Tag: love and marriage

Help! We Just Got Married, Moved in Together, and the Honeymoon Turned Into a Nightmare!

They say love is blind, and it often is, until you’re sharing the same bathroom. For many couples, the choice to wait until after marriage to move in together stems from deeply rooted values, religious beliefs, or simply tradition. There’s nothing inherently wrong or right about that. It’s a personal choice. But what’s important, no matter how strong your commitment, is being prepared for what comes after the vows are spoken and the bags are unpacked. Because let’s be real: living with another human being full-time, even someone you love deeply, is a masterclass in personal growth, patience, and humility.

You’ve just returned from the honeymoon, basking in the glow of romantic bliss. Now comes the first morning at home as a married couple. He brushes his teeth with the water running. She leaves her hair in the shower drain. He snores. She talks in her sleep. Suddenly, small quirks feel big. And that blissful honeymoon bubble begins to… wobble.

It’s not a sign of doom. It’s just real life. The shift from dating or engaged to cohabiting can feel jarring. You’re not just visiting each other’s space anymore; you are the space.

This isn’t about judgment. It’s about preparation.

When couples don’t live together before marriage, they often preserve an idealized version of each other. Visits are planned. Outfits are chosen. Bathrooms are cleaned before company comes over. But cohabitation doesn’t allow for curation; it invites authenticity.

You see each other in the raw. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. And that’s where the real growth begins.

You can have heart-pounding passion and deep love for your partner… and still struggle to align on laundry habits or morning routines.

Love is not about finding someone who thinks just like you. It’s about learning to dance with their rhythm while honoring your own.

Marriage is the union of two independent souls on a shared mission, not the erasure of one for the other.

What to Do When the Glow Fades and the Work Begins

If you’re finding yourself unexpectedly frustrated, disappointed, or overwhelmed after moving in together, you are not alone. Many newlyweds, even those madly in love, seek counsel during this early phase.

Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this sacred adjustment:

    1. Give Yourself (and Each Other) Permission to Feel

You’re not “failing” because it’s hard. In fact, struggle is a sign that something real is happening. Growth is taking root. Be honest with yourself and each other. Say what you need. Ask for space if needed—but also ask for grace.

    1. Recognize Your Personal Patterns

Moving in together will trigger old habits and deep wounds. Maybe one of you fears rejection and interprets silence as distance. Maybe the other needs alone time and feels suffocated. These dynamics don’t mean your marriage is broken; they mean it’s time to heal, not hide.

    1. Create a Shared Sacred Space

Your home isn’t just a place to eat and sleep; it’s the energetic center of your marriage. Design spaces where love can thrive. This might mean a weekly dinner without phones, a shared morning ritual, or even a cozy reading corner for quiet time.

    1. Turn Conflict into Connection

Disagreements are not a sign of failure; they’re a doorway to deeper understanding. Learn to fight fair. Speak with compassion. Practice listening instead of reacting. Ask, “What is this moment really asking of me?”

    1. Seek Support Without Shame

Too many couples wait until they’re on the brink to seek help. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a coach, a counselor, or a trusted spiritual advisor. You’re not weak; you’re wise for seeking tools to strengthen the foundation of your sacred union.

Marriage is not a contract. It’s a container for transformation. It’s the sacred lab where two souls refine each other in love’s fire.

Living together will push you, stretch you, and test you. But it will also reveal the infinite capacity you both have to grow, to forgive, to create harmony, and to choose love again and again, even when it’s messy.

So, whether you lived together beforehand or not, just know: challenges will come. But every challenge is also an invitation, an opportunity to rise higher together.

You’ve already said “I do.” Now, every day, say “I still do.”

To the love.
To the process.
To the journey of becoming… together.

 

Relationship Repeat Offender

Your partner has done it again, and here you are finding yourself caught up in yet another round of the same ol’ thing that you got in an argument the last time. You ask yourself, why are we always fighting over the same old thing(s)? What can you do about your relationship repeat offender?

Here you are again, standing your ground and willing to risk all over this issue that keeps on coming up and simply will not go away. It’s as if your partner refuses to listen, or doesn’t care about your feelings at all, which makes you even more upset, angry, or outraged.

If you can think back to when you were a child, you will probably remember your parents arguing over some of the same issues over and over again, too. Generally, this is where you learn how to act in relationships, and even if you’ve vowed never to be in a relationship like your mom and dad, here you are.

You don’t do it on purpose, but subconsciously, you’ve set your relationship the same way, because it “feels like home.” I know, it’s bizarre, but it’s perfectly normal.

Pattern Interrupt

Once you realize this, though, you can choose to approach the relationship repeat offender scenario differently. When you see this issue coming up and feel your anxiety building, you can remember what it was like watching your parents and choose a different tactic.

What if in your recollection of your parents’ recurring argument, if you could go back in time and play the part of either of your parents, how could you have done it better? This may give you an idea of what you might try differently in the present.

Taking this momentary reflective pause gives you a chance to apply a new approach to the scenario as an alternative to just launching into your normal responsive reaction when you’re triggered (and you already know what to expect from that), thereby interrupting the old pattern.

When you try a different approach, you open up a world of possibilities for a different outcome, a better result from your previous style of approaching this issue. Everything is not always black and white, and you’d be surprised how much closer you and your partner could be if you throw in a dash of tolerance or compromise into the mix.

If your first line of defense is to post up and ready for battle (or flee) this is learned behavior which you have embraced as a survival skill, but really, you are far better than that. In every relationship, there needs to be a degree of openness, honesty, and vulnerability.

By taking a different approach and allowing other possibilities, you may have eliminated the relationship repeat offender altogether. You have the power to do this.

If you really want to grow in love and compassion in your relationship, you must be willing to lay down your sword and shield, be present and stay in the game. If your normal response is to withdraw or leave the room, stay and play it out. This is your life we’re talking about.

I know you’ve probably heard it before, something like,

You have to love yourself
before you can truly love anyone else.

As ridiculous as it might sound, it’s true. If you’re constantly looking for acceptance or approval from your mate, you will be periodically (or continually) fighting for validation. If you are full of love for yourself, you don’t need validation as much from your partner, or anyone else for that matter. Sure, it’s nice when you are recognized, complimented, or even applauded, but you don’t need it because you are in such a good, loving space regarding yourself.

This also changes the way you view disrespect from your partner (or anyone else for that matter). If someone disses you, and you have a healthy love for yourself, you can simply shrug it off as no big deal, and have compassion for whoever verbally assaulted you, because you realize they are acting out of their own discontent and you can have compassion for them, for they are only doing the best they can with what they have (as are you).

Love yourself. And the next time you get triggered and feel a battle coming on, put down your weapons, stay in the game, take a breath and ask yourself, “How could I do this better?” Then, try something different.

See what happens when you allow infinitely new possibilities to unfold in the loving space you chose to inhabit and share with your partner.

When Love Dies in a Marriage

You got married with the best intentions. When you got married you vowed to love each other for life, but something happens after you’ve signed your affirmation of love on the dotted line, the love you had begins to fade. What can you do when love dies in a marriage?

Love is like an ocean, with ebb and flow. There are good times, bad times, and most of the time you just sort of modulate within the “okay” sense of being neither good nor bad, just somewhere in between, finding the marriage somewhat tolerable.

Like incoming waves, your marriage is visited by incoming waves of love which nourish the relationship. Every seventh wave (as each relationship is different so is the time differential between waves of love) is good enough to make you feel good and strong enough to stay in the love cycle for another round.

The only problem as you stay in this cycle of love waves, the incoming waves of love decrease in their volume as your ocean of love evaporates and can dry up completely. This is when love dies in a marriage.

When your love has died, what’s the point of being at the beach at all? You think both of you would be better off just to cut your losses and go your separate ways, and the thought of revisiting another love beach is either vastly appealing or sounds like an ominous devastating idea inviting dissatisfaction and broken heartedness.

If you choose not to throw in the beach towel of love, you could alternatively choose to love again.

You can infuse your marriage with love just by being willing to step out in faith and recreate the environment of past love and reinvigorating your marriage by acting as if your love never waned.

All you have to do is to remember the way you felt and think about the things that you did when you felt you were overwhelmed by love’s magic spell. Back when you were in the throes of love, you did different things than you do today, You may have done anything for the object of your spouse. All you wanted to do was to express your love and feel the love emanating from your partner.

By doing the things that you did when you were “in love,” even though it doesn’t feel the same or like you’re just going through the motions, you will notice the feeling of love returning to your heart and countenance.

When you feel like love has died in your marriage, remember this…

Love is not dead. Love is, always was, and will forever be. Love is eternal.

You can keep your love ocean full and vibrant by turning on the tap of unconditional love.

Unconditional love is such a high concept and it is frightening for the average mortal to even consider. What? To love someone no matter what?

To say to someone, “I love you no matter what you say, no matter what you do,” just sounds like you’re inviting disrespect, pain, suffering, and abuse. You imagine nothing good could come from that because everyone is always out to get you or take everything from you and victimize you.

Just the idea of giving unconditional love, even though you want to be loved in this way, can make you feel angry.

Sounds like a lot of fear, and fear is the opposite of love. There is no love in fear, but often there is fear in love, and love cannot be raised to its highest form (unconditional love) in fear.

It starts with you. If you can allow yourself to tap into the unlimited source of unconditional love (God), you can have so much love for yourself that it overflows into the world around you.

In this state of unconditional love you can fully love anyone, even your loveless spouse, so much that you don’t require receiving any love in return. One person in unconditional love can sustain an otherwise loveless marriage indefinitely.

A common response of a loveless spouse in a marriage with one partner loving unconditionally is to reciprocate love, leading to a profoundly loving marriage between the two.

Love not only returns to the marriage, but it surpasses any love that has gone before. This is the power of true love which is unconditional.

Think about these things and when love dies in a marriage know that it does not necessarily indicate the marriage is dead. Love is all around and true love is lying in wait, ready to breathe new life into any relationship, eliminating fear, if you dare to release it.

Want to learn more? Consider attending an Awakening to True Love seminar near you

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Considering Unconditional Love

Take a man from Mars and a woman from Venus (thank you, John Gray) and shackle them together with a contract and public declarations of “love” in front of family, friends, and other witnesses and what you have is the perfect recipe for disaster. And so it goes, day in, day out, every day.

The only people coming out on top of this contractual agreement intact are those who profit from the marriage’s failure, the attorneys, the legal system, the retailers, therapists, purveyors of booze and drugs (legal and otherwise), domestic violence programs, and legal institutions, among others.

Few people actually enter into the marriage with the intent to end it all in a furious blaze, yet it happens every day, and if you’ve entered into the institution with a prenuptial agreement, this signifies the preamble to divorce, a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.

As divorce rates skyrocket leaving couples previously “in love” at each other’s throats battling for their own independence and survival in the shambles of the relationship, with little thought of what might have been missing, the one thing that could have turned the tables. The secret to a wildly successful love relationship can only be considered by the strongest, most advanced humans among us.

If you are a powerful, enlightened being, you might think about entering into the realm of true love. Not the Hollywood-inspired love, but the highest level of love, which we refer to as unconditional love.

Most relationships are based on fear, not love. I marry you to meet my needs, needs that I am unable to meet on my own, or fear that I might not be able to sustain by myself. The fear of, “what ifs,” of the most impressive negatively-charged imagination, prevent any possibility of true love appearing anywhere on the horizon.

Fear is the reason relationships break down, the only hope of positively-inspired true love is in the embracing of unconditional love between two lovers, but it’s not for the weak at heart.

Without true love, there is a competitive battle for control or supremacy, which can only lead to the destruction of the relationship, where it is thought that there can be a winner and a loser, but when a relationship dissolves, no one wins, regardless of who possesses the most marbles.

Men who are not entitled to engage in unconditional love are those who are physically or emotionally abusive. Those who understand that love is much more than a source of physical intimacy, or having a helpmate, have a grasp of the idea that true love is centered on the heart-to-heart connection between two mates.

Women who are suspicious, interrogate, jump to conclusions, and are critical of their mates, are in the vibration of fear which is the polar opposite of true love and unconditional love is not within her reach.
In a relationship of unconditional love, the man (Martian) provides for the woman (Venusian) and environment where she can self-explore, grow, and expand to her highest potential, while the woman responds in kind with true love.

In a loving environment which is open and honest, men and women are free to admit their mistakes, shortcomings, and weaknesses in full disclosure, without judgment or disrespect. They learn not to just listen with their ears but with their hearts trying to fully understand what it might have been like for his/her mate.

Forgiveness, not defensiveness, justification, or false accusations, is the first order of business in unconditional love among both participants.

Cooperative unconditional love is the powerful force which fuels the most amazing relationship which can be shared between two people and trust bridges the gap between the two.

Love when fully embraced by both parties can heal all wounds, is the secret weapon which can overcome and obstacle or challenge they face together and offers them endless opportunities to grow and expand.

Unconditional love is counter-intuitive. It runs in opposition to everything you’ve been taught about love by society. Love is not a method to be used to get what you want. Love cannot be bridled and forced to fit any contrived mold. True love is free and ever-expanding.

There is hope for true love in the world today. You might dare to entertain the idea by attending an Awakening to True Love Workshop, to see if you have what it takes to engage in unconditional love.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

I Love You, But

“I love you, but I don’t like” this, or that. Insert whatever tweaks your sensibilities. There is always some thing(s) you are not going to like about your partner. In fact, there are likely 10 of them. !0 things about your partner that just aren’t going to set right with you.

On the other hand, there are 10 things about your partner which you find absolutely fabulous. (If you’ve been with your partner for some time, they may be difficult to recall at the moment, but if you think back you can remember them.)

Because the truth is, every person has 10 amazing attributes and 10 things that are going to piss you off. This is the nature of people, none of us are perfect. It’s easy to see the 10 things you find so incredible about your partner in the beginning.

It is unlikely that you will be able to see the stuff you’d rather not see until after the honeymoon (Coupling) phase (2). Dr. John Gottmann (10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage) refers to your partner’s undesirable qualities as 10 Irreconcilable Differences.

10 Irreconcilable Differences

According to Gottman the areas you’re likely to have wildly opposing views are,

1. financial matters
2. sexual intimacy
3. child rearing
4. career vs. home
5. politics
6. friendships
7. household chores
8. extended family and in-laws
9. communication style
10. personal habits

When you start to notice these inconsistencies, you’re likely to assume you partner has been hiding them from you. Yet, if you think about it, you will realize this is not true, because people are generally transparent, and had you not been projecting your best ideals onto you partner at the time, you would have seen the clues, if not blatant red flags about these irreconcilable differences.

Back then, all you really cared about was celebrating the 10 qualities youo found so exhilarating about your partner. They were so exciting, and you were so enthusiastic, that those other things just didn’t matter at the time.

Now that you are seeing things more clearly (because you hadn’t taken notice of those 10 things that are now creeping you out), you’re starting to think it might be time to cut run, and you might begin to notice there are other potential partners out there who do not have these 10 things that are gonna rub you the wrong way. Only, guess what? (Brace yourself.)

While that new prospective mate may not have these 10 irreconcilable differences, the fact remains, he or she will bring along his or her own set of 10 things that are going to infuriate you, as well as 10 things you will adore.

What will you do?

It’s up to you to decide what you want to do about it. There’s really no right or wrong way to handle this moment. If it’s not the first time, you can reflect back on how your precious decision served you.

7 Phases of Love

In 90 percent of the time, when people have thought they could do better by ditching the present partner and switching to a new, more exciting partner, more often than not (as expressed to me in confidence) they regretted what they thought was a trade up.

What they realized was while the new partner was indeed exciting, complete with 10 new lovely qualities, he or she also came with 10 qualities which were often worse than the 10 irreconcilable differences that were traded out.

It’s impossible to see or imagine when you’re wrapped up in all the emotion of it, and you can only do what you can do, but when you realize you are where you are, take a minute and try to look at you and your relationship as if you were an uninterested (but compassionate) third-party.

What does it look like from this perspective?

What advice would you give to yourself?

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Love and Marriage

Love is something that we all seek in many forms. Even if you thought that you didn’t want love, if you look at any desire you have for a person, place, thing, or ideal, chances are, beneath it all is love, the longing to love or be loved.

Love is woven into the fabric of our lives, present in all things. It is infinite, vast, and all-encompassing, yet often feels elusive. Despite its immeasurable nature, we persist in trying to define it, to capture it and place it neatly in boxes we can understand. But love is far greater than our minds can ever fully grasp.

Defining Love

In its most primal sense, love was once defined by feelings. If two people cared for each other more deeply than they did for others, this was considered love.

This bond between two people often led to a public declaration—a pledging of their love in front of family and friends. This act became the foundation of what we now call marriage.

As the concept of marriage grew, it was quickly embraced and institutionalized by religious authorities, transforming into what we now know as the sacred bond of marriage.

The Magic of Love

Before the age of science, love was often viewed as something magical—a mysterious force that could overcome even the most rational person, compelling them to sacrifice everything for another. This inexplicable enchantment was personified by Cupid, the cherub with a bow and arrow, said to strike people with love’s spell.

Courtship rituals emerged as an extension of this magical view of love. When someone became infatuated with another, they would engage in socially accepted practices to declare their affection and, ideally, win the heart of their beloved.

Love also came to be defined by the passionate, physical connection that can exist between two people, adding another layer to its complexity.

Marriage: From Sacred to Secular

Building on this foundation, society developed more intricate ideas about love and marriage. Over time, marriage evolved from a personal or sacred commitment into a powerful social institution. Once controlled primarily by the church, marriage eventually shifted into the realm of government, turning it into a lucrative enterprise.

This transition changed the nature of marriage. In the past, divorce was rare, and marriage was considered a lifelong bond. However, the introduction of legally sanctioned divorce and annulment created a new dynamic. Marriage—and its dissolution—became a source of significant profit for legal and governmental systems.

Love in the Modern Age

As societal norms evolved, so did the way we experience and express love. Modern technology has radically altered courtship rituals, with mobile devices and social networking reshaping how we connect. Texts, apps, and online dating have replaced handwritten letters and formal introductions, but the essence of courtship remains: the desire to profess affection and win another’s heart.

Despite these changes, the rituals of courtship have endured through the centuries, adapting to fit the times but remaining a testament to humanity’s persistent yearning for connection.

The Ever-Changing Landscape

The sacredness of marriage and its once-unquestionable place in society is now facing a shift. The younger generations, while valuing love, are less likely to embrace the traditional ideals of marriage. The concept of a lifelong, government-sanctioned bond is giving way to more fluid definitions of relationships and partnerships.

Yet, despite these transformations, love remains constant. Whether through magic, ritual, passion, or modern technology, love continues to be the force that binds us together, driving us to connect, to share, and to commit.

Love’s Timeless Power

In all its forms, love persists—adaptable, enduring, and immeasurable. It defies categorization and refuses to be confined. Love’s ability to evolve with society while remaining a deeply personal and transformative force is what makes it so extraordinary.

As the world changes, love continues to find its way, whether through courtship rituals, marriage, or new, unconventional connections. It is the one force that remains steadfast, reminding us that, no matter how much we grow or evolve, the longing for love will always be a part of us.