waiting for true love

No Drama Please in Love Relationships

If you have been in a past relationship that had a lot of drama in it, you may have come to a place of unwillingness to accommodate any drama from anyone who may present themselves to you as a potential mate. No one is saying this is a good thing or a bad thing, it just is what it is. This is a form of protection for the sake of self-preservation.

If this applies to your circumstance, at some time in a potential courtship, you may notice one or more apparent inconsistencies which will sound off alarms in your heart and mind. Many a potentially loving relationship was cut short by an early warning detection system raising red flags, which can be found everywhere you look. (This is a natural neurological condition referred to as the reticular activating system or RAS for short.)

If this bit of neural psychology is correct, if you’ve been hurt by someone, you will have reviewed all the little clues that you missed that would have been apparent and available to you consciously had you been more aware or suspicious. In many cases, you miss these signs due to the surge of the hormone Oxytocin which causes rosy retrospection otherwise known as having donned rose-colored glasses.

This is to say, if you are in love, the red flags that may have alerted you to something being amiss were overlooked and misinterpreted as cute inconsistencies or eccentricities or seen as having little meaning or threat.

Upon review following a failed relationship, all these warning signs become painfully apparent which may lead to a condition called pistanthrophobia that presupposes that the victim will be unable to trust anyone who presents him or herself as a potential suitor or suitress.

You want to survive the next relationship, so you’re constantly reviewing the data you’ve processed and measure against your observations of your next potential mate, ever looking for clues that there is trouble amiss.

This is a necessary method of self-preservation. It’s what helps us survive and is a logical way to avoid another bad relationship. The downside? Pistanthrophobia will likely sabotage all potential future relationships, because it can color normal abstract human behavior as threatening red flags. And the mind will go to great lengths to take the reigns of the imagination and build up cases against any potential romantic relationship on the flimsiest nuggets of misinformation.

This will have the unfortunate consequence of assuring failure after failure for romance for the seeker of true and lasting love, as unsubstantiated clues are met with Miss Interpretation leading to Red Flag Obsession.

Sufferers of pistanthrophobia will prematurely end a potential relationship with a positively loving individual who may display a moment of weakness or a slight misstep that sounds emergency alarms all over town in the life of the overly cautious and protective seeker of true and enduring love. The result? The extermination and loss of a true love potential.

What is the answer?

A qualified family therapist or relationship coach can help an earnest seeker of love, dig up the roots of love failures of the past, process the lessons learned, and move on securely in faith, trust, and true love, a love that starts with one’s self, then overflows into the hearts of others.

All those negative experiences?

Successfully harnessed can help lead you into the powerful love relationship you are looking for.

Don’t give up. Get help. Heal. Get strong. Open your heart, and let your love flow.

Love Comes When You Least Expect It

Even when the love manifestors are out there coaching us on how to flip the switch to make love appear in our lives (I know, I’m one of them), why is it that people still claim that love comes when you least expect it?

There’s one dominant reason that people declare love comes when you least expect it, because in most cases that’s the way it goes, even when you’re fervently working toward manifesting your perfect mate.

Getting matched-up with the person who truly is the perfect match for you is not something you want to rush.

Likely, if you’re in the process of finding the right person, especially if the reason is that you’ve selected the wrong person in the past or even a long succession of wrong people in the past, it’s because you’ve been doing it wrong.

It’s not that, “Your picker’s broken.” It’s more that you’re just not doing it right.

There are many reasons why we do it wrong which can be traced all the way back to your birth (and even before).

When you are deliberately and intentionally going about attracting or seeking your ultimate mate, now (hopefully) you’re going about it in a different way. Firstly, you have a better understanding of what you have to bring to a potential relationship.

The best love relationships come as the result of filling yourself with so much love and letting it spill over into the lives of those around you. True love starts with you.

You’ve realized that the way you went about it in the past did not serve you well, so you’re a little (or a lot) more particular about what’s going on inside your potential love interest.

There’s a good chance that in the past, you sort of jumped the gun and found yourself in a full-blown relationship due to premature infatuation. Your body and brain chemistry get triggered and the attraction faction takes over your ability to rationalize what’s happening.

This is a temporary condition. When the chemical reaction begins to subside, you wake up one morning, look over at the person sleeping next to you and ask yourself, “How’d I get myself into this mess?”

At that point, you either try to make the best of it or cut and run.

But when you’re cognizant, purposely and lovingly waiting, holding your own loving and sacred space for “the one,” it’s a whole different deal. You have your hormones in check. You’re aware of your tendency to make bad choices, and you’re more aware of what’s going on around you.

This state of increased awareness and alertness can actually be counterproductive in terms of the laws of attraction.

If you are exerting a great deal of effort and energy in trying to make your true love happen, it may actually produce an energy field which will prevent your beloved to be drawn to you.

It’s as if you are struggling against the current, or swimming upstream in an effort to find your true love, when true love is found in the releasing of energy. You cannot fight your way to true love (even though there are reports of people who have done so. I suspect this is a different kind of love. Even though it does appear to be sustainable over a period of time).

That’s why it appears that love comes when you least expect it.

Because you’re in the process of doing a lot of inner work while you are in the process of attracting your true love, there’s going to be a delay. You’re not going to exchange phone numbers with the first person that you’re attracted to this go-round. You realize this is not in your best interest.

So, it’s going to take longer than the hookups which you’re probably more accustomed to.

Once you’re aware of who you are and who would be best suited for you, there is a sense of urgency, seeking, and filtering process which you engage in, which is upstream activity. Not the best energy for attracting true love, though it can happen.

When you’re nearly ready to collapse from exhaustion (from all the upstream activity), you’re considering the withdrawal from all the “putting yourself out there,” you might want to hold off on deleting your profile.

It’s when you’ve released and let go of the angst and expectation, when you’ve given up, that the holy spirit is allowed to bring true love to you.

That’s why it looks like love comes when you least expect it.

You’ve walked away from the work of seeking love or trying to make love happen with all your best thinking and activity of the flesh.

True love is not an act of the flesh. True love is born of the heart in peaceful and overflowing abundance without any effort, as if floating downstream in love’s flow.

That’s when love comes; when you least expect it.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Sometimes when we’re in search of our significant other, life partner, or soulmate, we can get sidetracked by the part of the process which represents the time necessary for the (metaphorical) alignment of the planets.

When you are young and ruled by your biology seeking a mate to fulfill that part of your life’s calling to “be fruitful and multiply” Mother Nature is running the show on your behalf to accomplish her mission. At this point in your life experience, there is far less clarity in the definition of “true love.”

In those early days, Hollywood’s definition of true love is sufficient. Later in life (or for few of us, this can take place earlier in life), you can come to a point where you realize that Hollywood (who serves Mother Nature) has lied to you, and we understand that you are more than your biology and impulses wrapped in meat. And you look for a better idea of what true love really is.

From this perspective looking for true love takes on a decidedly different appearance. When once you might have been satisfied with aligning yourself with another person who satisfies your desires sufficiently, now your expectations take on a whole new light.

When you first start looking for love, you are much more spontaneous. You don’t realize how this relationship will affect your life, the lives of all the people around you, and the community or world at large. These concerns are not even on your radar, you didn’t even give a moment of thought to reflect on how this particular coupling might affect your whole world. All you know is that you are happy with the feeling of the moment and optimistically have a degree of faith in the hope that this will last.

After you’ve had some life experience (or possibly you realized this earlier in life), you realize that things often are not as they appear, and your expectation and desires are more advanced. Now, you know more about what you want and what you don’t want in a relationship, and you’re willing to relax, resist your biological impulses, and create the sacred space to adopt an attitude of,

Waiting for True Love

Waiting for true love will have you carving out the sacred space and allowing that very special someone to show up who is uniquely matched for you to walk into the future hand-in-hand.

There is a train of thought which insists that it takes a year for you to have a better understanding of what a person is really like. This may not have held much importance when your hormones were running amok, but now you know that in the beginning of a courtship (normally) people are representing themselves in the best possible light. Some of these people might be pressuring you to make a heavy commitment early on because they know that you might be able to see them for who they really are, which might make you want to avoid entering into such a high level of commitment.

So, now you take the time to wait for true love to arrive.

While you are waiting for true love you are more keenly aware and looking for indications that you might be fairly certain that your potential partner possesses certain attributes which you desire and are important to your survival as a couple into the future.

The most important key components to be looking for in a potential partner include,

Trust

The most important component to have which is the keystone on a successful relationship is trust. You must be able to trust each other. When you are together, you know you can trust each other. You are not suspicious of your partner, and your partner is not suspicious of you because you know you have each other’s backs. You are connected and committed to each other and bulletproof if your trust in each other is unshakeable. You know that if you or your partner says something, you can count on it, and you know that neither of you would do anything to compromise the sanctity of the relationship.

Going the Same Way

If you are to have a longstanding successful relationship, you want to feel as relatively certain as possible that you and your partner are headed in the same direction in life. You will want to understand what things are important to your partner, and you want to be transparent about those things which are most resinous to you. They do not need to be the same things, but they do need to possess a certain compatibility to survive your journey together into the future.

You want to be going the same way, because you don’t want to wake up one day to find yourselves far apart from each other, on completely different paths, if it is your intention to have a co-creative life with each other that can survive the test of time.

Love Each Other

When you love each other, you make each other the priority and you celebrate your union as an extension of your combined energies. Successful couples are not just the putting together of two individuals, but the synergistic coupling of two powerful individuals which when combined create a greater entity together.

When you’re not together, you still hold a high regard for each other and think of each other often. When you love each other, you accept each other’s wants and desires and support each other’s pursuits, and are each other’s best friends. When you are confused, challenged, feeling awkward, or uncertain, you seek out each other to share openly and honestly, and you feel confident that your partner will support you and have your back.
Couples who really love each other anticipate being together and seek to experience new things together and create memorable events which can be looked back on, like a trail of breadcrumbs that lead to your expanded love together. Your love for each other is witnessed by your family and peers, and they respect and support your relationship, defending your right to successfully grow and co-create into the future.

If you are expected to find this special person, you cannot let yourself be distracted by someone else’s bells and whistles, smoke and mirrors, and you can only hope to do so if you are intent and committed to the idea of,

Waiting for True Love

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.