How to Turn it On When the Thrill is Gone

Seems like it wasn’t that long ago and your relationship was full of vibrant energy, with heightened passion and intimacy. It is common for these to fade over time. Here are some invaluable tools to apply to your relationship if the thrill is gone.

You and your partner have been together for a while and one thing is for certain in any long-term relationship: the natural sheen tends to dull after a while. It doesn’t have to. You can breathe the breath of new life into any relationship at any time (better if done before it tends to turn stale).

Every relationship should have started with a unique chemistry. If the chemistry were not there, you probably wouldn’t have gotten together in the first place (unless you are in an arranged marriage). So, if the base chemistry is there, it can be re-engaged at any time, with very little effort on your part.

Passion and romance are begging for release, all they need is a gentle nudge to get them going in all their glory.

If you think back to when your relationship was fresh and new, you can think of activities you engaged in when you were in the throes of young love. Everything was new and exciting, life was more interesting and fun. You found yourselves in a more playful state of mind.

Since then you probably have settled into life as it is, and there has been a trend of just getting though life the best you can with as little conflict as possible.

Simply recreating or recapturing the look and feel of those early romantic times will reignite the smoldering embers, and you might be surprised at how little effort it will take.

Make time for each other. When we get bogged down with everyday life, it’s easy just to come home and give up. Instead, give yourself 20 or 30 minutes to unwind, then get up and find ways to put some zest back in your relationship.

If you are dealing with a chronic lack of energy, deal with this first. You can’t really energetically engage with your partner if your cup is empty. Find ways to destress and build your own energy reserves and share from the overflow.

What should you do? There’s a pretty good chance you know your partner well enough to have a good idea about what turns him or her on, what piques his or her interest and gets him of her excited (not just in a sexual way). There are certain subjects and ideas that will break the trance of everyday life, if you engage that passionate side of their brain by simply talking about something they like or are passionate about.

Your tendency might be to talk about the things which are important to you, but talking about what’s important to your partner will engage his or her passion, and it won’t take long and they will find opportunities to find other ways to express their passion.

Invite your inner child (inner children) to participate in your relationship. You will fine them excited and looking for ways to express themselves playfully, always eager to have a good time and have fun.

Do something fun.

Avoid the things that will drain the energy from an otherwise healthy relationship, like boredom, or falling into a rut of the same ol’ same ol’. Negative postures, such as criticism, or facing something which appears as though it might be too complicated.

If either you, or your partner, are feeling misunderstood, not appreciated, or valued, the energy for passion quickly dissipates.

Withheld long-standing resentments can build a tremendous amount of pressure over time. It is always a best practice to deal with little things that come up now and then, and deal with them early on, rather than letting them grow into something more negative.

If you have something important to say or share, follow John Gottman’s advice and start off with five positive statements about your partner first, before getting into the other stuff.

Always seek to first understand and then to arrive at a win/win solution. It may take a little more effort, but it is far worth it, with the benefit of increased intimacy and passion as the pay-off.

Certain odiferous scents can have a negative effect on an otherwise romantic air. Make sure you and your environment have an inviting and pleasant, even romantic, air about it.

The smallest, genuine gesture can reignite the flame of romance in a heartbeat, don’t be shy about doing something small, cute, and/or endearing.

Reignition can happen in a moment, saying something positive, a little text, the smallest uplifting thing can light the flame.

Learning to effectively listen, communicate, and understand each other is the key to continued unbridled passion.

Rebuild relational good will by seeking to be supportive, seek to understand and also to be understood. Find ways and seize opportunities to touch each other, not just sexually, but by touching or holding hands, and/or cuddling, and hugging. This increases the connection by raising the oxytocin (bonding hormone) level (men need three-times the physical contact to maintain the bonding effect).

Appreciation adds miles to your relationship high road, we all hope to please our partners and hearing or being shown that we are appreciated for what we bring to the table is extremely endearing and ramps up the love and excitement.

You can set your romance fire ablaze by introducing newness, doing things differently and trying new things, role-play, or go on a romantic scavenger hunt.

Create your own individual language, both spoken and unspoken, like the most successful couples do, so that when you’re out in public you can say a word or cast a facial expression that is only understood by you and your partner.

Al little fantasy, mystery or surprise will kick your ecstasy into overdrive, as well as talking about exciting intimate details about intimately private details (they don’t even have to be recent). All little sexy nostalgia goes a long way.

Find ways to boost your energy levels together by exercising, dancing, stump-busting, racing, skydiving (could be indoors), taking in a concert, or attending a comedy club. Any such activities will translate into romantic energy which can translate into increased sexual tension looking for ways to express themselves.

Every couple is different and what works for one couple may not work for the next. So, find your own unique romance-fire-starters. Find out what works for you, and when you know it does, do more of that.

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