How Long do You Date Before Becoming Boyfriend Girlfriend?

Coupling is all about transitioning from a dating relationship, getting to know each other better, to a more significant relationship which is more exclusive in nature where we are concentrating on each other to see if more depth and meaning is awaiting our relationship and to discover more about our compatibility and potential of loving each other. So, how long do you date before becoming boyfriend/girlfriend, and what does it mean to be in this next phase of love? Can friends become a couple? As you become a couple you might ask when should you move in with your significant other?

Okay, you’ve met someone, and you’re hitting it off. You’ve had time to evaluate each other, you may have nothing in common, but you’re attracted to each other. You’ve found common ground. While you have your differences, you enjoy each other’s company and you could see this going forward. So, how long do you date before becoming boyfriend-girlfriend?

When you transition from getting to know each other to become a couple, you don’t have it all figured out yet, you’re just creating a sacred space to get to know each other better, and depending on your desires, you may want to enter into an agreement where exclusivity plays a part in this new phase of love.

The coupling phases is not unlike two coupling of two train cars, which are joined together for a specific purpose, to get from here to there, then to go on to some other location, which may or may not be with the car you were initially joined to, as one car may be en route to an entirely different location.

When you transition from acquaintance to a relationship where you’re getting to know each other better, the whole dynamic changes, and quite often there is an inclination to exclusivity, and you agree not to see other people while you are getting to know each other better.

There is a lot going on in this phase and if you are not specific about where your intentions are focused, there can be miscommunication and misinterpretations causing confusion and a bit of mayhem along the way.

This can be a very sensitive phase for the partner who is more concerned with the possibility of moving forward into a long-lasting love relationship, yet not taken so seriously by the casual dater, so it is important to remain cautious in this phase and the one who is more casual may not be forthcoming of his or her true intentions regarding the potential for this relationship’s potential future.

So, how long do you date before becoming boyfriend-girlfriend?

When do you become boyfriend and girlfriend?

Certainly, not at the outset, just because you’re getting to know each other better. I mean, I remember when I was six years old, and I wrote a love note to Tamara Watts. I drew a big heart on the paper and wrote: I love you. Do you love me? Check one: __ Yes  __  No  __  Maybe  __ You want to marry me.

And if she’d replied at all, we would have been boyfriend and girlfriend on the playground and possibly even talked about getting married.

You’re not six years old anymore.

Today, you are not boyfriend and girlfriend unless you are in an exclusive relationship, which means you both agree not to see other people while you are getting to know each other better.

If you’ve had this discussion and both agree to the terms of being boyfriend and girlfriend, because it means different things to different people, then you can say your boyfriend and girlfriend.

Remember this: The object of your affection will not be exclusive unless you’ve had this discussion and have agreed to the terms of it.

Sometimes your desire to be with someone in a meaningful relationship can overshadow your sense of reason and you can assume some of the parameters of your prospective relationship as if it was just understood.

Then, when you find out that your boyfriend or girlfriend was “seeing” someone else. And the seeing could include anything to varying degrees of disapproval by you. But you have no right to be upset because you have not agreed to any terms considering those things.

If you have had this talk and agreed to the terms, then okay. You do have a right to be upset and maybe you’ve just discovered that your boyfriend or girlfriend is a scoundrel. Good thing you found out now before you started living together.

The number one thing you want in a relationship, if you are normal, is trust. But you cannot impose trust on anyone who has not agreed to the terms.

So, the answer to how long do You Date Before Becoming Boyfriend Girlfriend, is not a specific number of days, weeks, months, or even years. It’s until you’ve had the boyfriend/girlfriend discussion and have agreed to the terms of the potential deepening relationship.

But we’re such good friends. Can friends become a couple?

I mean, you need to be with someone you can trust, and I’ve been attracting people who are less than trustworthy. But I can trust my friend, shouldn’t we consider becoming a couple?

Let me offer you a WARNING:

If you are attracting people who are not trustworthy, it will be unlikely that you can trust anyone who is attracted to you.

If you can trust your friend, there exists the greatest chance that if you enter into a relationship with your friend, you will not be able to trust him or her.

Why?

Because the people you are attracting into your relationships are a perfect match for you and your vibration at that time. So, if you’re attracting people who can’t be trusted, then you will keep attracting people who can’t be trusted unless you change your vibration.

And changing your vibration is a different subject.

Moving in.

As you become a couple you might ask when should you move in with your significant other?

Whoa, that’s a whole new level, right?

You’ve got to have another talk, and this one’s bigger than the boyfriend/girlfriend talk. Because you can put up with a lot that you don’t know about the intricacies about how your prospective partner is in the privacy of his or her own home.

If you haven’t broken up during the boyfriend/girlfriend stage, there’s an increased chance of breakup following moving in with each other.

But if you can survive the boyfriend/girlfriend stage, you are getting to know each other better, and are building your trust one for the other as your relationship grows, and you’re talking about cohabitation, and potentially you might be able to skip some of the less comfortable phases of love.

Regardless of what phase of love you are in, there is hope for you. There is always hope, but you need to have these important conversations and spell out what your expectations are. If you get agreement, you can expect to move forward. If not, well, good luck.

Love Talk

When you’re contemplating getting into a romantic relationship, you might consider having the Love Talk with your prospective mate, and if you’re already in a relationship and you haven’t had the Love Talk, yet, do it tonight.

Tonight is the perfect night to go out to dinner and have the Love Talk.

What should you include in the Love Talk?

Here are some ideas to include in your Love Talk tonight:

Where are we going?

Ask your prospective partner what he or she thinks this relationship is leading to? It may be awkward, but you should get your expectations about this relationship out on the table, and you want to know what your partner’s intentions are. If you can the two of you are going to be together, ask your partner, “Where do you see us in five years?” Then ask yourself as well.

What about the Benjamins?

Money is the number one reason relationships break down and fall apart. Talking about money issues at the outset of a relationship can help to avoid the pitfalls and incongruency about finances in the future. Know which money type you are and get to know about your partner’s relationships with the greenbacks. Don’t be shy about asking about bankruptcy, outstanding student loans, and other financial obligations.

Want to have sex?

You want to establish the parameters of your sexual relationship as soon as possible. If you are intending to be in a monogamous relationship you need to be open about this with your partner, and you both need to agree that your relationship is exclusive and includes monogamy. Otherwise, if no clear definition is agreed to, there is no injustice of infidelity if one of you engages in the sex act with someone else. Also talk about other things regarding sex, including expected frequency and fantasies (you don’t want to be surprised when your partner brings someone over to have a threesome). You want to be a match in the bedroom.

How are we going to communicate?

Communication, or the lack of it, is another leading cause of the deterioration of an otherwise healthy romantic relationship. Talking about how you might handle challenging or difficult conversations in the future can put you miles ahead of others who struggle to talk about things when the going gets rough. Create a safe process in advance. Make a plan that you can refer to in the event (when) the need arises to have an important but uncomfortable conversation.

What was life like growing up?

Talk about it now with your partner over dinner, or later in the therapist’s office at a high hourly cost, and possibly at the cost of your relationship, as the way we were brought up, our experiences with friends, relatives, and previous lovers, all have an impact on how we love someone else in our closest of relationships. Be open, compassionate, non-judgmental, and aware. This information can be invaluable in helping this relationship move forward in a positive energetic flow, or give you clues to seeing trouble ahead so that you can be prepared to handle things better if, and when, they come up.

Do you want to get married?

Knowing whether either one or both of you have a desire to marry someday can be important information to have early on in any relationship. Any way the balancing act goes, whether one does, and one doesn’t, both of you don’t want to marry, or both of you want to marry, just the establishment and knowingness of how it is can be extremely helpful. Even if it’s too early to know if you or your current partner are the participants in any given scenario, whether it includes matrimony or not.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.