Question: Why is my life so messed up? Answer: Because you were sexually assaulted as a child. When I started working in family counseling back in the day, the statistics indicated that one in four adults in the United States had been sexually molested in their youth. That was then.
Now, I believe those numbers were greatly understated. These crimes against young children were far more pervasive than the help and support industries ever imagined. Why the disparaging contrast in the numbers? Because, for far too long, this has been the most concealed life secret that has ever been kept, that is, until now.
These vile sexual abusers are most often known and trusted family members, friends of family, childcare providers, teachers, coaches, counselors, mentors, or clergy.
The adults who have persevered through life keeping this solemn secret of sexual child abuse are breaking through the barriers which have cost them greatly, but far more do not as they continue to keep the secret, even after the violator’s death.
No matter how fervently they deny it, refuse to mention or look at it, keeping it bottled up and buried deep inside, this crime by which they were victimized in their naïve youth finds ways to manifest itself.
What are the signs of child sexual abuse?
When you push down all the emotional impact of this childhood trauma and abuse, it manifests itself in many ways.
1. Social Inadequacy
Social suffering is common. Connections with other people are superficial and commonly not as deep or meaningful as they might have been. Relationships with family, friends, romantic relationships suffer due to this lack of connection, and inability to be open and honest (with others or one’s self).
2. School and Work Extremes
In school and work, extreme behavior shows up either as substandard (mostly) or extravagant high performance. They are often diagnosed as having autism, ADHD, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Bipolar, or other mental health disorders.
They are attracted to addictions in an attempt to self-medicate or cope, to relieve some of the mental and physiological anguish and stress from burying these childhood tragedies.
4. Health Problems
How does childhood sexual abuse affect the health of the victim?
The longer the pressure builds from these deep, festering, inner wounds from being sexually victimized as a child are left unattended to, the more the poison spreads throughout the body, leading to deterioration, disease, and premature death.
Victims of child sexual abuse are more likely to suffer from high blood pressure, heart disease, cancer, obesity, diabetes, and are more likely to engage in various methods of self-harm, and
5. Suicidal Ideation
and are 17 times more likely to have suicidal tendencies than their non-sexually-assaulted peers.
The Biggest Secret is Lethal
The biggest secret of all time is killing our people, someone you know, or even you.
The statistics are vastly understated, and if you are harboring this secret, covering it up, or trying to just make it through life without ever looking at it, you know that the statistics are not even close.
You know because you know your statistics would never be known. You were determined to take the biggest secret of all time to the grave with you.
If that is you, hopefully, you are rethinking your commitment to a life-long cover-up.
Every day you continue to let this crime of your youth continue to haunt you (even if you’ve convinced yourself that it is not or no big deal) the fact remains that you are allowing your victimizer to continue to harm you as your health and peace of mind continue to deteriorate.
Do not let this perpetrator take you out.
This abuse has gone on long enough. And it stops, right here. Right now.
You don’t have to confront or seek to punish the offender (unless he or she is currently potentially sexually abusing other victims). The most important part of healing from this offense is done within you. Seek out a competent counselor, coach, or therapist who can help you work through the process, and begin the process of healing from within.
This will give you the hope of having a potentially amazing life, full of joy, happiness, health, and longevity.
The Best News
And the best news is this; after you’ve done the work, or even in the midst of it, you can help reach out to others who are also dying from keeping the biggest secret of all time.
Together, we can stop this atrocity, and help to create a better world for our youth who are being sexually accosted at this very moment. It starts with you.
Stop the continued victimization and live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.