Tag: past relationships

No Drama Please in Love Relationships

If you have been in a past relationship that had a lot of drama in it, you may have come to a place of unwillingness to accommodate any drama from anyone who may present themselves to you as a potential mate. No one is saying this is a good thing or a bad thing, it just is what it is. This is a form of protection for the sake of self-preservation.

If this applies to your circumstance, at some time in a potential courtship, you may notice one or more apparent inconsistencies which will sound off alarms in your heart and mind. Many a potentially loving relationship was cut short by an early warning detection system raising red flags, which can be found everywhere you look. (This is a natural neurological condition referred to as the reticular activating system or RAS for short.)

If this bit of neural psychology is correct, if you’ve been hurt by someone, you will have reviewed all the little clues that you missed that would have been apparent and available to you consciously had you been more aware or suspicious. In many cases, you miss these signs due to the surge of the hormone Oxytocin which causes rosy retrospection otherwise known as having donned rose-colored glasses.

This is to say, if you are in love, the red flags that may have alerted you to something being amiss were overlooked and misinterpreted as cute inconsistencies or eccentricities or seen as having little meaning or threat.

Upon review following a failed relationship, all these warning signs become painfully apparent which may lead to a condition called pistanthrophobia that presupposes that the victim will be unable to trust anyone who presents him or herself as a potential suitor or suitress.

You want to survive the next relationship, so you’re constantly reviewing the data you’ve processed and measure against your observations of your next potential mate, ever looking for clues that there is trouble amiss.

This is a necessary method of self-preservation. It’s what helps us survive and is a logical way to avoid another bad relationship. The downside?  Pistanthrophobia will likely sabotage all potential future relationships, because it can color normal abstract human behavior as threatening red flags. And the mind will go to great lengths to take the reigns of the imagination and build up cases against any potential romantic relationship on the flimsiest nuggets of misinformation.

This will have the unfortunate consequence of assuring failure after failure for romance for the seeker of true and lasting love, as unsubstantiated clues are met with Miss Interpretation leading to Red Flag Obsession.

Sufferers of pistanthrophobia will prematurely end a potential relationship with a positively loving individual who may display a moment of weakness or a slight misstep that sounds emergency alarms all over town in the life of the overly cautious and protective seeker of true and enduring love. The result? The extermination and loss of a true love potential.

What is the answer?

A qualified family therapist or relationship coach can help an earnest seeker of love, dig up the roots of love failures of the past, process the lessons learned, and move on securely in faith, trust, and true love, a love that starts with one’s self, then overflows into the hearts of others.

All those negative experiences?

Successfully harnessed can help lead you into the powerful love relationship you are looking for.

Don’t give up. Get help. Heal. Get strong. Open your heart, and let your love flow.

When Someone Kicks You Out of Their Life

You were friends connected at a deeper level than other beings. You intrinsically shared the same vibration and trusted each other with your innermost thoughts, guarded feelings, and hidden desires. When someone kicks you out of their life, it leaves an indelible mark, a bruise on your heart, leaving you feeling as though you’ve been betrayed by your most trusted friend.

At some level, you may feel guilt from trusting too much or making such a big deal out of a relationship because intimate relationships, like this, are not protected by contract law, like a marital relationship. No, we have these intimate relationships with other people with no safety net, no way to execute retribution, to make them pay for their betrayal. No, when someone kicks you out of their life, they simply disappear, and you know they are gone.

If you have a pattern of fear of abandonment recurring in your life, the separation hurts you even more, and you feel even more guilty because you thought you were above that by now. Still the pain hits you in the chest and you fall to the floor (even if only metaphorically) as your heart aches. You are left feeling abandoned and betrayed by your friend.

To complicate things even more, you may be in a professional or social environment where you will be in the presence of the person who kicked you out of their life, the see them living their life with you clearly excluded from meaningful participation in it, as the hurt surges to the deepest part of you.

Losing a close friend can lead to grief which is followed by the 7 phases of grief. The loss of a friend who has kicked you out of their life is not unlike losing a loved one who has taken him or her self out of your life by dying, or even more accurate if they’ve intentionally committed suicide. Even though they are still alive, the loss is just as meaningful, and the grief process is a necessary process if you’re to have hope of getting your life back.

A normal person will use his or her imagination to try to figure out what is going on here, why would someone kick you out of their life? There is little or no value in second-guessing or imagining what could have been the cause of the separation or betrayal. This can be a self-destructive and potentially obsessive negative train of thought, which causes your immune system to steadily deteriorate not only while you engage in the thought process, but for eight hours after you’ve let go of the thoughts.

The sooner you can get to thoughts of genuine goodness and love the more faithful and true you will be to yourself, and when you use the power of your imagination to take you to places where love resides, you transport yourself to the vibrational state of love, no matter where you are, or what’s going on around you. In contrast to the effects of negative thought on your immune system, while you are in the frequency if love, your immune system is boosted, and the increase of your physiological fortitude continues for eight hours.

So, the best thing you can do is to remember the good times, remember them. And if they were really amazingly incredible, use your imagination to relive those moments, to love and cherish them, fully immersing yourself in the full emotion of it, and resist the temptation to devolve into haunting thoughts of betrayal or disapproval.

Feel gratitude for sharing those incredible moments with another person. If they are no longer fully participating in your life in the now, have gratitude for the tender moments you were blessed to share.

Finding new ways to raise your vibration to love and above, cherishing and celebrating your life in new ways, making and finding new friends, and loving life with everything you’ve got serves you best. And when someone kicks you out of their life, let them go. Their life might have been far greater with you in it, but they chose otherwise, and you will love-on regardless.

Love-on, my friend, love on.

Relationships Come and Go

Living life is all about advancing, growing and changing. Not settling for mediocrity, nor staying in the same place. Real life is about transitioning from one stage to the next, making the necessary adjustments along the way, and relationships come and go, though some remain.

As you move through this life, you will encounter and bond with people along the way who will vary in significance. You may develop deep relationships which serve you in the deepest, most meaningful ways. You would like to believe that people who play such a key role in your life today will be there tomorrow. Yet in many cases, this is not meant to be.

The best lives are built on a foundation of growth and change, and sometimes, the people who mean the most to you today may not be suitable for the path you are destined to follow. Everyone has their own journey; some relationships can be sustained longer than others.

In order to keep growing, changing, and continuing on your sacred journey, you must be able to find comfort in moving on from relationships that no longer serve you, as you move on.

You’ve shared life and love with them, will cherish the memories, carry them always in your heart, and keep moving.

Everything is in divine order, and these people of varying significance were integral to your success and metamorphosis. They were there for you, supported you, cared for you, loved you, and gave you the strength to keep going on.

Returning to places or revisiting people from your past via celebration or reunion brings a flood of nostalgic emotion, instantly taking you back to the moment in time when these moments from your past were so integral to your survival and transition, and you are blessed.

As much as you might want to return to those times, you know you no longer are connected to those people, places, and things, like you were before. You are an entirely different person now, and so are they, living lives so different, each better in your own ways.

Realizing that relationships come and go helps you to appreciate the people who have significance in your life. You are far more appreciative, cherishing and honoring each moment because you know it may not last forever, though it may feel like it in the moment.

When relationships come to us we are blessed, sometimes sharing the most intimate of moments, when relationships go, it can be hard to say goodbye, even lead to heartbreak, or depression, but life goes on.

New people will be attracted to you to help you on your journey, and others will come into your life who will test you, help you to learn, grow, and expand into the best version of yourself.

There will be those who may be on a similar enough path to yours to accompany you for much, if not all, of your journey. These are those, the most special of whom will be there forever.

For those who you’ve left behind, they can live on forever in your memories, in the deepest most precious recesses of your heart, always honored and remembered for their blessing you along the way. In a sense, still encouraging you and supporting your continued growth and transformation from within.

Continue to love and bless them, and they may continue to love and bless you, even though you may never cross paths again, as you live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

Loving Upstream

Love resistance is one’s inability to accept and embrace the best things in life, the positive, powerful emotions, even rejecting them due to sensitivities to negative attachments from the past.

Fear will keep you anchored in negative emotional states because there is a feeling (albeit a false sense of security) associated with the belief that you can control the life which surrounds you with brute force. The emotions of fear are all in the domain of force.

In the realm of power, are emotions which are based in love. To hover among these emotional states requires letting go and allowing life to flow as you detach from expectations and grow.

You can achieve much in your own militaristic strength and understanding, but if you can lean not unto your own understanding, you open our life to new, infinite possibilities, allowing exponential rewards from far less effort on your part because you are operating in the flow of the power of love, in effect downstream.

Going with the flow, you travel much further with little or no effort. You must still be active and aware enabling you to simply maneuver your movement amidst the flow to avoid any potential resistance. You don’t have to be pushing to move upstream with all your might against the current.

If you are loving upstream, against the current, you will be unable to accept genuine love flowing from another. Your perception is clouded by fear from an experience from the past. You will be predisposed to suspicion of being love because love in the past resulted in pain.

You know you are loving upstream if you predicate any display of love with, “the last time.”

“The last time,” is an excellent method to support the survival of the fittest. We learn from our mistakes and protect ourselves from suffering a similar negative result by protecting ourselves with all our might upstream; against the current or flow of love.

Some examples might include, your partner asks you to put on your safety belt, and you resist because you’ve associated wearing a safety belt with being controlled of having the affairs of your life dictated by someone else in the past. You recoil with rejection, when your partner’s intent was to encourage you to be safe, as an expression of his or her love for you.

Other upstream rejections of another’s expression of love might include feeling assaulted when you are complimented. Feeling threatened if given an unexpected gift or shown some other form of generosity. Not being able to receive compliments because of either feeling unworthy or fearing potential manipulation. Rejecting intimacy because, “All you want is sex,” when this refers more to a past relationship, rather than reality in the now. And the list goes on and on, ad infinitum.

So you build walls of protection around yourself and push away any potential for love in fear, upstream, against the current.

Effective? Yes. Your highest and best method of living in the flow of love? No.

No wonder the search for love is so frustrating, even exhausting, when you’re attempting to achieve it with all your determined strength, loving upstream.

Invisible Ties that Bind

The invisible ties that bind us together are unseen shackles which keep us tethered together. These energetic cords are like umbilical cords through which the person or people that to whom we are connected draws energy, our very life force, from us.

You become connected to so many people throughout your course of life, and if you continue through life without doing a bit of spiritual and emotional cord-cutting, you remain deeply connected to the people whom you’d be better off freeing yourself from.

The first cords you establish are those that connect you to your parents, good or bad, loving or hateful, these cords connect you to your parents for life, unless you can go through the process of freeing yourself from their energy drain.

You are also energetically corded to people you admired, loved, cared for, people who have befriended you, done a favor for you, have had sex with you, or abused you. You can feel the connection when you think about any of these people. That energetic charge is very active because you are still connected to these people, and they are draining your energy, not unlike energy vampires, even though they may not be currently actively participating in your life today.

Whenever you make a promise, vow, or are indebted to someone, an energetic cord is connected. The connection remains, even long after the situation is rectified, expired, or the debt has been paid, unless you go about the work of disconnecting this invisible energetic connection.

You may have gone about the work of severing your relationship with a person from your past, yet, the invisible ties that bind remain keeping you connected to a person whose energy you would be better off without. As long as you are still connected to this person (these people) you will be unable to focus your energies and abilities to achieve your highest and best.

You will still be able to maintain a better life, but while these cords remain and persist in draining your precious energy, you may be prevented from realizing your best life.

Especially in past relationships, when you have pledged your love to someone, even long after that relationship has run its course, the connection and the energy drain persists as you continue to be haunted by the person you promised to love.

Traumatic energy connections also keep you connected to individuals and incidents which you would much rather be free from, holding you back and restraining your full potential in the present moment. These negative energetic cords are a leading contributor to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

While you remain connected, you will continue to attract these people to whom you are connected or other people who share a similar vibration, life, lifestyle, negative energy, or psychological profile.

When this energy remains connected to you, it clouds your vision and will project itself onto those new people, relationships, situations, and circumstances, triggering false cues or suspicions as the energy of the connection is projected onto your viewscreen of the present.

As unfair as it might seem, it remains a matter of fact, that unless these cords are cut, and you are free from these energetic drains from the past, it will hinder your potential to live your best life, free from these shadows and connections, and it may lead to physiological decline in health, wellness, and may promote a sensitivity to disease.

Psychotherapy might suggest a violent attempt to dig down into the recesses of your mind, having to drag you through each detail of the past, which is a traumatic process in itself, and though it may be effective, can take months or years of therapy (which works incredibly well for the therapists bottom-line).

For this reason, I prefer more modern (or ancient) methods of cutting cords from the past which are far less invasive, instantaneous, and have lasting results.

Think about how you know this to be true and ask yourself if you think now is a good time to sever the invisible ties that bind you to the past, so you can live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

Hit me up, if you need a referral.