Hate the Bad Guys is a Trap

If you see or hear about something that you don’t like, be careful: to hate the bad guys is a trap. It is well known that everyone emits a unique energetic frequency that emanates from the area of the heart, and what was once the mythology of the heart is now becoming the science of the frequency of the heart.

The way that you feel, your feelings, are a huge determining factor in the energy that you transmit throughout your own personal sphere of energy, and out into the world at least three feet beyond your body or more.

When you feel bad, hurt, mad, hurtful, or hateful, this is the energy that you are sending out into the world. Likewise, when you are feeling compassionate, understanding, supportive, helpful, kind, and loving, this is the energy that you are sending out into the world.

The ruler(s) of the powers in this earthly realm would love nothing more than to keep your heart crippled with self-righteousness, prejudice, intolerance, despising, and even hating others, their actions, or current affairs that you are not in agreement with.

As a coach, counselor, and consultant for many years, I have seen a wide variety of reasons why people might react in one way or another which might not seem natural or prudent to someone like you or me, but I know this: it is all a matter of perspective.

When I work with someone who is willing to do the deep work, digging down to ferret out the root cause of their instinctive response that may have mystified casual onlookers, all of a sudden the irrational reaction becomes understandable. Even I have been left thinking, that if it had been me, having had the same experiential programming, may have responded in a similar way. Maybe not exactly, but maybe, it’s hard to say. So, I can have compassion for this person.

Most of us are never privy to this depth of information when we read a headline in the news or hear a soundbite in the media about some over-the-top report that has been spun for the sole purpose of stopping you in your tracks so that you will turn your attention to the purveyor of the information long enough to sway your opinion, enrage you, of at the very least, expose you to advertising.

If any headline or story can enrage you, then the powers that be will be very pleased because now you are working for them. They’ve filled your heart with negative energy which you send into the world, and it makes them stronger. Even if your hate is against them, it is still hateful energy, and that is what they crave.

Hating the bad guys is a trap, and if you’ve responded in kind, then you have fallen victim to the same con that they have been running for centuries. As long as you can hate the bad guy, they win.

I know many people with the best of intentions that do so fueled with so much indignation, avarice, and hate, that even though their intentions are basically good, they are doing far more for their opponents energetically than they could ever hope to accomplish in their flesh for the ends to which they are trying so hard to accomplish.

For instance, overheard at the water cooler,

“I hope they steal his computer and reveal its contents to the world.”

“I hope they round up all the bad guys and kill them all.”

“I wish he would just die, already.”

Or even more cleverly disguised as,

“They will get theirs; God will torture them forever as they cook endlessly in the fires of hell.”

That last one might throw you off. I know even I have fallen into that trap, and fallen victim to self-righteously judging someone or their actions, and letting my selfish feelings overpower my otherwise compassionate and loving nature.

Not one of us is perfect. And I pray that I would never think of myself as better than anyone else.

And this I know: I am not that much different than anyone else, “But by the grace of God I am what I am…” (1 Corinthians 15:10), but by His grace.

Yes, bad guys may be dealt with, but I pray not from a position of hatred. You may have to put someone to death. You may even be charged with doing so (many of us have taken such an oath), but you can do so with love and compassion, as your heart breaks for that poor soul. Maybe redemption is an option for the perpetrator, maybe not, but that is not our business.

I know, I know… it hurts so bad when someone we love has been hurt or victimized by someone else, and all we want is revenge… I know. I often think back to when Aaron was in a firefight in Afghanistan and lost his young life. Likewise, the young man that took Aaron’s life lost his own life.

This is the nature of war. These two sons, brothers, and friends of others, each on opposing sides, gave their lives. Why? Because each one thought the other was the bad guy. Each one fighting to protect their respective families and their countries.

Too much hate.

Even amidst so much love.

Please think about avoiding the trap of hating the bad guys.

We need more love.



Truth is not what you think it is. If you think that truth is an unmovable constant, then you will be disappointed repeatedly over time. Hate – Truth – Love depicts “truth” in the middle of hate and love. If your truth is exclusive, requires defense, and supports separation, your truth leads to hate. If your truth leads to connection, inclusion, acceptance, tolerance, and unlimited possibilities, your truth is love.

Just to qualify the definition of hate; hate is really misused here, but the common sense among most people and their view of hate is more the colloquial understanding of what is represented here. In truth, hate would be more correctly labelled as “Fear.”

In our contemporary culture, we give far more credence to the idea of hate and what it represents, but in most cases, if not all, hate is an expression of fear.

This idea of using truth as a destructive weapon against others who might have a different point of view is a clear indication that we have not progressed far from our barbarian ancestors.

In political, academic, and religious cultures, there is a lot of black and white intolerant self-righteousness, where it seems the more you know, the more separated you are from people who may not share the same views as you, especially on those topics which you have focused so intently upon.

If your truth is based in fear, it will take intense effort in defense of your truth to assert its veracity, this is where your hate comes shining through, even though you might do so under the guise of love. You might not be able to see it, but others can feel it when you walk into the room.

A great deal of suffering can be imposed upon fellow humans in the forceful exertion of one’s ideals upon others while shoring up your own impenetrable fortress of belief based on your truth.

If you’re not promoting or speaking your truth in love, not just in the name of love, but obvious to others with whom you are sharing your truth, then it might be time to reexamine your truth. If you feel like you’re being too assertive, or excluding others in your presentation, your message cannot be received in love.

Which is fine, if having an expression of love is not part of your agenda. Go ahead and lay waste to everyone else and find comfort in your truth, and this is all that you will have in the end.

Keep in mind though, that in the end, many people who have done so, have regretted going about defending their truth to the bitter end this way. Many a defender of “the truth” has regretted not having more love in their life, as their life as we know it comes to a close.

There is another thing that is taking place as well. A shift. A shift in the consciousness of people, like you and me, an awakening. People are starting to see that many of the things we once believed in so fervently are not holding up over time.

Certainly, we see this in geriatrics. In this group of people, there is a preponderance of emerging tolerance and an growing sense of love, or in retrospect being able to see how much effort was exerted without genuine love. Left to itself, this could lead to bitterness, self-isolation, depression, and a rapid deterioration of life force. Sometimes, the truth paradigm just dissolves, and love is all that remains.

But you don’t have to wait until the final phase or hours of your life to have this awakening.

Many people are awakening, right now, even in their youth, to the awareness that love is the only infinitesimal constant energy.

And as for all the rest of it? All the truths we fought so hard to defend? Was not at all as important as we thought previously.

There is an awakening taking place, and you are a part of it.

Wake on, my friend. Wake on.


I Am Evil and Hatred

I am evil and hatred. All that is evil, the propensity to be the worst person you can ever imagine, engaging in the deepest and darkest deeds imaginable, is part of who I am.

I have been in the presence of the worst, most hated, and despicable individuals, some regarded as the most evil humans to step foot on our planet, and I am just like them.

If I see myself as no better than someone who might be considered as a “bad person” then I am free to separate the sinner from the sin.

Any one of us is one heartbeat away from being one of these individuals. There are falsely accused innocent people branded as “evil.” There are good and decent, loving and upstanding citizens who are doing time behind bars, or on death row, for one misstep, miscalculation, or the moment when overcome by emotion.

We all have the same propensity to be as vile as any other one of us.

Just befriending the wrong person, trusting someone who couldn’t be trusted, or being in the wrong place at the right time, could make even someone as self-righteous as yourself infamous in the worst possible way(s).

Just because someone does something you dislike or despise, doesn’t justify reacting like a knee-jerk fascist, nor does being able to separate the sinner from the sin make you a bleeding-heart pacifist.

It’s just a knowingness that in spite of the word being as disconjointed as it is, we are all in this together. We are all one.

We all have been sold a bill of goods. We have been led to believe that hate is an appropriate approach to smashing out hate when the truth is only love can abolish hate. Hate exponentially engenders more hate, suspicion creates suspicion, violence begets violence, evil promotes evil, and wars lead to more wars.

When wars and rumors of wars are pervasive on our planet, it infects the whole world, no matter how far from the source of conflict you might be.

When you let someone, who does something bad make you feel bad, you have allowed yourself to be infected with the virus which breaks down everything good within us and keeps us separated one from another.

You spread the virus and become the problem, potentially become that which you hate, and promoting the pervasive evil which is leading to the breakdown of all human potential.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

When you feel like you are superior to someone else, you deny our sameness and keep yourself separated from the rest of humanity.

No one is suggesting that you condone the wrongdoings of others, only to remain consciously compassionate enough to realize that under different circumstances, you might have reacted, said, or done the same thing.

You disarm your enemy when you do not respond to hate with hate. When you counter attack your opponent with hate, your opponent wins. The person who has offended you has infiltrated your heart and infected you with his or her virus.

This virus persists and spreads until it is treated with the vaccine of love. Responding to that which offends you with love not only disarms your opponent but injects a bit of love vaccine into your opponent.

Responding to hate with love is the only hope for peace and harmony visiting planet Earth on a global scale.

When I see myself as being just as evil and possessing as much hatred as anyone else, I am empowered to make the decision not to follow the path to evil, and with every breath choose to do that which is good, proper, and in harmony with the life, I choose to lead.

I Love You, But

“I love you, but I don’t like” this, or that. Insert whatever tweaks your sensibilities. There is always some thing(s) you are not going to like about your partner. In fact, there are likely 10 of them. !0 things about your partner that just aren’t going to set right with you.

On the other hand, there are 10 things about your partner which you find absolutely fabulous. (If you’ve been with your partner for some time, they may be difficult to recall at the moment, but if you think back you can remember them.)

Because the truth is, every person has 10 amazing attributes and 10 things that are going to piss you off. This is the nature of people, none of us are perfect. It’s easy to see the 10 things you find so incredible about your partner in the beginning.

It is unlikely that you will be able to see the stuff you’d rather not see until after the honeymoon (Coupling) phase (2). Dr. John Gottmann (10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage) refers to your partner’s undesirable qualities as 10 Irreconcilable Differences.

10 Irreconcilable Differences

According to Gottman the areas you’re likely to have wildly opposing views are,

1. financial matters
2. sexual intimacy
3. child rearing
4. career vs. home
5. politics
6. friendships
7. household chores
8. extended family and in-laws
9. communication style
10. personal habits

When you start to notice these inconsistencies, you’re likely to assume you partner has been hiding them from you. Yet, if you think about it, you will realize this is not true, because people are generally transparent, and had you not been projecting your best ideals onto you partner at the time, you would have seen the clues, if not blatant red flags about these irreconcilable differences.

Back then, all you really cared about was celebrating the 10 qualities youo found so exhilarating about your partner. They were so exciting, and you were so enthusiastic, that those other things just didn’t matter at the time.

Now that you are seeing things more clearly (because you hadn’t taken notice of those 10 things that are now creeping you out), you’re starting to think it might be time to cut run, and you might begin to notice there are other potential partners out there who do not have these 10 things that are gonna rub you the wrong way. Only, guess what? (Brace yourself.)

While that new prospective mate may not have these 10 irreconcilable differences, the fact remains, he or she will bring along his or her own set of 10 things that are going to infuriate you, as well as 10 things you will adore.

What will you do?

It’s up to you to decide what you want to do about it. There’s really no right or wrong way to handle this moment. If it’s not the first time, you can reflect back on how your precious decision served you.

7 Phases of Love

In 90 percent of the time, when people have thought they could do better by ditching the present partner and switching to a new, more exciting partner, more often than not (as expressed to me in confidence) they regretted what they thought was a trade up.

What they realized was while the new partner was indeed exciting, complete with 10 new lovely qualities, he or she also came with 10 qualities which were often worse than the 10 irreconcilable differences that were traded out.

It’s impossible to see or imagine when you’re wrapped up in all the emotion of it, and you can only do what you can do, but when you realize you are where you are, take a minute and try to look at you and your relationship as if you were an uninterested (but compassionate) third-party.

What does it look like from this perspective?

What advice would you give to yourself?

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Love Being a Hater

You know what I’m talking about, some people just love being a hater. They get a thrill out of putting other people down, making them feel miserable, or going as far as doing their best to destroy the lives of others.

Why would someone love being a hater?

Haters Just Wanna Have Fun

Believe it or not, haters feel their best when they’re putting other people down. To them, this is the ultimate form of entertainment. The worse they can make someone else feel, the better they feel and the more satisfaction they attain from dishing out their own special brand of destruction.

It’s not uncommon for such a person to suffer from a dark or malicious form of Narcissism, helping them to remain somewhat isolated from the pain they cause and enabling them to extract a sense of joy from hurting others. They are the center of the universe and others are just players for their amusement performing their roles in the hater’s sick drama.

What’s so great about being a hater?

You might wonder why would a hater love destroying others so much? What do they get out of it?

In most cases, you wouldn’t even notice a hater if he or she was not dishing up hot, steaming serving of hate on a regular basis, they would just silently and insignificantly disappear into the background of life. They have discovered that they can easily garner the attention of others and not be taken for granted by making others feel bad. When they spread their hate and discontentment, the spotlight is refocused upon them, enhancing their perception of their own significance in a world where they would otherwise be invisible.

Often, very early in life, they discovered that negative attention was better than no attention, and they carried this perception of life into adulthood.

The haters who love hating feel as though they command the respect of their peers (or potential victims), although this is misinterpreted as respect because in real life others are fearful (not respectful) that they might be the next target of his or her pending venomous attack.

You see this type of abuse in authority figures who lord over others whose lives they can destroy on a whim, whether he or she is in politics, law enforcement, a teacher, a parent, or any of the other positions in life which imbues them with power over others.

Any challenge of their power or authority is followed by their quick and brutal display of power with little regard to how devastating their actions might be to their victims.

This sense of power is the lifeblood of the ravenous hater. Having the ability to hold the lives of others in your hands is almost god-like. The power-hungry hater thrives in wielding the power to be judge, jury, and executioner in an instant.

The craftiest and most stealthy power-hungry haters use misdirection and deception to destroy the lives of others employing a more passive-aggressive method of disseminating their destructive payloads. These are the most difficult hate-lovers to identify, maintaining a meek exterior appearance all the while, making people feel threatened or awkward by claiming their selfless concern was misinterpreted as an insult or threat.

Haters love the acquisition of material goods or financial reward for spreading hate. You see these haters with everything from small businesses to corporate giants who benefit from bad-mouthing and putting down other businesses, organizations, or competitors who might be a threat to their own success.

Anyone can now afford to join the ranks of the most comprehensive lovers of hate due to the readily accessible power of the Internet which can be easily adopted as a method to destroy others quickly, effectively, and inexpensively.

Keep in mind, there are many types of haters who hate for all kinds of reasons. While this may not apply to all haters, this represents those haters who love being a hater and receive the most enthusiastic enjoyment from spreading the hate and hating others.

Thin Line Between Love and Hate

The common phrase indicating there exists a “thin line between love and hate,” which proposes that feelings of love and hate are similar and could be separated by only a nanosecond in regard to romantic love. If you can concede that the idea is valid (and it is backed by science as intense emotions of romantic “love” and “hate” fire from the same energetic source inside the brain) then you can rationalize the idea of loving someone in one moment and hating the very same person in the next.

If you don’t believe there is a thin line between love and hate, peek in on any couple’s relationship session and listen in… Within moments, you will hear one or both partners expressing how the very same person whom they feel the closest to, the one that fills your heart with joy and love, also infuriates you and can easily set you off into a rage of hate and anger.

So, it must be true:
There is a thin line between love and hate.

If it’s true, then we can go on hurting each other, rationalizing our behavior, prolonging and enduring painful relationships, because it’s just the way it is, and there’s nothing wrong with that, because in most cases, we’re all just struggling to make it through life one day at a time.

The problem with this idea is that the definitions are incorrect.

If you were you correct the statement, it would be more appropriately stated as,

There’s a thin line between Lust and Fear

If you dig down into the definition of love in the phrase in question, it refers to an emotional bond based on sexual attraction with the hope of establishing a long-term satisfaction based on your mate’s performance. This is a more accurate definition of lust, not an accurate representation of love, especially not unconditional love.

If you look at the definition of hate, it is more accurately interpreted as, “I am afraid.” It is fear wrapped up in a blanket of anger. You feel like you hate someone when they have surprised you with their radical incongruence with your expectations, and your energetic brain system flashes into irrational fight-or-flight in an effort to defend and protect yourself. In this case, the word hate, should be replaced with fear.

If you can approach these ideas with honesty and openness, you will know this to be true.

What about love?

Precisely. Love as defined by St. Paul would suggest that real love is, “patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) He also encourages men to, “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” (Ephesians 5:25) and all the women said, “Amen.” LOL

Unconditional love is an entirely new version of love which far surpasses contemporary definitions of love. Love, today, is more adequately defined as, “I love you if…” while unconditional love is like, “I love you no matter what you say, no matter what you do.”

I love you no matter what is a whole new kind of love which is not even closely related to the contemporary definition of love in our society.

Just suggesting such a high definition of love generates an immediate response in either men or women, enthusiastically interrupting any further nonsense with, “HELL NO!”

7 Phases of Love

Followed by a long list of reasons why one would never put up with any of many mistreatments or disrespect in any way. “No one’s every gonna get away with treating me, like that.”

There you go. There is no love in that response. It is based on lust and fear, not love, which is fine. In this case, there is a thin line between love and hate. There is no judgment, here, after all, we’re all just doing the best we can with what we have, and God bless you for doing whatever is right for you.

Under no conditions, did anyone infer that anyone should submit themselves to any kind of abuse. If someone is abusive to you or using you as a scapegoat for their need to remain a victim, create a safe place for you and consider making a new decision about letting this person have any further access to you.

Unconditional love is lifting the bar to a whole new level. The fuel for the fire of true love comes from the source of all life, burns within you, and warms the hearts of all those around you. You must light the fire of love within you. If you’re interested in contemplating such a relationship you might want to attend an Awakening to True Love Workshop to see if it might be a good idea for you and yours.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Love you.

Love’s Alchemy Turn Hate into Love

If you’re like me, even though I was raised in a time and atmosphere which promoted love heavily, there was still the propulsion of hate; hating him or her, hating this or that, hating “the man,” the establishment or the government.

Can hate and love co-exist?

Well, I think it can, but is that really our highest and best? Love is one of the highest vibrations, hate, on the other hand, resides among the lower rungs of the emotional ladder.

Love embraces, as hate pushes away. Love creates an atmosphere of caring, sharing and community, while hate promotes dissension and isolation.

What causes us to go to the place where hate resides?

I think initially, we start with anger, as we are distraught about not being respected for who we are, what we think or believe. When we see or hear about someone doing something we don’t like. When we are disrespected, or our ideas, thoughts or beliefs are not honored and discarded, we are selfishly appalled and angry about either not being heard, or witnessing some perceived criminal act. The refusal of someone to try to see a thing from our point of view, or act in a way which we respectfully conduct ourselves takes us to that angry place.

When this is met with fear of asserting our beliefs or standing up for ourselves (fear from punishment, lack of reward, loss of income, liberty, wellness, or life) we are resentful and angry. Left to itself, unexpressed anger about an injustice or disrespect can fuel the fire and lead to hate.

If we are empowered to express our disapproval in a manner which is respected, then we are less likely to allow the discomfort of the emotion to turn into hate. Once the pressure is relieved and we feel as though we’ve been heard, the emotional pain dissipates.

When we are not heard or boldly disrespected, our base instincts take us over and ready for war, to fight the self righteous battle for our right to be heard. This battle starts in the mind and may find a way to be expressed in the real world and can lead to outward expressions of havoc, protest, damaging physical property, physical abuse or murder.

Then there are the “Goody-goodies” out there proclaiming that we should, “love your enemies,” which is a far cry from any intuitive reaction to the feelings you may be experiencing at the time.

But there is a way to trade your hate for love, if you’re willing to look at things from a different perspective.

For instance, I can’t speak for you, but in my life, I have experienced a number of disappointments and oppression. I’ve been greatly disrespected, a victim of crimes, and been disrespected by people in authority, which had left me angry and face-to-face with hate in my heart. On the one hand, I have been there.

On the other hand, when I look back at all the injustices that justified the anger and hate that I endured in those most desperate of times, life had something far greater in store for me. I found that as I dealt with the pain of rejection, the anger and subsequent hate, and found ways to come to personal resolution, there was something so much better waiting for me on the other side of the pain, but I couldn’t see it. I was blinded by the pain.

From my current perspective, I can see that all those things that stressed me out so much, and caused me to lose myself and all my senses, were actually keys that unlocked doors leading to something so much better. I can see, now, that had I not gone through the pain of separation or humiliation, I would have never been at the right place in the right time to experience what life had in store for me.

If you can wrap your head around that idea, like I did, you can start to imagine that people or circumstances that you fight against, the things that make you angry and want to fight, may just be life trying to point you in another direction.
So, when the hair starts to stand up on the back of my neck, and I start to feel disrespected (even though I may be overcome by emotion or lose myself in the moment), I start to look around as soon as I am able to gain enough composure.
From this perspective you can begin to understand that this is not my enemy at all, while the intention of the adversary may actually be to do me harm, life has something far greater waiting in the wings.

And you can get to what is good, beautiful, loving and amazing in less time by not fighting the battle, which is only necessary in your own ignorance. Now, I am less apt to engage in the battle, and more apt to start looking for what life has in store for me, at the get-go.

So, you can love your enemy, because he/she or the circumstance is not an evil injustice, but life (or what I refer to as God) doing whatever it takes to get you back on the track to your highest and best. The painful experience of anger, hate and the ensuing battle, is only necessary, if you’re refusing to listen.

Instead or reaching for your weapons, think about listening to that still small voice, and look around…

Something so much better is waiting for you.

You are love’s alchemist. You can turn hate into love, if you choose to do so.

So bless your adversary, be thankful and express your gratitude and love for getting your attention, and blessing you with a better way, leading to greater support, love and charity.

There is a great love growing in you, and you will be given opportunities to express it, and you will.