Why Would Someone Kick You When You’re Down?

Clearly, a psychopath would get a thrill from adding a little more pain to your misery when things aren’t going your way, but when you’re really down and out, why would people (some people you may have referred to as “friends” not long ago, as well as people you don’t know, or don’t know well at all) take pot shots at you, when you have little or no resources for recovering from the attack or wounds therefrom?

Why would someone kick you when you’re down?

There are people with low self-esteem who find comfort in knowing that someone is worse off than they are. We see this a lot in the personal growth arena, friends who encourage you to do better, something good, because they, “want only the best for you.” That’s all well and good until you start to do better than them, then they start confiding in you to caution and discourage you, because you’re heading into treacherous territory, in an attempt to dissuade you, to prevent you from some success which they find to be elusive for themselves. All the while, praying for your failure so that they can feel better when comforting you, once again, with their, “I tried to warn you,” or, I-told-you-so’s.

The people who would intentionally kick you when you’re already down, are few and far between, though it might not seem so when you are down and out.

What is far more likely, is that as your ability to influence or affect the lives of other people decreases, so does your significance, and if your significance continues to decline, you may appear to be invisible to the rest of society due to your lack of significance.

The Matryoshka Doll

Let’s take a look at the life of a predominant professor at a university whose youngest of three daughters was diagnosed with leukemia and given one year to live. The parents, siblings, and other friends rallied around her. The young girl, not wanting to impose or impede the lives of her friends and relatives took her own life during a sleepover at a friend’s house. This devastated all who loved her so much, the family disintegrated as each member blamed the other.

Looking for some way to make sense of it all and to find some way to feel better, the professor, now disenfranchised from his family, resigned from the university and cashed out his retirement to open a little trinket gift shop in his daughter’s favorite vacation community surrounding himself with the items which would have brought his daughter so much joy. One week into his third month of business, his shop burned down. He lost everything with nothing to fall back on, and sank into a deeper depression.

It wasn’t long and he found himself among the homeless wandering the city. One day, he is visited outside a mission by a young woman whom he barely recognized as the girl who had hosted his daughter’s sleepover on her last night. They embraced, cried, and the young woman gave him something that she his daughter had left at her house, a matryoshka doll (also known as a set of Russian nesting dolls). The young woman and the now homeless man parted ways, only now he possessed a priceless treasure (which he had bought her in that very vacation town) representing his little girl’s love for precious gifts. He could find peace playing with the dolls, just like his daughter must have, he felt connected to her, and safe, no matter where he was.

One evening while playing with his matryoshka dolls in an alleyway, tucked away in a doorway, a car barreled down the alley nicking the corner of a dumpster which swung around and nearly hit the man. He was shocked but relieved to find that he hadn’t been harmed, only his matryoshka doll was smashed to pieces.

Three days later, the man’s body was found clutching pieces of a broken matryoshka doll.

Unintentional LIfe Circumstance

To the man, he had suffered a countless succession of bad luck or personal attacks which piled one atop the other, appeared as though everyone was out to get him, or wanted to demonize him. Every time he saw a light of glimmering hope, his hope was abruptly shattered, literally, when the matryoshka doll was crushed. All these things were in reality, unintentional life circumstance taking place all around him with no malice intended. As much as we would all like to believe that the world revolves around us, we’re all just swimming around in the same swirling life soup.

What really happened was that the man had become invisible to society, unable to affect or influence the lives of others. What about his friends and colleagues? Where were they in all of this? In his growing depression he withdrew from otherwise active social circles and in our world today, when everything is so aggressively attempting to gain our attention in every moment of every day, out of sight means out of mind. If you are not reminding your people of your existence, the effect of your existence loses relevancy, except for the occasional story or nostalgic fable which you may have played a part in, in the past.

Feel Better

We, all of us, the man, his daughter, and other family members, friends, colleagues, people he knew and never knew, all are living our own lives from the perspective of our individual bodies, limited to what we can experience via our senses. And we are all looking for a way to find some way to feel better.

From this perspective, nothing exists in the world, except for that which concerns us. Until you read the story, a broken matryoshka doll had no significance to you whatsoever. While the man might have felt his life slipping from him as he asked God why someone would purposefully want to destroy the only thing in life he had to live for? While the joy-riding teenagers didn’t even know the man was there. Their only concern was to make sure the damage to the car from grazing the dumpster was not too noticeable, otherwise, they were just having a good time feeling better, celebrating life.

Same incident. Different perspectives.

In most cases, when it feels like someone is kicking you when you’re down, nothing is further from the truth. The truth of the matter is that people are only living their own lives, doing the best they can with what they have. We all have limited resources, and want to feel a little better. All of us. So, we traverse this planet with blinders on focused on trying to find ways to feel better.

Of course, there are other people with whom we share the planet with, and those who may the ability to influence or affect our lives garner the most of our attention. Our professor at the university, our parents, family members, and friends. Then there are the people who support our lives and our attempt to have a better life, the cashier, gas attendant, engineer, postman, police officer, etc… and those who are making their own ways by embracing negative energies, such as the people engaged in less than legal activities, as well as those who have little or no significance to us, as they fade away into the darkness.

And you take it personally when (metaphorically) someone drives by you in a Lamborghini, when you don’t even have a bicycle. You feel invisible, except for when you make a spectacle of yourself at the street corner holding your “Will Work for Food” sign.

Except for in the rarest of circumstances, people do not intentionally kick you when you are down. They are simply doing the best with what they have and may not realize the affect that their actions (or inactions) might have on the life of someone else. And while we all can try to be mindful about how every breath we take, step we make, word we utter, or dollar we spend affects the lives of everyone who could possibly be affected, to do so would be nothing short of impossible.

The man’s family separated, not because they all blamed him, or each other for the girl’s suicide (which also was not meant to hurt anyone. She was just looking for a way to not be a burden and to feel better herself), but because they had lives to live, and they found it too painful to do so surrounded by constant reminders of the girl’s decision to make her exit in that way, on the blinders went. And they all charged off into different directions, trying to make some sense of life and to find a way to feel better themselves.

Cut yourself some slack, everyone is not out to get you.

No one is kicking you while you’re down, but while you’re down there, find ways to reactivate your life. Don’t let yourself fade away into the nothingness. Find respectable and honorable ways to remind us that you are still here. Keep doing that until more and more of us take notice of you.

You are an amazing person, with a unique purpose, message, passion, and mission for your life. Your experience has powerfully equipped you to help others who may be struggling with the same issues as you have had to deal with. You don’t have to have all the answers, what you do need to do is not give up but get up, take what control you can and carve out a new life for you, a better life, possibly your best life, and make the world a better place.

This is my prayer for you,

-Amen

Feeling SAD Seasonal Affective Disorder

As the daylight hours shrink so might your optimistic outlook on life. As the summer months fade it is common for your energy levels to decrease welcoming back your old friend (note, sarcasm intended) seasonal affective disorder, or SAD. Its affects vary from mild to severe, but it’s quite common for yu to get hit with a case of the blues as the seasons change.

You may just be sensitive to the seasons or you could have a psychological anchor to something from you past which took place at a particular time of year that prompts your singing the blues every time the environment resembles the time of the season that something that caused a prolonged sadness, disappointment, loss or other tragic life challenge.

Rates of depression generally increase reaching the heights (the number of depressed individuals increase while their healthy states of minds decrease) of blueness right around the holidays. This we know, if you can hang on, you can make it through this period of time when you’re not feeling so exuberant about life.

Besides depression, other markers of seasonal affective disorder include trouble sleeping (which could range from not being able to sleep to sleeping a lot but never feeling rested), lack of energy, and your feelings can be “right there” having you on the verge of emotional outbreak or upset just waiting for the slightest triggering.

Other symptoms include weight gain due to increased carb intake, as well as other tendencies to self-medicate. Also, when you’re not feeling on your game, your family and social relationships can suffer and as your immune systems declines, you are more susceptible to seasonal illness, cold and flu.

Your life has seasons, just like the world where we live does, but you don’t have to let it get to you. First of all, if you’re on a track of doing certain things to make your life better and have made commitments to yourself or someone else to do things on a regular basis, by all means, keep doing them.

There are things you can do to improve your mood to help give you the energy you need, like getting outside. I know, it’s not nice, like it was during the summer, but find joy in getting out, taking a brisk walk and breathe the fresh air. Let it flow throughout your circulatory system. This is good work. Bundle up according to the weather conditions. It will feed your cells and you will feel better (even if it is a little less pleasant than a summer stroll).

There is a lot to be said about not being cooped up inside, so if you’re feeling restricted, then un-restrict yourself and get out of the house. Go to the (I know, if you can still find one) library, go “window shopping” (you don’t have to buy anything). There are lots of places you can peruse which are open to the public and may be accessed at no charge.  Take out some time to visit with family and friends.

Put yourself on a positive track by setting up regular visits with a counselor, coach, therapist, or member of clergy, who can help you turn this difficult time into a masterful piece of work, that will make you feel better, and you’ll be proud knowing that you will have something positive to reflect on at a time when you might have rather felt like hibernating.

Find a public service organization or charity you could support by volunteering. In this way you stave off your emotional lull, create an opportunity to meet new people, and make the world a better place. Amen.

 

Why Do People Commit Suicide?

There is no doubt that the current suicide statistics are off the charts. Suicide is one of the top ten leading causes of death in the United States today. Today 117 people died from suicide, of those 22 of them were Veterans. 30 of the suicide victims were women, while the other 87 men also took their own lives. It not only happened today, but it happens every day in the USA.

why do people commit suicide depression suicide suicidal thoughts commit suicide why do people kill themselves

Why do people commit suicide?

Determining the specific details about why people are actually moved to take their own life is somewhat of a mystery, but many share some of the same characteristics. Depression is the default answer, but since everyone who is depressed does not commit suicide, what do those who actually commit suicide have in common?

Some key components that suicide victims appear to share include pain, loneliness, abuse, guilt, rejection, helplessness and deep sadness. As we collect more data the answer to, “Why do people kill themselves?” becomes more clear. The single most significant constant appears to be an overwhelming concern of being a burden on others or the community at large.

So, the common feelings among people who commit suicide include:

My life has no value
I have nothing to offer the world
There is no reason to live
The world would be better off without me

The Suicide Attempt 80/20 Rule

Twenty percent, or one out of five people who attempt suicide and fail, will successfully commit suicide in the next five years.

Here’s the Good News

One out of five people who attempt suicide will change their lives and be living a wildly satisfying, happy and fulfilled life in the next five years.

You might be surprised to find that it takes the same amount of effort, determination, conviction and commitment to kill yourself as it does to change your life for the better; in fact, so much better that the very same person who was willing to commit suicide can enjoy massive success, happiness and live a long and fulfilling life.

Suicidal Thoughts

That said, thoughts of suicide can be the most important indicator that your life is at a critical juncture of dramatic change. The universe is offering you all the desires of your heart fulfilled if you choose to accept the challenge in this moment.

The Suicide Opportunity

This distinct pinpoint in your life indicates the greatest opportunity in your life. It’s as if you are standing on a tightrope suspended over two choices, for it takes the same amount of effort to choose a massively successful life on the one side, or managing the taking of one’s own life on the other. Either way, it takes a great deal of thought, planning and careful execution of your plan to achieve either self-inflicted death or massive success. Sixty percent of those who have attempted suicide will shimmy across the rope without making one of the two decisions, accepting their lot in life, to live out their days doing the best they can with what they have.

If you are considering committing suicide, this is a clear indication that you are at the most important place in your life, the decision that you make in this moment will change your life forever, either for the better, or to prove that you refused to take the offer provided you by the universe.

I have worked with many successful people who have been there. Even though for the most part (for obvious reasons) they are unwilling to tell their stories to the general public, so many highly successful people found themselves, staring down the barrel of a gun, holding a handful of pills, contemplating stepping off the chair, or swirling poison in a wine glass.

The best stories start that way.

This is when you decide that

I can have everything I ever wanted
I have a mission and purpose for my life
The giving of my gift to others is my reason to live
I can help to make the world a better place

Instead of planning your suicide by searching for how to commit suicide, or how to kill yourselves painless and easy, maybe consider that you are at the most meaningful crossroads that you will ever face in your life, and you may choose to begin your

Most Amazing Life Ever

If you can’t seem to get a grip on how to stop suicidal thoughts, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You are in no hurry, talk to someone anonymously first and consider reaching for just one more day, because once you decide to kill yourself, the effects can be permanent and you may not get a second chance.

Don’t let your song die

But please, see this as a moment of clarity indicating that your life does have a meaningful purpose and now is the time to find and begin singing your song to the world.

I would love to congratulate you on your decision to turn your attention to achieving your highest and best.

All it takes is being open to the possibilities and to start living the life you were given to its fullest.

You can do this

May God bless you in all you do

Anxiety Depression Fear

For the most part anxiety, depression and the myriad diagnoses and symptoms that accompany these maladies are all fear-based. Granted, fear is a necessary survival instinct that helps to keep us alive and enables us to have a heightened sense of awareness when danger is present or the need for self-protection is imminent. On the other hand, when fear gets out of balance, anxiety symptoms and depression symptoms escalate creating disorders that can greatly affect our lives.

The therapeutic treatment community is doing their very best to keep up with all these anxiety disorders that are increasing at an alarming rate within the various ranks of our society. Categorization and labeling of specific symptoms has helped mental health professionals to define certain disorders and drug experimentation has been helpful in mitigating the damages (or subduing the symptoms) so as to offer a sense of normalcy to those afflicted with these fear-based ailments.

anxiety depression agoraphobia ptsd ocd panic attack

Some of the most prominent classifications include General Anxiety Disorder and its shirt-tailed cousins, Agoraphobia, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), Panic Disorder, Social Phobia (as well as all other types of phobias, like fear of enclosed spaces, heights, large bodies of water, spiders, snakes, etc…), Acute Stress Disorder, Substance Induced Disorder and a number of variation and combinations as unique as each individual patient.

Then there are the depression disorders, like Bipolar disorder, Manic depression, Melancholia, Major depressive disorder, Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), Clinical depression, Dysthymic disorder, Psychotic depression, Cyclothymic disorder and Unipolar depression plus an unlimited hodgepodge of mixed anxiety-depression to make things even more complicated.

Are You Anxious or Depressed?

With the growth of these fear-based disorders, chances are you suffer from some form of anxiety or depression (which all of us do to some degree), but either you or someone you know suffers from an above-normal anxiety or depression level and you know things are just not right.

What Can You Do About It?

First off, seek help; a qualified third-party to help you discover a proper diagnosis and some intermediary intervention, because left to itself increasing levels of anxiety and depression can lead to suicide, one of the most escalating causes of premature death in the United States today.

That said, as soon as you are able to get a grip, take time for introspection. Either alone or with the help of a counselor, you can find out what the source of your anxiety and/or depression is and deal with it.

Finding inner peace through meditation, mindfulness and disengaging the painful neurological connections in your brain by using tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) or other psychological pain interventions can be highly effective modalities in helping to achieve a safe emotional place of self-centered being.

You are the master of your own fate. Increase self-confidence and take control of your life. You can – even in the most challenging life circumstances – find peace, harmony and happiness from within, living an enthusiastic life, giving you the ability to achieve your highest and best.

When you allow yourself to suffer the symptoms of anxiety and/or depression, your personal vibration acts as a powerful magnet attracting more and more negative life circumstances. Don’t close yourself off from others. Only by centering yourself and living a happy life (though probably faking it, at first), get out in public, put on a smile, greet people (even if only the clerk at the store, at first) looking and acting as if you are happy, will eventually help you feel better.

Finding any way to make you feel better is doctor’s orders. If it feels good to spend time with friends, be out in nature or go to a comedy club, whatever… Do that; then do more and more of those things that make you feel good.

Practice stress reduction techniques, such as mindfulness meditation or aerobic exercise. Shift your focus to the positive emotions in your daily life. Work to identify meaning and purpose in your life. Get support from others. Go for a walk or run in a park.

You Can Do This

You can conquer anxiety and depression and ultimately live a stress-free and happy life, if you learn how to relieve stress and are ready to get back in the driver’s seat of your best life, create an alternate route and begin your new journey to the destination of your choice.

Do not let these feelings and inner voices devour you. You have all the tools necessary to deal with this and get you back on your feet.