Tag: getting married

Help! We Just Got Married, Moved in Together, and the Honeymoon Turned Into a Nightmare!

They say love is blind, and it often is, until you’re sharing the same bathroom. For many couples, the choice to wait until after marriage to move in together stems from deeply rooted values, religious beliefs, or simply tradition. There’s nothing inherently wrong or right about that. It’s a personal choice. But what’s important, no matter how strong your commitment, is being prepared for what comes after the vows are spoken and the bags are unpacked. Because let’s be real: living with another human being full-time, even someone you love deeply, is a masterclass in personal growth, patience, and humility.

You’ve just returned from the honeymoon, basking in the glow of romantic bliss. Now comes the first morning at home as a married couple. He brushes his teeth with the water running. She leaves her hair in the shower drain. He snores. She talks in her sleep. Suddenly, small quirks feel big. And that blissful honeymoon bubble begins to… wobble.

It’s not a sign of doom. It’s just real life. The shift from dating or engaged to cohabiting can feel jarring. You’re not just visiting each other’s space anymore; you are the space.

This isn’t about judgment. It’s about preparation.

When couples don’t live together before marriage, they often preserve an idealized version of each other. Visits are planned. Outfits are chosen. Bathrooms are cleaned before company comes over. But cohabitation doesn’t allow for curation; it invites authenticity.

You see each other in the raw. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. And that’s where the real growth begins.

You can have heart-pounding passion and deep love for your partner… and still struggle to align on laundry habits or morning routines.

Love is not about finding someone who thinks just like you. It’s about learning to dance with their rhythm while honoring your own.

Marriage is the union of two independent souls on a shared mission, not the erasure of one for the other.

What to Do When the Glow Fades and the Work Begins

If you’re finding yourself unexpectedly frustrated, disappointed, or overwhelmed after moving in together, you are not alone. Many newlyweds, even those madly in love, seek counsel during this early phase.

Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this sacred adjustment:

    1. Give Yourself (and Each Other) Permission to Feel

You’re not “failing” because it’s hard. In fact, struggle is a sign that something real is happening. Growth is taking root. Be honest with yourself and each other. Say what you need. Ask for space if needed—but also ask for grace.

    1. Recognize Your Personal Patterns

Moving in together will trigger old habits and deep wounds. Maybe one of you fears rejection and interprets silence as distance. Maybe the other needs alone time and feels suffocated. These dynamics don’t mean your marriage is broken; they mean it’s time to heal, not hide.

    1. Create a Shared Sacred Space

Your home isn’t just a place to eat and sleep; it’s the energetic center of your marriage. Design spaces where love can thrive. This might mean a weekly dinner without phones, a shared morning ritual, or even a cozy reading corner for quiet time.

    1. Turn Conflict into Connection

Disagreements are not a sign of failure; they’re a doorway to deeper understanding. Learn to fight fair. Speak with compassion. Practice listening instead of reacting. Ask, “What is this moment really asking of me?”

    1. Seek Support Without Shame

Too many couples wait until they’re on the brink to seek help. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a coach, a counselor, or a trusted spiritual advisor. You’re not weak; you’re wise for seeking tools to strengthen the foundation of your sacred union.

Marriage is not a contract. It’s a container for transformation. It’s the sacred lab where two souls refine each other in love’s fire.

Living together will push you, stretch you, and test you. But it will also reveal the infinite capacity you both have to grow, to forgive, to create harmony, and to choose love again and again, even when it’s messy.

So, whether you lived together beforehand or not, just know: challenges will come. But every challenge is also an invitation, an opportunity to rise higher together.

You’ve already said “I do.” Now, every day, say “I still do.”

To the love.
To the process.
To the journey of becoming… together.

 

Should I Get Married?

When you’re surrounded by a sea or wounded people going through divorce, destroying families and creating chaos between two people and their people sending shock waves of decimation throughout the community, it’s no wonder you asking yourself, “Should I get married?”

Marriage builds stronger relationships between two people than two people who are not married. It’s not that unmarried couples cannot thrive together for the long haul, but statistics prove that married couples are 50% more likely to survive a long term commitment.

So as much as our society is resisting the idea that marriage is a good thing, or is leaning toward the belief that marriage is “just a piece of paper,” couples who are married experience greater degrees of happiness, stronger family units, greater health, wellness and longevity.

In this day and age, many people are resistant to the idea of marriage because they see the many people they have known who were married and witnessed the destruction of these lives affecting friends and family members as the legal system strives to make the struggle for survival after divorce even more difficult.

While the institution of marriage (I know, I can hear the hecklers in the background, “Why would I want to commit myself to an institution?”) does demonstrate a good chance of success, the devastating effect of the divorce process gets far more publicity via social exposure, and many more people than those involved can be shocked or hurt by the mere thought of whatever might possibly be a fearful conclusion that no one would sing up to endure.

Who could blame them? Most everyone has been within earshot of, if not directly affected by, the down and dirty effects of divorce on families across the board in America today. And the legal institutions that back up the divorce process are all tools available to an unscrupulous parent or child to make matters even worse. The divorce process can be a painfully horrible experience to have to go through.

In my practice I serve both married and unmarried couples and from my experience the best, most long-lasting relationships are among the couples that are married. It’s as if that little “piece of paper” does give them that little extra incentive to put forth just enough more effort to get over the hump and realize whatever amazing thing is waiting for them on the other side of adversity.

Plus, in successful marriages, married couples have more stable states of mental health, and better physiological health and wellness. And (you might be surprised to discover) successful married couples suffer fewer heart attacks, are less likely to get Cancer, and live longer than their single or unmarried but coupled peers.

While the unmarried couples are more vocal about the benefits of not being married, the married couples do experience a higher quality of life. Oh, you hear about how sex outside of marriage is better than the sex that takes place in the marriage bed… What? Who are these people?

In my practice, I have spent a lot of time counseling with married couples, and as far as I can tell, in general, there is more sex happening more frequently between partners who are married (to each other) than their single or unmarried cohabitating peers. I also hear that married sex is better because of the potential of a much deeper connection that is possible between married couples sharing similar spiritual journeys. So, the idea that unmarried sex is better is a myth, as is the idea that unmarried sex, or swinging sex, is more frequent than married sex.

As a wedding officiant, I have married many couples and am somewhat disappointed at the survival rates of people whose weddings I’ve officiated. It’s pretty much the same as national statistics. To be honest about half of them end in divorce.

And divorce can be a low down and dirty business. While men get a bad rap when it comes to divorce, the women can be just as dastardly, if not more so, and are more emotionally equipped to survive the divorce process than a man, who is twice as likely to take his own life following a failed marriage.

By the way, any of the positive effects gained during the marriage are negated while emotional and biological health deteriorates rapidly during the divorce process.

So, the unmarried folks who put down marriage have a point, no doubt. Divorce is the downside of marriage, but the benefits of successful marriages far outweigh any other kind of relationship.

So, what do you think when you ask yourself,

Should I get married?