Will You Do It?

You have a dream. You can do it. Will you do it? That’s the question.

Occasionally, someone crosses my path and I am empathetically drawn to him or her. I can see his or her potential and I sometimes get lost in the fullness of the vision. On rare occasions, I reach out and invite this person to join me in the performance of my mission because I can see the synergistic relationship between our combined missions. Sometimes I jump the gun.

My vision of his or her potential is so clear, that I overlook the current status he or she is in along his or her life’s journey. If he or she is not ready, willing, or able to fully embrace their individual purpose, message, passion, and mission yet, then I am doing him or her an injustice my presuming they he or she is fully engaged or capable participating in this time in space.

Everyone is on their own path, doing the best they can with what they have, and there is no reason to engage when the timing is not right for you. Only you can know when you are in the right place at the right time to fully embrace your higher calling, and only then, will you know the answer to, “will you do it?”

Will you do it?

Sometimes it’s when you’ve had it up to here (as Popeye the Sailor might say, “That’s all I can stands and I can’t stands no more!”), other times you might have been just waiting for the appropriate bandwidth in life to have the time and space to dedicate to living your own life to your highest and best potential.

There are others who have a pretty good idea what their life’s purpose is (may even know precisely what their divine assignment is) and have decided never to engage in it fully.

I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Mark Victor Hansen who taught me to work with people and clients in lockstep fashion. Previous to Mark’s coaching, I could get so excited about someone else’s possibilities that I’d sacrifice everything on his or her behalf, only to find out later, that he or she had no intention of following through on fulfilling his or her life’s purpose.

Until Mark’s diagnosis, I would passionately overextend myself, even put myself in harm’s way, allow myself to be drained by emotional vampires, exploited by sociopaths or psychopaths who would seek to exploit my naivety and enthusiasm.

These days, my ministry is far more streamlined, I have staff and friends looking out for me and I am more cautious and disciplined. I realize now, that I cannot want something for you more than you want for yourself.

I will fully support you and walk with your hand-in-hand step-by-step toward you accomplishing your goals, realizing your dreams, achieving your highest and best, living your best life, and making the world a better place, but I will not do it for you.

I show you how, and help you do anything you want, but you must be motivated, willing and capable of doing the work necessary to bring your vision to fruition.

If you think you’re ready to go forward with all you’ve got, then I’m ready to go with you. You could do this on your own, no doubt about it, but together we could rock this thing.

Call me.

Client Refuses to Do the Work

If you’re a practicing Life Coach you are going to run into the client who is going to be underperforming. For whatever reason, the client is not fulfilling their end of the bargain in the coaching relationship. What can you do when your client refuses to do the work?

All coaches should have a given specialization, and as part of the coaching agreement, your client agrees to do the work necessary to achieve their goals and/or continued personal and professional growth.

You may notice at some time in your coaching when a particular client reaches a point or enters into a nonproductive phase. Several sessions have passed with no change, and your client seems to have no motivation or commitment to follow through on their end of the bargain. Sure, they don’t have any problem paying for the sessions, but you’re feeling like you’re not being faithful to your commitment to your own calling or mission.

Do I love my clients? Yes. Am I going to do the work for them? No.

Here are 5 steps to consider when your client refuses to do the work

1. Refer Your Client Elsewhere

The client’s needs may have turned away from your specialty and they have found themselves on another path, at least for the moment, or all together. For instance, if I am a Business Coach and have a business client who has committed to increasing their business, and we’ve made good, continued progress until the client’s entering this phase, maybe it’s time to either change our agreement, or refer them to another coach who specializes in the focus that seems to occupy their attention as of late.

Referring him or her is not that difficult for me because I share my Olympia Life Coach practice with many other practitioners. So, it is easy for me to say something like, “I see your life focus has changed while your attention is focused more on your relationship than your business. How about I refer you one of my associates, a Relationship Coach who specializes in the area with which you are now concerned? When you have completed your work with him (or her), you can come back to me when you are ready to focus again on your business.”

For me, it’s important to stay focused on clients with dreams and goals who are willing and able to take action, moving through the process, as necessary, whereby I assist them in achieving their highest and best, if I am to remain true to my own calling. Of course, if they meet with a challenge and they are on top of it, I can shift my focus in the moment, to overcome a persistent challenge, but if they are going to tarry there for long, I am more likely to refer them to a specialist.

2. Reaffirm Commitment to Accountability

It might be a good idea to remind the client about what they sought you out for, again directing them to their initial service agreement, call to action, and performance-based accountability. As a coach, your primary method of operation is to encourage clients to set their goals and keep them accountable for taking the steps necessary to do their part.

While they are having their attention focused away from their own work (that specific work which they contracted you to assist them with) they might suggest that you accept additional compensation for helping them pick up the slack, or perform their part (doing their homework) on their behalf. This would be a good time to reaffirm that is not your responsibility to do their work for them, that is their job. They must be held accountable in keeping their end of the bargain.

Having this discussion might be just what it takes to get them back on track.

3. Review Their File

As your client’s accountability partner, you will have records to use as proof of their nonperformance over the last X number of sessions. While you appreciate their willingness to pay you for being their sounding board, this is not your primary function. Certainly, you want to be empathetic, encouraging, and open. You want to share the details of their personal life, especially if it is interfering with their follow-through and progress toward their goals. While you may be able to get them over the hump for approaching unforeseen challenges that may not be directly related to the performance of their coach, this is a powerful service to offer your client ensuring they do not get waylaid by obstacles that would otherwise impede their progress, but this is not your primary service.

Showing them their consistent lack of action based on your notes may be enough to get them back on track (which reinforces your commitment to keeping adequate records). After all, you are their accountability partner, right? Then it’s up to you to hold them accountable.

4. Set a New Goal

Your client can choose from a couple of options if they are to continue as your coaching client, those options would be to

1. Reinstate the previous task, and set a new date for achieving the task that was missed. Although before agreeing to do this, make them think it through answering questions like,
a. What day will you do it
b. How much time will it take, and
c. Will you have all the tools necessary to accomplish it?
2. Set a new goal or task to complete prior to the next session

Setting an entirely new goal may result in trimming down the agreed upon action to be taken making it more attainable for your client during a period of time when they are not on the top of their game. It’s better to make a little progress than no progress at all.

If that doesn’t work,

5. Final Review

The following session will be a review of your client’s agreement and their inability to follow-through with their end of the bargain. You have already attempted to lower the bar of expectation and renegotiate the original agreement to accommodate for their current distractions.

This will be the final review of their agreements and nonperformance based on your notes.

If they are still unable to be true to their own commitment to their own program for personal or professional growth, then severing the relationship might be in order, either for the interim, until your client is ready to get back on board, or indefinitely.

Be certain to affirm that you are not judging them, are not saying anything about where they are in their life, nothing being right, nothing being wrong, things are just as they are, and this coaching relationship is not working for either of you at this time.

Bid them adieu, with God’s blessings, and refer them to someone else, or simply let them go. You can keep the door open for reestablishing a new coaching relationship, down the road, when they are willing and able.

Get ‘er Done with Accountability

You have an idea, you want to do this good thing to make the world a better place, but it seems like you just can’t seem to take the steps necessary to gain enough momentum to bring your idea to life. How can you get ‘er done with accountability?

It’s not unusual for someone who spends a great deal of their life serving others, to neglect their own personal projects. If this applies to you, you could greatly benefit by attracting others to support you and your project, not just encouragers, but accountability partners.

You wouldn’t let someone down who was depending on you to get something done, right? Instead of putting the needs of others before your own needs, you need to feel the same way about serving your own project and accountability partners can increase your obligation to make your project as important to you as someone else’s needs might be.

Your accountability partners are the individuals you recruit who are willing to basically keep you on track, following through on your intentions, and taking the steps necessary to get you from where you are to where you want to be.

You can select your accountability partner from your current circle of influence, such as family, friends, teachers, trainers, doctors or other professionals. For some, it is better to bring in an unprejudiced third-party to increase the accountability (and maintain a certain level of privacy and decorum) like hiring a coach, who is less likely to allow you to slack as much as someone who is more empathetic toward your plight. A professional will be more dependable, reliable and will help to keep you on track if you’re unable to find an adequate accountability partner in your current circle of influence.

When you make a deal with your accountability partner, especially if you have a tendency to not prioritize your own projects. If this is the case, you will need to create a system of checks and balances and your accountability partners can help raise the bar.

Because of your tendency to not follow through on your own projects, you will need to contract with them by giving them your word in your own integrity that you will perform a certain task, or do something specific, within a certain time line. You determine your own deadline, and you agree with your accountability partner, that you will perform particular tasks, or else.

Or else?

Yes, you make an agreement with your accountability partner in your own integrity to do something by a certain deadline or else you must pay the consequences for not following through. You create your own consequence, but it should be great enough (it should hurt) to persuade you to prefer and prioritize your task, increasing your accountability to yourself.

If you fail to follow through, as you promised, your accountability partner makes sure that you keep your word and pay the price for letting yourself down. Of course, the consequence would vary wildly from person to person, because a particular activity that would seem like punishment to one person, might be a cherished moment for someone else.

Since you’re less likely to do the right thing for yourself and you’re more likely to do something for someone else, your accountability partner is your someone else who can help you get ‘er done for your own project.

If you tend to procrastinate or put your own projects on the back burner, an accountability partner can make all the difference.