connection | David M Masters

The Sun Source of Our Energy

The chief source of energy for our planet is the sun. The sun’s energy is captured by many methods, where it is stored, and later transformed into useable energy. In its most basic interpretation, vegetation absorbs the sun’s energy which causes the vegetation to grow and mature. An animal can consume the vegetation which converts the vegetation’s collected energy of the sun by consumption, a high life form can consume the animal, converting the sun’s energy once again into energy, energy which could be expended to change the world around us, to make a meal, plant a garden, run a farm, build a structure, erect a windmill, build a dam, or create a nuclear bomb or power plant.

When you burn wood in the fireplace, all you are doing is burning the wood with fire, which releases the stored energy of the sun, producing heat you can feel or can be used to heat something else besides you, and the ash is the waste product.

All this stored energy from the sun, including but not limited to biomass, water, wind, and fossil fuels, are all stored solar energy that is translatable from one form to another, feeding the unending cycle of life, not just here but throughout the universe. A universe that is intimately connected.

The energy throughout the universe is almost, if not absolutely, limitless. This universal energy is measured, stored, and converted into other forms of energy, or even directly into matter.

One may be concerned about the consumption of energy, but it can never really be consumed, only endlessly transformed from one form into another, affecting its surroundings in the process of changing from one form to another.

Everything in the universe requires energy to exist. Even you and I need energy to exist.

Our bodies need some light from the sun as nourishment, what we consume contains the sun’s stored energy, first-hand in vegetation, second-hand in animals that have consumed the vegetation. We need this energy to function, integrate with and affect the world around us. We also need energy to build and heat structures that we live in. And, of course, to power all the modern conveniences in life as well.

Everything is energy, enabling us to live and it is everything we eat, drink, create, or use in life.

Energy is required to create the enzymes your body needs to function, for connecting and communicating the many brain and body processes, and to enable you to operate your muscles. You need energy to drive a car, and your car needs energy to get you from here to there.

Today, most of our energy comes from fossil fuels, hydropower, nuclear power, solar power, and biomass. Electricity is a different character, it is generated from other forms of energy, and is an excellent transfer mechanism for energy. Though we use it, it is still not understood fully.

Fossil fuels include coal, oil, and natural gas, all of which produce carbon emissions when used, while nuclear fusion, on the other hand, does not. Renewable resources such as water, wind, and solar are natural alternatives to fossil and nuclear power. When used to create electricity, all these forms are used to create enough energy to turn turbines that generate electricity.

The first law of thermodynamics declares that “energy cannot be created or destroyed” it is transformed from one form of energy to another.

Energy is constantly moving, in motion, and energy and matter? All the same thing. Matter, regardless of how solid it may feel to the touch is nothing but energy, and all matter is always flowing, pulsating, moving, never stagnant, and all energy is connected, whether seen or unseen.

We, each of us, is an individual consciousness housed in a human body, yet we are not solid, we are constantly moving in and out of form and through the universe, an individual and part of the collective consciousness, yet all of us, all of it, all that there is, is uniquely entangled, harmonious, and sometimes chaotic, yet the same, energy.

This connectedness is how the thoughts or actions of one person can affect the world and/or the universe in either a negative or positive manner. And it spreads and gathers more corresponding energy as it ripples throughout the world around you.

Ask a plant tender who cares for the plants from home to home on a regular basis. Indoor plants that share a home with happy, harmonious people, like a young couple experiencing their first child. The air is filled with emotional love and the plants in this home thrive. In another house where there is much discontent and hatred, the plants require changing out regularly, because the emotional energy is actually killing the plant life.

Our bodies transmit our own emotional energy. There exists a bubble of energy of our own making that we are surrounded by. This energy matches the frequency of our emotions, and it affects the world and others around us.

Energy attracts like energy, so if we are feeling bad, we attract more feeling bad energy and feel even worse. If we are feeling happy and full of love, we attract that matching energy and feel even better.

It is interesting that the poets of ancient times insisted that the heart, that part of us that powers our feelings, was the seat of the soul, and now, science is beginning to reconcile with faith-based concepts of energy from within and energy from beyond communing. It is a process of continuing to ask questions, seeking answers, and being open to new data as it becomes available. This is changing the world we live in.

Have We Met Somewhere Before?

There are times when you meet up with someone in this life who at the outset seems so familiar, even though he or she is a perfect stranger, and you might even ask, “Have we met somewhere before?” What is going when you feel so strongly that you know this person?

Logically, you know you have never crossed paths with this person, but still, there is the strange and undeniable familiarity or connection.

On one side of it, this phenomenon is the idea that this person reminds you of someone with whom you’ve shared a connection in the past and you can project those very same feelings on a perfect stranger who is similar enough to trigger your latent emotional feelings.

This is common when we’ve loved someone who is not present in our life at the moment. A friend, a family member, a teacher, mentor, or someone we admired from afar. Maybe they moved away, or you just ended up on different journeys and drifted apart, or they may have passed on. It may have been long ago enough that you may not even remember them consciously.

Still, there’s a part of you that misses them, and your subconscious triggers all that connection and projects it on someone. And, Bam! There you are. This is a blessing because it honors the original person, the effect he or she had on your life, you go right back into that state and it feels very good, but it’s a little socially awkward.

Then, there’s the “other side” of the have-we-met-before phenomenon.

I don’t know how you feel about all this, but buckle-up buttercup because we’re goin’ for a ride…

There are a great many “other reasons” you feel like you may have met this person before, and the likelihood that you may know this person deeply and/or intimately from beyond your present experience.

“Oh, no, not the, ‘I know you from a past-life,’ thing!”

Yes, it sounds so romantically trite, nonetheless, this is a real thing. The higher part of you, remembers experiences from lives you’ve lived before, and it recognizes those with whom you’ve shared these experiences with.

Just like this life, past lives have had both good and bad experiences, so the feelings that you feel for this person might not be good. This person may have been connected to a highly-charged tragic event in a past life and those negative feelings are breaking through in this reality.

If you have met before in a previous life, there’s a good chance that you may have unfinished business to tend to in this go-round.

How do you know if you know someone from a past life?

First, there is the knowingness of recognition, with deep emotional impact, followed by an initial (albeit you might think of it as silly) idea that pops into your head, indicating you must have known them in a past life. If you’ve been well-socially-programmed, you quickly discard the idea of having a past-life connection because that would be ridiculous.

When reuniting with someone from a past-life, you feel this deep connection which goes beyond any logical explanation because you feel as if you’ve met a long-lost friend, someone, you cared deeply for but haven’t seen in years. This overwhelming flood of emotion could come accompanied by tears, extreme joy, and/or a compulsion to embrace because it has been a long time, at least one lifetime since you’ve been together.

They say that the eyes are the window to the soul, and you are likely to understand the meaning of this when you look into the eyes of someone you’ve shared adventures with in a past life. There is an uncanny instant knowingness and trust that you have shared experiences and you get a feeling, if not a glimpse, of this feeling of shared experiences. This shared trust allows you to drop human pretenses and feel like you can be open and honest with this person because you share this vast history with him or her.

As you reconnect with this person, you may find that you both have particular fascinations about geographic locations around the world and specific time periods. It’s likely that you have shared experiences in these locations in a past life. Your souls remember, even if you’re unable to consciously remember in this life.

As you get to know your fellow traveler (which happens very rapidly, if you’ve traveled together before) you realize that you understand, trust, and know each other more deeply than other people you have met in just this present life.

When you interact and spend time in each other’s presence time seems not to exists, you can share and chat with each other for what seems like minutes when hours may have slipped by because you’re more deeply connected outside the timeline of this life.

Even though you may be miles apart, the connection persists without any degradation due to time and space, and when you are able to reconnect again, it is as no time has passed and you just pick up right where you left off.

And who knows, you may even be a part of the same Cosmic Speakeasy, where you and a number of other soul mates, rendezvous and commiserate in between lives.

Just saying.

They Are Not Far Off

You’ve lost a loved one, someone who has slipped beyond this life and into the next. They are not far off. Of course, you are going to grieve and feel awful because there is no greater pain than losing someone you care about deeply, especially if it was someone you shared a deep connection with.

You can have a genuine, deep connection to anyone, even someone you’ve never met in person. This is the nature of human connection. It surpasses one’s ability to rationalize with the mind, nonetheless, the connection is deep and meaningful. If someone you don’t know personally passes and you had a deep connection with this person, the pain of separation can be just as great as if you knew this person intimately.

If this applies to you, it is best to do the greater part of your grieving in private, as grieving for someone you didn’t know personally is not socially acceptable, and your circle of influence among the living may begin to question your psychological wellness. It is sad but true. Don’t let them get to you.

This is referred to as disenfranchised grief, when you’re suffering the loss of someone who society has deemed you have no socially-legitimate claim to, such as a celebrity or an “Ex,” like an ex-friend, ex-lover, ex-spouse, or former step-relatives. Society may also frown on grieving for those who have died due to “questionable” condition, such as capital punishment or AIDS.

Other forms of grief which are shunned by society include professional relationship (even among caregivers and patients), and even your connection to a pet cannot be understood by someone who has never experienced the deep connection one can share with an animal.

In any case, you are entitled to the grieving process, and there is no limit to the amount of time that it takes for you to grieve. It takes as long as it takes, and no one can dictate how long it will take. Just know that in those most difficult times, it does get better.

You might find it comforting to know that when a loved one passes from this reality to the next, they are not far off.

“The other side” is not some faraway place in the heavens. It is all around us, as if in different dimensions of reality. While we are stuck here, vibrating in the third dimension, we (most of us) are limited to what we can experience in 3-D.

There are other dimensions where there is a great deal more life going on which we cannot see. In the third dimension, we can experience lower dimensions, like the second and first, but whatever life exists in the first or second cannot experience what is happening in the third dimension.

Likewise, if your loved one slips into a higher dimension, they can experience what is going on in the third dimension, where you reside.

That’s what I mean, when I say they are not far off. Their body and any pain or strife associated with life here is the property of the third dimension but the greater part of them is vibrating, living a full and happy life full of love in another dimension.

With very few exceptions, this happens instantly and seamlessly, even though we are unable to see or understand it fully. Though, you may have some idea of it if you have had a near-death experience (NDE).

If you have lost someone who has passed, with whom you shared a deep connection with (even if you didn’t know them personally, or not well) they are aware of that connection whilst on the other side.

They can see the connection, and be aware of your sadness and grief, even though they completely and utterly happy on the other side, and even so, they love you from there and wish that you were not sad, or in pain, but they can understand, for they know what its like to live in the third dimension, no matter how long they were able to remain there (in 3-D).

Occasionally, they will reach out and try to connect with you from the dimension where they now reside.

They might try to let you know they are not far off by finding ways to interact with you. There have been many stories about moving furniture, leaving cabinet doors open, hiding your keys, and the list goes on and on…

In my opinion, the most personal and intimate way for a loved one to let you know they are there is by touch. The touch from someone from the other side may not feel like a normal third-dimensional touch. It is more likely to feel like a very faint or gentle touch. More light a light brush of the skin that may feel a little ticklish, as if lightly brushed by a feather.

This is how my people from the other side let me know they are there. It happens both in times of sadness to reassure me that they are not far off, and it also happens when I am in a high celebratory state, or they just want to let me know that they are supporting me or sharing some other experience alongside me.

And when you become aware of this type of cross-dimensional communication, there is no doubt of the continuance of your connection. As if there was no separation at all.

One day, you will find yourself with them, interacting with other loved ones who have stayed behind in the third dimension, and you will understand and know this fully.

Invisible Ties that Bind

The invisible ties that bind us together are unseen shackles which keep us tethered together. These energetic cords are like umbilical cords through which the person or people that to whom we are connected draws energy, our very life force, from us.

You become connected to so many people throughout your course of life, and if you continue through life without doing a bit of spiritual and emotional cord-cutting, you remain deeply connected to the people whom you’d be better off freeing yourself from.

The first cords you establish are those that connect you to your parents, good or bad, loving or hateful, these cords connect you to your parents for life, unless you can go through the process of freeing yourself from their energy drain.

You are also energetically corded to people you admired, loved, cared for, people who have befriended you, done a favor for you, have had sex with you, or abused you. You can feel the connection when you think about any of these people. That energetic charge is very active because you are still connected to these people, and they are draining your energy, not unlike energy vampires, even though they may not be currently actively participating in your life today.

Whenever you make a promise, vow, or are indebted to someone, an energetic cord is connected. The connection remains, even long after the situation is rectified, expired, or the debt has been paid, unless you go about the work of disconnecting this invisible energetic connection.

You may have gone about the work of severing your relationship with a person from your past, yet, the invisible ties that bind remain keeping you connected to a person whose energy you would be better off without. As long as you are still connected to this person (these people) you will be unable to focus your energies and abilities to achieve your highest and best.

You will still be able to maintain a better life, but while these cords remain and persist in draining your precious energy, you may be prevented from realizing your best life.

Especially in past relationships, when you have pledged your love to someone, even long after that relationship has run its course, the connection and the energy drain persists as you continue to be haunted by the person you promised to love.

Traumatic energy connections also keep you connected to individuals and incidents which you would much rather be free from, holding you back and restraining your full potential in the present moment. These negative energetic cords are a leading contributor to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

While you remain connected, you will continue to attract these people to whom you are connected or other people who share a similar vibration, life, lifestyle, negative energy, or psychological profile.

When this energy remains connected to you, it clouds your vision and will project itself onto those new people, relationships, situations, and circumstances, triggering false cues or suspicions as the energy of the connection is projected onto your viewscreen of the present.

As unfair as it might seem, it remains a matter of fact, that unless these cords are cut, and you are free from these energetic drains from the past, it will hinder your potential to live your best life, free from these shadows and connections, and it may lead to physiological decline in health, wellness, and may promote a sensitivity to disease.

Psychotherapy might suggest a violent attempt to dig down into the recesses of your mind, having to drag you through each detail of the past, which is a traumatic process in itself, and though it may be effective, can take months or years of therapy (which works incredibly well for the therapists bottom-line).

For this reason, I prefer more modern (or ancient) methods of cutting cords from the past which are far less invasive, instantaneous, and have lasting results.

Think about how you know this to be true and ask yourself if you think now is a good time to sever the invisible ties that bind you to the past, so you can live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

Hit me up, if you need a referral.

Touch Me

Without touch humans will die. Among the living things on this planet, humans in particular, require being touched and nurtured as part of the survival matrix. A controlled study of infants who were not given proper nurturing (gentle touch, holding, verbal interaction, eye-gazing from another human being), while all other nutritional, health needs, and physiological needs (less the nurturing) were met, experienced a high mortality rate.

We know that hospitals, prisons, adult care facilities, and cemeteries are heavily populated by people who were not given adequate nurturing, human touch, and interaction in their younger years. While they received enough attention to survive, they were denied the ability to thrive for lack of touch.

Human beings need to be touched. The lack of compassionate human touching sends people in a whirlwind of exploration and searching for something to fill the void left by lack of touch. This pleasure-seeking enthusiasm leads to over-compensation by engaging in activities which seem to appease the need, or make you feel better, even though these efforts do not satisfy for long.

These activities include seeking material possessions, hoarding of objects or financial resources, living above one’s means, intense focus on increasing social status, moving into positions of power, risk taking, thrill seeking (engaging in potentially dangerous or questionably legal or moral activities), substance abuse, self-centered enhancements (i.e., cosmetic surgery, bodybuilding, etc.), among other things which can stave off the need for physical connection, including successive sexual encounters.

Sex and human connection with compassionate touching are not even closely related, therefore, the quest for successive sexual encounters, while it will ease the pain until the next dose, will not sustainably fill the void left by not touching and being connected to others.

Years of seeking to fill the void of left by lack of authentic human connection and nurturing touch, leads one to the conclusion that nothing can fill the gap, and without connected physical touch, the immune system declines, clearing the way for disease and one’s deterioration of heath.

If you are among those who did not receive adequate amounts of compassionate nurturing as a child, you probably don’t even know how important it is to you. You do not need to live your life as an A-type personality in a fervor to keep up with the Joneses, spending your life scurrying through the rat race, turn to a life of addiction, or crime, etc. in an attempt to feel better. You can engage in some healthy activities which can fill the void left by lack of connection.

Snuggling with a pet (that is not averse to the idea of snuggling) can help to feel the void, and it doesn’t even require the engagement of another person. This is a good source of connection in the absence of another human being and has proven to be effective for increasing health and longevity in the elderly.

Hugging (while it may sound crazy, at first) is an excellent non-threatening activity. If you are not well-acquainted with the idea of compassionate hugging, just for the sake of hugging without any sexual or manipulative intent, it can take some time to get used to the idea.

A 7-second hug boosts the immune system and releases health-enhancing feel good hormones, like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, while a 20-second hug (which would be awkward with someone with whom you did not know well or were intimate with) increases the effects exponentially.

There are other methods available to subsidize your lack of touch and to neutralize the effects of lack of touch in your childhood. These can be explored with an aware third-party, coach, or counselor.

Loving How to Communicate in Love

Heartfelt communication can make the difference between sweet love and love crisis in love and romance. How you share those most important issues any normal couple faces amidst your love life makes all the difference in love and loving. How to communicate in love with compassion is the doorway leading to the next level in your love’s exponential potential.

Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt created a loving technique which helps you understand how to communicate in love and relationships called the Imalgo Dialogue or “safe conversation.” This is a process of moving through communicative exchange between two people which engenders loving how to communicate in love.

Here is a basic structure you can follow to experience what it is like to engage in the loving communication model.

Let’s say your partner has something important to say to you. If you want to use this safe conversation model to have a deeper level of connection and communication with your partner, oversimplified, it would go something, like this:

1. Tell me about it.

Allow your partner to tell his or her story.

2. That’s interesting. What else?

Now, you’re inviting your partner to delve deeper into their story.

3. How does that make you feel?

This is safely inviting your partner to share how they feel, which is often overlooked in conversation, unless it is exposed when negative communication styles erupt emotionally.

4. Is there more?

Let’s face it, we’re all a little protective about how we feel. This is a safely guarded spot in our heart, where we hide our feelings. Being invited by your partner to express any underlying, deeper emotion, is not only increasing your connection, it also enables you to examine and rationalize what might be underneath why you are feeling the way you’re feeling.

5. Let me see if I’ve got that.

This is when you restate your partner’s story, and how they feel about the issue at hand in your own words, trying to see it from his or her point of view, including how he or she feels about it.

6. Is that right?

This invites your partner to make any corrections to your attempt to understand his or her point of view. Let hi or her correct you, then repeat go back to step 5. Repeat as necessary, until your partner indicates that you have a good understanding of his or her perspective and feelings regarding the topic at hand.

7. Is there more?

This introduces a loop back to step 4 which might appear to be redundant but actually, your partner has often uncovered more about the topic of this discussion, discovered new information, and found links to other emotional issues from the past. There may be new information to share.

When all is said and done, you can lovingly let your partner know,

“I see how that make sense. And understanding that, I see that it could make you feel…” fully supporting him or her without interrupting, challenging, or judgment. This is compassion in action.

You can find out more about the Imalgo Dialogue in Getting the Love You Want, A Guide for Couples by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Empathic Understanding

Connection via empathetic understanding is the real connection between two people and is the most endearing act of love and honor which one can present to another. This connection is the most meaningful part of any relationship. You know it. You remember when you’ve felt it. When your friend finishes your sentences, when you’ve had a strong bond with a teacher or mentor, you felt connected, understood.

You know this. Yet, surprisingly, I see a lack of empathetic understanding as the underlying indicator of trouble ahead in the most important relationships, between lovers. Maybe you felt a connected and/or understood in the beginning (though that was likely a more powerful driving force than connection) but after a while, you realize that the connection you felt was simply you projecting your desire to be connected and understood onto your partner.

When you’re in the projection mode, you see everything interpreted through your special lens which is rose-colored and sees synchronicity in all things. Following the passing of time, things that used to be “cute” are becoming annoying, and you’re no longer feeling as though you are connected or understood, as you once thought you were.

When you’re projecting your feelings onto your interpretation of another person, you feel as though they are feeling your feelings, even when no such connection exists.

It is this feeling of another’s feelings that Stephen Covey refers to as his, “Habit number 5: Seek first to understand then to be understood” in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This is the connection which exemplifies the highest integrity and connection between two people, whether used in business relationships, or more importantly, at home. It is a powerful connection which promotes and deepens respect, trust, and intimacy.

This simple method of joining the worlds of two people into a united vision felt by two is the secret of the most successful relationships. Sometimes it just happens organically, and the two people don’t even know they are doing it. For the rest of us, we need to first understand the concept before we can even think about attempting such a thing. And it’s on you to proactively take the first step.

Understanding is not giving advice, being over-protective, or fixing things for another person. Empathetic understanding is simply the process of actively listening, inviting them to dig deeper, and even more deeply, until they have gotten it all out, while you are using your imagination to feel what it might be like to be in that other person’s shoes, empathizing with him or her.

Empathetic Understanding

If you’re unaccustomed to this higher level of listening, it may take some practice. Creating a safe and sacred atmosphere can be an important component when someone is sharing something close to their heart, so eliminating distractors, such as the TV, music playing in the background, or retreating to a place where more privacy can be established are excellent ways to honor your partner’s sharing.

Nodding your head and looking them in the eye indicates you’re listening, while you are resisting your inclination to interrupt or interject when they are sharing. Let them speak their piece and listen carefully. When they pause, simply try to restate what they just said in your own words, starting with, “Let me see if I get what you’re saying…”

Then ask them if there’s anything more they’d like to say about that? And let them continue. Repeat this as many times as necessary, until they’ve announced that’s all they have to say.

Rather than give in to the urge to counsel or help him or her fix something your partner is concerned about, after first imagining what he or she might be feeling, feeling it as though you were feeling them yourself, offer up validation of your partner’s feelings. Something like, “Wow, you must have felt devastated.” And allow them to either agree with you or reclarify what they are feeling about what they were sharing. If they reclarify, imagine what it would feel like from that perspective.

If you have different opinions about something like your partner was terrified by a ride at the amusement park and you found it exhilarating, you can validate your partner’s feelings while agreeing to allow each other the right to their own experience. For instance, you might say, “I can feel how terrified you must have been on that ride,” (empathy, and continue) “but I was having the time of my life.” It’s okay to have different points of view, but very important to deeply understand where your partner is coming from and honor them by allowing them to have their experience any way they want to.

If they’ve intimated their story to you devoid of feelings, it might be helpful to lightly probe and encourage them to share their feelings by simply asking, “How did that make you feel?”

I think you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level.

Fear of Abandonment in Love

In many relationships, fear of abandonment can find ways to thwart your attempts to find love, no matter how you try. Dealing with one who has fear of abandonment issues, whether this applies to you, or someone you’re in love with.

In most, if not all, cases, fear of abandonment can be traced back to one’s childhood. It is often linked with a mother or primary caregiver who was not there to provide the proper nurturing, caring and attentive support to the child. Regardless of the reason for the lack of nurturing, whether the primary had to work, or had personal issues or unavoidable circumstances to properly love and connect with this little baby, this young child grew up insecure.

This insecurity could express itself as either avoidance or anxiety.

Avoidance

In the person who expresses his or her fear of abandonment as avoidance, he (avoidance if far more common among men) or she will likely retreat when his or her partner is crying out for love and connection. When witnessing his or her partner expressing his or her need, the avoider will make a bee-line to a safe place.

Commonly, he or she will retreat to the office, or some other location deemed as a “safety zone,” and so it is not uncommon for avoiders to become workaholics.

As a child, the avoider found self-sufficiency and finding comfort in solitude his or her coping mechanism in dealing with a primary caregiver who did not give them the love, attention, and support they so desperately needed in those young and formative early years.

Anxiety

If the person who was raised with abandonment issues found reward from crying out or clamoring for attention, then this will likely carry over into adulthood. The anxious person carrying fear of abandonment issues will likely be stirring the pot in an attempt to get the attention they seek, even though this obviously is an ineffective method of getting them what they want.

What do they want?

In either case, whether they are operating from a place of avoidance or anxiety, both of these individuals are desperately in search of the love, safety and security they were denied at a very tender, young age.

Since we are often drawn and attracted to someone like our parents, you will have someone in your life that triggers the abandonment threshold which throws you into a state of panic or fight or flight response.

This emotional state of emergency disconnects the part of the brain which is reserved for rational thought as they follow their knee-jerk instincts which seek to protect them from further abandonment. So the avoider retreats and the anxious person who fears abandonment pitches a fit because the avoider feel safe in seclusion and the anxious person gets attention (even though it is negative) when they act up.

This reactivity does not foster a healthy environment for creating a congruent connection between two people. In fact, it does just the opposite, it keeps these two people from having a positive, loving and supportive relationship, which is just the opposite of what they so long to have. But for them, it has not become about connection, it has been reduced to its simplest form of survival, so they react and prevent connection from happening.

And there’s a good chance that you are either one of these, either suffering from avoidance or anxiety paradigms, and you are also in a relationship with one, and there’s an even greater chance that if you are in a relationship with someone also suffering from fear of abandonment, that your partnered with someone who is the other type.

In most fear of abandonment couples, one is the avoider and the other is anxious.

What can I do, if I’m in a relationship with someone who has fear of abandonment issues?

Good question. Thankfully, there is a cure for what ails the person who is dealing with fear of abandonment issues.

Avoidance

The person who is suffering from abandonment and has embraced avoidance as his or her coping mechanism wants love and connection but has no idea about how to get it. He or she retreats and expects you to leave.

The key, here, is to do exactly the opposite of what he or she expects. Don’t disconnect yourself, instead, be totally supportive, reach out and touch the heart of the avoider in such a way that he or she longed for in childhood.

That’s right. Treat him or her like a baby, hold him or her in your arms, look him or her in the eyes and say, “I am here for you. I know you feel like running away, right now, and that’s okay, but I will be right here for you. I love you. I really, really love you. I am here for you and I will never leave nor forsake you. You can depend on me.”

The results may not be immediate, but as you gain the trust of the avoider and he or she begins to realize that you are there for comfort, support, safety, security and benevolently offering your loving kindness, and he or she sees strength, consistency, and dependability in your love, he or she will open up.

This might be the first time he or she has ever felt safe.

Anxiety

The anxious person suffering from fear of abandonment needs the same thing. Needs to know he or she will not be judged or ridiculed, desires to be loved, accepted and embraced in love.

When he or she is acting out, this can look like a rant or a fit of rage, but in reality, it is only this person’s inner child crying out for love and connection.

Likewise, instead of berating or getting defensive, make eye contact in a loving and non-threatening manner, just as you would a little baby, reach out and hold him or her, let him or her know that they are loved unconditionally. And if it was something that you did to trigger this response assure him or her, “Hey, I can see that you’re upset. I’m so sorry. I never meant to do anything to hurt you. I would never intentionally do that. I am here for you. I love you. I am here for you.”

Again, if you are honest and true, your love will shine through in your actions, and this person might be able to feel safe and secure in your love.

The more secure he or she feels over time, the more infrequent the reactions will be.

And there is a third type of person who suffers from fear and abandonment. This one is the,

Trauma

Having suffered trauma as a child, this person acts out more expressively, probably jumping to conclusions and making irrational accusations, over-reacting to circumstances and scenarios that might seem mundane to anyone else.

The traumatics are often their own worst enemy driving away those whom they desperately want to be loved by.

Again, just like everyone else, they are desperately in search of love and connection.

If you are brave and steadfast enough, your love can break through the protective walls they have built around themselves.

Love can be a dirty business, but there is no greater love than being the reason that someone has sincerely felt safe, secure and loved for the very first time.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Reach Out and Connect

When you’re reaching out to connect to people, then by all means do it.

In a society where connecting is more and more limited to less and less; that is to say less face to face communication and more electronic interaction, with less content. Today, we maintain such a high pace and level of activity, that we don’t have time for anyone else but that which we focus on.

What are we focusing on that is so important, and what do we have to show for it?

I don’t know; let me check how many people liked my last post?

It looks, to me, like there is some force at work in the background of our society to keep us so busy doing nothing and keeps us separated with an artificial sense of remaining connected. Whether there is any underlying purpose, or not, the fact of the matter is that our culture is changing, and it you want to connect with someone in a relationship, a business affiliation, or as part of a movement, you’re going to have to have a different approach.

Technology is definitely a part of how we connect, there’s no denying that, but do something more. Yes, connect with each other on social media, but If you want more out of this relationship than a tick on your social media account create a better connection by offering something of value.

I always try to leave someone better than when I met them, if I can. Encourage them, help them see the good in something they thought was not, give them something that could potentially change the way they previously thought about something, or help them imagine what a better life might look like.

None of this is tangible or costs you anything but a few moments of your time, yet can be extremely valuable. Value does not depend on your cash outlay, or a retail price, but more value is placed on things that touch our hearts, or make us feel something.

If you can leave them with something to touch that they can keep with them, even better. Even with business cards fading into the dark ages, I still think of them as a physical item that can be put in someone’s hand. It may have little or no value, but to remind them of you and your conversation (hopefully it was a good one). It doesn’t have to be a business card, it could be anything, a lucky penny or stone, a napkin with your name and email scrawled on it or something that might cause them to remember this meeting sometime after departure.

They may not reach out to you, but BRAVO, you’ve made a connection, one that has a potential of being more meaningful than a new Facebook “friend” or Twitter follower.

If I want to hear from someone again, I like to give them a reason to contact me; so I’m likely to ask them to do something that they can get back to me on. Most of the time, they don’t (not soon, anyway) but it’s given them something to think about, and it gives them an excuse to reach out to me and create an even more meaningful connection.

I hope the future of relationships is not on the brink of vanishing from the planet altogether. The good news is that people still desire connection, and they’re supporting it with their dollars. They are willing to pay to feel like they are a part of something, and “connection” is the only thing that businesses are effectively using to compete with the big corporations.

This is a very good sign that there is hope for connectedness in the future.

If you don’t believe me, just ask your hairdresser.

Reach out, connect face-to-face, give them a talisman, an invitation to follow up, and bless them.

Relationship Skills for a Better Life

Since you do not live in a vacuum, you are surrounded by a wide variety of people who add color and depth to your human experience, how you manage these people (or how they manage you) are based on your relationship skills.

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes from spousal, cohabitation, familial, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. Sometimes, family (our closest relationships) are the most difficult to manage.

Probably, the most important skill you can have in managing your relationships is communication. How adept or inept you are at demonstrating your communication skills can have a huge impact on the relationships you manage.

It’s pretty apparent if you possess pathetic communication skills. For instance, people constantly misunderstand what you’re trying to say, you are prone to get into heated debates (even though you may feel like you’re winning), and your emotions run high when you are talking to someone about something that is important to you (and more likely, not positive emotions). Is it any wonder people are less likely to want to be in your presence?

By building your relationship skills, you can develop deeper, more meaningful relationships, which promotes more success, abundance, and happiness in your life.

Some things you might consider in building your relationship skills might be,

When a conversation is heading into difficult territory, avoid bringing up the past. By staying current, you and the other participants are less likely to be defensive of fill like they’re being attacked.

Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What might it look like from their point of view, having lived the life they’ve lived? Sticking to your guns, and not allowing someone to see, think of feel differently, only causes separation, while allowing people to be who they are creates more affinity.

Pay attention to what they’re saying. Use active listening skills by repeating what they’ve said in your own words to acknowledge them and let them know you’re understanding what they’re saying.

When somebody says something that is contrary to what you might believe, or you’re feeling criticized or challenged, don’t ready yourself for a battle. Try not to be so defensive, and respond with an affirmative, “Oh, that’s interesting.” And if they try to pick a fight, don’t let them drag you into destructive banter. Stay your ground and remain positive.

Give up the idea of winning and seek ways you can arrive at compromise. Finding a way to compromise means “everyone wins.” Avoid win/lose conversations or situations, and don’t settle for win/lose compromise where one party is making all the concessions. Make sure both parties give-in and both parties get some of the important things they wanted.

If the conversation is getting heated and emotions are rising, take a break. Agree to do something else for a pre-determined amount of time and return to the subject at hand, after taking a break, when you are refreshed and can revisit the topic with clear heads and hearts.

Blaming someone never accomplishes anything but causing more division. Find ways to take responsibility for whatever you can. This helps to relieve the pressure, plus it gives you more control, the more responsibility you take. Why? Because you’re the only one who can control you.

If you think things are getting away from you, then seek a coach, counselor or consultant who can advise and act as a mediator to break through any barriers you may be facing.

Make time to cultivate your relationships. Don’t let texting or social media be your only connection method. There’s nothing that compares to authentic face-to-face time. Create opportunities for more in-person conversation, leading to a deeper, more meaningful connection.

It’s not just enough to be in the presence of someone, like at a movie, or a conference. Make time for a little face-to-face interaction before, after, or during breaks to communicate and interconnect directly.

If you’re not in the habit of it, be bold enough to freak out your friends and family by calling them via voice phone (no texting allowed, here) for no other reason, just to say, “Hi,” without any agenda, other than to let them know you were thinking about him or her.

If someone is important to you, let them know, even if only in some small way. Send them a note, or some small token of your affection, thanking them for being a positive influence in your life. These people help give your life meaning.

If your relationship is built on a foundation of love, don’t be afraid to let them know, if not by words, then by touching them appropriately while communicating with them, or greet them with a light hug or some other appropriate gesture.