, desires, and struggles is transformative. When individuals courageously confront their truths and share them with a trusted therapist, they embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing. The therapeutic process provides a sacred space for exploration and growth, guided by the principles of honesty, transparency, and trust.

Allegiance, transparency, openness, honesty, dishonesty, withholding, and lying are intricate intersections in relationships and personal development. Embracing honesty and transparency fosters trust, intimacy, and growth, while deceit and withholding create barriers to connection and transformation. Whether in therapy or everyday interactions, cultivating a commitment to truth and openness is essential for navigating life’s complexities and realizing our full potential for growth and fulfillment.

How to Deal with a Dishonest Client

Discovering deliberate withholding or outright lying can present significant challenges for helpers, counselors, therapists, priests, or friends who are deeply invested in their clients’ wellness and growth. Responding to such behavior requires careful consideration, balancing empathy, boundaries, and the therapeutic relationship. Here’s an expanded spectrum of responses, along with their potential implications for both the client and the helper:

1. Compassionate Confrontation:

Approach: The helper addresses the dishonesty directly with the client, expressing concern and offering support to explore the reasons behind it.

Implications: This approach acknowledges the behavior while maintaining a compassionate stance. It encourages honesty and accountability while preserving the therapeutic alliance. If the client is willing to engage in open dialogue, it can foster growth and insight.

2. Setting Boundaries:

Approach: The helper establishes clear boundaries regarding honesty and transparency in the therapeutic relationship. They communicate the importance of trust and integrity.

Implications: Setting boundaries reinforces the therapeutic structure and emphasizes the importance of honesty in the healing process. It sends a message that dishonesty undermines the effectiveness of therapy. However, if the client is unwilling to adhere to the boundaries, it may lead to resistance or termination.

3. Exploring Motivations:

Approach: The helper seeks to understand the underlying motivations behind the client’s dishonesty, exploring any fears, insecurities, or relational patterns that may contribute to it.

Implications: This approach fosters empathy and understanding, acknowledging the complexity of human behavior and providing an opportunity for deeper exploration and insight into the client’s internal struggles. However, uncovering the root causes of dishonesty may require patience and persistence.

4. Non-Judgmental Support:

Approach: The helper maintains a non-judgmental stance, expressing unconditional acceptance and support for the client regardless of their behavior.

Implications: This approach prioritizes the therapeutic relationship above all else, emphasizing empathy and compassion. It creates a safe space for clients to explore and examine their feelings and experiences without fear of judgment. However, it runs the risk of enabling continued dishonesty if boundaries are not reinforced.

5. Referral or Consultation:

Approach: The helper seeks guidance from colleagues, supervisors, or consultation services to address the complex dynamics of dishonesty in the therapeutic relationship.

Implications: Consulting with peers or supervisors can provide valuable perspective and support in navigating challenging situations. It ensures that professional expertise and ethical considerations inform the helper’s response. However, it may delay immediate resolution and require additional resources.

6. Termination of Therapy:

Approach: The helper considers terminating the therapeutic relationship if the dishonesty significantly undermines trust and effectiveness.

Implications: Terminating therapy may be necessary to maintain ethical integrity and protect the well-being of both the client and the helper. It sends a clear message that dishonesty is incompatible with the therapeutic process. The potential impact on the client’s progress and support systems should be considered carefully.

7. Continued Support with Monitoring:

Approach: The helper continues to support the client while closely monitoring their honesty and progress in therapy.

Implications: This approach balances compassion with accountability, offering ongoing guidance and support while emphasizing the importance of honesty. It allows for the possibility of repair and growth within the therapeutic relationship. However, vigilant monitoring is required to ensure the client remains committed to the therapeutic process.

The response to deliberate withholding or lying in therapy requires a nuanced approach that considers the complexities of the client’s motivations, the therapeutic relationship, and ethical considerations. While maintaining compassion and empathy is essential, helpers must uphold boundaries and integrity to foster genuine growth and healing. Each situation may require a tailored response based on the client’s needs, the severity of the dishonesty, and the helper’s professional judgment. Ultimately, the goal is to create a safe, sacred, and supportive environment where honesty and authenticity can flourish, leading to meaningful transformation and personal growth.

 

Lie of Omission and Truth

Just as deceitful as right out telling a lie, is the lie of omission, where you actually refrain from saying anything, as an alternative to blatantly lying.

If you feel your personal exposure is too great to be honest and lying feels like too extreme an option, you might opt to initiate a deception by omission, to deceive by saying nothing. And if you do, a peculiar thing seems to take place. In most cases, even if with the best intentions, even though you have said nothing, people who have lies of omission between them tend to drift apart.

You can justify to yourself, “Well, at least I didn’t lie,” but the consequences are dire, if not worse than outright lying.

By withholding the truth, you also withhold vulnerability, love, and connection. Any authentic connection which may have existed between two individuals where one or each harbor lies of omission continues to erode until nothing is left.

Not being able to live life as an open and honest individual could very well keep you from achieving your highest and best, from having all the desires of your heart. All the life to live that is your divine birthright withheld from you as you practice deception by withholding.

Oh, you may have some degree of success as measured by your peers, but true love, joy, and happiness will remain elusive experiences and expressions in this life.

A deep connection between two individuals includes celebrating each individuality, understanding that no two people are identical, allowing and honoring those things that make each of us unique. That means that there will be times when we experience separation having different past experiences, differing points of view, and moments of uncomfortableness, as we are equally vulnerable and honest which strengthens the relationship.

No one can tell you what is true. Only you can know what truth at any given time is, for everything you believe is true. You know it. You can feel it, and you must find a way to express your truth. You should be able to attract those who are willing to listen to those things that are important to you without judgment, and you likewise in loving reciprocity.

If you are honest, you are true to and honest with yourself, then you can speak your truth with integrity and honor, which can (and should) make you vulnerable. Being transparent and honest leaves you at risk of being disagreed with, challenged, attacked, or left wide open for haters to exploit.

Honesty can include the truth in general, as follows:

Question: How are you feeling today?

Honest Answer: Okay, I’ve been better, but seeing you makes me feel better right now.

You can give an honest answer to most anyone, but vulnerable answers are best saved for only those people who you can trust with more intimate details of your life. You have vetted them, and you quite convinced of their trustworthiness.

Vulnerable Answer: Okay, I’ve been feeling like I’ve let my family down because I could be making more money and giving them a better quality of life, but I’m working on my attitude and trying to find other ways to show them how much I love them.

Some things are best kept in private, while others can be shouted from the rooftops, and if you have promised a friend to be discrete with the sensitive details of their life, by all means, do so. Unless you are a priest, you may be lawfully compelled to testify under oath, but in the absence of such a court order, honor your friend’s request and keep it to yourself.

To trust your friend means you believe that your friend will keep those things which you have shared in confidentiality will remain safely guarded by your friend, and your friend believes you to be trustworthy in kind.

Is Withholding the Truth the Same as Blatantly Lying to You?

The act of withholding the truth is a controversial topic, with debates over whether it should be considered a form of lying or not. Some assert that it is merely a strategic data omission and not an outright lie, while others say that withholding information is a lie of omission.

The Psychology of Withholding the Truth

For the average liar, withholding the truth may serve as a tactical maneuver to avoid the guilt associated with direct lies. By omitting crucial details, individuals may convince themselves that they are not actively engaging in bold-faced deceit. Psychologists often refer to this behavior as a rationalization, a self-protective mechanism that enables individuals to reconcile their actions with their own moral compass.

Pathological liars, in particular, may frequently resort to this tactic, justifying their actions by emphasizing what they did not say rather than what they did say. However, the question remains: Can withholding the truth truly be separated from the concept of lying?

The Moral Implications

The Catholic Church, along with various moral and ethical frameworks, takes a firm stance on the issue of withholding the truth. From a moral perspective, the act of intentionally omitting crucial information is considered deceptive and contrary to principles of honesty and transparency,  a venial sin according to Catholicism. Many argue that by withholding information, individuals are manipulating the truth, leading to potential harm or misunderstanding.

In the eyes of morality, the intent behind withholding the truth matters significantly. If the intention is to mislead or deceive, regardless of the means employed, it can be viewed as a breach of trust and a departure from ethical conduct.

Legal Perspectives

The legal system also weighs in on the question of whether withholding the truth is tantamount to lying. In various jurisdictions, the act of withholding information can have legal consequences, particularly when it comes to contracts, agreements, and legal obligations. Courts often recognize the importance of full disclosure to ensure fairness and justice.

One notable legal concept is the duty to disclose, which is a legal obligation requiring parties to reveal all material facts relevant to a transaction. Failure to fulfill this duty can result in legal repercussions, emphasizing the significance of transparency in legal matters.

Examples

To illustrate the blurred lines between withholding the truth and lying, consider the scenario of a job interview. An applicant might withhold information about a past employment termination, arguing that they were not explicitly asked about it. While they might not have told a direct lie, the omission of such a crucial detail could be deemed deceptive by the employer.

In a legal context, a seller withholding information about defects in a property during a real estate transaction could lead to legal consequences. The buyer may argue that the seller’s failure to disclose materially affected their decision, thus constituting a form of deception.

Withholding in the Name of Love

There are situations where withholding information can be motivated by compassion or an act of love. In certain contexts, the decision to withhold details may be guided by the desire to protect someone emotionally or physically, maintain their well-being, or uphold a greater good. Here are a few scenarios where compassionate withholding of the truth might be considered justifiable:

Protecting from Harm:

Example: A doctor may choose not to disclose the full severity of a patient’s condition if revealing it could cause extreme distress without offering any actionable steps for improvement. This is often seen in cases of terminal illnesses, where the focus is on preserving the patient’s emotional state.
Preserving Emotional Well-being:

Example: Parents might decide not to share certain family struggles or financial difficulties with their children to shield them from unnecessary stress. This compassionate act is driven by the intention to maintain a positive and stable environment for the well-being of the family.
Surprise or Gift Planning:

Example: Planning a surprise party or gift involves withholding information temporarily. This is done to enhance the joy and excitement of the recipient, demonstrating that withholding can be an act of love aimed at creating positive and memorable experiences.
Personal Relationships:

Example: In certain situations, individuals may choose not to disclose past mistakes or regrets to their partners if doing so would cause undue pain and not contribute constructively to the relationship. The intention is to protect the emotional connection rather than deceive maliciously.
Children and Sensitive Information:

Example: Parents may withhold certain details about difficult family situations or personal hardships from their young children until they are old enough to understand and cope with the information. This is often done to shield them from unnecessary emotional burdens.
It’s important to note that the justification for withholding information in these cases lies in the intention to prioritize the well-being and emotional health of the individuals involved. Compassionate withholding is not synonymous with deceit, as the underlying motivation is rooted in care and consideration for the feelings and mental state of others.

However, it’s crucial to strike a balance and recognize that openness and honesty are generally valued in relationships. In some cases, the decision to withhold information may need to be reassessed over time, and communication should be encouraged when the timing is right.

So, is Withholding the Truth Lying?

In conclusion, the question of whether withholding the truth is a lie involves a complex interplay of moral, psychological, and legal considerations. While some may attempt to rationalize this behavior as a strategy to avoid outright lies, both moral and legal frameworks emphasize the importance of transparency and full disclosure. The implications of withholding information, intentional or not, should not be underestimated, as they can have far-reaching consequences in personal relationships, professional settings, and legal proceedings.

 

Keeping Secrets

Unless you’re a sociopath, psychopath, or pathological liar, keeping secrets will have a negative impact on your holistic systems. Keeping secrets causes the decline of your autoimmune system and leads to a decline of quality in your mind, body, and soul. This act of withholding powerful information, which you would be better served by releasing, leaves you keeping secrets and promotes deterioration of health, the onset of disease(s), premature aging and death.

Those who are keeping secrets are more likely to withdraw from social interaction, have fewer friends, and are prone to paranoia, feeling as though potential interaction with others will put them at risk.

Keeping secrets in a romantic relationship causes separation and prevents a relationship from progressing or deepening.

Secret keepers are highly proficient at projecting their issues onto the people they encounter.

If you hide unexpressed anger regarding people from your past which might include parental angst, keeping these feelings deeply held within will likely cause you to see these attributes applied to the people (or person) closest to you.

Children who suffered abuse and keep these details highly regarded secrets as adults will suspect any prospective partner as potentially abusive, even when no real potential for abuse exists.

For those who actively push down their past of having been abandoned in their early years, they are likely to be clingier in relationships and fear being abandoned by their partner.

These emotionally charged memories and thoughts, even if they are deeply hidden, possibly even from the cognoscente mind of the secret keeper, will become the filter through which the keeper of secrets views life.

The keeper of secrets is likely to hide many secrets which is likely to include their own feelings. In relationships, one partner might sense emotional disconnect or psychological distraction, and query, “What’s wrong?” To which the secret keeper will respond, “Oh, nothing.”

The solution to this self-destructive withholding is to find ways to find ways to express yourself, starting with surface issues, then digging deeper as you become more adept at sharing your feelings.

If you’re in the habit of keeping secrets, you’re likely to do it all the time, not speaking up when you are disappointed, disillusioned, or feel as though your feelings have been disrespected or hurt.

Start speaking up for yourself. The next time you go out to eat, and your food arrives in a way you did not expect, do not push down your feelings and force yourself to silently eat your dish silently vowing not to come back to this establishment. Instead, note your concerns to the server, offering the dish to the wait staff who can take it back to the kitchen and make it right.

Start speaking up and asserting your concerns, while allowing others to make accommodations which would be more pleasing to you.

Nest time someone asks, “What’s wrong?” Don’t hide your feelings. Tell them what’s wrong but temper your expression with respectful compassion. Your tendency might be to start your expressing yourself with the object of what’s bothering you, which places blame and puts the recipient on the defensive.

I Feel Like

If you want whoever it is to hear how you feel, then start with, “I feel like…”

No one can deny how you feel. How you feel is how you feel. Even though you may be expressing your disapproval of something that is based on someone else’s actions, no one can deny that whatever is the object of what has made you feel bad, it’s not disrespectful to the cause.

This is a safe way to express yourself, while taking full responsibility for your own feelings.

Once you get used to the idea of being more open and honest in this way, you can consider talking about things that you have encountered in your past which you have kept secret.

Whatever has happened to you in your past is not good or bad, it just happened. It was a part of your past. You are an amazing person today, and had you not gone through all those experiences, you would not have become the person you are today.

And it is highly likely that once you get to a level about peace about your past, you can help others who share similar tendencies to keep secrets, once you realize the benefits of not keeping secrets.