Touch Me

Without touch humans will die. Among the living things on this planet, humans in particular, require being touched and nurtured as part of the survival matrix. A controlled study of infants who were not given proper nurturing (gentle touch, holding, verbal interaction, eye-gazing from another human being), while all other nutritional, health needs, and physiological needs (less the nurturing) were met, experienced a high mortality rate.

We know that hospitals, prisons, adult care facilities, and cemeteries are heavily populated by people who were not given adequate nurturing, human touch, and interaction in their younger years. While they received enough attention to survive, they were denied the ability to thrive for lack of touch.

Human beings need to be touched. The lack of compassionate human touching sends people in a whirlwind of exploration and searching for something to fill the void left by lack of touch. This pleasure-seeking enthusiasm leads to over-compensation by engaging in activities which seem to appease the need, or make you feel better, even though these efforts do not satisfy for long.

These activities include seeking material possessions, hoarding of objects or financial resources, living above one’s means, intense focus on increasing social status, moving into positions of power, risk taking, thrill seeking (engaging in potentially dangerous or questionably legal or moral activities), substance abuse, self-centered enhancements (i.e., cosmetic surgery, bodybuilding, etc.), among other things which can stave off the need for physical connection, including successive sexual encounters.

Sex and human connection with compassionate touching are not even closely related, therefore, the quest for successive sexual encounters, while it will ease the pain until the next dose, will not sustainably fill the void left by not touching and being connected to others.

Years of seeking to fill the void of left by lack of authentic human connection and nurturing touch, leads one to the conclusion that nothing can fill the gap, and without connected physical touch, the immune system declines, clearing the way for disease and one’s deterioration of heath.

If you are among those who did not receive adequate amounts of compassionate nurturing as a child, you probably don’t even know how important it is to you. You do not need to live your life as an A-type personality in a fervor to keep up with the Joneses, spending your life scurrying through the rat race, turn to a life of addiction, or crime, etc. in an attempt to feel better. You can engage in some healthy activities which can fill the void left by lack of connection.

Snuggling with a pet (that is not averse to the idea of snuggling) can help to feel the void, and it doesn’t even require the engagement of another person. This is a good source of connection in the absence of another human being and has proven to be effective for increasing health and longevity in the elderly.

Hugging (while it may sound crazy, at first) is an excellent non-threatening activity. If you are not well-acquainted with the idea of compassionate hugging, just for the sake of hugging without any sexual or manipulative intent, it can take some time to get used to the idea.

A 7-second hug boosts the immune system and releases health-enhancing feel good hormones, like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, while a 20-second hug (which would be awkward with someone with whom you did not know well or were intimate with) increases the effects exponentially.

There are other methods available to subsidize your lack of touch and to neutralize the effects of lack of touch in your childhood. These can be explored with an aware third-party, coach, or counselor.

Help I Can’t Take One More

Aaahhh! I am so far over my head, “Help!” I don’t think I can take one more thing! Ever feel like you’ve had all you can stand? It’s as if the hits just keep coming, and you think about the saying that “God will not give you more than you can take,” and right about now, it feels like it’s a lie because you are well over your head.

You’re losing it. You feel like you have zero control of anything as your world crumbles all around you, and you ask yourself (or some deity), “What’s happening?”

Okay, you asked for it, so here it is:

This is all on you.

(Take a moment to express your disagreement with the idea that this might all be your fault, then come back and give me a chance to explain.)

Here’s the deal, when something happens that you don’t like, you have seventeen seconds to feel bad, after which if you don’t pull your head out, the eighteenth second begins to emit the frequency which matches the vibration of you are enveloped by. This energy (which is clearly negative) attracts like energy.

So, every second that follows while you are wallowing in the negative energy is calling more negative energy to you. More bad news is on the way; here it comes…

The only way to stop the spiraling whirlpool which is dragging you down and draining you of the possibility of having the best things in life is to stop the negative energy and start getting into a positive frequency. Even if it’s a low positive vibration it’s so much better than remaining in the negative, and it stops the attraction of more bad news.

You must get in touch with you, all the good things about you. You know you’re here for a reason and you were not called to be in this negative vibe. This is not your natural state. You are called to love yourself, embrace your power and continue to draw a line between what makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad. You have the power to choose to feel good or to feel bad. When you are feeling good, you are in touch with the real you. You are attracting good things and not bad.

In this positive state of mind, you are thinking clearer, you are creative, resourceful, you are open to all good things as they unfold before you, you are able to find a sense of peace, and things are leaning toward increased clarity in your life.

You must cut out some positive space for you to separate yourself from the negative and immerse yourself in a positive vibration. Take a day off, disconnect from the madness, take a break. Take time to focus your attention on doing something, putting you in a place where you feel good; and the better you can get yourself to feel, the better.

Take a walk in nature, or watch a comedy film or a tear-jerker but find a way to release some pent-up emotion and embrace the cleanse. Count your blessings; get out a piece of paper and a writing instrument and start jotting all the things you can be grateful for in your life (even when things are at their worst, there are some good things that can be found, even if the process feel daunting at the outset). Write down the good things in life you can look back on.

I love you

Everything will be okay

If you’re like me, all you want to hear and feel is, “I love you,” and, “Everything will be okay.”

It’s up to you to put yourself in the state where you feel loved and assured that everything will be okay by no one or no other thing than you, yourself. This is your responsibility, as counter-intuitive that it might sound or feel at first, this is up to you and you alone. You need to accept this responsibility and start loving yourself, truly loving, appreciating, encouraging and empowering yourself.

Sure, someone else can help to make you feel these things, but this energy which comes from outside yourself fades, and when it fades, it requires finding another source outside of yourself to re-energize yourself.

Your source of energy from within is limitless and divine. It doesn’t depend on anyone or anything else. As long as there is life within you, that limitless source of energy resides within the recess of your heart, just waiting for you to call upon it.

When you are feeling better, reminded of those things for which you can feel grateful, loving and supporting yourself, you are at a much better place to look again at the challenges that you face.

From this perspective, you are able to see answers and have access to skills and tools which weren’t within reach when you were drowning in despair.

Congratulations.

You got this.