Painful Separation and Moving On

You’ve bravely and courageously moved on leaving something previously integral to your life behind and you know you’re better off for it because it was weighing you down, holding you back. You know you’ve done the right thing, whether it was against your will or not.

Even so, your heart is aching and breaking because there was an incredible attachment to what went before, it had become a part of you. It’s as if you’ve walked away from a severed limb, as we feel the pain of a desperate wound, ever reminding you and causing you to second-guess, “Did I do the right thing?”

This is love and proof that you loved, and loved enough to create an attachment to this person, place, thing, activity, thought pattern, or belief. Of course, separation from something you loved and were attached to would be followed by a grieving process.

You have learned from the experience. You know you can live a better life as you grow and move on.

“But,” you interrupt the separation process, and you can, “What if” yourself ad infinitum, creating a spiraling whirlpool dragging you down into helplessness. You must always remind yourself, “This is for my highest and best good.” All things in this life are even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

Traumatic moments in life which lead to a massive change or repositioning always leads to some more grand opportunity and blessing, but you will be unable to see the open door calling you forth, if you are lost in the pain of separation.

Some things in life cannot be rationalized, explained, or have proper closure, especially if you are deeply connected to it at the time of separation. You cannot force any making sense of a thing without the proper context which does not come ‘til later. All things will be revealed later and you will realize the divinity of it all.

If you desire a better life you must move on from those things which do not serve you, no matter how much you love or enjoy them. You cannot hang onto abusive relationships, stay in jobs or careers which offer you no potential for increasing your satisfaction and enjoyment of life.

You need to place yourself in situations and circumstances which support your desire to grow and expand leading to more love and enjoyment in this life.

This is the nature of life. You grow, create attachments to where you are in life, and growth necessitates change. Change can be painful, but it is how we learn and keeps us from complacency and stagnation.

You may have a tendency to recoil to find safety in solitude. This is a natural response to separation from someone or something that you truly loved. To remain in seclusion is unhealthy and may lead to constant rumination and senseless self-abuse. It can leave you longing for the life you moved on from. Not good for you.

Deep inside your heart is all the power you would ever need to continue to love through the moving on process.

Remember, the change you seek, that different life begins with you. It is highly unlikely that you can change your partner, your friends, family, the government, your job, the weather, or the world as it is. You may be able to but doing so against the current is the hardest way to manifest change and is reserved for the fiercest of all warriors.

You can, on the other hand, change yourself and your life for the better at any moment in time.

The more loving, positive, and optimistic you can remain through any process of separation or change will increase the rapidness of the change process with an exponentially greater outcome due to your increased momentum.

Following separation, don’t grasp the first thing which appears to your awareness. Doing so will likely have you grabbing onto something that is too similar to that which you are trying to separate yourself from.

Allow yourself the time to heal and recalibrate, then choose your next step in the knowledge and faith that this is the best next step for you. Select that which is in support you’re your goals, dreams, and desires.

Place yourself in places and circumstances where you have the opportunity to express love. Always continue to love yourself, love yourself even more, and allow your love to spill over to those around you.

When things aren’t feeling right, look for the love inside of you.

All the love of God, the world, the universe, is inside you.

Regardless of what it feels like, you are love.

Unconditional Love Makes You Angry

You’re not alone if the idea of unconditional love makes you angry.

You’ve been trained to desire unconditional love. You want to be loved for who you are, everything, the good, the bad, your adorable traits and the mistakes you have made and may make from this day forward. To feel as though you could be accepted and loved no matter what is what you long for.

You can look back on decisions and actions you’ve initiated in your past didn’t turn out the way you planned and may have turned out badly, possibly making you look and feel stupid. You know you could have done better if given a second chance. After all, your intentions were pure when you did it or allowed it to happen.

To be loved, regardless of the stupid things you’ve done in the past, not judged for those things you could have done better and understood as if anyone in the same situation might have done the same thing seems reasonable. And this is what you long for.

While this kind of unconditional love is what you desire, to imagine the offering of such a love to another feels like a preposterous proposition. This is when the idea of unconditional love makes you angry.

What? Love someone no matter what? Do you think I’ve learned nothing from all the pain I’ve endured throughout the course of my life? Have you lost your mind?

If I’ve learned anything, I know you can’t trust anyone, particularly someone you care about, and the more you care about them, the more they will hurt you, and the less you can trust them.

You have surrounded yourself with a protective forcefield in an effort to keep yourself safe from disappointment or risk of being hurt.

Congratulations. You’ve built for yourself and voluntarily checked-in to your hospital fortress where you can find the love you seek from within and heal, because life has been hard, and you need this time to focus on you, isolated from potential harm.

No one would blame you for feeling bad, sad, or mad while suffering from your wounds in your love hospital for recovery. While recovering from these wounds, of course, the idea of unconditional love makes you angry, anyone else in the same situation would feel the same way.

You are suffering from a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), not unlike any other form of PTSD.

If it weren’t for the support of others in their own various stages of love wound recovery, you would be totally alone and isolated in your fortress hospital, and with others who have are also suffering from love’s wounds you develop a supportive camaraderie. This kind of support can prolong your healing as you feel more comfortable in treatment than taking the risk of re-engaging in life outside the walls.

Isn’t the idea of checking one’s self into an isolated healing environment to become well enough to leave the facility and start to live your life again? To not do so transforms your hospital into a prison of your own making to serve out our own self-imposed life sentence. You needn’t suffer the extreme self-abuse of exercising your own love death penalty.

You’re better than that.

You can heal. In fact, you may be far more healed than you believe yourself to be. How many completely healthy people are in hospitals or recovery programs far past their healing because it’s safer to be in the hospital than to face your fears outside in the real world?

It’s time to get up and ambulate. Get outside and exercise your ability to love.

You can still exercise love when the idea of unconditional love makes you angry. No need to push through to unconditional love, but to start loving a little at a time would be highly beneficial.

You might find it helpful to see others as just like you.

You understand yourself so well and you would never intentionally do anything to hurt anyone else, unless in that moment, you felt like you had no other choice, as you were in fully engulfed in the fight-or-flight response. You felt like you had no other option(s).

You don’t have to love what someone else does, but you can still love the person.

Isn’t that what you want?

That is not to say that you allow anyone to abuse you. You have the right and obligation to separate yourself from dangerous situations, but let those situations be an authentic potential risk to you, your body, your mind, or your spirit. Don’t let your fear-inspired imagination to override your ability to find potential danger everywhere you look.

Instead, look to understand and realize that the person with whom you are feeling conflict is looking back at you in the mirror. If you were that person, having lived the same life, you would have done the same thing.

You can feel compassion for that person (not feeling “sorry” for them because that insinuates your superiority), trying to understand what it might like to be like to have to feel as though you might feel like you have to live life, like that. It could make you sad, and even react in a less defensive manner.

Even if the idea of unconditional love makes you angry, don’t let it stop you. Find ways to exercise your love. Start with letting friends in a little deeper. Find a child to love. Make occasions for you to engage in activities that you love, and allow your activities to grow to include more people to participate in those things that you love in public.

Get up. Get out of your love hospital, even if only briefly at first, and one day you will find you no longer rely on your self-restraint and self-imposed love prison sentence.

You have complete control of your release date. You get to leave early based on your healing and good behavior if you want to.

Maybe today is the day.

Write down today’s date, mark it on the calendar, and walk out on your own accord.

Set yourself free.

The greatest love is waiting for you.

How to Heal a Broken Heart

Heartbreak can be one of the darkest and most painful of emotional states. One who suffers from a broken heart can experience sever physiological pain, such as being punched in the gut and may lead to a sinking sense of helplessness and/or clinical depression. If you’ve ever suffered from a tragic loss, you already know why it’s important to understand how to heal a broken heart.

When undertaking the healing of a broken heart, there is no quick fix. Especially if you’re suffering deeply seated trauma with gut wrenching pain, healing your broken heart will take some time for the process to lead to a healthy recovery, but there are steps you can take to relieve the pain and stress of your loss.

As a natural process of healing from a broken heart, like any Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), time heals all wounds. So be patient and consider the following tips to help overcome both the psychological and physiological pain and discomfort from your broken heart.

1. Cry

You are going to feel like crap for the first few weeks. Depending how emotional of a person you are, you may feel like crying for days. Go ahead.

A significant change has occurred in your life; a painful change. There is no way to expect that you will feel a little sadness and be able to shut it off with a switch. It’s just not that simple.

Allow yourself to grieve for your loss. But not too long! Staying in the past for too long can only hurt you. See tip number 5.

2. Love Balloon Therapy

The Love Balloon Method is an effective method to mitigate the emotional pain associated with your broken heart.

This process only takes a few minutes and can supply you with the pain relief and wherewithal to give you the cognition to move toward healthy healing, while retaining the learning associated with the relationship and/or events which led to your broken heart.

3. Talk to Someone Close

Use the shoulder of someone who cares about you to get out your feelings. This is a way to purify your soul by letting someone in to share your pain. Let them listen, comfort you, and offer advice. You don’t necessarily have to take that advice, but sharing this comfort can make you feel better.

Make sure you only allow yourself to grieve and lean on someone for a time because you need to move forward.

4. Distract Yourself

Bring friends you care about back into your life. Maybe having the relationship was keeping you from spending time with your parents, or siblings. Maybe you hadn’t talked to your best friend in weeks. Surround yourself with this support network.

Getting things that need to be done around the house done is a great way to get lost in a project. Go to the gym. Organize your closet. Get out and take a walk.

Distracting yourself is a great stepping stone to moving on with your life. This brings us to tip number 5.

5. Look toward the Future; Forget the Past

Once you have allowed yourself the indulgence of grieving for a part of your life that is now past, look forward!

You need to be able to live a better life – your best life – and make the world a better place.

Now that you are past the sadness and anger, it is time for hope and renewal that will help you to move on.

Take time out for yourself; get to know yourself as a single individual instead of as part of a couple.

Replenish your soul by becoming you again.

Following these sometimes difficult, but necessary steps, you can begin to heal the broken pieces of your heart. You can not only become whole again, you can become whatever you wish to become. This is a chance to start fresh, and once the pain starts to ease, you will see it as such an opportunity.